whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Apr 4, 2013 11:09:23 GMT -5
I think I've said this before but I am VERY leery of people who have a "parenting style". My kids are very different. VERY. I couldn't use the same "style" if I wanted to. It went from feedings to sleeping to discipline to physical contact. EVERYTHING. Different needs, different wants, different things that worked with each of them.
So, if someone starts preaching that THIS is the way, and I need more information or more knowledge and then I, of course, we'll see the light - I don't trust of word of what they are saying.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Apr 4, 2013 11:20:31 GMT -5
Honey- Thank you for explaining. It was the term "wearing" that was throwing me off. What you are doing is putting the kid in one of those baby backpacks or a sling type thing when they are little? I had just never heard it called "wearing the baby".
I'm kind of glad that when we had the Boy there weren't a lot of people we knew that could judge us. We were the first in our group of peers to have kids so none of them knew anything about kids either. We lived 1,500 miles away from my folks and all of our relatives so none of them could question how we were parenting because they weren't there to see it anyway.
No judgement from me. I find parenting styles and philosophies as fascinating as I do various religions, cultures, etc.
No one style seems to work the same for all families. We potty trained DS with the bribery method. We bought a Thomas the Tank Engine toy he wanted (specifically the Round House) and set it on the counter. Told him when he was ready for the big boy underware then he could have it. He stared at it on the counter for 3 days and said "Ok, I'm ready". Switched to underware that day, gave him the toy and he never had an accident. My parents have tried that same method with my nephew (because my brother is too lazy to try to potty train his 3 1/2 year old). They've had a truck sitting on the counter for the past 9 months and he has absolutely no interest in potty training and they have made zero progress with him. In fact my brother gets the truck down for him to play with all the time anyway.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Apr 4, 2013 11:25:24 GMT -5
I think I've said this before but I am VERY leery of people who have a "parenting style". My kids are very different. VERY. I couldn't use the same "style" if I wanted to. It went from feedings to sleeping to discipline to physical contact. EVERYTHING. Different needs, different wants, different things that worked with each of them. So, if someone starts preaching that THIS is the way, and I need more information or more knowledge and then I, of course, we'll see the light - I don't trust of word of what they are saying. For example, gira says she doesnt say no often. DS thrives on the explanation parenting. DD will keep picking and picking at you to try to get you to change your mind. You have to say "no, because I'm the boss" to her otherwise she will to stop asking you why.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Apr 4, 2013 11:27:50 GMT -5
sheila- no worries. When she was very small, I carried her in front like this: I still sometimes carry her on my hip like this now when I'm just walking the dog or something since baby is old enough to hold on tight. Then when she was older, we put her in a back carrier called the Ergo (which can also be used in front) Then for long hikes we use something like this: So yeah, it's a lot of crap to have but I really don't like strollers lol.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2013 11:28:51 GMT -5
I also think about the husband in these situations.... Like if his wife is getting all her fulfillment from her kids, I imagine he must feel left out and extremely unimportant to her. I made a vow to myself that I would not become one of those wives that, after their kids move out, looks at her husband like "well what do we do now?" Yeah, I see that in the relationship of a guy I dated in college- one of the 2 couples I mentioned before. I found him on LinkedIn 30 years later; DH knows (and we've had dinner with him a couple of times); his wife doesn't. He once confided to me that his relationship with his wife is more like sharing a house with his best friend. Uh-oh. We trade e-mails at least weekly; perfectly ordinary stuff that I wouldn't mind DH or his wife reading- but I feel like there's not much left in the marriage and that's sad. My 74-year old husband is, um... getting more.. than he is. This also reminded me of a former boss- a wonderful, enlightened man who, when I bounced in and told him I was pregnant, was very supportive and told me that he didn't want what happened to his wife happen to me. She pretty much turned into Earth Mother and cocooned herself with the baby and that became her whole life. I hadn't heard the term baby-wearing but I certainly did that with DS till he got too heavy; the front pack, then the backpack. I loved that and I loved breast-feeding. I also loved having my own life.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Apr 4, 2013 11:30:25 GMT -5
See, on all those pictures it's still a baby. My "baby" hasn't looked like that since he was 6 mo old. I would love to see pics of people carrying their 2 yr olds, especially short women.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Apr 4, 2013 11:40:28 GMT -5
I was incredibly sleep obsessed with DS for the first 18 months. That is what happens when you have a baby less than a day old that refuses to sleep (up 4 hrs straight both nights in the hospital and then at home). That isn't something that is in the books and so you sit there and try to figure out how to get this little mutant to sleep. Everyone says babies just sleep, well DS didn't. I had no instincts on the subject so I read a lot. My conclusion in all of this is that you truly cannot force a baby that is hungry to give up his or her night feedings. If they are truly hungry, they don't "just give up". So, I find both sides of the sleep training argument pretty sanctimonious and in some ways wrong. The argument of "just sleep train and force your baby to give up night feedings" (if they are truly hungry, which no baby over a month old is truly hungry every hour of the night) doesn't work unless the baby is ready to give up the night feedings and the other side of "OMG that poor baby you are starving him and he just gave up" isn't true either. On the flip side, the "just cosleep" argument doesn't work either because same babies can't stand cosleeping. You can't force a kid to eat and you can't force a kid to sleep. All you can do is give them the best opportunity to do so. Like I said, my parenting "personality" is bipolar. We cosleep early on and then sleep train. DD is a mutant and puts herself to sleep for all of her naps at less than 3 months with no crying ever (she's basically just a mutant baby ), but will only fall asleep at night cosleeping. But she's only up twice a night. With DS I was incredibly anti-stroller. I just hated them and we basically didn't use one and then last week we went out and bought a double stroller (a Graco Ready to Grow if anyone is interested). I breastfeed past one, but also let my kids eat McDonalds before one. We spank, say no, but also spend a lot of time talking and explaining to DS why we do things (probably too much). It just depends on the situation exactly what we will do. Everything is so kid dependent and parent dependent. We also do lots and lots of hugs and kisses. I'm sure I'm screwing my kids up somehow and they will write a long successful book about how my parents screwed us up and make millions.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Apr 4, 2013 11:44:14 GMT -5
