zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 24, 2012 13:09:38 GMT -5
Harpy, I love that word. New word to use.
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Post by femmefatale on Aug 24, 2012 13:09:57 GMT -5
Yes, I would have a HUGE problem with my spouse having friends of the opposite sex. Of course, it makes a big difference what they look like too.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Aug 24, 2012 13:10:02 GMT -5
I worked somewhere where on of the MDs and his assistant were having an affair. (He was married.) But that doesn't mean that everytime I see two coworkers close an office door I think something is going on. (And, in fact, nothing happened between the MD and his assistant at work, but she was roommates with another one of the staff, and then he left his wife for her, so we all knew.)
Heck, my city and company are both very LGBT friendly. A number of my coworkers and female friends are in same sex relationships. Does that mean I shouldn't be able to close an office door for a meeting with them, either? Should I not be able to have girls night out with anyone who dates women?
Maybe it's age thing. I don't feel particularly young, but it would never occur to me to think that two people meeting behind a closed door were doing anything other than having a meeting. And it would seem unprofessional to me if someone wanted to keep a door open when confidential information was going to be discussed. In fact, I'd be likely to report that to either HR, Compliance, or the Ethics committee (depending on what kind of information was being discussed) than I would be two think two people were having an affair.
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zdaddy
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Post by zdaddy on Aug 24, 2012 13:15:56 GMT -5
I think the "not having any opposite sex friends on Facebook" to be a little extreme. Most of the stuff on Facebook would be open for your spouse to see, and if you wanted to carry on a clandestine affair the last thing you'd want to do is make it that obvious.
However, I don't think it's all that natural to have an opposite sex friend who's a BFF that you're constantly running off alone with. I have some gal friends from college but whenever we hang out it's in a group setting, whether that's grabbing beers after work with several friends or getting together for a family BBQ. I'm not saying it's incriminating if your best friend is opposite sex, I just don't understand why. As a dad with a toddler, when I get alone time I want to go do guy things like watch the Expendables 2, go fishing or camping, or drink beer while watching Women's beach volleyball. My wife prefers to go with her galfriends to wine tastings and to see Magic Mike.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 24, 2012 13:16:51 GMT -5
Heck, my city and company are both very LGBT friendly. A number of my coworkers and female friends are in same sex relationships. Does that mean I shouldn't be able to close an office door for a meeting with them, either? Should I not be able to have girls night out with anyone who dates women? This is why jealousy wouldn't work for dh and I. We'd never let each other have any friends if we were insecure in ourselves. It was eye opening for me to realize that I could be attracted to someone without wanting dh to be like that person. I realized the same was true for him, and I haven't had a jealous moment since.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Aug 24, 2012 13:19:17 GMT -5
I wouldn't have a problem with my DH having a female friend, as a matter of fact he does have one. My DH would have a problem with me having a male friend. And under no circumstances would he be OK with me meeting a male "friend" that I met on-line. Lena
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Reckless Roselia
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Post by Reckless Roselia on Aug 24, 2012 13:19:48 GMT -5
Personally I don't find it wrong of spouses having other opposite sex friends. You cannot be a control or jealous freak but if one feels insecure then it's best if the couple can work together on the issue.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2012 13:21:20 GMT -5
Busybodies.... someone mailed me an anonymous letter accusing me of being with a married co-worker. One of the accusations was that we were doing *things* in the smoke area outside. Yeah, the smoke area that everyone passes coming into and leaving the building, and where all the smokers and their friends congregate. Really?
You don't even have to be behind closed doors for people to make shit up.
