(NEW) SMART SPENDING CHAT THREAD

[TheOtherMe]

We have major weather here also.  Sky was very dark, but it just now lightened back up.  Weather keeps going off.  Tornado 4 miles away.  At least it was headed other direction.

Spent most of the day with mom and dad trying to get all the addresses changed and pensions going to correct place.  Think I found a phone number for Bridgestone tonight.  It is a number that got answered at least.  Other phone numbers are no longer working.  Dad was giving me numbers from 1993.  Otherwise we will have to write them.  

They did decide to put both my DS and I on the bank account. It will make it easier if we have to go shopping for them as they are going to give us the debit cards to use.  

After I worked tomorrow, I am going back over to get this done and see if they had to go to the underground parking garage today.   Mom will not be happy if she had to do that.  

Seems Gniece was the star of the place on Sunday with her dancing for the security camera.  I kind of figured a lot of people might have seen that and they did.  Dad got stopped by two different people coming back from the mail today to tell him how much they enjoyed her dancing.  

I do not plan on going there on Friday.  I'm definitely going on Father's Day and one of us will have to take them to lunch on Saturday as there are no Meals on Wheels.  

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

Stay safe, everyone, with all these storms.

[marvholly]

Missed the worst of the storm here, just a BUNCH of rain late afternoon into evening. No hail. No tornado issues nearby. Heard some reports re: bad stuff out by DD2 but have not spoke to her since Tue. Will vcall about 9 this am.

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

It was hot here last night, so I decided to take a quick dip in the pool around 11:30pm. Every single light was off, so I felt no qualms about a quick "skinny dip." I had just entered the water and was just sitting there, enjoying cool water up to my chin, when I heard SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH! ~~~~~ Oh, holy crap!!!! ~~~~~ Something was also enjoying my swimming pool!!!! I think I broke a record skedaddling OUT of the swimming pool. Then I decided I should probably fish out and save whatever wildlife was in there. (In the past, I've saved a toad/frog and a live rat.) Anyway, using only one of the solar plant lights from a different part of the yard, I ventured to the edge of the pool and could see something dark and small in the water ~ but too far to reach from shore. So, sighing, I slowly went back in to the water and .... fished out a bird! Poor thing, not sure how he ended up in there. Couldn't tell the type (it WAS dark), but bigger than a finch or sparrow. I carried it and put it in the bushes. I just checked this morning ... no sign of a bird in that area of the planter box, so I'm hoping it recovered and flew away. Talk about late night (mis)adventures! EEEEEEK!

[TheOtherMe]

You did have an adventure, Molly.  Gave me a laugh I needed!

All money issues with pensions and social security are now resolved.  Got parents paper stopped from previous address.  Had to convince mom that putting a note in payment envelope does not do the trick in today's world and it hadn't.

They did not have to go to underground garage last night.  DS had the biggest adventure.  Her SonIL's insulin pump had not worked overnight and he got sent home from work.  They were concerned enough about him they drove him home.  Tornado sirens were going off just as it was time for both grandkids soccer games, so they got canceled.  She drove her SIL out to get his car and they saw a tornado.  It was a small one, dropping out of the sky.  South of where he worked and headed back to the mighty Mississippi.  She was headed away from river, so she went on home.

She gave me a lecture last night when I told her I am not going to see mom and dad tomorrow.  I had promised them I would go on Thursdays when I got off work and I did.  After lunch, I took dad to buy groceries.  My work is done for today and tomorrow.  I know we will be doing something for Father's Day to include him.  I can take them to lunch on Saturday, but not at the appointed time.  

I refuse to let their lives totally control mine.  Am I being mean?

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

No, you are not being mean.

You are setting reasonable and healthy boundaries for yourself. Don't let other people try to manipulate or guilt you into anything more.

Hang in there!

[marvholly]

Theotherme
You are NOT being mean. You MUST set boundaries that enable you to also live your own life. The ONLY time I would see my Dad daily is if he was in the hospital, + sometimes when in rehab. Remember, I warned you of this upfront. Do NOT let DS guilt you into doing more than you can/is needed. You moved them to make everyone’s lives easier. Don’t make it harder for you or them making new friends & finding activities.

