I am totally lost

[Ava]

I had a long weekend because Monday is a bank holiday.
I arrived home Friday night, and I am going to go out now to do grocery shopping for the week.
I haven't talked to anyone since Friday night. I have been crying practically non-stop.
I am dealing with horrible feelings of loneliness and depression. I really don't know where to turn for help.
As some of you may remember from my previous posts, I am a foreigner and live here alone. I have very few friends who lead their own lives, and sometimes don't have time for me. All I've done during the weekend is eat and watch TV shows on Netflix, and cry.
I feel my life has no sense, I find my job boring, my commute stressful, and I simply want out of this situation. I feel my mental health is declining.
I want to move to Florida where there's a huge community of people from my country, and I'm sure the nice weather and joining social activities will help me.
All I know is I don't want to live like this anymore.
I was going to wait until I got a Master's Degree to move, but now I realize I keep coming up with excuses and I'm paralyzed.
I could perfectly do a Master's Degree in Florida as well as here. I already marked some job offers in Indeed for Miami, and I'm just going to start applying.
The weather here is very bad in winter, and there's basically nothing to do year round.
Sorry for the long rant, I am totally lost, and I cannot stop crying.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Ava, does your work have an Employee Assistance Program? If they do I suggest you make an appointment to see someone ASAP to talk about your feelings?

Do you have health insurance? If you do not have an EAP then I suggest finding a therapist thru your insurance ASAP.

Good luck.

[zibazinski]

I think you will be much happier in Florida.

[imawino]

Oct 8, 2012 16:00:57 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Ava, does your work have an Employee Assistance Program? If they do I suggest you make an appointment to see someone ASAP to talk about your feelings?

Do you have health insurance? If you do not have an EAP then I suggest finding a therapist thru your insurance ASAP.

Good luck.

I am sorry that you are going through such a rough time. I'm sure it isn't much consolation, but most people go through periods of feeling lonely or sad at some point in their lives. So there's nothing abnormal about it, and you're not alone.

Are you Brazilian?

[zibazinski]

Winter will only make things worse for you. I totally agree with Miami. It isn't for me but I have friends on the gulf side but the Miami vibe and friendliness isn't to be beat!

[Rocky Mtn Saver]

I'm guessing Argentinian or Chilean? Have you looked around online for online communities of folks from South America? Do you live in a big city or a small town? If it's a big city, I'd think there are at least some kind of local community. Certainly not the size of any in Miami, but...

Have you considered a short sale of your condo? I think that's the big problem holding you back, right? Are you in a recourse state?

[Deleted]

Hi ava. I'm sorry you're feeling blue. If you really want to move out of state, start making plans. Figure out what you need to do with your condo. Making a plan and working on it gives you something to focus on besides your blue feelings.

I second (third?) the advice that you might need to talk to somebody, especially if the blues don't seem to get better soon.

I really hope you get to feeling better soon. Please keep us updated, so we can keep cheering you on.

[Mardi Gras Audrey]

You are in the Boston area, right? Can you look closer to the schools like Harvard, BU, BC and MIT? A lot of schools have stuff to do that is open to the community. I am currently in grad school and our school has a lot of lecturers, music performances, and other events that are open to the whole community. If you look at the graduate stuff (or stuff that is in your interests), you can meet some people closer to your age who share your common interests. You will also get more international people and a wider diversity of people to meet.

I know it can get kinda bleak up there during the winter. The leaves are just starting to change, right? Do you have a car? You could head out Route 2 and look at the leaves. Stop along the way in the little towns and get some fresh air on the various trails (Paul Revere's ride area, Walden Pond, etc).

I would also recommend the EAP.

Just know we are here for you...even on the weekends!

[chen35]

I can totally relate to this. When I was single and living far from family for the first time, I spent many weekends not speaking to a soul. I'm an introvert, so the first day was welcome, but I could feel the depression start to set in by day 2. Also, being an introvert made it harder for me to force myself to get out so that I could feel better. Do you have this problem? I agree with the others who said to try to get out, go for a drive. Go to the grocery store and make small talk with the cashier. Anything you can immediately do to get a human connection. I also second the EAP idea.

[Angel!]

I'm sorry things are tough. I agree you should try to get some counseling.

I get lonely sometimes myself because I am not good about forcing myself to get out and meet new people. A good friend of mine always goes to what she calls meet-ups. I don't know if they happen in all cities or how to find out about them, but they are events that anyone is welcome to attend. She has gone to ones for wine tastings, board games, speaking french. She said it is a great way to meet new people. Another thought is you could try craigslist - people often post ads about themselves looking to meet new friends. My friend likes meeting people this way as well. I know all this because she gives me advice when I talk about being lonely, although she is far more outgoing than me so these things are easier for her.

It sucks, but to have friends you have to go out & make friends somehow.

When you are feeling lonely to have any close friends that you could call & talk to? Even if you can't hang out, just talking to a dear friend can often help you feel better.

[Formerly SK]

There are short term solutions and long term solutions. Short term: draw up a list of thing you like to do and start working on one. When you go to the grocery store/post office/salon/whatever chat with the workers while you do your transaction. Get at least a minimum amount of social interaction. Even planning your escape to Florida can be a 20 step process that you can start working on immediately (ie purging a closet).

Long term, I think you need to figure out how to make yourself happy and get your needs met. I worry that you have a particular area up on a pedestal and when you get there it won't be the Great Solution you thought it would be. Regardless of where you live, you still will have to put yourself out there, initiate friendships, find activities that challenge and fulfill you.

