movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Apr 23, 2013 14:27:26 GMT -5
Going to school is not an option. Now what? doxieluvr, there are only two solutions to money problems. No matter how you dress it up, virtually ANY money problem can be solved with one of these two solutions and ONLY one of these two solutions. It's like magic. Ready for the magic solutions? 1. Make more money. 2. Lower costs. That's it, plain and simple. If you are having money trouble, YOU HAVE TO PICK ONE OR THE OTHER. If you don't, nothing will change except you'll get deeper and deeper into debt with no prayer of climbing out. We've been trying to get you to understand this for upwards of two years now. The single mom in your scenario has the SAME TWO CHOICES as everyone else who has money problems. She can either make more money or she can lower costs.
She has to pick at least one of those options in order to fix her financial dilemma. And to really get ahead BOTH of these things should be done
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2013 14:28:31 GMT -5
Going to school is not an option. Now what? Take a second job. Something has to give. You can't sit around say please, please help me without doing something for yourself. If you can't feed your kids, you move heaven and earth to make it happen. but she can, so it's not an issue.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2013 14:29:07 GMT -5
No, step 1 is to grow up and start acting like an adult.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2013 14:29:25 GMT -5
hold the fuck up - how did this turn into ANOTHER Doxie thread?!??!?!?!
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Apr 23, 2013 14:32:18 GMT -5
She has to pick at least one of those options in order to fix her financial dilemma.
Doxie doesn't need a solution because they make enough to get by right now (and keep all the sacred cows) assuming she can replace her unemployment income when it runs out. This is all hypothetical if she were a single mom not getting child support. There are viable options, she just doesn't see them.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 23, 2013 14:35:59 GMT -5
Apparently personal responsibility is out the window. 1. Everyone has the right to breed, regardless of the ability to support such asserted rights 2. Everyone has the right to have children, regardless of how rotten a job they do parenting (we don't want to start down that slipperly slope now do we?) 3. Everyone has the right to expect their choices to be subsidized by those who chose to wait or limit the number of kids they have until they could support them
And if you DARE to challenge any of the above assertions you are:
Those are not the assertions I operate under. I think every child has aright to have their basic, safety, security needs met, regardless of the ability of their parents to provide them. every child has the certain unalienable rights and should have he same basic opportunities, regardless of how rotten. Job their parents do. subsidizing our nation's youth can only benefit our nation. And I do spend more than 10-20% of my gross on helping others, both here and abroad. So then do parents have no responsibility for their children? Is every parent off the hook then for the kids they create? Where does personal responsibility enter the equation?
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Apr 23, 2013 14:36:36 GMT -5
She has to pick at least one of those options in order to fix her financial dilemma. Doxie doesn't need a solution because they make enough to get by right now (and keep all the sacred cows) assuming she can replace her unemployment income when it runs out. This is all hypothetical if she were a single mom not getting child support. There are viable options, she just doesn't want to see them. There, fixed ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/cool.png)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2013 14:38:37 GMT -5
for the love of god, STOP feeding the doxie troll ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/headbang.gif)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2013 14:39:33 GMT -5
I didn't want to move or sell the house, so what I did when my husband left me when I was a SAHM was enroll myself in school within 2 months of him leaving. I worked a weekend job while in school and after I finished my bachelors degree I worked double shifts at a factory job for a year (4 ten hour days Mon-Thurs and 3 twelves Friday-Sunday) until they hired me on as a Quality Tech in the office. I didn't see my son very much during that time, but I managed to pay off all debt and save up a nice emergency fund, which made keeping the house a lot easier.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2013 14:42:26 GMT -5
I didn't want to move or sell the house, so what I did when my husband left me when I was a SAHM was enroll myself in school within 2 months of him leaving. I worked a weekend job while in school and after I finished my bachelors degree I worked double shifts at a factory job for a year (4 ten hour days Mon-Thurs and 3 twelves Friday-Sunday) until they hired me on as a Quality Tech in the office. I didn't see my son very much during that time, but I managed to pay off all debt and save up a nice emergency fund, which made keeping the house a lot easier. WOW! Who watched the kid during that time?
