Etiquette for flying with kids?

[Firebird]

So Babybird and I recently flew to PA (~6 hour flight, but we had connections so it took much longer than that).  I was super nervous about flying that far with her by myself... but it was actually okay. 

Observations:

1)  You never realize how thoughtful airport accommodations such as "nursing rooms" are until you need one.  (Thank you, United.) 

2)  For the most part, people are nice... at least if you're traveling with a baby.  (I saw families with toddlers and people seemed pretty tolerant of them as well - even the ones making noise during the flights.)  It's not like I expected people to spit in my face but I wasn't expecting them to be so nice/polite/helpful either.  Everywhere we went, people offered to help me with my bags, urged me to go to the front of the line checking in, asked if I needed to be on the aisle, etc. 

In return, I did everything I could to minimize discomfort to my fellow passengers.  When Babybird cried, I immediately took her to the back of the plane so she wouldn't disturb the sleeping folks more than necessary.  I tried to be discreet when I nursed her.  I made sure to get all our stuff together so we could get on and off the plane quickly. 

It wasn't easy, but it could have been way worse.  I'm done flying with her for awhile, though.  I shudder to imagine trying to entertain an unruly toddler during a lengthy flight.

What do you think is good flying etiquette for parents with babies/children? 

[Deleted]

Don't ignore your child when they are crying their lungs out or making a scene.

I will be tolerant if I can see that you are trying, really trying. But if you are seating there reading a magazine/book because you can tune them out while it is driving the rest of us bonkers, you better believe I will lose my marbles and say something I would not normally say.

[8 Bit WWBG]

Prayer?  It seems to me that there is only so much one can do.  You can have toys or food or even something to help them sleep, but there are 101 ways a kid can be uncomfortable on a plane.

Perhaps its the effort more than anything.  The fact that you did try to (for example) take her to the back to minimize disturbance counts for a lot.  We all know its an enclosed space, and wailing is loud.  I think the parents that draw the most ire are the ones who sit there looking almost oblivious, and then try to patronize fellow passengers with a "its not so bad" or "he/she's just a baby".

I'd hope people understand that it is what it is.  A baby only knows that he/she is in pain -- not that it is because of the pressure in the ears and to swallow to mitigate it.

[8 Bit WWBG]

...:::"But if you are seating there reading a magazine/book because you can tune them out while it is driving the rest of us bonkers, you better believe I will lose my marbles and say something I would not normally say.":::...

Yeah, we posted at the same time.  Just because the parent can tune them out, doesn't mean the rest of us can or will.

ETA: and there are some people (perhaps who have had a bad day themselves) who are at the end of their ropes.  After a few too many pat downs, or a bump or two, there isn't much left.

[The Captain]

Apr 15, 2013 17:08:58 GMT -5 Firebird said:

What do you think is good flying etiquette for parents with babies/children? 

In a word - don't.  Seriously - if you are not sure or cannot control their actions what gives you the right to inflict your personal bundle of joy on 60+ adults trapped in a small tin can for multiple hours?

I have an very hard time with people who travel with lap babies alone and don't purchase an extra seat for them. 

Especially during peak travel times when the plane will be full.  I am a mother but I do NOT want to sit next to your squaling infant for hours on end and have to deal with the smell of projectile vomit on the seat back in front of you.  Or even better when the poor kid gets themselves so worked up they puke all over the passenger next to them (and YES I have had that happen on a business suit while traveling to a meeting).

No matter how hard you try you can't control or predict the actions of an infant or small child.  Why is your desire to travel with them worth putting dozens of other people through hell if you can't control them?

(BTW the above also applies equally to drunk, high, unruly adults as well).

[Firebird]

I think the parents that draw the most ire are the ones who sit there looking almost oblivious, and then try to patronize fellow passengers with a "its not so bad" or "he/she's just a baby".

I agree.  Effort definitely counts here.

How about the nursing thing?  Do (general) you get disgusted if women aren't completely and 100% discreet? 

DH and I had a huge argument about that one last time we flew together.  I wasn't trying to flash anyone but honestly, nursing a baby under a shawl is HARD (especially when you're still getting the hang of nursing itself - it was easier this time than it was back around Thanksgiving) and I don't think it's the end of the world if someone catches an accidental glimpse of something while the baby is latching on...

