soul mates??

[Deleted]

Nov 20, 2012 15:10:49 GMT -5 @angel33 said:

Nov 20, 2012 14:43:30 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

This is how my parents were. "Doing it for the kids."
I admire them both for sticking it out in their loveless marriage. Had they not, we would have ended up in foster care, because neither would have been able to support us on their own.

I could not be in a loveless marriage just for the kids.

x 1000

[Phoenix84]

Nov 20, 2012 16:02:16 GMT -5 @joey said:

Nov 20, 2012 15:56:31 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

The only soul I believe in is the genre of music, so I guess I don't believe in soul mates. I do believe that some people have good pickers and others have broken pickers. ;D

What if you don't have a picker but instead a penchant for being picked by dicks?

You always have a choice, agreeing to being chosen is the same as choosing someone.

[Deleted]

"Jenny, I don't know if Momma was right or if, if it's Lieutenant Dan. I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time. I miss you, Jenny. If there's anything you need, I won't be far away."

courtesy of Forrest Gump

[Deleted]

Nov 20, 2012 16:15:37 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

Nov 20, 2012 16:02:16 GMT -5 @joey said:

What if you don't have a picker but instead a penchant for being picked by dicks?

You always have a choice, agreeing to being chosen is the same as choosing someone.

True, indecision is a decision at times.

[susanb]

Nov 20, 2012 14:25:21 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

I believe in soul mates, but not in the traditional definition. I believe that some couples relationships grow into them being soul mates.

This is an excellent point. I don't believe in soul mates, but when DH and I met 6 years ago, he was pretty replaceable. I could have met and fell in love with any number of men with similar qualities.

After 6 years of shared experiences and learning, he is a lot less replaceable. If we are blessed enough to share 40 years of life and experience and growth, I think that will make him darn near irreplaceable, or my "soul mate."

[Deleted]

Nov 20, 2012 16:41:33 GMT -5 susanb said:

Nov 20, 2012 14:25:21 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

I believe in soul mates, but not in the traditional definition. I believe that some couples relationships grow into them being soul mates.

This is an excellent point. I don't believe in soul mates, but when DH and I met 6 years ago, he was pretty replaceable. I could have met and fell in love with any number of men with similar qualities.

After 6 years of shared experiences and learning, he is a lot less replaceable. If we are blessed enough to share 40 years of life and experience and growth, I think that will make him darn near irreplaceable, or my "soul mate."

I think that sums it up rather well susan.

[Sum Dum Gai]

Do you believe there is one person out there with whom you are destined to spend the rest of your life?

or do you think you could be reasonably happy with one of several persons with whom you are compatible?

B.

For example, after a long day of yard work or something I start thinking that I would have been a lot happier marrying a masseuse. Or maybe a chiropractor, depending on how much heavy lifting was involved.

Loop says if she could do it over I would make a good second husband after she divorced the first guy who would be rich and not into prenumps.

Yes and no.
With all my heart, I believe that DH and I were, in our past lives, together and until I found him in this life, I wasn't happy.
All my young years (this life) I just kept yearning for something that I couldn't put my finger on. Now I know why and now that feeling is gone.
I know many will scoff at this, but I actually remember being with him in a past life. We were in love, but he chose a career in the military over being married to me. I remember dying at a young age, this after hearing he'd been killed in battle.
I came into my now marriage with love, but still an underlining resentment toward him. However, it went away as soon as I put it all together.
I know...

Wow, and I thought I had it bad sometimes. This poor bastard was in trouble for something prior to getting married for something he didn't even do in this lifetime. At least when Loop is mad at me it's for something the current me actually did.

[geenamercile]

I don't believe in soul mates, but I do think that after 12 years DH and I have grown together to a point where we are a perfect match for each other. Kind of like if you plant two trees next to each other, as they grow their branches become interwoven to a point where you wouldn't be able to replace one of the trees with a differnt tree. However at the start you could have planted a differnt tree there and those two would have grown together instead.