Today is going to be my major shopping/errands day.

DD2 got 'permission' from her Dr to go out to dinner last night.

[TheOtherMe]

Jun 14, 2013 6:00:02 GMT -5 marvholly said:

Theotherme
You are NOT being mean. You MUST set boundaries that enable you to also live your own life. The ONLY time I would see my Dad daily is if he was in the hospital, + sometimes when in rehab. Remember, I warned you of this upfront. Do NOT let DS guilt you into doing more than you can/is needed. You moved them to make everyone’s lives easier. Don’t make it harder for you or them making new friends & finding activities.

You did warn me and I am doing my best to set boundaries.  A caregiver organization on Twitter told me I must set boundaries and take care of myself or I will be of no use to my parents when they need to be taken to medical appointments, etc.  If DS wants to see them every day, she can.  Yet, she and her hubby went out of town Thursday and Friday.  She's going to be gone again tomorrow.  I told her I have plans until at least 12:30 PM tomorrow, so she is going to get one of sons to take them to lunch because they have to go precisely at 11:30.  

I understand they must make friends and do things there.  I don't this DS gets that yet.  My niece said with all the activities offered, it's their own fault if they are lonely and she doesn't want to hear it.  I feel like my niece.  I have spent the week making phone calls at their place to get all income going to new bank account and it now is.  Every call I made would send mom in to a tizzy.  She just wears me out watching her act like that and still carrying on about how she is still recovering from the pneumonia she had in October/November 2010!

[TheOtherMe]

Realtor called me today.  House didn't close today and most likely won't for at least two weeks.  Buyer owes court costs on something of $1500 and he doesn't have it.  Worst part is, the bank where he is getting the loan sat on this since June 1.  They emailed it to realtor at 4:59 AM this morning and the attachment is dated June 1.

Buyer's realtor said buyer is livid at the bank because he would have used his May 31 paycheck for this.  He's been buying stuff for the house and said he can't borrow it to get it to close early next week.  Realtor says he advises his clients to continue to show house because of things like this, but mom didn't like people in her house and having to leave and wouldn't do it.  He does have a list of people he was going to call who called after the contract was signed.  One is a cash buyer.  He was going to try to show the place to her today and if she shows interest, use it to put pressure on the buyer.  

I did have to call and get gas and electric turned back on.  

Then realtor asked if I would explain it to them.  I said no, that is your job.  He's getting paid for this, not me!

I was there yesterday when he called them to say he doubted it would close today, but it got worse over night.  Dad wanted the house back on the market and Mom told him it has to close because they've spent the money.  He says this buyer wants the house and had forgotten about the court costs.  At least his child support is current because that can be so high, they can't pay it and get the loan.  

[marvholly]

I’m a grammy again; born late Fri afternoon, Emily is 5# 4 oz. Plan to call DD2 around 9-9:30 to see when she wants me to drive out. This was actually a scheduled c-section but I did not want to say anything upfront as it could have been needed earlier or pushed off for some other emergency.

Strange how thing come together.
Town south of me is having a recycle event today. I have several pieces that need to go.
I want to go to a local arts n crafts & antique street fair today or Sun.
I had just looked up the closest location of a linen outlet place I like and it is 1 mi south of the street fair.
DD2 LOVES the Sat soup special at a place between the street fair & the linen place. Guess who is going to buy her a quart (one for me too).

I LOVE it when everything comes together even though today is likely to get $$$ plus it is currently raining. Will not do the fair in the rain.

[mrsdutt]

Jun 15, 2013 6:31:41 GMT -5 marvholly said:

I’m a grammy again; born late Fri afternoon, Emily is 5# 4 oz. Plan to call DD2 around 9-9:30 to see when she wants me to drive out. This was actually a scheduled c-section but I did not want to say anything upfront as it could have been needed earlier or pushed off for some other emergency.

Strange how thing come together.
Town south of me is having a recycle event today. I have several pieces that need to go.
I want to go to a local arts n crafts & antique street fair today or Sun.
I had just looked up the closest location of a linen outlet place I like and it is 1 mi south of the street fair.
DD2 LOVES the Sat soup special at a place between the street fair & the linen place. Guess who is going to buy her a quart (one for me too).