I've dealt with depression in the past and it isn't fun. But sometimes just making a to do list with three things and getting those things done is all you need for that first step.

[NancysSummerSip]

I'm here in FL, though north of Miami. I'd say it's a big change for you to make the move, so check it out thoroughly before you do. It's a nice place to live, but you still have to eat, drive and live somewhere, so you need to have an income.

I've lived near and far from family (I'm far right now, other than DH), and while I do miss them, I found that by using my interests and hobbies to expand my horizons, it helped.

If you need more South FL info, you can PM me; I might be able to help.

[Peace Of Mind]

Oct 8, 2012 16:01:43 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

I think you will be much happier in Florida.

I adore Florida and agree. But in the mean time I would suggest you find a volunteer group to get you around people. Do you have a soup kitchen or Habitat for Humanity type program where you can volunteer? You would meet really great people and you wouldn't be so lonely. It's time you go outside of your comfort zone and start inviting people (neighbors?) out for coffee or lunch or a drink... something to get you out of your home.

Do you have a dog? Do you like dogs? If so, you can go out for walks or to a park or downtown where there are cafes and shops and you'd open dialog with strangers because everybody loves dogs! And you'd never feel lonely with a sweet pooch.

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad right now.

[Deleted]

Ava, I also hope that you feel better soon. Life is too short to feel depressed and hate where you live. However, I often have to remind myself of the quote about "where ever you go, there you are." or something like that. I want to go to Alaska, but I also remind myself that if/when I do, I will still be me. Changing the location doesn't really change much except the outdoors environment.

[kittensaver]

Oh Ava so sorry to hear you are struggling! Definitely seek out your EAP or other source so you have an outlet to talk. I hear ya about the isolating weekends - back when I was single, that used to happen to me. I used to get down in the dumps over the fact that I could die over the weekend and no one would even THINK to miss me until sometime Monday . . . only you can live your life, and if life in Miami is calling you, make a plan to make it happen!

[kgb18]

Ava, You've been given lots of good advice, especially about the EAP program and maybe looking for somewhere to volunteer your time. I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time.

[weltschmerz]

A good friend of mine always goes to what she calls meet-ups. I don't know if they happen in all cities or how to find out about them, but they are events that anyone is welcome to attend.
--------------
You type in "meetup" and then the name of your city.

Ava, How long have you been feeling this way? Short-term depression is very, very different from an endogenous, clinical depression. I strongly recommend seeing a professional. Medical intervention may be in order. I'm so sorry you're feeling like this.

(I'm guessing you're Cuban?)

[kittensaver]

Meet-ups are awesome! Definitely check out what's happening in your city if you're feeling lonely or isolated. DH went to an animal rescue Meet-Up this weekend and got to pet a wolf (he was thrilled).

[Peace Of Mind]

If she is Cuban, Puerto Rican or of any Spanish decent she'd love Miami as they speak her language in culture, heritage, architecture, and language - literally. The night life is amazing in South Beach Miami but the crime is bad in many areas too. The roads are CRAZY!!! But if that doesn't bother her and she likes warm weather and an active community, great restaurants, music, and clubs open until the wee hours of the mornings she would be in heaven there!

Ava - I hope you get your wish!

[Rocky Mtn Saver]

I don't doubt that Miami would be a better fit at all, but how do we get her there? As I recall, she's tied to a condo and a job in the NE. She hasn't been at the job for very long,and I don't recall if the condo is underwater. I think she was planning to move around 2013/2014, but it sounds like she might need to do it sooner.

[zibazinski]

POM, what happened to your face!?

[Phoenix84]

Sorry to hear that Ava. I live alone out of state and don't really have any friends (locally anyway). It's tough to deal with sometimes. Can't really offer any solutions, if you figure it out let me know.

However, you should stick with your current job for at least 1 year, if not 2 or 3. Job hopping too soon can hurt your career.

[zibazinski]

It can and it can't. There's no loyalty on the employer side so why should there be on employee side? she's going to grad school, that's a good enough reason to move and transfer. Great time to do it, before winter really hits. I'm going to Clearwater/Tampa for 10 days next week and can't wait. It's already cold here.

[Peace Of Mind]

Oct 8, 2012 17:45:46 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

POM, what happened to your face!?

Aren't I gorgeous?! I'm wearing my Halloween mask early. Virgil made it. No - I'm not taking it personal and think he's calling me ugly. ;D

Ava - I'll adopt you and you can say you had to move here to take care of your crazy aunt. There! Problem solved!

[Rocky Mtn Saver]

Oct 8, 2012 18:32:43 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

It can and it can't. There's no loyalty on the employer side so why should there be on employee side?

It's not really about actually being loyal to a current employer, it's about not leading future employers to think she won't stick around long to be a good investment for them.

But yes, saying that she left to go to grad school in another state might soften the blow. But she'd probably need to explain that in the future each time she presents her resume with an appearance of job-hopping.

[zibazinski]

There's that. POM, I know youre gorgeous!

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

I think that you have problems that aren't going to be solved by changing location.

[zibazinski]

Perhaps but weather can play a huge part in depression. I'm already having issues and it isn't even really winter, yet.

[Peace Of Mind]

Oct 8, 2012 18:37:28 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

There's that. POM, I know youre gorgeous!

Thank you. But you are being too kind!!

I think I'd get depressed if I had to move up North during the winter time. I need lots of warmth and sun so hopefully she isn't clinically depressed but has something like weather/gloomy conditions depression. SAD? Can't remember the term.

[zibazinski]

That's the term. I need sunshine and to be outside. I miss walking the beach. I'm eating way too much chocolate.