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Post by femmefatale on Aug 24, 2012 13:22:11 GMT -5
Let me re-phrase...I mean, in real life, I wouldn't want my spouse to have female friends...he can have all he wants on Facebook. That would be going a tad bit over board and juvenile.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2012 13:23:37 GMT -5
I wouldn't have a problem with my DH having a female friend, as a matter of fact he does have one. My DH would have a problem with me having a male friend. And under no circumstances would he be OK with me meeting a male "friend" that I met on-line. Lena Even in a public place? I've met Spydah and wiz before. Both times were without DH and both were in public places so he was OK with it. ETA: TD doesn't count because he was with mich. ;D
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Loopdilou
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Post by Loopdilou on Aug 24, 2012 13:23:53 GMT -5
"Obviously, since I let my husband meet random internet womenfolk, I don't put any restrictions on him." I do think you put restrictions on him...he can't just come here and screw around all day because anything he posts he knows you will see, reply to and possibly kick his ass for. So stalking your husband counts as a restriction, at least to me. I couldn't care less where my husband posts and certainly wouldn't feel the need to post on teh same board with him...nor would I want him showing up here. Hahahaha.. you assume my presence makes some sort of filter for Dark. Hilarious! This gves Dark and I a way to hang out together while he's at work. We consider that a good thing. ETA: We're both coming from years of hanging out on online forums like mIRC and originally met online, so this is a natural extension of that.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 24, 2012 13:23:58 GMT -5
Heck, my city and company are both very LGBT friendly. A number of my coworkers and female friends are in same sex relationships. Does that mean I shouldn't be able to close an office door for a meeting with them, either? Should I not be able to have girls night out with anyone who dates women?Heck, a healthy percentage of my male colleagues are gay! (Of course, the ones that aren't tend to be extremely hot... but that's true of the women too, it seems to be a requirement for working here.)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2012 13:24:47 GMT -5
Where did you say you work again, FB???
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 24, 2012 13:25:18 GMT -5
Hahahaha.. you assume my presence makes some sort of filter for Dark. Hilarious! This gves Dark and I a way to hang out together while he's at work. We consider that a good thing. Heck, I've said to Dark that I wish DH was on the boards too. It's nice that you have a shared interest.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 24, 2012 13:25:34 GMT -5
Where did you say you work again, FB??? I know, right?
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Aug 24, 2012 13:25:41 GMT -5
Here is one - many many moons ago I worked with a guy who became a really good friend. I was single, he was in a relationship. The only time we saw each other at work was on smoke brakes bc we worked in different departments. His GF got pregnant and after people in his department found out - I got an anonymous envelope with typed up note saying "We heard T is having a baby, are you?". 99% of the people were 100% sure that we were "doing it".
Sometimes it doesn't even have to be behind close doors for rumors to start. And btw, it did get to HR - I brought it up - that letter annoyed the crap out of me.
Lena
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Aug 24, 2012 13:26:33 GMT -5
I feel like there's confusion here. There seems to be an assumption on the part of people who are against friends of the opposite sex that if I have a friend of the opposite sex, I'm actually dating that person- getting dressed up and going out with them every night, leaving DH home alone like he was a roommate. Dating anyone while you're married (unless you are in an open relationship- that is a caveat that must be made in my circle) is wrong. Doesn't matter what genders either of you are. Leaving DH every night to go out with my friends- even if it was different friends each night -would be wrong. But having an annual girls day with one of my best female friends (who is in a same sex relationship) isn't wrong. Meeting up with my male friend who has been my friend since high school for lunch while DH is at school and his SO is working isn't wrong. One time that male friend and I had lunch so that he could ask me to try and let his GF (a very different GF than current SO) know that I wasn't going to try and break them up. We're having a correlation/causality issue here. Simply having a friend of the opposite gender does not cause an affair. It just doesn't. And inappropriate behavior is inappropriate behavior, period.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Aug 24, 2012 13:27:26 GMT -5
It was eye opening for me to realize that I could be attracted to someone without wanting dh to be like that person. I realized the same was true for him, and I haven't had a jealous moment since. Exactly! It was the same for me. But I've always been a very monogamous person so it just never really occurs to me that being attracted to Person X is a bad thing. If I'm with Person Y, then being attracted to Person X means pretty much nothing.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Aug 24, 2012 13:27:46 GMT -5
Nope. But it's not just a "meeting a guy" thing, it's meeting a complete stranger who could be a serial killer thing.
Lena
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Loopdilou
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Post by Loopdilou on Aug 24, 2012 13:28:39 GMT -5
Hahahaha.. you assume my presence makes some sort of filter for Dark. Hilarious! This gves Dark and I a way to hang out together while he's at work. We consider that a good thing. Heck, I've said to Dark that I wish DH was on the boards too. It's nice that you have a shared interest. We both have antisocial tendencies, conversations get really boring if all you have to talk about is work and your kids. This adds another source of conversational fodder.