I LOVE it when everything comes together even though today is likely to get $$$ plus it is currently raining. Will not do the fair in the rain.

MARV: The long awaited princess has arrived! Yea in all the land. I'm happy for you. She was a safe and healthy size, too! Congrats!!!!!!

[Sharon]

Congratulations Holly.  Enjoy getting to see your newest family member.

Theo prayers that your parents house issue gets resolved and quickly.

[motherto2]

Evening all!  It's been a pretty lazy day today.  I put some things together to take to the Op shop tomorrow and did a little cleaning.  The pup and I went out on the kayak this evening for a bit.  First evening run, since the kids like to hang out at the lake at this time of day.  But it's so nice.  I figure they'll get used to seeing us and stop laughing at some point .
We are sitting outside enjoying the nice evening.  Got the tunes going, had a little margarita and some snack popcorn.  Very nice.  I just can't wait until I can do this every day!  My folks were supposed to come over this morning and help me get stuff out of the attic.  But they had a busy couple of days with my grandmother, trying to get her transferred to a rehab facility.  I could tell they had forgotten about it, and I didn't want to remind them.  Well, they remembered a little later this morning, so will come over earlier tomorrow than planned (they are coming to my house to celebrate Father's day) to get the stuff out.  I want to get rid of stuff as well as go through some of the kids stuff and maybe pitch some of that also.  Luckily I don't have much space that is usable due to the rafters and duct work for heat/AC, so I don't have tons of stuff.  But part of it is handing stuff down to someone, and some is moral support since I've had mice up there the last couple of years.  I'm not as big a scaredy cat when someone else is around

Holly, congrats on the new grandbaby!  how exciting! Glad things went so well.

Theo, I agree with what others have said - you definitely want to set boundaries early.  It's much easier to start now, rather than pull back.  I had to do that with my folks.  I don't need company all the time, and I don't need to be the third wheel.  But I've noticed when I spend a bunch of time with them in a short time, and then I don't, they get offended.  I can't help that.  It's nothing personal, but we all have our own lives to live.  Stick to your guns.  They'll make it. 

[TheOtherMe]

Holly big congratulations on your new granddaughter.  I'm sure Emily is gorgeous!  

I am making my stand now, with both sister and parents.  Sister is mad at me.  I don't know how parents feel.  Yes, we do have our own lives to live.  They did tell sister today that we are having a 90th birthday party for them in January.  She asked them who do they think is driving 3 hours in January.  They didn't know, but want a party.

We are going to have Father's Day with Dad tomorrow.  There will be Dad, my brother-in-law and my niece's husband all being celebrated.  And it's not going to be right at 11:30 like parents want.  He did choose the place family was hoping he would choose.

Just started pouring here.  Had some light rain overnight and now this.  I have no idea of how long it's supposed to last, but the weather radio didn't go off.  That is a good sign.

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

Holly ~ congratulations!

Theo ~ enjoy Father's Day ... good job on setting boundaries and holding your ground!

Motherto2 ~ yay for a nice, lazy day!

Sharon ~ hope all is well with you!

===========================================================

We had 5 kittens adopted Friday at Petco, and another 4 kittens adopted today at Petco! Yay! We also had a family bring in a bunny rabbit they found, so we've popped it in a cage and we'll see if we can find the owner. (Petco gave us bunny food). We can't blame people for not wanting to drive it to the local high-kill SPCA shelter ... the bunny will be safer with us. One of the Petco employees checked out the bunny and reports it's a girl! She's pretty ... calico-colored. We're calling her Bun Jovi for now, though Honey Bunny is also in contention for her name.

We harvested a LOT of cherry tomatoes and shared 3 dozen with our grouchy next door neighbor (he was less grouchy and gave us a zucchini and some peppers) and I took some to my friend Tammy today (she's my "boss" at the rescue, and my friend!) They ARE yummy. We did plant one plant of regular "grown up" (big) tomatoes ... but they are still very green.

Our weather's still in the mid to upper 90s, but we're back in the 100s next week. Looks like my wonderful DH is flying night missions Tue, Wed and Thursday, but he is taking Friday as a day off at my request! Yay!