See, on all those pictures it's still a baby. My "baby" hasn't looked like that since he was 6 mo old. I would love to see pics of people carrying their 2 yr olds, especially short women. Lena saw it, so I deleted it.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Apr 4, 2013 11:52:41 GMT -5
I'm going to poof in a minute, but this is DD and me last weekend. She's ~22 lbs and 16 months. Not huge, but not a wee thing, either. I'm 5'5. *poofed* thank you!!
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Apr 4, 2013 11:56:21 GMT -5
OMG how cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, my kid's feet would be somewhere below my ass and very likely hitting my knees. Did I say how cute you all are
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Apr 4, 2013 11:58:13 GMT -5
OK, I have to say it again - soooo adorable - the whole thing, the babies and mommies and just how happy you all look together - soooo beautiful!!!!
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Apr 4, 2013 11:58:47 GMT -5
LOL. Thanks.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2013 11:59:47 GMT -5
OK, I have to say it again - soooo adorable - the whole thing, the babies and mommies and just how happy you all look together - soooo beautiful!!!!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2013 12:25:33 GMT -5
One woman pretty much told me that I am "keeping my child in a cage" every time I used a stroller
"You're right, next time I'll use the retractable leash". I had a family member start quzzing me about what potty training method I was going to use. I said whack her with a newspaper and then rub her nose it, that's what worked for the dog. Look on face was priceless! Hey - don't knock the leash! Sorry, but I can't hold DS's hand while also pulling my credit card out of my wallet to pay the cashier.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Apr 4, 2013 12:29:01 GMT -5
I was incredibly sleep obsessed with DS for the first 18 months. That is what happens when you have a baby less than a day old that refuses to sleep (up 4 hrs straight both nights in the hospital and then at home). That isn't something that is in the books and so you sit there and try to figure out how to get this little mutant to sleep. Everyone says babies just sleep, well DS didn't. I had no instincts on the subject so I read a lot. My conclusion in all of this is that you truly cannot force a baby that is hungry to give up his or her night feedings. If they are truly hungry, they don't "just give up". So, I find both sides of the sleep training argument pretty sanctimonious and in some ways wrong. The argument of "just sleep train and force your baby to give up night feedings" (if they are truly hungry, which no baby over a month old is truly hungry every hour of the night) doesn't work unless the baby is ready to give up the night feedings and the other side of "OMG that poor baby you are starving him and he just gave up" isn't true either. On the flip side, the "just cosleep" argument doesn't work either because same babies can't stand cosleeping. You can't force a kid to eat and you can't force a kid to sleep. All you can do is give them the best opportunity to do so. Like I said, my parenting "personality" is bipolar. We cosleep early on and then sleep train. DD is a mutant and puts herself to sleep for all of her naps at less than 3 months with no crying ever (she's basically just a mutant baby ), but will only fall asleep at night cosleeping. But she's only up twice a night. With DS I was incredibly anti-stroller. I just hated them and we basically didn't use one and then last week we went out and bought a double stroller (a Graco Ready to Grow if anyone is interested). I breastfeed past one, but also let my kids eat McDonalds before one. We spank, say no, but also spend a lot of time talking and explaining to DS why we do things (probably too much). It just depends on the situation exactly what we will do. Everything is so kid dependent and parent dependent. We also do lots and lots of hugs and kisses. I'm sure I'm screwing my kids up somehow and they will write a long successful book about how my parents screwed us up and make millions. My post here makes it seem like it happened overnight. I did it over maybe 2 weeks and I only did it when they started sleeping 4 hours straight at anytime. Both my kids came home from the hospital wanting to sleep during the day and stay up all night and eat every hour on the hour. They were also both around 10 lbs. So I did it in 15 minutes increments. the first day the kitchen was closed from 12-2 am period. If they woke up during that time I held them and explained they had to wait to get their dinner. Obviously the explaining was to keep me from losing my mind. The next day, or the day after, the kitchen would be closed from 12-2:15 am say and so on. By about 2 weeks later they were both sleeping from 11-5AM. So not 8 or 12 hours but enough that I wasn't a crazy person anymore. They were never actually denied food they just got it at a slightly different time than they wanted. I should say that when it comes to eating my kids are savants. They could be left in a room with cardboard and hay and figure out how to eat it and gain weight even. Then again I have been told numerous times I suck as a parent so clearly no one should listen to me.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 4, 2013 12:29:56 GMT -5
Damn. I went to lunch and missed the photos!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 4, 2013 12:30:22 GMT -5
Gwen hated the leash. We tried it out at the State Fair last year. It was interesting to watch a toddler roll around on the ground trying to get a leash off. I was referring to the leash I use to walk my dog. Next question would be "Do you think I should add the muzzle too?"