ETA:  My idea this time was to use bottles but Babybird wasn't having it.  She normally can take or leave nursing but naturally when it was super inconvenient to nurse the bottle just WOULD NOT DO.

[Firebird]

I have an very hard time with people who travel with lap babies alone and don't purchase an extra seat for them.

Purchasing an extra seat for Babybird would have been totally and completely pointless since she needed me to hold her the whole time anyway.

Toddlers and above, I agree.  They should have their own seat.

And I admit our travel wasn't ABSOLUTELY MANDATORY (Babybird has been to four states besides her own now, all for family/friends visits, and three of them required flights) but at the same time, why shouldn't we travel with her?  Why shouldn't her family get to meet her? 

[Deleted]

What is the big deal about boobs in America?

They are boobs, get over them!

[hoops902]

The airplane/airport is not the place to "teach a lesson" to your kid.  The rules about "ignore them when they cry" etc are out the window.  Those rules apply at home, or at least where others can get the hell away from you (I'm ok with it even in a public place like a supermarket (except when you're in line) because i can get my stuff and leave your aisle).  I don't care if you have a "disciplinary method" you're enforcing.  Just make your kid shut the fuck up!  Even if you have to bribe them and it goes against every fiber of your parental being. 

And if you have 2 of the 3 seats and your kid is annoying, put them away from the other passenger.  If your kid is well-behaved (or at least starts well-behaved), put them next to the other passenger because it gives them a little more room with a small body next to them. 

Also understand taht while some of us aren't going to appear to be assholes and tell you what a horrible parent you are when your kid is misbehaving...when we glare at them and let out a clearly audible sigh, it means we're about 15 seconds away from backhanding the little asshole.

[The Captain]

I will give points for effort, but they only go so far.

As far as nursing - if the kid is hungry FEED IT!  Boobs were designed for two things:

1.  To attract a mate
2.  To feed the offspring that result from that attraction.

If people cannot separate a baby feeding device from a sexual device in their minds that is their issue, not yours.

[swamp]

My kids are 5 and 6 and I have flown with them at least once a year since they were born.

One flight when DD was about 17 months old was awful. She had her own seat, but figured out how to undo the seatbelt. She also screamed a lot. It was horrible. Imwas embarrassed and wanted to cry.

[vonna]

Firebird,

 

I'm glad your trip went well!  There is always added stress when you travel with a baby or toddler, but I think just the fact that you realize travelling with a baby/toddler means more work for you is key!  It sounds like you could not have had more perfect "flying ettiquette." 

 

Parents of young children do not get to relax on a flight, unless their child sleeps!  When my kids were toddlers and I had to fly with them, I found that bringing new toys/books/drawing pads kept them busy and quiet.  I kept a little stash and would introduce new items as needed.  Sometimes travel was exhausting just keeping them entertained and quiet, but usually my kids self-entertained.  I did usually luck out on long flights, and they would nap for a good part of the trip.   

[hoops902]

Apr 15, 2013 17:35:15 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

What is the big deal about boobs in America?

They are boobs, get over them!

Boobs aren't a big deal, but some of them are gross.  So I don't want to see them the same way I don't want some dude flashing me his hairy spare tire.

It's no more gross than a guy flashing you a little bit of hairy sack, but I don't really wanna see that on an airplane either.

[hoops902]

::If people cannot separate a baby feeding device from a sexual device in their minds that is their issue, not yours.::

It has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with seeing some lady's disgusting breasts.  It's no different than seeing a guy with his shirt off on the beach.  If he's muscular it's ok, if his whole body jiggles like cottage cheese it's kinda gross.  Most guys aren't gonna complain if some hot model looking chick starts breastfeeding.  Our disgust is directly proportionate to how good/gross you look topless in most cases.

[Firebird]

Parents of young children do not get to relax on a flight, unless their child sleeps!

Really not even then.  Babybird did a great job sleeping on the flights, but it wasn't very comfortable for me.

One tip - I used one of her swaddle blankets to tie my knees together.  It sounds weird but I couldn't relax my legs until I did that, otherwise she'd slide forward.  With my legs tied together and her upper body partially in the sling for safety, I was able to sleep a little bit. 

