GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
Senior Associate
"How you win matters." Ender, Ender's Game
Joined: Jan 2, 2011 13:33:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,291
|
Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Aug 29, 2012 12:29:01 GMT -5
Glad you found humor in it, LOL. He just turned 14. Gonna be a long haul...sigh. In his defense, we have always had a mutually closer than usual relationship because of his food allergies so our road to his adulthood is going to be a little more winding.
|
|
GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
Senior Associate
"How you win matters." Ender, Ender's Game
Joined: Jan 2, 2011 13:33:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,291
|
Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Aug 29, 2012 12:30:35 GMT -5
Blame the kids, blame the parents, blame whoever you want but teenagers are resourceful and will always find a waySure kids can always find a way, but that doesn't mean I have to be okay with closed doors when I am home. Just because I know she will always find a way doesn't mean I need to turn a blind eye to it. That's to me is like saying yeah kids will always find a way to drink so here let me stock a bar and you guys can drink in my living room. Just because I know she'll find a way to do it if she really wants to doesn't mean I have to give it my blessing and make it easier for her.
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,417
|
Post by thyme4change on Aug 29, 2012 12:33:08 GMT -5
My husband wasn't allowed to watch 'Cheers' because his mother is against drinking and bars (and if she ever watched the show, Sam's attitude toward sex wasn't all that wholesome either.) My husband did still watch the show, in the basement, with the sound very low. But, when he watched it he had in the back of his mind why his mother was against it. He was forced to think about his values, and her values and what should be right or wrong.
Telling your kid that sex is not okay with you might not prevent them from doing it - but it gives them the nod that it might be a little more troublesome then just casually doing it. Why don't my parents want me doing this? Yes, they will make their own decisions - but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't enforce your opinion.
|
|
kittypuppymom
Junior Member
Joined: Sept 12, 2011 10:38:54 GMT -5
Posts: 165
|
Post by kittypuppymom on Aug 29, 2012 12:33:34 GMT -5
We used the 4-W rule:Who, Where, When, What.
Who is the person, do I know them. If I don't your not going till I do. Where are you going. When only allowed Friday or Saturday nites. What are you going to be doing.
There was a list on the frigerator that had the dates phone number cell, home, mom's cell, dad's cell and their address. If they were going to a party the same applied to the host. The more phone numbers I had the better. They also had to be where they said they were going to be too. I also sometimes checked into this too. Kiddos phone had to always be on and had to be answered before it went to voice mail.
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,417
|
Post by thyme4change on Aug 29, 2012 12:40:08 GMT -5
I had a dream my 10 year old daughter decided to hitchhike and I couldn't find her. So, my sleep was cut short by a couple of hours.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,333
|
Post by swamp on Aug 29, 2012 12:41:19 GMT -5
My kids can date whomever they want. But they're 4 and 6, so they can't go see them unless I take them. Or talk on the phone unless I dial it. Or send a letter unless I mail it. How long do you think that will last?
|
|
sheilaincali
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 17:55:24 GMT -5
Posts: 4,131
|
Post by sheilaincali on Aug 29, 2012 13:13:55 GMT -5
Drama- I'm not arguing I just wanted to warn people to be realistic and know that they will have to work to stay one step ahead of their kids. I wouldn't just give my kid free reign to a locked bedroom and a liquor cabinet. Mostly I was just telling my own story because I know for a fact that my parents assumed that all four of us kids were virgins when we married and never drank until we were 21. Always vigilant- that's our motto for our guard dog and our parenting goals.
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,417
|
Post by thyme4change on Aug 29, 2012 13:19:36 GMT -5
10 more minutes? I think my kids started to figure out the phone around 7-ish. However, they could only call people who had called recently and their phone number and name was still saved in the caller ID.
|
|
raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 14,744
Member is Online
|
Post by raeoflyte on Aug 29, 2012 13:40:35 GMT -5
Drama- I'm not arguing I just wanted to warn people to be realistic and know that they will have to work to stay one step ahead of their kids. I wouldn't just give my kid free reign to a locked bedroom and a liquor cabinet. Mostly I was just telling my own story because I know for a fact that my parents assumed that all four of us kids were virgins when we married and never drank until we were 21. Always vigilant- that's our motto for our guard dog and our parenting goals. That's my thought too. Regardless of how good I think my kids are, I'm going to assume that it's all sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll just because that is how dh and I were. (We were still overall good responsible kids). We'll still have rules and expectations. I just expect them to break the rules quite a bit.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 7, 2024 13:49:36 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 29, 2012 13:56:10 GMT -5
Glad you found humor in it, LOL. He just turned 14. Gonna be a long haul...sigh. Sounds like it. ;D
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,333
|
Post by swamp on Aug 29, 2012 13:58:03 GMT -5
10 more minutes? I think my kids started to figure out the phone around 7-ish. However, they could only call people who had called recently and their phone number and name was still saved in the caller ID. They can call Gramma, 911, and their friend Gabe. I'm hoping they don't figure out more.
|
|
8 Bit WWBG
Administrator
Your Money admin
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 8:57:29 GMT -5
Posts: 9,322
Today's Mood: Mega
|
Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Aug 29, 2012 14:00:17 GMT -5
...:::"Blame the kids, blame the parents, blame whoever you want but teenagers are resourceful and will always find a way.":::...