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❤ mollymouser ❤
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Post by ❤ mollymouser ❤ on Aug 24, 2012 13:28:50 GMT -5
Neither my wonderful DH nor I have close personal friends of the opposite sex. For us, this works just fine.... but I wouldn't presume to say that others should be required to follow our personal, lifestyle choices.
My wonderful DH isn't on Facebook.
I have both male and female friends on Facebook, though I will say that probably 90% of my friends are female.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 24, 2012 13:29:48 GMT -5
I feel like there's confusion here. There seems to be an assumption on the part of people who are against friends of the opposite sex that if I have a friend of the opposite sex, I'm actually dating that person- getting dressed up and going out with them every night, leaving DH home alone like he was a roommate. Dating anyone while you're married (unless you are in an open relationship- that is a caveat that must be made in my circle) is wrong. Doesn't matter what genders either of you are. Leaving DH every night to go out with my friends- even if it was different friends each night -would be wrong. But having an annual girls day with one of my best female friends (who is in a same sex relationship) isn't wrong. Meeting up with my male friend who has been my friend since high school for lunch while DH is at school and his SO is working isn't wrong. One time that male friend and I had lunch so that he could ask me to try and let his GF (a very different GF than current SO) know that I wasn't going to try and break them up. We're having a correlation/causality issue here. Simply having a friend of the opposite gender does not cause an affair. It just doesn't. And inappropriate behavior is inappropriate behavior, period. I would really like it if you could live in my head. You say exactly what I mean so much better then I can.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 24, 2012 13:29:53 GMT -5
But it's not just a "meeting a guy" thing, it's meeting a complete stranger who could be a serial killer thingMy DH is the same way. I found out Stina lives here and we've been trying to meet up. DH is worried even though we'd be meeting at the Children's Museum. He keeps citing the Craigs List killer. Umm .. I am pretty sure Stina isn't going to be able to murder me in a crowded museum full of parents and children.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Aug 24, 2012 13:32:12 GMT -5
Nope. But it's not just a "meeting a guy" thing, it's meeting a complete stranger who could be a serial killer thing. Lena Or you could meet a good friend. In 2009, I met up with Beerwench and Miss Tequila. We've since become good friends off the board. I've also met up with Meghn and Imawino. I'm still here and OK. ETA: I've also met Wizard of Id. He's not a serial killer either.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Aug 24, 2012 13:33:00 GMT -5
But it's not just a "meeting a guy" thing, it's meeting a complete stranger who could be a serial killer thingMy DH is the same way. I found out Stina lives here and we've been trying to meet up. DH is worried even though we'd be meeting at the Children's Museum. He keeps citing the Craigs List killer. Umm .. I am pretty sure Stina isn't going to be able to murder me in a crowded museum full of parents and children. Firebird and I first met in person when she had a family emergency up here and needed a ride from the airport to a place about an hour away, in the middle of very sparsely populated/heavily wooded area- and she was arriving after dark. DH insisted on going with me to pick her up and drive her out there, because "that was the way serial killers work".
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2012 13:33:25 GMT -5
Seriously, if anyone gave me a weird vibe I would have just called someone that I know to come out and meet me. I could tell within 5 minutes of meeting everyone that I had nothing to worry about, though (except Tina....I'm still not sure about her. ).
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Aug 24, 2012 13:34:29 GMT -5
raeoflyte: Whereas I just wish you and your DH lived anywhere near me so that we could meet and hang out in person.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Aug 24, 2012 13:35:31 GMT -5
Oh and I did loose one friend after she started dating her current GF. I don't know if the GF was jealous or just didn't like my sunshiny personality....
Lena
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Aug 24, 2012 13:37:41 GMT -5
Yep, could go either way
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2012 13:39:16 GMT -5
Here is one - many many moons ago I worked with a guy who became a really good friend. I was single, he was in a relationship. The only time we saw each other at work was on smoke brakes bc we worked in different departments. His GF got pregnant and after people in his department found out - I got an anonymous envelope with typed up note saying "We heard T is having a baby, are you?". 99% of the people were 100% sure that we were "doing it". Sometimes it doesn't even have to be behind close doors for rumors to start. And btw, it did get to HR - I brought it up - that letter annoyed the crap out of me. Lena Wow. I guess busybodies like anonymous notes.
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