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2013 12:36:28 GMT -5
I have only used the leash twice. I cannot - CANNOT - not hold DS's hand if he's walking around and we are in public and I need both hands. He will start picking up garbage or take off. The leash helped me at least limit his movements so that I could do what I needed to do. Oh well - I'm going to Mommy Hell.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Apr 4, 2013 12:37:11 GMT -5
My annoyance with parents of babies lately has been what I call the martyr style of parening. The 12 month old wants to eat at midnight and 1am and 2 am and 3 am and 4 am and 5 am and then sleep till noon and the parent couldn't possibly try and get them to eat like that during the day and sleep at night. Because that would be tantamount to child abuse. But for the life of me I don't think they would be happy unless if they didn't have something to complain about. I agree that everyone should do whatever they want and feel right about with their child but I think it is coworker abuse to make me listen to them whine about it constantly when they refuse to do anything about it. And my other rant. When did parent become a verb?!?!?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2013 12:40:48 GMT -5
A mom who doesn't make mistakes is like a dog that speaks, very rare.
A mom who doesn't royally screw up her kids is like a dog that speaks Norwegian, even rarer.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Apr 4, 2013 12:41:40 GMT -5
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Apr 4, 2013 12:44:22 GMT -5
They are so cute!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2013 12:46:03 GMT -5
mutt, I'm loving your kids!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2013 12:54:02 GMT -5
Awww....they are ADORABLE mutt!
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 4, 2013 12:54:33 GMT -5
Awww....they are ADORABLE mutt! They really are. Thanks Mutt!
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Apr 4, 2013 12:58:05 GMT -5
OK, mutt, that picture *almost* made me want another baby. ALMOST.
I kinda go back and forth about whether I am sad that we don't have a girl.....
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Apr 4, 2013 13:03:20 GMT -5
what I don't like is that some of these parenting labels allow for a quiet assumption that if you don't do this, you don't love your kid. Like "attachment parenting".... does not doing it mean that you are unattached to your child? Is "abandonment parenting" the opposite or something? That's where not caring what other people think comes in handy. You know your situation better than anybody else does and what works for one parent/kid won't work for another. So when you hear or read someone smugly prattling on about how wonderful the-thing-they're-doing-that-you-aren't is, you can just sit back, think "That's nice", and go on with your life.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Apr 4, 2013 13:05:29 GMT -5
Thanks. I think they are pretty special. Lena - I have been so surprised at how much I love having a girl. When I found out for sure, that she was going to be a she. I was just like OMG what are we going to do with a girl. She had the super girl Easter Dress and I just loved having her all dressed up. It is only 3 months, so by the time she is a teenager, I am sure it will fade. I love having clothing options. I love not being out numbered (especially since we rehomed our female dog and only have our male dog - for some reasons pets enter in the outnumbered equation). I also love how she just adores her big brother. I would have been fine with 2 boys, but I love having my pretty little princess.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2013 13:09:03 GMT -5
OK, mutt, that picture *almost* made me want another baby. ALMOST. I kinda go back and forth about whether I am sad that we don't have a girl..... What about sperm spinning? My friend has 4 girls and she considered doing it.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Apr 4, 2013 13:10:11 GMT -5
Meh, I guess I have a thick skin because I just don't care what anyone else has to say about me as a person or as a parent. When my kids were younger I was on a few message boards for moms with babies born the same month. You think YM'rs are bad? These women would knock each other down constantly...breast vs bottle, circumcise vs not, cloth vs. pampers, and my favorite SAHM or those that clearly hate their children :-p But I would just laugh these battles off because at the end of the day, why the hell do I care was some random poster has to say about me? I will say that I took some glory a few years ago at a mom who got dumped by her husband. You have to understand, this woman was a MILITANT SAHM and thought any woman that didn't stay home shouldn't have had children. I explained my history and how I would never rely on a man to support me like my mom did....well, clearly my marriage was not Christian based because if it were, I wouldn't consider divorce...fastforward 10 years (I hold a grudge!lol) and her husband cheated on her and dumped her for another woman. She is now struggling to make ends meat since she hadn't worked in 15 years or so....it's probably mean but I was silently pleased that my warnings of what COULD happen actually happened to a beyotch like her
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