twinmama85
Well-Known Member
Have a blessed New Year!
Joined: Dec 28, 2010 9:48:38 GMT -5
Posts: 1,627
Today's Mood: Blessed
Location: Home
Favorite Drink: Wine
|
Post by twinmama85 on Dec 30, 2012 12:43:28 GMT -5
Okay, I live in California (military) husband filed divorce and it is a 6 month waiting period. At the moment, he is giving me $700 a month for support, but it is not court ordered. I am trying to decide if I should file support so that it is court ordered, or just get a written agreement...here is why I am debating this...
I make more than this fool and he tries to find ways to not have to pay as much. He has also been late with it about 4 different occasions. When I play with the state calculator, it says (because of day care costs) he should be paying roughly $1100 (takes time with each parent and income of each into consideration). My fear is, when I file and they go to collect his information, that he will skew it since he makes less than I do. I am scared that I will shoot myself in the foot and instead of receiving $1100 or even $700, they will lower it. I am not sure how it all works and again, I am terrified that hes gonna be an ass about it. I am not looking to take all his money, I just want what is fair for the boys so they can have everything they need. I won't be collecting alimony because again, I make more than he does and have made more for the past few years. He doesn't want alimony from me from either (at least at the moment) I have it all filled out, I just have to file it with Child Support Agency. Any advice would be great.
|
|
Sharon
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 22:48:11 GMT -5
Posts: 11,182
|
Post by Sharon on Dec 30, 2012 13:09:26 GMT -5
Get the child support court ordered so if he decides not to pay or to pay late you don't have to deal with it/him, let the courts do it. You do not need that extra stress in your life.
If I remember correctly one of your little guys is special needs, be sure and include that information also. My cousin gets extra child support to help pay for the therapy/specialized day care that the child needs. Once the court found out that child care placement was an issue because of the Aspergers there was extra money ordered.
|
|
Colleenz
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 8:56:39 GMT -5
Posts: 3,983
|
Post by Colleenz on Dec 30, 2012 13:11:31 GMT -5
If his income is W2 (not under the table) he will not be able to fudge the numbers.
|
|
twinmama85
Well-Known Member
Have a blessed New Year!
Joined: Dec 28, 2010 9:48:38 GMT -5
Posts: 1,627
Today's Mood: Blessed
Location: Home
Favorite Drink: Wine
|
Post by twinmama85 on Dec 30, 2012 13:18:16 GMT -5
My son was miss diagnosed (thank God) The other thing is I am in the military so my health insurance and all that stuff is covered. I wasn't sure if should go through mediation/arbitration and have an agreed amount or let the courts do it. He gets paid partial under the table, but I can't prove that. I am hoping the judge will look at him and have no pity. He is healthy, single male with no responsibilities plus he has a Bachelors degree and hes making $12/hr. I am hoping the judge will basically tell him to man up and make more income so he can take care of his responsibilities as a father.
|
|
Apple
Junior Associate
Always travel with a sense of humor
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:51:04 GMT -5
Posts: 9,938
Mini-Profile Name Color: dc0e29
|
Post by Apple on Dec 30, 2012 13:20:36 GMT -5
In Oregon, they go by the calculator. As long as you put the correct info into the calculator online, that is what will be court ordered. Like Collenz said, if his is on a W2, he can't fudge it.
The calculator should consider already that you make more than him. During my divorce, I made 1/3 of what my ex did, so he was responsible for 75%, I was responsible for 25% (so, if he made $24 an hour and I made $8 an hour, or $16 an hour half time...) You can see the numbers on the calculator, if it says he needs to pay $1100, that should be less than "your responsibility".