[midjd]

Geena, that's a great analogy. I agree completely.

[Peace Of Mind]

I am 4 plus years older than DH. When I was 13 and he was 8 or 9 years old I was walking to my best friends house and he was walking on the other side of the street heading in the opposite direction. When I looked up I just stopped in my tracks and felt a very strong feeling towards him. It really confused me but it was a powerful force and I remember it clearly as if it just happened. He lived across the street from my BF and he became really good friends with my 2 younger brothers and hung out with them. When I saw him again he was 14 and I was 18. He said that when I walked by my brothers bedroom (they were all in there at the time) and said hi! he was floored and fell in love with me on the spot.

I always wondered if I already knew my future husband. I felt that I did but didn't know who it was. I had worked for another guy at 17 (who became DH1) who really really felt I was his soul mate. I didn't feel that strongly but had not met the one yet so I started dating him when I was 21 and married him at 22. I assumed it was him that I should marry.

5 years later we were at mom's house on Thanksgiving and in walked DH2 with my youngest brother to visit. I felt like I was hit by a wall when I saw this gorgeous guy with long dark hair and a beautiful smile and green eyes (who was that same little boy I had seen years before). I knew he was the one and that I should not have married DH1. We had just built our beautiful dream house on a lake and had life by the balls - so to speak - and I walked away from it all. That was over 25 years ago. He says we are soul mates and believes that strongly. I think he is right most days and some days I think I'm the only one that would put up with him. ;D

[midjd]

POM, what a sweet story!

DH and I met on our first day of junior high. But I had no huge revelation that he was the person with whom I was meant to spend my life - I mostly remember wondering why he was so mean to me, he teased me CONSTANTLY. About 2 years later I realized he had a crush on me. Boys.

We dated and broke up and dated and broke up, and then I drove him to a party during college (he was trying to "get back onto the scene" after his 4-month marriage ended) and the rest is history.

I still think it was more an issue of luck and timing than any sort of predestination, though. I did get very lucky. And most days, I think he feels the same way

[geenamercile]

My DH and I were friends for about 6 months before dating in college. I'm not fully sure when the switch over happened.... I mean I know when we first kissed and started making out, but we were emotionally pretty there for each other before that. I had/have trust/allowing people to get close to me, issues, yea go figure, but somehow he got me into a relationship with him without me really realizing it, just sneaked pass all my defenses. I had a very serious plan about not ever being in a serious relationship or marrying that he just blew out of the water.

[quince]

No soulmate. That said, I've never met someone like my husband before. But I am a socially anxious introvert, so the odds were not in my favor in the first place.

[zibazinski]

I never did but now I do.

[Deleted]

Nov 20, 2012 16:02:22 GMT -5 Opti said:

Is it called a broken picker if it doesn't work at all?

I think that's called being born without a picker gene ;D

There are probably lots of people on earth we could love, but there aren't lots of people on earth we could be married to and be happy with.

I'd have willingly stayed married to Whatsisname, The Father of My Children. Not happily but willingly. I'm glad I didn't because otherwise, TGH and I wouldn't have found one another again after all those years. With him, there was a connection from the instant I saw him the first time. I was lucky and blessed.

[Tiny]

Considering that the statistic I just saw sez that about 60% of all marriages in the world are arranged - it seems that finding one's soul mate is probably not the norm for most men and women...

I wonder how much "Bride Kidnapping" and Stockholm syndrome played into marriages (and maybe our genetic/emotional behavior)... That stuffs been going on for millennia. Maybe deciding you've found your 'soul mate' is a coping/survival mechanism.