The dove in our backyard is still sitting on her nest in the lemon tree. Actually, it started off as a robin's nest, but she took it over. She watches me in the swimming pool (it actually hangs over the pool) and I try to move slowly and quietly near her so as to not scare her. We've peeped when she's not there and there are eggs in there. Haven't heard babies, yet.

I paid some bills today, and now I'm waiting for some more to come in. I always like that brief moment when my wonderful DH's check is deposited and it feels like we have oodles of money, before I start writing checks and paying bills, LOL.  (Don't get me started on military pay and paperwork issues!)

[marvholly]

I remembered wrong. Emily weighed in at 5# 13 oz. DD2 did send me a pix of the 2 kids but I am NOT comfortable posting. She can and prob will (has?) on her Facebook page.

My plan for Sat looked real good on paper BUT:
I got the electron recycle done
I went to get the subs (request of DD2) & soup, got there at 10; they open at 11. they are NOT open today.
Went to linen place. Found NOTHING. Not a comforter at a price I was willing to pay in a color I liked in the size I need. NO pillow cases in cream for under $10/pkg. Pillows were all WAAAY too soft.
Could NOT find parking within ½ mile of the street fair. As it was raining did not want to be any further.

I was looking at spending near $100 on Sat and spent NOTHING.

I need to go online today to pay some bills. I need to hit the library but might not if I drive out to see DD2 & new grand as they don't open until noon on Sun. Will be calling her at the more reasonable time of 9 ish. If she goes home Mon I would rather go then as I have that pan of brisket, potatoes & carrots for them.

[Sharon]

Yesterday DD and I picked strawberries and made some jam.  Actually DD mostly made the jam with some assistance from me. In other years it has been the other way around where DD is hanging around and would help me some but mostly watched.  Now that she is engaged she is more interested in being part of the process.  I don't particularly care for strawberry jam so this will be for DD and her future husband.

FSIL said that we were free to go and pick whatever berries we could find in this field that wasn't too far from our house.  They did not have enough pickers this year to cover all the fields.  This year they only had 150 pickers instead of the 600 that were needed.  This field was an older field so it was never picked.  The berries were just allowed to rot on the vine.  There were a whole lot of rotten berries but we were able to find quite a few nice berries and picked 2 crates worth.  A crate is 12 of the pint boxes.  This year a crate of local strawberries is running $25.00 at farmers markets.

DD is also freezing some of the berries.  She loves to pop some frozen strawberries into her oatmeal.

[TheOtherMe]

Got more bad news on the closing on mom and dad's house.  The bank fired the loan officer and the buyer's realtor has not been able to get in touch with the new loan officer to get an estimate of when it will close.  I told parents' realtor we need to know if the buyer has paid the $750 as promised last Friday and the expected date of closing before we give this news to mom and dad.  He did say all the realtors in his office were happy this person is gone as he said she told different stories to different people so they never knew what was really happening on the loans.  He said he never had a loan with her close on time.

I was supposed to babysit this afternoon.  When I got to daycare to pick up the kids, they told me great nephew was sick and they had left a message with my niece to come and get him.  Told me they were going to send him home as his tummy hurt.  They gave me a plastic bag for the car and home we went.  He didn't get sick.  He was so pale.  After my niece got home, we decided he got overheated.  They walk to the Y to swim on Mondays and he said they walked back really fast.  He just laid on the couch, obviously not his usual self.  

My niece wanted me to help her with some computer stuff, but I don't know Windows 8 and couldn't help her much.  By the time I left, he seemed to be starting to feel better.  

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

Holly ~ your brisket sounds wonderful! Yum!

Sharon ~ those berries sound wonderful! Yum!

Theo ~ that loan person sounds like a lost cause who may have NEEDED to be fired. Hope it works out.


Well, the double bed and the 2 night side tables in the guest room are gone. It's now officially my wonderful DH's "workout room" with his bike and treadmill in there, along with a bookcase (tv on top) and a dresser (which he is using for storage.) We didn't really like having guests, weren't going to move the bed or nightstands when we moved, and we had a friend who was looking for a double bed for her 15 year old who was still in a twin. We offered them the nightstands, too ... and they were thrilled. Now we have plenty of room to move around in there, and a great excuse to say "nope, sorry" the next time we want to avoid houseguests!