If people cannot separate a baby feeding device from a sexual device in their minds that is their issue, not yours.

That's what I keep telling DH, but what can you do? 

[Firebird]

Our disgust is directly proportionate to how good/gross you look topless in most cases.

So if I have a nice rack, it's okay? 

*mental note to send pic of upper body to hotornot.com*

[The Captain]

Apr 15, 2013 17:34:21 GMT -5 Firebird said:

I have an very hard time with people who travel with lap babies alone and don't purchase an extra seat for them.

Purchasing an extra seat for Babybird would have been totally and completely pointless since she needed me to hold her the whole time anyway.

Toddlers and above, I agree.  They should have their own seat.

And I admit our travel wasn't ABSOLUTELY MANDATORY (Babybird has been to four states besides her own now, all for family/friends visits, and three of them required flights) but at the same time, why shouldn't we travel with her?  Why shouldn't her family get to meet her? 

Honest question - they don't make car seats for infants that will fit in an airplane seat?

I'm not trying to pick a fight, I just don't understand how anyone can think it's appropriate to make a bunch of adults put up with their crying infant simply to accomodate one persons' desires.  You can't drive?  Your family can't come to see you until the child is older?

I didn't like to listen to my own squaling kid, let alone someone elses, for hours on end. And then the vomit and dirty diaper smells, really, in an enclosed space? 

FWIW I practice what I preach.  We only traveled with DD by car until she was 4.5. We only flew with her once we knew her personality and ability to communicate made the possibility of a meltdown very remote.

[hoops902]

Assuming you are only pulling out your "rack", yes.  But if you've gotta pull up a t-shirt or something then anything showing counts.  All depends how the milkmaker is getting out. 

[The Captain]

Apr 15, 2013 17:43:05 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

::If people cannot separate a baby feeding device from a sexual device in their minds that is their issue, not yours.::

It has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with seeing some lady's disgusting breasts.  It's no different than seeing a guy with his shirt off on the beach.  If he's muscular it's ok, if his whole body jiggles like cottage cheese it's kinda gross.  Most guys aren't gonna complain if some hot model looking chick starts breastfeeding.  Our disgust is directly proportionate to how good/gross you look topless in most cases.

Sorry hoops, it's very different.

Do you take offense to people with big, ugly noses?  No, because they serve a function - they help you breath! We all understand that as a part of normal body processes.

Boobs help babies eat.  There is a function in progress greater than simply taking off your shirt at the beach.

[The Captain]

Apr 15, 2013 17:47:40 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

Assuming you are only pulling out your "rack", yes.  But if you've gotta pull up a t-shirt or something then anything showing counts.  All depends how the milkmaker is getting out. 

Every women I know (myself included) who's nursed in public try to be very discrete about it.  We do not whip up our tops and pull out the full bobbie in plain view.

Most keep mammary gland AND baby under cover, yes a hot blanket even in summer, and there are still people who find cause to complain.

[hoops902]

::Do you take offense to people with big, ugly noses?  No, because they serve a function - they help you breath! We all understand that as a part of normal body processes.::

I don't take offense to any of it.  But if you have a huge disfigured nose full of warts and hair, yeah, I'm gonna be grossed out by that as well. 

Lots of things have purposes that can be gross to look at.  Bellies serve a function too, they provide warmth with their layers of fat.  It's absolutely no different. 

There's a big difference between being offended, and thinking something is disgusting.  I'm offended by almost nothing. 

::Boobs help babies eat.::

So do bottles.  The point is?

::There is a function in progress greater than simply taking off your shirt at the beach.::

There is a function in progress if I being having intercourse next to you as well.  That doesn't mean you can't be grossed out by it.  We're not talking about "is this legal".  The question was "do you get disgusted".

[hoops902]

::We do not whip up our tops and pull out the full bobbie in plain view.::

I'm not talking about the full bobbie, i'm talking about whether i have to look at your jelly rolls as you pull your t-shirt up.  Point being that a woman might have a "nice rack", but that doesn't mean anything if you're showing things that aren't as nice looking.

