raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 25, 2012 17:12:23 GMT -5
I have bad allergies, and the doctors now say that breastfed kids and kids who grow up in filth have fewer allergies. Well, my allergy medicine kills my milk supply and I can't live in filth without getting sick, so am I now supposed to quit taking my allergy medicine, live in filth, and risk my job and my health for this ideal, or should I just accept the fact that my kids will get some formula, grow up in a relatively clean house, and may have a few more allergies? I've yet to see one that says kids thrive in filfth. Everything I've seen says they're less likely to have allergies if raised with pets and to let go of the mommy guilt of keeping a pristine house for health reasons.
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beags
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I'm not a psychopath. I'm a high functioning sociopath, do your research.
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Post by beags on Jul 25, 2012 20:48:28 GMT -5
"Agreed. If a person truly can't be a parent, and doesn't anticipate that ever changing, the best thing she or he can do is make a clean getaway" I'm actually not disagreeing with this statement. I still say the kids will be hurt by it, but they will be hurt by it either way. I never said a mother that doesn't want to mother should stay...I questioned the type of person that would do that in the first place....what kind of a mom abandons her children?? So many people were intent on making excuses...but honestly, there are just some very selfish people out there...I couldn't abandon a dog let alone a child I carried for 9 months...I honestly do not understand .
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beags
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I'm not a psychopath. I'm a high functioning sociopath, do your research.
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Post by beags on Jul 25, 2012 20:49:58 GMT -5
Look when it comes right down to it . . .
It's not the child's fault mom spread her legs and dad pushed in and made the snake puke.
I completely agree with MT, what type of person abandons their child? Why have them in the first place?
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quince
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Post by quince on Jul 25, 2012 21:29:25 GMT -5
Eh, my bio father left when I was 4ish. He just wasn't cut out for parenthood. Not everyone is, and not everyone knows it ahead of time. Not a big deal. I really don't think it affects everyone the same way. Of course, I must be in denial and harboring massive amounts of hurt and feelings of abandonment.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2012 21:42:34 GMT -5
I completely agree with MT, what type of person abandons their child? Why have them in the first place? In my friend's case she got pregnant by accident in her teens. She had suffered sexual abuse, had unresolved issues, and was struggling with depression. She tried to have her son spend live part time with her but he was miserable and it was difficult because of finances. When each of the parents earns $10 an hour buying plane tickets is prohibitive. The father had a lot of family in the area to help. She was with a new partner, in a strange city, with no family or friends. She couldn't afford to live on her own near the kids. On some level maybe it was selfish, and certainly it's hard to understand, her decision to leave a toddler an infant with their father. But the kids have two stable, loving parents at home with them every day. Their father decided to go back to church and school and has a well paying job and a supportive wife.
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Jul 25, 2012 22:05:56 GMT -5
I'm sorry, I've worked with too many children with issues from a parent abandoning them. It's a sort of a topic too close to me I guess. My niece was abandoned by my own brother. . . . . . I know what she went through. Even though she had the love of her own mother, and myself, and my parents, it still didn't make up for the loss she felt that her own father didn't want her. They talk now that she's 24, and getting married, she even asked him to walk her down the isle. But she also has a back up plan in case he doesn't show. (that's the trust factor from the abandonment .. . and I can't say he doesn't deserve it . . . why should she trust him?) My heart breaks for your niece. My son's father also abandoned him after spending two long stretches as stay-at-home-dad while he was laid off. DS adored him and he just left (although I found out he'd been abusive in the weeks before he left). Last time we heard from him was at least 4 years ago, probably longer. We've seen him only two or three times since the divorce. On one hand, it kills me that my son has no dad, but on the other, I never had to worry about seeing those choke marks around his neck again.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jul 26, 2012 7:27:55 GMT -5
"In my friend's case she got pregnant by accident in her teens."
She had both kids by accident? Doesn't someone learn how to prevent unwanted babies after the first??
I'm just glad the kids have a father that stepped up to the plate....fathers always get a bad wrap but in this thread there are now two awesome dads who stepped up to the plate when the mom bailed.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Jul 26, 2012 7:44:36 GMT -5
"She had both kids by accident? Doesn't someone learn how to prevent unwanted babies after the first??"
People with mental health issues or substance abuse issues may not have the ability to understand consequences, or they may engage in 'wishful thinking' (e.g. I won't get pregnant because I don't want to get pregnant.)
I worked with a woman years ago who had some kind of issue, not sure what. It caused her to have the attention span of a hamster. She was always coming to work laughing about how she'd forgotten to take her BC pills for some long period - usually at least a week - so she would take a week's worth all at once. Then there was the time she decided to remodel her kitchen, nailed one of the kitchen drawers shut and then realized all her BC pills were in that drawer. I don't know how she avoided getting pregnant.
It needs to be harder to get pregnant. They put iodine in salt in order to prevent thyroid problems, and flouride in water to help make stronger teeth, they should also put BC in the water so that you'd have to take an antidote to it in order to get pregnant. Then make the antidote expensive and difficult to get a prescription for.
