swamp
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Post by swamp on May 6, 2013 14:28:09 GMT -5
I still think it's creepy when she's in HS. I thought the whole point of a senior prom was to celebrate leaving highschool for the big wide world. Do you see this fellow as a likely sexual predator? Or let me put it this way: Suppose this man meets an 18-year-old woman at the prom and they hit it off. They carry on a non-sexual relationship for three years (until she's 21 and he's 27) and then get married. Knowing this was the outcome, would you still consider his attending the prom "creepy"? I'm interested if you, Hoops et al. consider this fellow creepy because the age/maturity difference is just inherently too great in your minds, or because you think he might abuse the younger women in some way. My HS had a junior prom, so I don't know why you'd have a senior prom. No, I don't think he's a sexual predator, just creepy. And probably immature. I also find 25 year old women and 80 year old men creepy.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on May 6, 2013 14:40:42 GMT -5
I do too, but there's 55 years of difference there.
The couple can't reasonably make the argument that they're getting together to start a family and long-lasting marriage. Nor can the woman reasonably claim that she's attracted to the man.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 6, 2013 14:47:12 GMT -5
I do too, but there's 55 years of difference there. The couple can't reasonably make the argument that they're getting together to start a family and long-lasting marriage. Nor can the woman reasonably claim that she's attracted to the man. maybe she has daddy issues?
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 6, 2013 14:48:08 GMT -5
why do i have the feeling that virgil met his wife while she was still in HS and he was in his early 20's?
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 6, 2013 15:04:09 GMT -5
Two years after I graduated, I ran into a guy from high school - so we would have been 20-ish. He told me that he still hangs out at the high school, and goes to all the football games with current students (people who were Freshman and Sophomores when we were seniors.) And that he was hoping he would be able to go to prom with one of the girls. I felt really sad for him that he hadn't really moved on. He didn't seem to have any other friends, didn't meet anyone in his college classes, or at work. Didn't stay in touch with anybody from our class. It was more like he spent 6 years in high school. He wasn't really moving forward. He wasn't really growing up. It was sad. And, creepy.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on May 6, 2013 15:14:11 GMT -5
The OP knows the guy, and she didn't think he was creepy. Of course she didn't, she went to prom with him. I wouldn't have expected that she would go to prom with him if she found the idea creepy. I bet a 16 year old dating a 40 year old likely doesn't find it creepy either, or again, they wouldn't be doing it. That doesn't change the fact that it's creepy.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on May 6, 2013 15:22:20 GMT -5
::I'm interested if you, Hoops et al. consider this fellow creepy because the age/maturity difference is just inherently too great in your minds, or because you think he might abuse the younger women in some way.::
Not abuse. Easy prey maybe. "prey" as in easy to sleep with, or something similar. Which I do't necessarily think equals abuse if she's 18. Just "creepy".
I think it's creepy in the same way I'd find a 17 year old high schooler hanging out with 5th grade girls creepy. He may do nothing sexual at all with them, i just find it creepy/suspicious about him wanting to hang out with them at all.
I'd find it less creepy if they met somewhere, even dated, I think the part I find creepy is that he's going to proms and asking other non-popular/likely vulnerable girls to dance.
When I was in HS there was a senior guy dating an 8th grader. They're married now. Really nice couple, he was very popular and just happened to meet her and they were both religious and not doing anything physical. Couldn't ask for a nicer guy. But when he was 23 at prom and homecoming and having already graduated college and had a real job, it still seemed creepy and weird. I don't know that I have a good rational explanation for why, it just is.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on May 6, 2013 15:28:18 GMT -5
why do i have the feeling that virgil met his wife while she was still in HS and he was in his early 20's? I met her when she was 22 and I was 24, and we started dating when I was 25. But if she'd been 18 when I'd first met her, I wouldn't have considered it creepy. Neither Mrs. Virgil nor I were interested in extramarital sex, hence "getting some", sexual exploits, etc. were never an issue with the people we dated. Perhaps that accounts for some of the difference in our viewpoints. Dating was about having fun and finding out what you liked in other people, not about sex.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 6, 2013 15:38:31 GMT -5
My neighbor was 17 and met a 22 year old. They are now married. He is a great catch - she was right to lock that down. But, as she told me once, if you think her parents were happy about that situation, you would be very mistaken. She admits she doesn't really love the way it all unfolded, but he was worth it.
(I hope they make it, because they are both great - but she has her moments of restlessness, and I'm wondering if she will be able to keep that controlled when she is 45, and her kids are moving on.)
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on May 6, 2013 16:05:02 GMT -5
Two years after I graduated, I ran into a guy from high school - so we would have been 20-ish. He told me that he still hangs out at the high school, and goes to all the football games with current students (people who were Freshman and Sophomores when we were seniors.) And that he was hoping he would be able to go to prom with one of the girls. I felt really sad for him that he hadn't really moved on. He didn't seem to have any other friends, didn't meet anyone in his college classes, or at work. Didn't stay in touch with anybody from our class. It was more like he spent 6 years in high school. He wasn't really moving forward. He wasn't really growing up. It was sad. And, creepy. It is sad. He sounds like he has a bit of Peter Pan Syndrome.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on May 6, 2013 16:58:49 GMT -5
The OP knows the guy, and she didn't think he was creepy. Of course she didn't, she went to prom with him. I wouldn't have expected that she would go to prom with him if she found the idea creepy. I bet a 16 year old dating a 40 year old likely doesn't find it creepy either, or again, they wouldn't be doing it. That doesn't change the fact that it's creepy. At 16 dating an older man is COOL! Not creepy at all. She was probably extatic! However I don't think I had gotten an answer if she had another option.
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on May 6, 2013 20:44:13 GMT -5
I was going to post a story, but maybe not ...
I will say that I am always happy and humbled by how many people who do nice things for others. It's important to focus on that kind of stuff because these days it tends to feel like there aren't very many nice people out there. I've many times been the recipient of kind gestures, and I try to do the same for others.
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on May 8, 2013 9:28:01 GMT -5
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 8, 2013 13:14:13 GMT -5
At 16 dating an older man is COOL! Not creepy at all. She was probably extatic! However I don't think I had gotten an answer if she had another option. I absolutely did not think it was cool when I was in high school when I met gals who were dating older guys. When we we seniors and some dated guys who were in college - just a year or two out of high school, it was kinda okay, but I wondered why the guy hadn't moved on. I thought maybe he wasn't really able to make any friends or anything outside of high school, and therefore was sub-par material, even if he did just happen to be older. Not saying that I was right - just saying that is how I thought when I was in high school. Even when I was in college, my roommate was dating a guy who was like 28 - so 5 or so years older than us. I thought that was kind of weird. He was a good guy. But he just seemed so old.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on May 8, 2013 19:07:29 GMT -5
At 16 dating an older man is COOL! Not creepy at all. She was probably extatic! However I don't think I had gotten an answer if she had another option. I absolutely did not think it was cool when I was in high school when I met gals who were dating older guys. When we we seniors and some dated guys who were in college - just a year or two out of high school, it was kinda okay, but I wondered why the guy hadn't moved on. I thought maybe he wasn't really able to make any friends or anything outside of high school, and therefore was sub-par material, even if he did just happen to be older. Not saying that I was right - just saying that is how I thought when I was in high school. Even when I was in college, my roommate was dating a guy who was like 28 - so 5 or so years older than us. I thought that was kind of weird. He was a good guy. But he just seemed so old. Dating older guys when you are 18 not 50 is cool!
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 8, 2013 19:14:08 GMT -5
I guess. It wasn't to me - but whatever. People are different.
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