[zibazinski]

I'm so glad I flew with my kids when parents with children were given the front area so the was a bit more room and the kids could get down and play on the floor in front. Another thing, keep your kid sitting down. I have zero interest in your kid standing up yelling at me and jabbering in general. It's unsafe. Kids should be in car seats on the plane, period.

[hoops902]

::Most keep mammary gland AND baby under cover, yes a hot blanket even in summer, and there are still people who find cause to complain.::

But again, the question was not "are you going to complain if this happens", it was "do you find it disgusting".

[hoops902]

::I have zero interest in your kid standing up yelling at me and jabbering in general. It's unsafe.::

What exactly is unsafe about a child standing up and "jabbering"?  Annoying for sure.  Doesn't really seem all that unsafe though.

[Deleted]

I'm glad your flight went well. I flew with DS for the first time when he was only 6 weeks old. He was always a great traveler with the exception of one flight when he was 8 months old and alert enough to stay awake but had no attention span and got cranky and tired.

It's partly luck, but to me the golden rules are:

1. If possible, bring your kid's car seat on board. (It has to be FAA-approved.) They do much better in a familiar environment.
2. Do not count on the airline having sufficient food and drinks. Stuff happens. If you sit on the runway for 2 hours before taking off, will it be close enough to dinner time that they'll get cranky? Then bring your own food. Bring more diapers than you think you'll need, too.
3. I don't care if your kid is 1.9999 years old. Get him or her a seat. It's misery for you and for your squirmy almost-2-year-old for the kid to be on your lap during a long flight, PLUS time on the runway. And when the kid screams it's misery for the rest of us.
4. Check a few days before your flight to make sure the airline didn't do something stupid and move your kid to a seat 10 rows ahead and across the aisle from you. Airlines do that. If it happens, call. If they tell you that the gate agents will handle it, hang up and call again. The gate agent will tell you the flight attendants will handle it. The flight attendants will tell you to ask other passengers if they'll switch.
5. Make sure you're not in an Exit row. And if possible, put your child by the window. For many, that's major entertainment. Every once in awhile I'm seated near a tiny first-time flier and I love to hear their reactions when the plane leaves the ground.


I really do believe in traveling with kids. Flights are just a big challenge for so many reasons, and the more prepared you are, the better.

Apr 15, 2013 18:01:28 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

What exactly is unsafe about a child standing up and "jabbering"?  Annoying for sure.  Doesn't really seem all that unsafe though.

In sudden turbulence (and most turbulence is sudden) they turn into a projectile.

[Deleted]

I'm never against breast feeding, but in this case especially, if they have a boob in their mouth, chances are they aren't Screaming, so feed away  

i would buy a seat even for an infant. It would just give you extra room needed to maneuver, change a diaper, put your stuff, whatnot...

[swamp]

I always bought a seat for my kids even as babies. One oxygen mask per seat. Enough said.

[doxieluvr]

Apr 15, 2013 17:37:47 GMT -5 swamp said:

My kids are 5 and 6 and I have flown with them at least once a year since they were born.

One flight when DD was about 17 months old was awful. She had her own seat, but figured out how to undo the seatbelt. She also screamed a lot. It was horrible. Imwas embarrassed and wanted to cry.

I have a bad feeling this is going to be our flight with our toddler, this summer. I am tempted to make an announcement when we get on the plane that, yes we are traveling with a super active little boy, that most likely will create a grand adventure and they have the option of not boarding the flight.

[Deleted]

Apr 15, 2013 18:44:09 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

4. Check a few days before your flight to make sure the airline didn't do something stupid and move your kid to a seat 10 rows ahead and across the aisle from you. Airlines do that. If it happens, call. If they tell you that the gate agents will handle it, hang up and call again. The gate agent will tell you the flight attendants will handle it. The flight attendants will tell you to ask other passengers if they'll switch.
 

And check your boarding passes if you get them at the airport. First Romania trip we got there so early, I just shoved passes in a bag and it wasn't until getting ready to board that I realized they had changed us from our chosen seats to put us each in middle seats (5 across) in different rows...Including 6 and 10 yr olds, for a 10 hour flight. They did change it for us, but i should have noticed before last minute...