An eternal cat and mouse game, certainly. Teenagers forget that all parents were teenagers at one point.
|
|
daisylu
Junior Associate
Enter your message here...
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 6:04:42 GMT -5
Posts: 6,866
|
Post by daisylu on Aug 29, 2012 14:24:21 GMT -5
I tell DD(13) and DS(10) that I have ESP and can read their minds, so I know what they are going to do before they do it. I just let them choose whether or not to hide things from me. God help me if they ever figure out what their "tells" are.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,448
|
Post by Firebird on Aug 29, 2012 15:00:12 GMT -5
Always vigilant- that's our motto for our guard dog and our parenting goals. CONSTANT VIGILANCE!
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 7, 2024 13:49:36 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 29, 2012 15:02:36 GMT -5
My plan for when the girls start calling:
1. pretend that I don't speak English 2. say that DS doesn't live here/wrong number 3. when I meet his flavor of the month/week/day, call her by the name of the previous flavor of the month/week/day 4. tell embarrassing stories from his youth
|
|
GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
Senior Associate
"How you win matters." Ender, Ender's Game
Joined: Jan 2, 2011 13:33:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,291
|
Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Aug 29, 2012 15:07:33 GMT -5
My plan for when the girls start calling: 1. pretend that I don't speak English 2. say that DS doesn't live here/wrong number 3. when I meet his flavor of the month/week/day, call her by the name of the previous flavor of the month/week/day 4. tell embarrassing stories from his youth Uh oh, silly MJ. You're way behind the times. The girls don't call...well, not on the land line anyway. They text, sext, send Facebook messages, Skype. But, they NEVER call the land line so that I can intercept. Now, when YDS is on the family computer, I walk by and wave and say "hi, girls" because although he may have quickly changed screens, he is now usually skyping. I've even heard the giggles in response.
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Aug 29, 2012 15:20:56 GMT -5
I tell DD(13) and DS(10) that I have ESP and can read their minds, so I know what they are going to do before they do it. I just let them choose whether or not to hide things from me. God help me if they ever figure out what their "tells" are. The trick is to not let them figure out your tells. My older brother got into trouble a lot, and I learned a lot of my parents tricks on how they caught him....and then made sure whatever I did wouldn't be caught by those tricks.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 7, 2024 13:49:36 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 29, 2012 15:23:14 GMT -5
I don't plan on letting my kids date. To incestuous for my taste.
|
|
8 Bit WWBG
Administrator
Your Money admin
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 8:57:29 GMT -5
Posts: 9,322
Today's Mood: Mega
|
Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Aug 29, 2012 15:35:43 GMT -5
...:::"God help me if they ever figure out what their "tells" are.":::...
I'm curious, what are they?
I remember once my sister was really protesting my mother looking inside her bag. It was kind of sad. "Mom! WHY would you need to look in my bag! There's nothing there!" My Mom later told me she was probably just smuggling some make up to the dance or something.
|
|
8 Bit WWBG
Administrator
Your Money admin
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 8:57:29 GMT -5
Posts: 9,322
Today's Mood: Mega
|
Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Aug 29, 2012 15:37:36 GMT -5
...:::"...and I learned a lot of my parents tricks on how they caught him....and then made sure whatever I did wouldn't be caught by those tricks.":::...
Like asking for specific details, and/or asking trick questions?
|
|
tloonya
Junior Associate
What status?
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 16:22:13 GMT -5
Posts: 8,452
|
Post by tloonya on Aug 29, 2012 16:06:35 GMT -5
Do you have any? How did you come up with them, and how strictly do you enforce them? If it hasn't come up yet for you, what kind of guidelines do you see yourself imposing? Does the gender of your children make any difference, or do the same rules apply for boys and girls? No dating until you are married!!! My Mom use to tell me if I get pregnant she will lock me up until I have that bastard and I will raise it all by myself...and I knew she meant it!!! And I still don't like kids. But I had held myself 'a whole' until 21! Now I think I could had gone without...period! Less aggravation. Right?
|
|
kittensaver
Junior Associate
We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
Joined: Nov 22, 2011 16:16:36 GMT -5
Posts: 7,983
|
Post by kittensaver on Aug 29, 2012 16:11:15 GMT -5
|
|
sheilaincali
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 17:55:24 GMT -5
Posts: 4,131
|
Post by sheilaincali on Aug 29, 2012 16:13:37 GMT -5
raeoflyte: In my case I always got good grades, my parents knew the parents of my friends/boy friends, etc. They figured if they weren't hearing any rumors or things that I was staying on the straight and narrow. Little did they realize what actually went on. I'm not saying my life was one giant lie to my parents. But I am saying they had no clue what we were up to.
Firebird- ;D
WWBG: The key is all about listening to the details. The more specific a kid gets without you asking questions the more they are lying (in my opinion and experience). If your conversation goes like this you have a better chance your kid is telling you the truth: Mom: What did you do last night? Son: Went to the movies Mom: What did you see? Son: Avengers Mom: was it good? Son: Yeah, it was decent.