Do make sure that EVERYTHING gets into that calculator. There was a computer glitch when they did mine, it removed child care AND medical insurance (that came from my job). The result was a number much lower than it should have been. They caught the mistake after the paperwork was signed, and for me it was more important to get the divorce over with than try to get it fixed and make him re-sign everything.
|
|
rileyoday
Junior Member
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 4:56:04 GMT -5
Posts: 236
|
Post by rileyoday on Dec 30, 2012 13:21:25 GMT -5
Think long term. Get him paying into the state child support collection. If hes paid W-2 they will collect when he goes in arrears.
|
|
Apple
Junior Associate
Always travel with a sense of humor
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:51:04 GMT -5
Posts: 9,938
Mini-Profile Name Color: dc0e29
|
Post by Apple on Dec 30, 2012 13:23:27 GMT -5
Think long term. Get him paying into the state child support collection. If hes paid W-2 they will collect when he goes in arrears. Oh, yes... My ex was late, so when he filed his taxes, they took the money out of his refund and paid me with it first, he got what was left over. That is an advantage if he won't stay current.
|
|
twinmama85
Well-Known Member
Have a blessed New Year!
Joined: Dec 28, 2010 9:48:38 GMT -5
Posts: 1,627
Today's Mood: Blessed
Location: Home
Favorite Drink: Wine
|
Post by twinmama85 on Dec 30, 2012 13:27:04 GMT -5
Thanks guys..like I said, I am not trying to be greedy..by time you add my allowances (BAH[housing] and BAS [food]) and base pay, I make over $3600 a month and he makes just shy of $2000. Without the child care, he would pay $538, but with day care, its around $1100...Its sooo frustrating because he can make more, he has a damn degree!! but he is trying to use the"well they won't make me pay that much because I have to live..blah blah blah" and its like dude! YOu can make more than that but you choose to make that income.
|
|
mizbear
Senior Member
Stand back. I have a budget, and I know how to use it.
Joined: Jan 2, 2011 13:12:46 GMT -5
Posts: 3,958
|
Post by mizbear on Dec 30, 2012 13:32:12 GMT -5
Get it through the court! My Deadbeat brother is always late with his child support and my poor ex-SIL is always having to hound him for it. And in many states if you need assistance- you need proof of that support - or attempts to get it before they will help you.
|
|
Jake 48
Senior Member
keeping the faith
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 16:06:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,337
|
Post by Jake 48 on Dec 30, 2012 13:36:29 GMT -5
Having been down this road, I would get it ordered by the courts, however when we got divorced we agreed to an amount and all the details and then it was approved by the judge/courts. I did not have to pay the state to have my ex paid, but she had the power of the courts if I screwed up. If your comfortable w/ 700 in exchange for no alimony, this can be all worked out. The courts will also be able to increase the amount if his financial picture changes, the kids get older etc.. Can you talk with someone at the Agency to go over over the numbers etc... Good luck
|
|
twinmama85
Well-Known Member
Have a blessed New Year!
Joined: Dec 28, 2010 9:48:38 GMT -5
Posts: 1,627
Today's Mood: Blessed
Location: Home
Favorite Drink: Wine
|
Post by twinmama85 on Dec 30, 2012 13:41:19 GMT -5
Having been down this road, I would get it ordered by the courts, however when we got divorced we agreed to an amount and all the details and then it was approved by the judge/courts. I did not have to pay the state to have my ex paid, but she had the power of the courts if I screwed up. If your comfortable w/ 700 in exchange for no alimony, this can be all worked out. The courts will also be able to increase the amount if his financial picture changes, the kids get older etc.. Can you talk with someone at the Agency to go over over the numbers etc... Good luck Well, I have to wait til Wednesday because as you all know, california is broke, so the child support agency is furloughed until the 2nd. i am gonna go down and file on Wed to figure stuff out. he intimidates me and makes me feel dumb if i try and talk with him about things. he is very stubborn and difficult to talk to and has a way to turn things around on me, so us sitting to agree would be somewhat difficult, even in arbitration. $700 a month feels unfair because i have the kids 87% of the time and i do everything, including driving them 60 miles a day, 5 days a week for day care (long story, dont wanna get into it).
|
|
vonna
Well-Known Member
Joined: Aug 11, 2012 15:58:51 GMT -5
Posts: 1,249
|
Post by vonna on Dec 30, 2012 14:01:47 GMT -5
Don' t rely on W2 only. Make sure he submits his military LEAVE AND EARNINGS STATEMENT (LES) as well to account for tax free income.
|
|
973beachbum
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:12:13 GMT -5
Posts: 10,501
|
Post by 973beachbum on Dec 30, 2012 14:01:59 GMT -5
I don't know anything about CS but it might be different number from what an employer is allowed to garnish from the employees paycheck. I used to work in HR and there were people who had garnishments that were higher than the legal limits so the amount we garnished was less.