[marvholly]

Donna’s blog today talks about today being National Splurge Day & how to do it inexpensively. Had mine already & it was NOT inexpensive

Since I had not connected w/DD2 Mon am I took a quick run to Home Depot and Target (good cat food deal). Dingbat it. Forgot to use my coupon. Did NOT find what I wanted at Home Depot. Since I was only 2 mi away I did run to get the subs, soup & secret sauce for her. Driving out for a visit today. Will gas up out there as it is abut 0.18/gal less so today will also be $$$.

To be sure I do NOT forget the other stuff I have for her like I did Mother’s day, I put it all in my trunk on Mon.
I made a bunch of calls yesterday to friends/family about our new addition. Had to leave voicemails for most and have not yet heard back. Wanna bet I come home to voicemails today.

[Sharon]

Happy Birthday Holly.

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

Happy Birthday!

[TheOtherMe]

Happy Birthday to you, Holly!  I'm sure you are very impressed to know you share it with my beloved Paul McCartney.

I did talk to realtor today.  New loan officer says no more work on file until buyer pays off $1500 court costs. He was trying to get the money according to his realtor. Once that happens, it will be 2-3 weeks.  Yes, former officer did need to go. This would have closed timely had she informed buyer of this on May 31 when she knew about it.  It would have been paid and closing would have happened on time.

I am glad mom and dad's house is fully paid for, but they are paying property taxes each day it doesn't close.

[marvholly]

All I can say is that Emily is ADORABLE. Had a nice visit. Held her several times but she already really prefers Mom. She has the LONGEST fingers and cutest ears.

We ate my bringings for dinner (sub sandwiches) and the brisket is now in their freezer. SIL has, by necessity, become quite the decent cook. I suspect the brisket will wait until he goes back to work FT and DD2 has a ‘bad’ kids day. That is exactly what I meant it to be used for.

[TheOtherMe]

Of course Emily is adorable!!!!  Mom is doing a good job of helping DD2 when the 'bad' kids day occurs because it will.

Another question for you Holly.  Now I'm in trouble with DS for not calling parents every day.  I don't think that is a good habit either.  I have not talked to them daily since I moved out of the house to go to college.  Why should I be talking to them daily now?  Apparently they complained to her about that--at least that is what she says.

Thursday is my appointed day to see them.  I go over after I work at the church and have lunch there and then take dad to the grocery store.  I'm concerned because he doesn't want to take the shuttle that is available.  He wants us to take him.  They have decided to sell the car.  DNephew now in Ukraine gets first bid. Price is fair at $10,000.  I had looked it up on Kelly Blue Book without knowing mileage.  It's a 2008 vehicle with 14,000 miles.  Kelly Blue Book said $12,000 as best price and $10,500 for it's lowest price.  DN definitely needs a second car as one of them will be working in St. Louis and the other in Columbia.  Can't commute together when they are at two different campuses.

I think I'm on the hook for taking them to eat on Saturdays also.  As far as I'm concerned, except for special occasions, that is fulfilling my obligation.  I want to force them to mingle.  Mom is walking farther each day and so is dad.  That is a good thing.  However, they don't seem interested in doing anything with their neighbors.

[Sharon]

Theo your parents are still adjusting to the new place.  I wouldn't be concerned yet that they aren't mingling with the neighbors.  Once they get used to your scheduled visits they will adjust.  It has only been a couple of weeks.  You and they both need time to adjust to the new reality.

Tonight we met with the alterations lady.  She actually wants us to come back at the end of September.  Even though she has what seems like miles of lace applique to pick off the bottom of the dress, then shorten it, and then sew the lace back on she thinks that will be enough time.  She has done other alterations for us before and is absolutely amazing so I believe her.

[marvholly]

Theotherme
I agree w/you about NOT getting yr parents expectations set too high for you being their ‘entertainment.’ Figure out how much you can stand/do for visits and calls. I would suggest NO more than 2 visits/week inc taking them for Dr & other appts and possibly 1 call in addition or 1 visit & 2 calls. Do set a timer & limit call duration. Have a ‘need to get off the phone’ plan (work, appt, doorbell….). This only holds true while they are still reasonably healthy & active. It does change if someone is in the hospital. Then more oversight is needed but you can (& should) split w/DS.

