Formerly SK
Senior Member
Joined: Feb 27, 2011 14:23:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,255
|
Post by Formerly SK on Aug 24, 2012 17:07:18 GMT -5
Generally speaking, I think my kids (6&7) are turning out OK so far. They have good manners, are reasonably loving and kind to each other, are happy, etc. My one failing is that I cannot get them to pick up their stuff. I have tried most everything I can think of from carrot to stick and nothing seems to work. They truly are not bothered if I take everything away and they have no toys. If I send them to their room, they play quietly in there for hours. They've barely watched TV or played video games this summer because they can't unless their rooms are clean...and they don't care enough to clean them. Mostly their toys are things like tinker toys, bristol blocks, those cardboard bricks, marble tower sets, etc. They don't own too much that is "single use" and I really LIKE how they create/build things every day with the various sets. That said, they WON'T clean up afterwards. I'm so tired of beating my head against the wall. Their #1 favorite activity is creating plays and acting them out. No toys needed for that. So, for those of you who have kids who pick up, how do you get them to do it? Because when I threaten throwing the toy away (and I have) they shrug and let me. And can you tell this SAHM is ready for school to start? ? OMG I cannot tell you how much I want to drink 24/7 until that day comes.
|
|
Sum Dum Gai
Senior Associate
Joined: Aug 15, 2011 15:39:24 GMT -5
Posts: 19,892
|
Post by Sum Dum Gai on Aug 24, 2012 17:12:19 GMT -5
Hang a leather belt on the wall. Right smack in the middle of a living room wall works well, but anywhere really visible works. Tell them to pick their stuff up. If they don't tell them to get you the belt. Should only have to do it once.
|
|
Loopdilou
Well-Known Member
AKA Mrs. Dark Honor
Joined: Feb 27, 2012 19:41:33 GMT -5
Posts: 1,365
|
Post by Loopdilou on Aug 24, 2012 17:13:37 GMT -5
Don't buy them more stuff that they can leave out.
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,415
|
Post by thyme4change on Aug 24, 2012 17:19:27 GMT -5
What would they play with if you take away every toy they leave sitting out?
I will say that my daughter and I had our first big blow up recently. She is 10, and the same way - punishing her is difficult. My kids' rooms have to be clean twice a week - Sunday night before bed, so we can start the week right, and Thursday night, because the cleaning lady comes on Fridays and I want their rooms vaccumed. My daughter was just farting around, and 30 minutes had gone by and not a thing had been picked up. I went in there and started yelling, and she started crying, and I yelled "I can't live this way - I don't care if you cry, just pick this stuff up!" And her room has been pretty clean since then. Also, when I came out, my son was sitting at the kitchen table doing his homework super fast. LOL.
|
|
Formerly SK
Senior Member
Joined: Feb 27, 2011 14:23:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,255
|
Post by Formerly SK on Aug 24, 2012 17:29:57 GMT -5
Funny thing - we don't buy them much. About 3 toys for xmas, maybe 1-2 for bday. Maybe 3-4 during the rest of the year. It could all easily fit in a closet. The frugal person in me hates to genuinely purge toys that have real educational power, but I think learning to take care of stuff is more important of a lesson anyway. Now I just have to convince DH. I just confiscated DD's Darth Mal costume because she wouldn't clean up. I have the robe/mask. She found the belt and is now wearing it with just her undies and running around "killing Jedis." Apparently Darth Mal is just as vicious as a naked 33lb 6yo girl.
|
|
Loopdilou
Well-Known Member
AKA Mrs. Dark Honor
Joined: Feb 27, 2012 19:41:33 GMT -5
Posts: 1,365
|
Post by Loopdilou on Aug 24, 2012 17:33:32 GMT -5
Your kids sound awesome. Just make them contain it (like in their room) and once in a while help them clean it up.
Or make it a game. I've heard that works.
|
|
kittensaver
Junior Associate
We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
Joined: Nov 22, 2011 16:16:36 GMT -5
Posts: 7,983
|
Post by kittensaver on Aug 24, 2012 17:36:38 GMT -5
Skinnykids: I know I've posted this before, but I REALLY REALLY REALLY recommend Haim Ginott's book "Between Parent and Child." I LIVED in his book "Between Parent and Teenager" when I inherited my nieces. He is the grandfather of modern child rearing, and his book is THE classic. Most of the quality child-rearing books that have come after it were written by folks who studied with him, and are versions/variations on his. He is a genius at helping parents be "in charge," set needed boundaries and yet do it in a loving, respectful manner to the child. He gives many, many real-life scenarios and provides sample language to use. Get thee over to Amazon.com, girl!