I don't remember all the ins and outs but 55% is what I remember as the limit. There were also different limits for individual garnishments and total allowed from mult.
I guess what I am saying is ask someone who really knows about this because there is more to it than a straight math equation.
|
|
twinmama85
Well-Known Member
Have a blessed New Year!
Joined: Dec 28, 2010 9:48:38 GMT -5
Posts: 1,627
Today's Mood: Blessed
Location: Home
Favorite Drink: Wine
|
Post by twinmama85 on Dec 30, 2012 14:11:42 GMT -5
Don' t rely on W2 only. Make sure he submits his military LEAVE AND EARNINGS STATEMENT (LES) as well to account for tax free income. He isn't military
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,345
|
Post by swamp on Dec 30, 2012 14:18:58 GMT -5
He hasn't done anything he told you he'd do. Get the court order.
|
|
grits
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 17, 2012 13:43:33 GMT -5
Posts: 3,185
|
Post by grits on Dec 30, 2012 14:25:53 GMT -5
Just be careful about how you talk to him. If you tick him off, he can seek alimony. Then, what will you have accomplished? Also, judges are supposed to not let their personal feelings get involved. They are supposed to go by the law.
|
|
vonna
Well-Known Member
Joined: Aug 11, 2012 15:58:51 GMT -5
Posts: 1,249
|
Post by vonna on Dec 30, 2012 14:29:58 GMT -5
Don' t rely on W2 only. Make sure he submits his military LEAVE AND EARNINGS STATEMENT (LES) as well to account for tax free income. He isn't military Sorry, I missed that you are military, not him. I would definitely get the court order, if I were you. And, watch the wording of your divorce decree. I divorced while on active duty. My ex tried to sneak in wording into the divorce decree that would have made me lose custody if I moved from the area. Best of luck!
|
|
daisylu
Junior Associate
Enter your message here...
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 6:04:42 GMT -5
Posts: 6,903
|
Post by daisylu on Dec 30, 2012 14:37:50 GMT -5
This is why I recommend filing through the state. Take the decision out of BOTH of your hands. The court is only concerned with the financials .
|
|
twinmama85
Well-Known Member
Have a blessed New Year!
Joined: Dec 28, 2010 9:48:38 GMT -5
Posts: 1,627
Today's Mood: Blessed
Location: Home
Favorite Drink: Wine
|
Post by twinmama85 on Dec 30, 2012 15:33:47 GMT -5
Sorry, I missed that you are military, not him. I would definitely get the court order, if I were you. And, watch the wording of your divorce decree. I divorced while on active duty. My ex tried to sneak in wording into the divorce decree that would have made me lose custody if I moved from the area. Best of luck! Yeah I'm slightly worried about that too and also why im not trying to move til its over. California is also very pro mom too unless mom is not competent. I just want my babies with me.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,332
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 31, 2012 10:28:24 GMT -5
File thru the courts. As I told a friend of mine it isn't about sticking it to him, it isn't about being greedy. This is a business transaction, nothing more. He is their father and he should be supporting his kids. Don't get bleeding heart over it and make it personal. This is about making sure your kids needs are met.
You try to play nice because you don't want to be the bad guy and he's going to walk all over you. Get it on record so it's a lot harder for him to weasel out of things. Play nice and you'll spend the rest of your life trying to get him to support his kids.
