thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Aug 17, 2012 10:50:06 GMT -5
This morning all the neighborhood parents noted how close we all are to have puberty infested children. And we started talking about giving our kids "the talk." Nobody there had a great role model for what "the talk" should be, and we are all hoping we do a better job. However, we had some great stories about our parents.
When your parents had "the talk" with you - what was it like? How did they do it? What did they say? (This could either be sex or getting your period.)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2012 10:54:01 GMT -5
I don't remember any talk. Me personally, I like to rely on books to help... i don't know why this stuff hangs me up sometimes, and i tend to do those kinds of things while i'm driving with son... guess its easier to focus on the road...
I'm also apt, if the kids are being loud and picking at each other in the car, to fill that time with loud discussions on the symptoms of various sexually transmitted diseases until they are the ones 'calling silence' ...
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2012 10:59:19 GMT -5
I remember Mom taking my older sisters into the living room and telling us younger ones to go play outside for a bit. Oldest DS comes outside saying "you won't believewhat Mom just told us" So like every other kid, I got my info second hand (between sis and the where do babies come from book )
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Aug 17, 2012 11:00:33 GMT -5
My daughter's best friend's Mom is a nurse, and a really warm, open person. I'm thinking she will do a good job explaining everything to her daughter, who will tell my daughter. So, I am tots off the hook!
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Aug 17, 2012 11:01:59 GMT -5
I remember the talk clearly. But what my mom did (which I realized many years later was done deliberately) was that she bought a copy of the book Everything you wanted to know about sex, but were afraid to ask and left it on the shelf under the coffee table.
I found it easier to find out what I wanted to know from the book rather than approach my mom with the question.
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Post by BeenThere...DoneThat... on Aug 17, 2012 11:02:05 GMT -5
...fwiw, my parents talked to us all as a family... if they did that to keep the awkward questions at a minimum or to reduce the number of times to have said awkward discussion, then it worked... but they also made sure we had a good set of encyclopedias, too...
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Aug 17, 2012 11:03:38 GMT -5
Never got the sex talk... as far as my mom is concerned, I'm still a virgin. I think we covered periods at school in 5th grade, before I got mine, so I kind of already knew what was up. The conversation went something like, "Hey, I got my period, can you buy me some pads?" "Sure thing!" As long as they're informed (I was a voracious reader) I don't think it's that important that YOU be the one to discuss it with them. SIL is an OB/GYN nurse and I'm fully prepared to foist this duty off onto her if/when I have kids.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2012 11:04:04 GMT -5
either I didn't get the talk, or it was so vanilla a version that I don't even remember getting it.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2012 11:07:15 GMT -5
Or it was such a traumatic experience that you've selectively erased it from your memory!
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Aug 17, 2012 11:08:00 GMT -5
DH just had the talk with the older two last weekend (ages 10 and 12 - we were a bit late on the 12 year old, but kept putting it off because DH didn't know how to handle it). He just went into what changes they would be seeing in their body, and a pretty detailed explanation of where babies come from. They already knew a bit, so they're picking it up from somewhere.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Aug 17, 2012 11:09:27 GMT -5
Apparantly there was in a girl in our elementary school that got her period really early. Nobody had the talk with her before hand (who would - she was like 8!) And it happened at school. One of the Moms was volunteering at the school and took her aside and had to explain what was going on. So, another reason I don't volunteer at school.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Aug 17, 2012 11:28:48 GMT -5
I remember two talks. One was the biological aspect, which was handled by giving me a copy of that "where do babies come from" book with the stork on it. I was probably 9 or so. My Mom also added "that isn't something for you to go out and practice".
The second was the "girls, relationships, responsibility, liability" talk that my Dad sprung on me when he was driving me to a friends house. It covered things like "be careful" and "if you ever get accused of something, thats big trouble" (I'm not pot stirring, this is pretty much what he told me). To put that into perspective, I also was discouraged from having friends over for a 4th of july party because they would want to drink (we were all legal age) and we could be liable if any of them left the property and caused an accident. Hahaha, like they'd have come to my house if I said "but you can't drink".
I turned out fine.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Aug 17, 2012 11:55:57 GMT -5
All my mom could muster was a vague talk about menstration. The only reason she covered that was because they were going to have a film at school about that subject and they wanted parents to discuss it a little before hand (I guess to keep girls from screaming in terror during the film presentation or something). Mom explained it as a bird making a nest. Which totally confused me.
There never was a talk about sex from my mom. My best friend in 4th grade told me, using terms like "hotdog" and "Doughnut." I didn't believe her so I went home and asked my oldest sister, who just laughed and said 'yeah.' When I was in high school I asked my mom a question about birth control (we were discussing this in health class) and she said "You don't need to know about that until you get married." Seriously that was all she said. Ever - even after I got married.
I tried to do better with DS. It helped that I was a biology major - and not a complete uptight prude like my mom.
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milee
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Post by milee on Aug 17, 2012 12:02:11 GMT -5
No good story on how it was handled in our house growing up - all I'll say is that you do not want this talk as a 10 year old trying to be polite to your mom's pervy boyfriend who offers graphic details and offers to demonstrate a few things for you...
