Rules about your kids dating

[Firebird]

Do you have any? How did you come up with them, and how strictly do you enforce them? If it hasn't come up yet for you, what kind of guidelines do you see yourself imposing?

Does the gender of your children make any difference, or do the same rules apply for boys and girls?

[flopsy]

[Firebird]

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

DH said no dating until he is dead.

I can't really say what rules i will have because it depends on what kind of kid Gwen is at the time, who she is dating etc.

I know there will be an open door policy at my house, because I know what I was doing behind closed doors and she isn't going to get away with it.

[Firebird]

I know there will be an open door policy at my house, because I know what I was doing behind closed doors and she isn't going to get away with it.



That brings up another question, actually. What happens if your kids are gay? Do the rules change? I know most parents are fine with sleepovers involving members of the same sex but not with the opposite sex and I wonder if that changes depending on which gender to which the kid is attracted.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

If my kid was gay same rule applies, if you are dating I don't care who your partner, is it's open door.

Same for friends too to be honest because I also know what my brother does behind closed doors with his friends (pot, drinking etc). Yeah. . not happening in my house.

[Deleted]

It really hasn't come up yet. But, my sons are teens so i am sure it will soon enough. I guess it is going to depend on the situation.

[Phoenix84]

I don't know, it's difficult to say because I don't have kids and I likely won't have to deal with that for some time.

Some of it depends on not only the age but the maturity of the kid. Who's the kid dating also plays a factor. But as a general rule, I'd give them enough money to cover the cost of the date plus their date's portion (if they aren't old enough to have a job) in case the date bales. I'd also insist they call and check in. And impose a curfew if they were old enough to drive or drive them myself if they weren't. As they got older I'd likely loosen the rules, assuming of course they show responsiblity.

I don't think gender of the kid would make much of a difference. Only difference I could think of is it might alter "the talk" a bit.

Overall, it's hard to say. I'll probably deal with it on a case by case basis.

[Formerly SK]

Aug 28, 2012 10:41:22 GMT -5 Firebird said:

Do you have any? How did you come up with them, and how strictly do you enforce them? If it hasn't come up yet for you, what kind of guidelines do you see yourself imposing?

Does the gender of your children make any difference, or do the same rules apply for boys and girls?

My, you are quite a planner.

Or...are you just bored at work today?

[busymom]

Yes to the open doors.


And CURFEWS! You come home late, and there are consequences.

[Deleted]

I meet all friends, dating or not. No boys in the house if I am not there. No boys hanging out in the bedroom. Negotiate the curfew for each occasion and heaven help you if you're not where I expect you to be if I happen to go looking for you. If she was gay girls would not hang out in the bedroom either.

[Firebird]

Aug 28, 2012 10:56:29 GMT -5 Formerly SK said:

Aug 28, 2012 10:41:22 GMT -5 Firebird said:

Do you have any? How did you come up with them, and how strictly do you enforce them? If it hasn't come up yet for you, what kind of guidelines do you see yourself imposing?

Does the gender of your children make any difference, or do the same rules apply for boys and girls?

My, you are quite a planner.

Or...are you just bored at work today?

The latter ;D We've gone, what, a week without a good flame war? THIS CANNOT CONTINUE.

[raeoflyte]

No idea. I'm hoping I don't have to deal with much before the kids are 15/16. If they're getting good grades, are generally polite/help around the house, and are doing something productive in their free time (music, sports, working) they will get a lot more leeway from me in terms of other privileges. I want my kids to know that they can come to me about anything, but I hope they understand that I don't need or want to know everything.

Drama's open bedroom door policy is probably a good one.

[andi9899]

My oldest is only 14. So the extent of her "dating" has only been a boy coming to my house and watching movies type stuff. My rules for now are that they are not to be left unattended at any time. And I better not see anything that isn't PG happening. I'm sure there will be more as time progresses. But for now, that's all I got.

[daisylu]

DD is 13, so I expect it to come up soon - though DH and I have not seriously discussed it. DD is someones more mature than we are, so I can see us giving her a decent amount of freedom. Off the cuff I would say group dates only until 16, (must be with people that we know and can contact). We will know itinerary, and deviations, so that we are on top of where she can be found. One-on-one dates will be tough for us. I hope by the time that starts we have a good feel on the guy friends that she would date - that we have had some type of previous interaction with them.

Or maybe we will finally embed that GPS locator in her head.

