The older kid thread

[Deleted]

Would you buy your kids a toy gun? DS has been asking for a pop gun for Christmas. I feel a little weird about it.

[swamp]

My kids have toy guns.

[whoisjohngalt]

Would you buy your kids a toy gun?

I didn't have to, my IL"s took care of it.

I don't really have a problem with toy guns (since I don't have a problem with guns in general), I just really don't know how to explain/address what guns do, etc. So, if my kid already knew all that from some TV show, then I wouldn't have a problem with buying him one - does it make sense?

[thyme4change]

I have lucked out so far, my kids never asked guns - even after they went to their friend's house. However, we have entered the nerf-gun stage. But those are totally cool!

[swamp]

I love nerf guns!!!!

[Wisconsin Beth]

I'll veto guns for now. We're working on getting Cabe to not hit/hurt or throw things right now. Hell, I vetoed an umbrella for him because I know damn well I'm going to get hit on the head with it.

[Deleted]

We have nerf guns too. DS doesn't understand that guns are used to hurt living things.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Oh, Keira SO busted DH a couple of days ago. Her Mickey Mouse bowl was declared "unsalvagable" by DH after the dinosuars in the dishwasher incident. So we tossed it. She noticed a day later and I explained, more or less. So she went back to watching TV, all sad and missing her bowl. DH is also in the living room, on the laptop. He calls outs about should he look for one online as a G-I-F-T? And Keira promptly asks "is that my bowl?" I started laughing and hollored out "BUSTED!" and he said I was too. The thing is, I've BEEN warning him that she's putting 2 + 2 together and sometimes getting 4, sometimes 3 or 6. Anyway, he ordered her a new bowl last night when he was ordering some other stuff and needed to get to $25 for free shipping. ;D

And at 3am Cabe was up. I went in to check because he was really upset. He'd pooped in his Underjams and leaked though. And he did NOT want me to change him. Finally got him changed but it was 4am before I got back into my bed.

Both kids are still sleeping now. Thank you God. If they're not up by 8am, I'll start waking them up. I'm off today so we're taking Keira to school and then Cabe and I are going to the Museum to see the dinos. Poor kid has been asking for a couple of weeks now. And in the afternoon, he's got his 3 year well child visit. I think he's getting shots too.

I'm going to bring up the aggression with her. And the always on the go. I don't think he's on the autism spectrum, based on my limited knowledge. And I don't think he's got attention decificiet (that can't be spelled right) issues either. He'll happily sit for long periods of time and play with stuff. I'm not sure if he's just a boy being 3 or not. DH doesn't really want me to bring it up because he doesn't want Cabe to be labled. Which I get, sort of. And he's afraid they'll just slap a label willynilly.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Oh, and I don't mean that last post to be offensive to the parents who ARE dealing with autism or ADHD, etc. I know these things exist and I guess I'm still hoping for Berlin and not Amsterdam, if that makes sense.

[973beachbum]

Dec 4, 2012 15:09:10 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I have lucked out so far, my kids never asked guns - even after they went to their friend's house. However, we have entered the nerf-gun stage. But those are totally cool!

My kids never asked for one either but they did get marshmallow blaster's last year for Christmas. I like it because I don't have to worry about buying expensive ammo at a toy store. I just pick up a .99 cent pack of marshmallows at the grocery store and let the squirrels clean up the mess when they are done. ;D

[973beachbum]

Dec 5, 2012 8:24:24 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Oh, and I don't mean that last post to be offensive to the parents who ARE dealing with autism or ADHD, etc. I know these things exist and I guess I'm still hoping for Berlin and not Amsterdam, if that makes sense.

I resisted DS getting "labeled" and putting him on meds for so long. I don't know what they would do with a 3 yr old but I doubt meds would be it. Actually DH was adamantly against it. We finally had to have the conversation, at age 8, that since DS ran out in traffic twice today without looking, I am letting the Dr try the meds. He told me he still didn't want to do it but didn't have a solution either.

Well I had his conference yesterday and got his first trimester reportcard. He not only did well it is probably the best report a kid in my house has ever had. He not only got the highest marks in math and reading. He got E's in things like works independly, completels assingments on time and makes effective use of time.

I had to ask if she mixed him up with some other kid.

[Deleted]

I have both Parent/Teacher conferences tomorrow. I hope my kids do as well as your DS, 97!

[whoisjohngalt]

Beach, if you don't mind me asking - what made you think (what kind of behaviour) that your son needs to be tested/put on meds, etc

ETA: Beth, same question, if you don't mind.

[973beachbum]

Dec 5, 2012 10:30:16 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

Beach, if you don't mind me asking - what made you think (what kind of behaviour) that your son needs to be tested/put on meds, etc

ETA: Beth, same question, if you don't mind.

Lena, by the time he was 14 months old the whole neighborhood knew to watch out for him. He was always the sweetest kid so not in the bad way, be cause he was an escape artist and we thought he would have died before making it to preschool.