He's already proven that he's not going to play nice in the sandbox with you. Now it is time to separate the personal from the business and do what you gotta do.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,345
|
Post by swamp on Dec 31, 2012 10:29:30 GMT -5
Name one thing he has said he would do and has followed through on it.
|
|
kgb18
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 8:15:23 GMT -5
Posts: 4,904
|
Post by kgb18 on Dec 31, 2012 10:35:38 GMT -5
Big time. My cousin went through a situation so similar to yours. She and her husband had twins. Six years ago, the day after Christmas, he randomly told her he wanted a divorce. She had no clue that was coming. She had been a SAHM. They had planned for her to stay home until their boys went to school, and then she was going to go back to work. He had a really good job, made 6 figures. Her DH promised her there was no need for court-ordered payments. He gave her an amount he promised to pay her every month, blah, blah, blah ... That lasted about three months. Then he started paying her sporadically. Then he was out of work for awhile and quit paying her altogether, even after he got another job. She has never gotten anywhere near what he should be giving her to take care of the boys. You can't trust his word.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 19, 2024 1:49:16 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2012 10:39:11 GMT -5
I think it would be neater, cleaner and less stress to just have it be court ordered and then that gives you more options.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,332
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 31, 2012 10:40:48 GMT -5
I don't get the notion that is somehow "greedy" to file for child support. If you were still married to each other you'd both be supporting the kids correct? It's not considered greedy then to be using both incomes to support the kids.
So why it is all of a sudden greedy when you are divorced? It isn't like divorcing suddenly makes him not the father.
|
|
twinmama85
Well-Known Member
Have a blessed New Year!
Joined: Dec 28, 2010 9:48:38 GMT -5
Posts: 1,627
Today's Mood: Blessed
Location: Home
Favorite Drink: Wine
|
Post by twinmama85 on Dec 31, 2012 11:58:47 GMT -5
File thru the courts. As I told a friend of mine it isn't shouldabout sticking it to him, it isn't about being greedy. This is a business transaction, nothing more. He is their father and he should be supporting his kids. Don't get bleeding heart over it and make it personal. This is about making sure your kids needs are met. You try to play nice because you don't want to be the bad guy and he's going to walk all over you. Get it on record so it's a lot harder for him to weasel out of things. Play nice and you'll spend the rest of your life trying to get him to support his kids. He's already proven that he's not going to play nice in the sandbox with you. Now it is time to separate the personal from the business and do what you gotta do. That is the best piece of advice that I completely forgot about: divorce turns a marriage into a business transaction. Thanks. he really should of thought about that befote he left. My friend says that he will probably try to ask me to him claim the boys on his taxes next year as well.
|
|
kgb18
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 8:15:23 GMT -5
Posts: 4,904
|
Post by kgb18 on Dec 31, 2012 12:02:13 GMT -5
My nephew's mother has done that. She and my brother don't have any official custody or child support agreement. My nephew lives with my brother the majority of the time. My brother pays for almost everything, and then his ex claimed my nephew on her taxes.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,345
|
Post by swamp on Dec 31, 2012 12:03:59 GMT -5
Of course he will.
Why don't you each take one?
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,332
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 31, 2012 12:05:20 GMT -5
Most people don't and a lot of people fall twist themselves into knots avoiding being the bad guy at the expense of themselves and the kid.
In some situations this is not a bad idea, but in your case I don't see any reason not to go after what you need to go after.
He's an immature prick and thinks he's going to get off scott free. Don't let him shirk his responsibilities towards his kids. He's half responsible for them and the decision needs to follow him for the rest of his life just as it does you. He doesn't get to create a lifelong responsibility and then reneg on it because he can't handle being an adult.
|
|
twinmama85
Well-Known Member
Have a blessed New Year!
Joined: Dec 28, 2010 9:48:38 GMT -5
Posts: 1,627
Today's Mood: Blessed
Location: Home
Favorite Drink: Wine
|
Post by twinmama85 on Dec 31, 2012 12:05:42 GMT -5
I don't get the notion that is somehow "greedy" to file for child support. If you were still married to each other you'd both be supporting the kids correct? It's not considered greedy then to be using both incomes to support the kids. So why it is all of a sudden greedy when you are divorced? It isn't like divorcing suddenly makes him not the father. I guess bcuz I stil love him n make more than he does and don't want him to be completely broke. But then I realize that he is a healty male with no one to look after except himself and so he can get another job. No one is forcing him to have a $12/hr job n do nothing else.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,332
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 31, 2012 12:11:05 GMT -5
I guess bcuz I stil love him n make more than he does and don't want him to be completely broke.
Then he should not have gotten married and had kids.
Think about that. Don't let him decide that he doesn't need to be responsible for his choices.
|
|