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Rocky Mtn Saver
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Post by Rocky Mtn Saver on Apr 23, 2013 14:42:59 GMT -5
I didn't want to move or sell the house, so what I did when my husband left me when I was a SAHM was enroll myself in school within 2 months of him leaving. I worked a weekend job while in school and after I finished my bachelors degree I worked double shifts at a factory job for a year (4 ten hour days Mon-Thurs and 3 twelves Friday-Sunday) until they hired me on as a Quality Tech in the office. I didn't see my son very much during that time, but I managed to pay off all debt and save up a nice emergency fund, which made keeping the house a lot easier. Wow, MPL! ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/worship.gif)
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Apr 23, 2013 14:44:01 GMT -5
hold the fuck up - how did this turn into ANOTHER Doxie thread?!??!?!?! Because she is the living example of how not to become self sufficient and rely on others for support. Throw in some complaining about how all that is currently being done is not enough to meet her wants and you've pretty much summed it up.
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doxieluvr
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Post by doxieluvr on Apr 23, 2013 14:44:06 GMT -5
A single mom will be struggling to afford full time daycare for her children. A second job with more daycare expense would not be beneficial.
I have several friends that have degrees and make roughly the same as I do working. Education is not the end all be all.
My point is social services is going to be always needed. As divorce and single parent households increase, it will be even more needed.
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doxieluvr
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Post by doxieluvr on Apr 23, 2013 14:45:47 GMT -5
Gooddecisions- rent for less than a $1000 does not exist in my area.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2013 14:45:48 GMT -5
I didn't want to move or sell the house, so what I did when my husband left me when I was a SAHM was enroll myself in school within 2 months of him leaving. I worked a weekend job while in school and after I finished my bachelors degree I worked double shifts at a factory job for a year (4 ten hour days Mon-Thurs and 3 twelves Friday-Sunday) until they hired me on as a Quality Tech in the office. I didn't see my son very much during that time, but I managed to pay off all debt and save up a nice emergency fund, which made keeping the house a lot easier. WOW! Who watched the kid during that time? He was in preschool/daycare Monday-Friday and the weekends he was with his Dad. I pretty much just had him from 4:30-bedtime Monday through Thursday. It was a rough 18 months, but worth it in the end. When I was in school I took him with me a lot to study. He loved going to the Anatomy lab. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/smiley.png)
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justme
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Post by justme on Apr 23, 2013 14:46:09 GMT -5
hold the fuck up - how did this turn into ANOTHER Doxie thread?!??!?!?! My theory is she's like a contagious virus. The thread she started was heading south - only so much ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/deadhorse.gif) one can do - and this thread was always right next to it in the list of threads. *hop*skip*jump* Oooh, or maybe she Doxblocked herself from her own thread ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/grin.png)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2013 14:47:50 GMT -5
WOW! Who watched the kid during that time? He was in preschool/daycare Monday-Friday and the weekends he was with his Dad. I pretty much just had him from 4:30-bedtime Monday through Thursday. It was a rough 18 months, but worth it in the end. When I was in school I took him with me a lot to study. He loved going to the Anatomy lab. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/smiley.png) Who had him M-T morning?
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 23, 2013 14:48:17 GMT -5
Seems like I'm still on 5 pages back.
But I realy have a problem with Oped's assessment that we have to take care of every kid at all costs and everything is indepdent of the parents.
Basically Oped is saying that supporting your kids should be entirely optional. Because if you can't or choose not to, don't worry about it, uncle sugar will give them everything they need.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Apr 23, 2013 14:48:45 GMT -5
Gooddecisions- rent for less than a $1000 does not exist in my area. I know it doesn't in apartment complexes and houses. You have to get creative and find somebody renting out part of their house. This is how many, many low income people survive. You would also likely qualify for section 8.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2013 14:48:56 GMT -5
He was in preschool/daycare Monday-Friday and the weekends he was with his Dad. I pretty much just had him from 4:30-bedtime Monday through Thursday. It was a rough 18 months, but worth it in the end. When I was in school I took him with me a lot to study. He loved going to the Anatomy lab. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/smiley.png) Who had him M-T morning?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2013 14:50:06 GMT -5
But did they take him at 6:30 in the morning or whatever time y ou needed to be at work?
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Rocky Mtn Saver
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Post by Rocky Mtn Saver on Apr 23, 2013 14:51:33 GMT -5
Gooddecisions- rent for less than a $1000 does not exist in my area. Hence the whole 'moving' possibility of the scenario. People do it all the time when they have to. Whether or not they 'want' to, they still do it.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Apr 23, 2013 14:53:09 GMT -5
My point is social services is going to be always needed. As divorce and single parent households increase, it will be even more needed.