Yeah. I'm feeling romantic tonight

[lurkyloo]

I'm a scientist. I don't do predestination, past lives, or any of that mystic stuff. I do, however, believe very strongly in the powers of optimization DH is definitely my optimal partner--in fact when we first started dating I remember musing that if I had had the option of just designing my perfect guy I probably still wouldn't have done as well as DH. i still think so...but these days i suspect my design product would be awfully familiar

[Deleted]

Nov 20, 2012 15:15:25 GMT -5 @joey said:

Nov 20, 2012 15:10:49 GMT -5 @angel33 said:

I could not be in a loveless marriage just for the kids.

If it helped keep the kids out of foster care it may have been worth it.

Well, I would never allow my kids to be put into foster care. I have family and friends that would help me out and I am the type that would work 2 jobs if needed in order to be able to support my kids. Not everyone's situation is the same. I was just saying that I personally would never stay in a loveless marriage.

[shanendoah]

mini-soapbox rant: As someone who is currently in the adoption process and considering kids in foster care, let me tell you- kid do NOT get put in foster care because their parents don't have money. It does NOT happen. Kids get put in foster care for neglect, abuse, because their parents are drug addicts, but NOT because their parents are poor. If that were the case, the second a family went to a homeless shelter the kids would be taken away- does NOT happen.
If you are poor and need a social worker, the social worker helps you find programs that allow you to provide for the kids. But again, kids are NEVER taken away from parents for purely financial reasons.

[Deleted]

Shanendoah, I understand that. My response was just to the poster who said that neither parent could afford to separate and the kids would end up in foster care....or something like that. I was just saying that IF that were true, then I would work my ass off.

[cronewitch]

My ISO ended up in a children's home because his parents divorced. Foster care might be harder to get in but sometimes children don't have parents who can and will support them. One woman gave her 18 month old son and 4 year old daughter to a cousin she didn't really know when she couldn't keep them. She came back for them in a couple of months. They were sweet children but the little boy was very clingy.

[kdamron]

That's a pretty heavy question for me right now given DHs recent passing. We both always considered ourselves soul mates. I'm not sure which is the harder thought, trying to live out the rest of my life with just memories or trying to find someone to live up to him.

[zibazinski]

My mom always said to never marry a widower for just that reason. His wife, even if she was a bitch on wheels, would be a saint because she died and I could never live up to that. If I outlive DF, I have no intention of ever getting with someone else because I would compare him and it isn't fair.

[Deleted]

Rose, said.

"Yes, till death do us apart...rare it is but there are couples that believe they are meant for one another. It's very romantic...they call themselves 'soul mates'."

Yes, I am a believer of soul mate. Everything has reason for our being, why we are here in this earth, so called life. Without that belief in this life means less appearing, least for me anyway.....Looking for higher selves than what it can't able to give you, can be also very challenging and inspiring......

Love can be hide in differences in colors. The lust in the youth, and love for raising family and comport of knowing who will be there for you in the end....

And love for all beings.....

[Empire the P.A.]

I'm gonna ask Santa for a soul mate this year. I've been good (kind of) this year.

[Deleted]

My wife dropped the "soul mates" term after Thanksgiving dinner

[zibazinski]

Uh, oh.

[Nazgul Girl]

Nov 23, 2012 17:26:34 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

My mom always said to never marry a widower for just that reason. His wife, even if she was a bitch on wheels, would be a saint because she died and I could never live up to that. If I outlive DF, I have no intention of ever getting with someone else because I would compare him and it isn't fair.

My second DH was a widower and I have to say that although I was concerned about that very thing happening, he knows that we are two very different people, and enjoys me for who I am. He has only verbally compared me to her a few times, and usually in a favorable light. What he may think privately has stayed private. I'm not jealous of her because that was then and this is now. We use their dishes and stainless steel set, and we have some furniture from both of our first marriages, but we live in a totally different house than they did, and we do different things. It's worked out, but then, I think we both were very lucky when we found each other.

[zibazinski]

I'd be glad if DF was a widower! But then again, I'd be thrilled if I had been a widow!! Chalk lines anyone?

[Deleted]

;D