|
|
Formerly SK
Senior Member
Joined: Feb 27, 2011 14:23:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,255
|
Post by Formerly SK on Aug 24, 2012 17:46:41 GMT -5
Thanks for the book recommendation. I'll check it out. It's frustrating - DS has autism and I *KNOW* he gets overwhelmed to the point he can't move. I'm willing to cut him slack. But DD (who is younger) is perfectly capable and yet uses her brother's issues to slack off as well. If she were an only child she'd be pretty easy to control in this area. I make her responsible for helping with his mess (she helped cause it) but it doesn't seem to be working. Bleh. I just can't believe how hard it is to teach these kids work ethics.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 7, 2024 1:27:40 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2012 17:47:02 GMT -5
I'm going to get flames, but if its you that cares about it, you might just have to be the one to pick it up... What if you play a silly song and everyone pitches in... Or, well if we have a balloon fight say, after the fight I give a prize to the person who picks up the most broken pieces, you could work under that idea, make it a game and give them each w bin, that you can then into the big bin...
What does motivate them? If they got you to videotape one if their plays 'as soon as the last activity is clean' would that work? Or deny dessert ?
I'm also for 'contain' and live with...
|
|
kittensaver
Junior Associate
We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
Joined: Nov 22, 2011 16:16:36 GMT -5
Posts: 7,983
|
Post by kittensaver on Aug 24, 2012 17:47:09 GMT -5
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 7, 2024 1:27:40 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2012 17:48:52 GMT -5
They are 6 & 7... Just because they don't want to pickup toys, doesn't mean they won't develop a 'work ethic' ...
|
|
Formerly SK
Senior Member
Joined: Feb 27, 2011 14:23:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,255
|
Post by Formerly SK on Aug 24, 2012 17:52:32 GMT -5
They are 6 & 7... Just because they don't want to pickup toys, doesn't mean they won't develop a 'work ethic' ... Do you think? Because I'm seriously beating myself up over the fact they are so incompetent in this area. Maybe my expectations are too high? Or, maybe it's the end of summer I just really need a break.....
|
|
kittensaver
Junior Associate
We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
Joined: Nov 22, 2011 16:16:36 GMT -5
Posts: 7,983
|
Post by kittensaver on Aug 24, 2012 17:54:35 GMT -5
They are 6 & 7... Just because they don't want to pickup toys, doesn't mean they won't develop a 'work ethic' ... Do you think? Because I'm seriously beating myself up over the fact they are so incompetent in this area. Maybe my expectations are too high? Or, maybe it's the end of summer I just really need a break..... I vote for "I need a break."
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Aug 24, 2012 17:56:56 GMT -5
Here is an approach I read about - haven't tried it myself bc didn't need it - my 4 yr old cleans up every night before going to bed - but it applies to other things too, so.... B won't happen until A happens. So, they can't play until they clean up. They go to Mary's house until they clean up. etc etc etc.
Another approach I heard about is doing it yourself while they are there and the theory is that sooner or later they will start doing it. I don't know how much I believe that, again, haven't tried it myself....
I am one of those people who like things clean but don't like TO clean, AND I can live without most of my "stuff", so I kinda know how your kids are feeling ;D
Lena
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 7, 2024 1:27:40 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2012 17:57:33 GMT -5
Expectations vary per kid, but they are plenty young... I would NOT be worried about work ethic...
Eventually you'll have to deal with the 'fairness' of expectations, given they will likely have different needs/goals in life, but that is way beyond a six year olds reasoning i think, I mean maybe discuss, but she is likely to not really 'get it' yet...
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,415
|
Post by thyme4change on Aug 24, 2012 17:58:31 GMT -5
You don't have to purge. Just get a big cardboard box (or even better, a clear plastic bin) and put all the toys in there, put a date on it when they can see them again, and smack it right in the middle of their room, or the TV room, or whatever. And say: "These toys will stay packed up for 1 week (or whatever.) Next time, it will be worse."
|
|
Formerly SK
Senior Member
Joined: Feb 27, 2011 14:23:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,255
|
Post by Formerly SK on Aug 24, 2012 18:05:58 GMT -5
Do you think? Because I'm seriously beating myself up over the fact they are so incompetent in this area. Maybe my expectations are too high? Or, maybe it's the end of summer I just really need a break..... I vote for "I need a break." I just broke down and made myself a margarita. And got myself a bowl of chips and salsa. Life is already looking better. ;D
|
|
|
Post by mox on Aug 24, 2012 18:09:26 GMT -5
Find a children's book at the library about RESPONSIBILITY. Maybe GOOGLE a good one. Read it aloud to them during quiet "family time." Be honest with them and tell them that Mommy and Daddy need them to pitch in and help them with the household chores and that they are old enough to assume that kind of responsibility. Keep their list to just a few simple chores at first and add to it as they get older. If you want to try an incentive chart, pick one up at a school supply/teacher store. Kids seem to all like "smelly" stickers...let them place their own sticker given by you upon the completion of their task. Perhaps a small, inexpensive surprise, treat, or "special time" alone with a parent as a reward (ie. trip to the local ice cream shop). If you think a small amount of allowance might be meaningful, purchase them/make them each a piggy bank and let them watch their hard work pay off savings toward something they would really like. ^BTW, it didn't work with my kids, but maybe it'll work for you. lol Good luck!