[daisylu]

Aug 28, 2012 10:57:17 GMT -5 busymom said:

Yes to the open doors.


And CURFEWS! You come home late, and there are consequences.

[thyme4change]

I really, really, really, really, really want both my kids to date in high school - when they are in my home, and I can meet their dates, and I can talk to them about the situation. However, we haven't formulated any rules yet, since they are only in 3rd and 4th grade. I'm worried my daughter will be more like my sisters and my neices, who just weren't that interested in boys until they were older. Then she will be out there in the world trying to figure it out without me. And if she does what my sister did - I'll be crushed, even though it turned out okay. My sister dropped out of college and married the first boy she ever kissed. The wanted to elope, but my mother's heart was totally broken by that, so she forced them to have a wedding.

[alabamagal]

All mine pretty much waited until college to start dating (thankfully!). But even just going out with friends in high school, it was tell me where you are going and who you will be with, call if you are going to be late.

My youngest was the snekiest about things and also the most sociable. One time he told us he went to his friends house, but I noticed a McDonalds charge on his debit card, and he was the one with a car, had a talk about that one.

I was also concerned this summer when he went to an R rated movie with one of his girl "friends". He is 17, she is 16. I asked if her mom was ok with this, and he said the girls mom bought the tickets online, so I guess I was ok with this.

As far as the differences between sons and daughters, I try to treat them the same. My DD had a boyfriend in college for 3 years that we were not crazy about, but they are no apart (yeah!). Both my sons in college have girlfriends, one we know and just adore and one just started dating. I just can't help wondering if there are other sets of parents looking at my sons critically (although they are both good kids).

[thyme4change]

All mine pretty much waited until college to start dating (thankfully!).

Why "thankfully"? What do you see as the benefits of not dating in high school?

Also, it sounds like your son may have been dating - just didn't get serious enough about anyone that you figured it out.

[thyme4change]

wrongside - probably.

[mox]

Do you have any? How did you come up with them, and how strictly do you enforce them? If it hasn't come up yet for you, what kind of guidelines do you see yourself imposing?

Does the gender of your children make any difference, or do the same rules apply for boys and girls?


I think my kids were in maybe 10th grade before they really dated (outside of in groups to the movies, etc). My husband had a survey for my daughter's suitors to fill out before he would approve them.

[mox]

Today at 10:58am, laterbloomer wrote:
I meet all friends, dating or not. No boys in the house if I am not there. No boys hanging out in the bedroom. Negotiate the curfew for each occasion and heaven help you if you're not where I expect you to be if I happen to go looking for you. If she was gay girls would not hang out in the bedroom either.


All the above, but I also want to know the parents, and a land line number to where you say you are going to be if you are at friends houses

[mox]

"I don't want them to get involved in a super serious relationship. Is that too much to ask for?"

Nope. The break-ups are earth-shattering sometimes. More for the girls...IMO

[thyme4change]

and a land line number

LOL - Good luck with that. I just did a directory for one of the sports team - there were only 2 families that had a land line, out of 24. And we are one of them. So, unless your kid comes to my house, you might as well restrict your kids to hanging out with the Easter Bunny and Big Foot.

[mox]

I give my son credit...he always broke up face-to-face (Mama taught him that)...the guys that text, phone, or email a break-up are LAME!!

[mox]

I remember several girls coming up the basement steps crying...it was so hard on me, because I really liked them and missed them when the relationships ended. Sometimes, it is harder on the MOM!

[ontrack]

Personally my parents never had to deal with it--I was super awkward in jr high/high school and didn't really date much until late college/grad school even. If I have kids they will probably also be awkward/late bloomers since both their parents were

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

but I don't want them to get involved in a super serious relationship. Is that too much to ask for?

Yep, to a teenager every relationship is "super serious" especially for a lot of girls. I gag when I think back on things like "one week anniversaries".

I can't even remember my wedding date on the fly anymore, that's how important that stuff is to me now. The most important relationship in my life and I have to check DH's wedding ring to make sure I got the date right.

You grow out of it.

[Deleted]

too many rules.....I'm definitely not dating any of your kids......

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Meh, I've dated three guys in my life, one of them is DH. I really don't feel like I missed all that much in the grand scheme of things. I've never really had the desire to "sow my oats". My first boyfriend I dated thru most of HS, the second I dated for two weeks, then DH and I have been together for 8 years now.