Anyway, with our boys I knew I'd totally mangle the whole thing if we waited until they were older and had to sit for a formal Talk, so we just started slipping in very general, but correct, information when they were little. So for example, at 3, they knew that it took a boy's ____ (not sure what proboards will allow, but we used the correct biological terms) and a girl's ____ to make a baby. As they got older, small facts and details were added. My oldest is 12 and we've been talking about details, including birth control and STDs, for several years now.
Not saying that's the only way, but the fact that none of it was a surprise and was included as boring factual information much like how to brush your teeth has made it much more relaxed and stress free. Nobody feels awkward about it (except me, since sometimes little boys want to share or discuss a wee bit more than you want to know or discuss as a mom, but I keep my game face on and don't let on that we're in "huhhhh" territory) and it's been good to have an open atmosphere of trust. Every once in a while, one of them will come to me and ask a clarifying question or run things they've heard past me, and it's good to know they feel comfy and not awkward talking.
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Waffle
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Post by Waffle on Aug 17, 2012 12:02:33 GMT -5
I never got "the talk". They covered menstruation at school 4th or 5th grade, I think. I brought home paperwork from a sex ed class and my mother looked at it and called it pornography. As far as I can remember, that's as close as she ever came to giving me a talk.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Aug 17, 2012 12:05:42 GMT -5
No matter what - I've got to be able to do better than this!
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2012 12:07:24 GMT -5
How about a fishing metaphor?
(we just watched "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" last night. ;D)
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Aug 17, 2012 12:08:40 GMT -5
My son's friend has two teenaged brothers and once when my husband was driving the two young boys somewhere a Lady Gaga song came on and the friend said "When I see her my pee pee gets hard." And my son answered "Mine too." I think they were 6 at the time.
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milee
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Post by milee on Aug 17, 2012 12:11:55 GMT -5
How about a fishing metaphor? (we just watched "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" last night. ;D) We love that movie... but since we're all nerds, it's probably just because we were as confused as Flint was when Samantha tells him that she "too" was a nerd.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Aug 17, 2012 12:13:53 GMT -5
No kidding. Looking back now, I'm thinking my husband should have talked to my son while that was still fresh in his mind - but I guess we will just have to wait until the next golden opportunity.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2012 12:13:56 GMT -5
We love that movie... but since we're all nerds, it's probably just because we were as confused as Flint was when Samantha tells him that she "too" was a nerd. Sam: Can you keep a secret? Flint: No! <uncomfortable pause> But this time, sure.HA! Gets me every time!!!
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Aug 17, 2012 12:41:04 GMT -5
The closest thing I can remember getting to "the talk" from my mom was after an internet incident. I was dog sitting for a friend of hers, who said I could use the internet while I was there. I was in junior high I think. I don't remember exactly how I found the first porn site, but somehow I did. That led to searching for pictures of naked girls that were closer to my age. Anyway, I was an idiot and didn't know anything about clearing a browsing history or whatever. So, my mom's friend and her husband find the browser history of me looking for underage porn, and tell my mom about it. She of course immediately has to talk to me about the whole thing, and she was horrified that I had unnatural urges that could land me in jail if I acted on them. Told me some story about an uncle that got in trouble with underage girls and it ruined his whole life.
I'm like... uh mom, I'm 12. I was just trying to find pictures of girls that were my age instead of old. We both ended up laughing about it, and she did wind up talking about safe sex, where babies come from, and whatnot. Along with a stern lecture about what is and is not appropriate when you're a guest in somebody's house.
The friend I was dog sitting for was another teacher, and I had her for home room and history the next year. That was awkward.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2012 12:42:45 GMT -5
this is the problem, everyone "talks", everyone knows the best way to learn is by "doing"
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2012 12:51:12 GMT -5
I am sooooooo not ready for this with the DD. Heck, my mind is still recovering from the fact that she's 'budding' already (she's 9) and got her first training bras a couple weeks ago... ...It'll have to be the DW having the talk with her... lol
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 17, 2012 12:55:17 GMT -5
The talk was very laid back in our house. More like Milee is doing with her kids. My mom had the 1970's book of where babies come from that she would go through with us, and as we got older we got more info. She always checked out new books from the library and would leave them for us, or discuss them whichever we prefer. The somewhat odd part was that the day I started dating was the day we never spoke another word about the topic. Guess she figured she had done all she could at that point.
Since I'm pregnant mom gave me the same book and I've gone through it with ds. This is also when we add that mommy and daddy couldn't make a baby by themselves, so we went to the doctor, and someone donated extra sperm so that we could have a baby. It sounds early, but the family therapist that the fertility clinic made us go to said to start around age 3 so that it never is a surprise.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2012 12:55:25 GMT -5
Call me old-fashioned, but I think Moms should do the talk for the girls and Dads should do the talk for the boys.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2012 12:59:54 GMT -5
just tell them to "google" it
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2012 13:02:00 GMT -5
just tell them to "google" it But I've already told them that "googling" is something they should do in private.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Aug 17, 2012 13:03:22 GMT -5
You watch your 7 year old shower?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2012 13:04:32 GMT -5
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