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Aug 24, 2012 18:10:56 GMT -5
They are 6 & 7... Just because they don't want to pickup toys, doesn't mean they won't develop a 'work ethic' ... Do you think? Because I'm seriously beating myself up over the fact they are so incompetent in this area. Maybe my expectations are too high? Or, maybe it's the end of summer I just really need a break..... Oh no! Don't do that. I don't have kids, but I was a kid who would rather sit in my room and stare at the ceiling than clean my room. (I was also the 23 year old that moved home after getting my masters in 2009 trying to find a job and when my parents gave me a clean your room or buy your own food ultimatum I choose to buy my food.) No one has every accused me of not having a good work ethic. (I got promoted early and higher than average raises.) And my apartment is currently a mess as I type. Oh well, I just suck at and hate cleaning. That said, if you figure out what motivates your kids, as other said, and you can get them to clean. Or at least "clean". I sure had everything off my floor when it kept me from getting to do things. Though that means everything was just stuffed in drawers. ;D
|
|
|
Post by mox on Aug 24, 2012 18:15:31 GMT -5
"Oh no! Don't do that. I don't have kids, but I was a kid who would rather sit in my room and stare at the ceiling than clean my room. (I was also the 23 year old that moved home after getting my masters in 2009 trying to find a job and when my parents gave me a clean your room or buy your own food ultimatum I choose to buy my food.) No one has every accused me of not having a good work ethic. (I got promoted early and higher than average raises.) And my apartment is currently a mess as I type. Oh well, I just suck at and hate cleaning."
^My daughter. Great work ethic...messy at home...improving though.
|
|
|
Post by mox on Aug 24, 2012 18:16:07 GMT -5
"My daughter. Great work ethic...messy at home...improving though." Actually...my son too.
|
|
swasat
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 13, 2011 9:34:28 GMT -5
Posts: 3,735
|
Post by swasat on Aug 24, 2012 18:46:56 GMT -5
I have a 7 and a 4 year old. And yes the house gets messy with toys. Here is what I do. If they play with something messy (like legos, puzzles, crayons, markers etc) they are required to pick up after they are done. Otherwise they lose a privilege. Like no tv for that day or for the weekend, or no ice cream, or no Wii, or special treat, or anything that they enjoy. And they know if I say something then I totally am going to stick to it. I refuse to pick up after them. If they don't do it then they keep losing some privilege till they do it. Its not foolproof but it works mostly. I cancelled a birthday party invitation one time my son was REALLY bad. It might have been an extreme step but it totally worked. He started taking me very seriously after that. I also use a reward chart. If they are mostly good on a day they get a green sticker. 5 or more green stickers a week makes them eligible for a choice treat over the weekend. It could be anything like getting to choose a movie, ice cream, choice of restaurant, candy treat etc. The rewards chart is very helpful as its a visual cue to the kids about their behaviour. They both compete with each other to get more greens than the other
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Aug 24, 2012 18:59:55 GMT -5
MM...she said she was looking for experts...get out of the thread
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 7, 2024 1:27:40 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2012 19:07:26 GMT -5
I agree with MM on the birthday thing... and was thinking earlier I should have said I don't think i'm an expert...
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Aug 24, 2012 19:14:06 GMT -5
My overall goal is to have them learn all about consequences vs giving out punishments, so I try to make my decisions based on that approach
Lena
|
|
Formerly SK
Senior Member
Joined: Feb 27, 2011 14:23:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,255
|
Post by Formerly SK on Aug 24, 2012 19:15:08 GMT -5
MM...she said she was looking for experts...get out of the thread LMAO!!! True... I've told her to drink... My work here is done... And that may have been the best advice, because after just one margarita my attitude is SO MUCH BETTER!!! I even let my kids play video games even though there really hasn't been any progress on their rooms. I think their eyeballs fell out of their heads in shock. ;D We had a really awesome system with chore chart etc during the school year and it just fell apart this summer. I think we need to get back into that routine and it will be smoother. And I know if I can just get a few hours without a child tugging on me for something *I* will be much more coherent. I'm just not cut out for this SAHM job. In the meantime, though, cheers to alcohol!
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Aug 24, 2012 19:18:34 GMT -5
"cheers to alcohol! "
Words to live by my friend, words to live by!
|
|
|
Post by mox on Aug 24, 2012 19:19:11 GMT -5
Remember to praise them for their best efforts in helping around the house.
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Aug 24, 2012 19:19:47 GMT -5
"Remember to praise them for....learning to work the blender!
|
|
|
Post by mox on Aug 24, 2012 19:21:02 GMT -5
|
|