My Dad NEVER got into taking the facility bus anywhere either. Amongst the family we did all his shopping & errands BUT that was among 3 of us. He never did any of the facility special trips either. They were generally to a MAJOR shoping mall (no charge), a move/special event/theater (charge for tickets). Appears to be mostly the single women who do that stuff.

On the days you go to lunch w/them try to get them to share your table w/others. It’s a push to meet new people, get involved & make friends. I know my Dad’s place has board game, card game, physical activity stuff regularly scheduled. Does your parents place & is it something they enjoy, would do?

[mrsdutt]

I'm becoming rather active this summer.  DD1 is off for the summer except to write curriculum for a couple of courses and tutoring her college students.  DD3 works on the days her DH is off.  But, they try to have one day off a week together.  Since they both work for the same company, it works most of the time.

So now I have 2 DDs who want my company.  More points for me!

Yesterday I watched 2 of the grands while DD1 tutored.  I have a garden tub in the master bath and the 7 year old likes to go 'swimming' in it.  So after snacks he swam and the 10 year old watched a movie.  Then we went to the Coast Guard exchange and found nothing that we were looking for.

The day before I went to DD1's house for a short visit then off to Wal Mart.  The associates there were super attentive and all of them had great customer service.  I had a list and was helped to find some of the items.

I have a short grocery list this week and the grocery store is doubling coupons up to 2.00.  I also called to have the military paper dropped off once a week.  Ads are in there so I can match prices at Wal Mart if I need to.

I went swimming  at a friend's house, too.  A tan appears after 10 minutes in the hot sun.  Good thing I don't burn.

I hope you are all well.  This sunshine sure puts a person in a good mood!  

[TheOtherMe]

The buyer of mom and dad's house has paid the $1500 in court costs and agreed to mow the lawn from now on.  Now I feel confident this will close in 2-3 weeks.

Holly, they have their meals in their apartment as do all the residents on their floor.  The assisted living floor eats together.  I talked to the facility activities director today about the bus and she already had a time to see them today.  Mom said they told her they weren't interested in the bus.  Dad bought 4 24 packs of Pepsi today so I had to go to the basement and get a grocery cart to get them all in.  He asked me if I was going to get any.  I told him I don't drink that much soda and wasn't buying any.  I would actually like it better if I was just given the list and I did the shopping.  Once the debit cards and checks arrive, that will be possible.  They got the debit cards for my DS and me to use when running errands for them and gave us both signature authority on their checking account after we promised not to write any unauthorized checks.

Mom is open to getting meals from the facility if both my DS and I are unavailable at the same time.  She said they'd survive.  She thinks dad is "failing".  He knew how to get to the bank and grocery store today.  It's been 20 years since they lived in this town.  He was commenting on houses that weren't there when they lived there and houses that have been torn down due to FEMA buy outs.  He can get to the necessities without getting on the major highway.  They do say they want to sell the car.  My DS is adamant they can't do that if he won't take the shuttle to the store.  She suggested I do it with him next week.

Dad was so funny today.  He always one money playing the lottery when he bought tickets at a certain store there, so we had to make a stop just for that!  Sure hope he wins the big one.  

They play pitch and cribbage.  People in this area play euchre and do not take kindly to beginners.  One of the facility trips sounds wonderful.  I want to go!  Some are free and some are for a nominal charge and you pay for your own lunch.

I'm hoping they eventually join in the music programs, but mom informed me she doesn't like music.  This from the lady who used to tell me how she loved to jitterbug.  

Holly, I like your idea of the 2 visits and 1 phone call.  Yes, we are all still adjusting.  I also know if they are illnesses.  I do know DS is "assuming" I will do more of that care because she works 4 days a week.  

Where are problem is coming in is both of us are planning on trips right after Thanksgiving.  We will be here for the holiday, but leave shortly after.

I just don't like shopping period and two weeks of grocery shopping with dad has been enough for me.

[TheOtherMe]

The heat and humidity are due to start here tomorrow.  Summer is truly beginning.  Once our rain stopped, it hasn't started again.  Now the farmers want more rain.

Dutt, glad you are keeping busy.