He knew which key fit which dead bolt. We had to put hook and eye bolts on all the doors to try and keep him from outside without our being there. It didn't stop him but it did slow him down a little because he had to get a mop to use the handle to hit it to unlock it. Then he used the key to open the door.

At 20 months, because I was in between him and the door, he went into the bathroom and climbed on the toilet, opened the window, climbed out it onto the top of the dog house, went around the house and got in his cozy coupe and went for a drive. I found out when my neighbor knocked on the door holding his hand. Did I mention he was wearing a t-shirt and a diaper in February? I hadn't not seen him for very long. He was in a "baby proofed" house and I was in between him and the only exits. I was flabbergasted that he got out!

But as smart as he was he had the attention span of a gnat! He went to preschool and the teacher was constantly telling me he was behind in the things he should/could do. He knew the schedule but would need someone to tell him to do whatever like say take his coat off in the morning, line up for gym, get his snack to eat out of his book bag before he sat down at the snack table. Seriously after a year in preschool he would sit down at the snack table, without his snack, when the teacher would call snack time.

This is the same kid who at 4 decided that he didn't like the teacher and us being able to read and write and him not so he taught himself how. I really mean completely taught himself how to read and write with no help from anyone or regular aides like they would use in school. We were talking and both thought the other had been working with him.

His grades and teacher reports were like listening to them describe the a really lazy idiot. He really tried he just couldn't calm his brain down enough to do what was expected of him in school. Somewhere between the teacher telling them to take a book out and him actually doing it his brain would be on a totally different subject and he would start thinking about that.

His teacher last year had zero patience for him. She would get so mad at him that he start crying, she would get even madder at him for that that he would literally end up taking a pencil and banging his head with it to try and calm down. It would just escalate from there with literally NOTHING productive coming out of last year. When I started him on meds he could at least concentrate enough to not spiral downward. The teacher last year made things about as bad as they could be and truthfully if she hadn't sucked donkey balls at her job we might not have put him on the meds, which is ironic because it was probably the single best thing for his ability to concentrate and enjoy school and being with his friends.

Sorry for rambling and being long winded but I HTH's someone!

[whoisjohngalt]

First of all, THANK YOU for sharing that. I am sorry it's been so hard for your little boy.

I've never been around kids until I had my own and I guess I am too paranoid sometimes bc their behaviors are very different from each other, so I try to make sure that I don't miss things and hearing other people's stories is super helpful, so thank you again.

[Wisconsin Beth]

For us, Cabe is aggressive. Keira wasn't. And I don't remember my nieces/nephews/little brother being like this. I don't know if it's just a relatively normalish behavior or not. He'll bite, push and when you tell him to stop, he ignores you. He'll climb up my back when I'm sitting on the floor and wrap his arms in a stranglehold around my neck. I know he's not purposely hurting anyone (at least I don't think he is) but I don't know how to handle it. He's 42 lbs and 3 feet 5 inches (well child visit yesterday)

I don't want to hit/spank him for aggressive behavior because well, that defeats the purpose. He won't stay in timeout unless I hold him tightly and then he's fighting to get out.

At the end of November, he pushed a kid at dcp hard enough that the kid flew off the ground and hit his head on the wall. He scratched his favorite teacher and drew blood. He was pushy on the playground and the director ended up taking him into her office for a chunk of the day because she knew I'd had a piss-poor morning when I dropped him off and wanted to give me a bit of respite. Otherwise I'd have had to bring him home.

He loves being read to and will usually sit still for reading, puzzles, playing with his dinosaurs/farm animals. And he loves to watch the dvd Hungry Caterpillar. And Little Einsteins. And Curious George. So he CAN be still and he CAN focus, for 30 plus minutes at a time. He eats everything in sight but loves bread/carbs.

I don't know how helpful this is Lena.

Cabe's not an escape artist. And I think he's afraid of heights/movement. He refuses to ride on the horses on the merry go round but will ride in the swan boat with me. But he'll climb up the dresser or tables. DH found him standing on the windowsill behind the blinds in his room last month. He's just a bundle of contractions.

ETA - I'm really concerned about the aggression. Our doctor is a family practitioner and she flat out said yesterday that she's not a behavior specialist. So she's passing the buck.

[whoisjohngalt]

Beth, is he getting enough sleep and is there any food dyes in his diet?? My oldest had a 24 hr temper tantrum last week. I was shocked. He was crying, hitting, pulling my hair - I've never seen that in him before, he just seemed sooo angry. Well, two days ago, he fell asleep at 5pm and slept until 7 next morning. I also remembered that my IL's were visiting last week and were giving him all kinds of garbage food, that had food dyes, especially Red #40 and I read on various "mommy" message boards about how that can effect kid's behaviour. So, this week he is back on all his regular food, got plenty of rest and now is as loving as ever.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Bedtime starts at 7pm with teethbrushing, pjs, reading and then snuggling. He's usually asleep by 8pm. Generally he'll sleep though until 6:15/6:30 when I wake him up. On days when I don't wake him up, it's hard to say when he wakes up. He'll play quietly in his room because he hasn't figured out how to turn the doorknob. I think generally it's closer to 8am though. Some days he naps, some days he doesn't. DCP has said that on his "bad" mornings, he'll crash at naptime and is better in the afternoon.