If this is your conversation you should be suspicious. Mom: What did you do last night? Son: I went to go see the 7:15 showing of the Avengers with Gunner, Ethan, Susie and Abby. You remember Susie, she was in my English class last year? She bought milk-duds and shared them with everyone. I had a mountain Dew to drink. After the movies we playing video games in the arcade until Gunner's mom picked us up at 10:30 at the entrance by the food court. Ethan got a high score on Space Invaders. Mrs Gunner's Mom' drove everyone home and dropped me off 2nd to last.
Too much detail is almost always (in my experience) a dead give away.
You have to be sneaky in the trick questions. If you had seen one of his usual crowd out at Target with his parents ask if that kid was there. Ask which theater it was playing in (there are 3 in my town) to make conversation because one of the three in our town is crappy and we always complain about the seats. I'd ask "Did you get stuck in Theater 6 at the mall?" That one has the worst seats. Easy to verify his answer by googling movie time in my town.
At this point - at the whopping age of 14 - he hasn't lied to us that we know of. He is more interested in video games and ruining the class curve with his two best buddies to cause too much trouble. But between DH and I we have ever single excuse, lie, drug, etc about covered. The phrase BTDT is appropriate when it comes to the Boy's teen years.
|
|
8 Bit WWBG
Administrator
Your Money admin
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 8:57:29 GMT -5
Posts: 9,322
Today's Mood: Mega
|
Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Aug 29, 2012 16:20:24 GMT -5
I suppose if the detail and delivery sounds a bit too extemporaneous, then yeah...
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Aug 29, 2012 16:25:32 GMT -5
...:::"...and I learned a lot of my parents tricks on how they caught him....and then made sure whatever I did wouldn't be caught by those tricks.":::... Like asking for specific details, and/or asking trick questions? Yes, but also what they looked for. Like they caught my brother lying about where he was going because the miles he put on his car were too high for where he was allowed to go. (He drove to the beach which was almost 200mi on his car when school and his friends were all <5mi away.) Or where they looked for something (i.e they always check under the bed etc, but not your bathroom). I also knew which neighbors told them stuff and which didn't. And I'm sure plenty of other things I've forgotten.
|
|
Driftr
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 10, 2011 13:08:15 GMT -5
Posts: 3,478
|
Post by Driftr on Aug 29, 2012 17:06:26 GMT -5
They aren't dating yet. I like these that I read years ago:
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,448
|
Post by Firebird on Aug 29, 2012 19:12:15 GMT -5
Driftr - I LOVE that book. It made me laugh so hard, especially the section on dating.
|
|
GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
Senior Associate
"How you win matters." Ender, Ender's Game
Joined: Jan 2, 2011 13:33:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,291
|
Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Aug 29, 2012 20:09:30 GMT -5
Driftr - I LOVE that book. It made me laugh so hard, especially the section on dating. Bill Cosby? Jeff Foxworthy? Larry the Cable Guy?
|
|
happyscooter
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 5, 2011 9:04:06 GMT -5
Posts: 2,416
|
Post by happyscooter on Aug 29, 2012 20:22:22 GMT -5
Driftr, here is my response as a mother of boys. 1. Don't run out and jump in the car as soon as he turns into the driveway. 2. Don't stick your hand in the boys pocket 'looking for chapstick, money, keys, gum', etc... 3. Don't wear a pair of cheer shorts with the word 'JUICY' across the butt. Don't wear a white t-shirt with no bra. 4. Don't tease. AT ALL. 5. Don't use the F-word in front of me. 6. Don't string my son along. If you don't want to date him anymore, fine. Just tell him. He is a big boy, he can handle it. And guess what, he has other girls ready to date him. And with your reputation, you have other 'gentlemen' wanting to date you. 7. Keeping anyone waiting is just rude. Be ready when you say you will. The world does not revolve around you. 8. Don't suggest my son take you to a place where no one is home. Things happen. yeah, you know what I mean. 9. Don't lie to me. This is a small town and everyone knows you and are quick to call me and tell me ALL about your escapades, facebook page, etc... 10. Don't jump out of the car and run in the house and make your parents think that my son didn't walk you to the door. I will see your parents next week at the bank, grocery store, football game, church, PTA and I will be quick to tell them, oh anything I like.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 7, 2024 13:49:36 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2012 3:17:24 GMT -5
My kid is not allowed to get anyone pregnant until he is 30 years old and married. Our son has been "dating" for a few years now and I just make sure I meet the girl first, I check with the parents if they are going to be at her house. At my house they are not to be home alone, no closed doors, and curfew is midnight. Our youngest daughter WOULD have had the same rules, but she already is determined at 11 to break my trust by lying about where she is going, hanging out with older guys, and sneaking off to kiss boys on the playground. So...she will probably have different rules because she behaves differently. Our oldest daughter has the same rules as the boys. She is interested in boys, but has a really good head on her shoulders and won't settle for just any boy that shows interest in her. She has goals and isn't about to let a boy derail her.
|
|