Think what our society would be like if every kid was a wanted child.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 26, 2012 7:52:16 GMT -5
Yes, but then some people would actually have to get an education and work for a living. How awful would that be? Can you hear the liberals screaming now? I sure can.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2012 8:09:20 GMT -5
Amazing how we can jump from a thread about a mom getting a divorce to turning her into an Andrea Yates wannabe.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 26, 2012 9:44:32 GMT -5
And don't forget the required dig on "liberals"
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Jul 26, 2012 9:48:12 GMT -5
And poor people.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jul 26, 2012 9:58:23 GMT -5
Now let's toss in fat bashing and our jobs will be done
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 26, 2012 9:59:21 GMT -5
I hate fat single moms on welfare who vote democrat.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Jul 26, 2012 10:00:34 GMT -5
Now let's toss in fat bashing and our jobs will be done No. no, no. We haven't even TOUCHED the welfare queens, food stamps, coach purses, working moms who put their kids in daycare or SAHM who homeschool. We have a lot to cover.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2012 10:12:04 GMT -5
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 26, 2012 10:13:12 GMT -5
Anne--we know that is just a bunch of hype from the corrupted liberal media. Poor people couldn't possibly not want to live on the government dole...
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Jul 26, 2012 10:57:03 GMT -5
This is the sort of attitude that leads to people who are not fit to raise a hamster brushing off the idea of adoption and attempting to be parents when birth control fails. You don't have to be a bad or insane be a bad parent. Sometimes, the deck is just stacked against you.
The kids in the OP will be damaged if the mom leaves, no doubt about that. But you have to wonder what damage would occurr if they kept the status quo. You have a mother who refuses to do anything and a father the children barely get to interact with because he works an insane number of hours and then has to do all the housework when he gets home.
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jaya3300
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Post by jaya3300 on Jul 26, 2012 11:15:44 GMT -5
Amazing how we can jump from a thread about a mom getting a divorce to turning her into an Andrea Yates wannabe. into making digs at Liberals and the poor.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 26, 2012 11:32:15 GMT -5
You can sum up every YM prejudice as follows: I hate people who are not as good as me.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Jul 26, 2012 11:36:15 GMT -5
I've seen several young teen moms recently that kept the cute, cuddly baby even though they were in no position to parent a kid (mentally, physically, emotionally). And on the other hand, I know a couple that desperately wants a child and can not physically have one of their own. They would be AWESOME parents. I wish the stigma around placing a child for adoption was not so great.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 26, 2012 11:37:13 GMT -5
I wish the stigma around placing a child for adoption was not so great. x 100,000,000,000,000.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Jul 26, 2012 11:40:08 GMT -5
I wish the stigma around placing a child for adoption was not so great. x 100,000,000,000,000.
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Waffle
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Post by Waffle on Jul 26, 2012 12:25:35 GMT -5
You can sum up every YM prejudice as follows: I hate people who I believe are not as good as me. fixed
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jul 26, 2012 12:28:31 GMT -5
"I wish the stigma around placing a child for adoption was not so great. "
I personally wasn't speaking about a woman who made a choice to give up her baby at birth...I completely respect that choice.....but once you are raising a child and that child has bonded with you, how do you decide to walk away??? How you do you look at your child's smiling face and decide that you never want to see that child again? I can't imagine never seeing my children again.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 26, 2012 12:30:28 GMT -5
You can sum up every YM prejudice as follows: I hate people who I believe are not as good as me. fixed No, no... if I believe they're not as good as me, it becomes a verifiable fact
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 26, 2012 12:41:18 GMT -5
"I wish the stigma around placing a child for adoption was not so great. " I personally wasn't speaking about a woman who made a choice to give up her baby at birth...I completely respect that choice.....but once you are raising a child and that child has bonded with you, how do you decide to walk away??? How you do you look at your child's smiling face and decide that you never want to see that child again? I can't imagine never seeing my children again. I have a friend who deeply considered giving up her 10 month old for adoption. She loves her child like nothing else, but financially she couldn't afford him. She didn't do it, and has spent several years renting a bedroom for herself and ds to share while trying desperately not to get ahead, but just get by. Single mom's really are damned no matter what they do. She had also been told that she'd never be able to have kids so its not like she planned or tried to get pregnant when she was completely broke. Sometimes life just happens and we all have to make the best decisions we can.
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jaya3300
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Post by jaya3300 on Jul 26, 2012 12:47:16 GMT -5
into making digs at Liberals and the poor. Are you guys new here? Nope. Been lurking years before the jump from MSN. I'm more surprised that it took 8 pages before it turned into digs at Liberals and the poor. Typically that usually occurs after 5 or 6 comments on other forums, discussion boards, or comments sections.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jul 26, 2012 13:43:34 GMT -5
"I have a friend who deeply considered giving up her 10 month old for adoption. She loves her child like nothing else, but financially she couldn't afford him."
Andn that honestly blows my mind...FWIW, I think she would have been haunted once she recovered financially...being broke can be temporary, giving your child away is forever...of course, maybe she wouldn't have and I'm projecting how I would have felt on her...
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moxie
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Post by moxie on Jul 26, 2012 13:50:35 GMT -5
I have a friend who deeply considered giving up her 10 month old for adoption.
^Lots of bonding going on my then...shoulda done it at birth. I couldn't do it that far into it.
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