I've never paid attention to the dyes. We try not to have too much crap food in the house. The biggest failing is tortilla hips, which are often DH's organic ones. And goldfish snacks. We haven't been doing much in the fruit snacks lately. But are using M&Ms to bribe him to poop in the toilet. He drinks a lot of water and prefers "daddy's water" which is from the Brita filter in the fridge. Otherwise it's usually 2% milk. Yogurt is either plain Greek or the Yoplait Simple ones. Fresh fruit and cheese by the ton. The kids don't get soda. Dinners lately have been frozen pizza, chicken nuggets, etc. because I've been lazy.

The hit of the Thanksgiving table with both of my kids was the frozen peas. Still frozen. Straight from the pot I'd dumped them in so I'd remember to make them. I kid you not. I think between the 2 of them they ate about 8oz of frozen peas, well over 1/2 of the bag at any rate.

[whoisjohngalt]

Sorry With my kids it's usually either lack of sleep or lack of "getting their energy out" or lack of me - makes them super cranky and whiny and last week pretty aggressive (only my 4yr old). I was really freaked out about all that anger, but he seems to be back to "normal' this week...we'll see...

[dakota4600]

Hugs Beth ! My DS gets cranky/defiant when his routine is off for while. We had bad days over thanksgiving because he was stuck at home with us. We did fun things and he got to play with cousins & friends, but getting back to his regular routine solved the problem. For him I think that it is because he is an only & there are no kids in our neighborhood.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Yeah, my doctor put me on 30 minutes of exercise 3x a week (to get off my lazy ass, my words not hers) and I'm thinking once the kids and I are all home, we'll go walk around the block once or twice.

I do think he's overtired lately. He's falling asleep/zoning in the car if the ride is more than 10 minutes or so.

[kgb18]

Avery is normally very good, but when she gets tired LOOK OUT! She becomes a different child. She didn't have a nap yesterday. She was running around like a nut last night, throwing temper tantrums, she tried to bite me ... I put her to bed early. She got a decent night's sleep. She was a totally different child this morning.

[Wisconsin Beth]

St. Nick visited this morning. Keira got a reg. size pillow and 2 Disney princess pillow cases for it. Plus an ornament, a stick of M&Ms, an apple and a box of Christmas goldfish. Cabe got a dinosaur puzzle, a plush dinosaur ornament, an apple, a box of Christmas goldfish and a stick of M&Ms. St. Nick is boring in our house. ;D

[telephus44]

BTW - autism isn't just a label that they slap on kids. It takes a long time to go through testing and evaluations and stuff. So don't think that if you ask your doctor about it that you've just labeled your kid for life.

For me, the biggest difference we noticed in our son were lack of social interest - he just didn't want to play with others, and treated other kids as objects to move around - and extreme lack of sensory response. Like if it was 10 degrees out and his lips were blue, he didn't care. He once broke his toe and we didn't find out until 3 days later. He just didn't react to cold, hot, pain, etc - unless it was really extreme. He had other oddball issues too, but those were the biggest. His attention span varied greatly - he could spent 45 minutes coloring or not want to sit still and look at a book for 15 second.

As far as guns - I wouldn't mind a Nerf gun or water gun or whatever, but I wouldn't want to get him one of the very realistic looking ones.

[Deleted]

He doesn't even come to our house, Beth, so you're one up on us! I heard the story of the Krampus on the radio this morning. They are the anti-St. Nicholas, apparently:

Krampus is a beast-like creature from the folklore of Alpine countries thought to punish bad children during the Christmas season, in contrast with Saint Nicholas, who rewards nice ones with gifts. Krampus is said to capture particularly naughty children in his sack and carry them away to his lair.

[thyme4change]

The biggest failing is tortilla hips

LOL - I know a few people that have tortilla hips!

[Wisconsin Beth]

Dec 6, 2012 12:41:26 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

The biggest failing is tortilla hips

LOL - I know a few people that have tortilla hips!

I totally missed that typo.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I swear, every time I talk about the sleeping habits of the kids, they have horrible nights. Cabe refused to go to bed last night. It was after 9:30 before he fell asleep and he was up at 1am because the blankets had fallen off or something.

[Deleted]

DS falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. DD is a nightowl (just like her Mom!). We heard her laughing to herself after 9 last night and went in to her room to find her reading one of my Calvin and Hobbes books.
I love that she loves to read, but the bus picks them up at 7:15 and she is one of those kids who's a BEAR when they don't get enough sleep. All C&H books are out in the living room now.

[Wisconsin Beth]

He definitely is more aggressive when he doesn't get enough sleep. I told DH to warn dcp when he dropped him off.