And once again, I agree that social services will always be needed. Where we part company is this idea you have that it's okay for single moms to automatically need it should they suddenly find themselves single because life is too expensive to manage alone on one income.
If DH died, it would be awful for me personally but financially we'd be fine (frankly, better than fine given that he'd leave behind a six figure life insurance check - WHICH IS WHY WE HAVE IT - but even aside from that, I could easily support Babybird on my own with some lifestyle changes).
If he left me... I could still support us alone, even if we didn't have joint custody (big if - there's no way DH would ever abandon his daughter, and I would never ever want to keep her from him, so joint custody would be the way to go).
I've set up my life so that I can manage alone if I have to, even with a child. Getting to that point before I had children was non-negotiable for me.
So this idea you seem to have that single parents can't possibly plan for the future or manage on their own without a partner is, frankly, messed up and also pretty insulting to women (since you keep referencing single moms). That's not what I'm going to teach my daughter. I want her to be self-sufficient, even if she doesn't have to be because she has a partner.
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doxieluvr
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Post by doxieluvr on Apr 23, 2013 15:00:00 GMT -5
Gooddecisions- rent for less than a $1000 does not exist in my area. I know it doesn't in apartment complexes and houses. You have to get creative and find somebody renting out part of their house. This is how many, many low income people survive. You would also likely qualify for section 8. Section eight has lengthy wait lists. People do not regularly rent out pirtions of their house for whole families to move in. A friend was able to rent a basement room in a home but she was single and kid free.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Apr 23, 2013 15:00:02 GMT -5
I would be fine as well if my husband left me and paid no child support. Doxie's point is that her daughter has no legal father, so she would be left with no support for her if her current husband left her.
We've kept our expenses low enough so that living on one income would be easy. This has also allowed us to stash a ton of cash over the past 10 years in case there were bad times. You are not able to stash any cash because you insist on keeping your overhead high with 3 vehicles, too many pets, too many data plans, etc. If you had "financially downsized" 5 years ago when you first started posting, you would have this financial safety net.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Apr 23, 2013 15:03:22 GMT -5
Gooddecisions- rent for less than a $1000 does not exist in my area. I call BS. I live in La La Land - one of the highest COL areas in the country - and you can find a place for less than $1,000.
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Rocky Mtn Saver
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Post by Rocky Mtn Saver on Apr 23, 2013 15:05:54 GMT -5
We've kept our expenses low enough so that living on one income would be easy. This has also allowed us to stash a ton of cash over the past 10 years in case there were bad times. You are not able to stash any cash because you insist on keeping your overhead high with 3 vehicles, too many pets, too many data plans, etc. If you had "financially downsized" 5 years ago when you first started posting, you would have this financial safety net. Doxie has a safety net. It's her snowflake money (and probably the grandparents). She has no motivation to create her own.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Apr 23, 2013 15:06:16 GMT -5
A single mom will be struggling to afford full time daycare for her children. A second job with more daycare expense would not be beneficial. I have several friends that have degrees and make roughly the same as I do working. Education is not the end all be all. My point is social services is going to be always needed. As divorce and single parent households increase, it will be even more needed. Yes, social services will always be needed but it really shouldn't be your first and only option. Someone should explore all his/her options instead of just saying oh well, I can always live off the government. Believe it or not there are women who have specifically made certain choices in their lives in order to never be put in this situation. There are also people in general who may have not always made the right decisions in life but make sacrifices to better themselves. One option for a recently divorced mom could be to share housing with another single mom. They can split expenses and help one another with child care. I know someone who left her abusive husband with her child. She first went to a domestic violence shelter and eventually found another single mom to share housing with. She cleaned houses (making decent money, I might add) so it would give her some flexibility and went to school to get a degree in primary education. I am not against assistance and think it is necessary under certain circumstances but sitting around saying there is only one option in life is completely and utterly ridiculous.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Apr 23, 2013 15:08:12 GMT -5
Doxie's point is that her daughter has no legal father, so she would be left with no support for her if her current husband left her.
I think doxie's point is that she knows assistance is there for her if she needs it so what is the point in trying to better her situation
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Apr 23, 2013 15:08:31 GMT -5
Education is not the end all be all. That's funny. My education landed me a 6 figure starting salary, which I've doubled in 10 years.
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