beags
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Post by beags on Jul 25, 2012 9:59:35 GMT -5
Maybe some areas were different. I get the impression that young people did not move out, get their own apartment, and so on in that area. They stayed at home till they got married. She was raised in a rural area, the graduating class was less than 100. Yes, she could have moved to the closest city, gotten a job, roommate, etc but she didn't. She got married instead and decided that wasn't for her seven years and two kids later. My graduating class was less than 80. They still did all that. Your mother is like some of the young girls out there who live in rotten homes. They get pregnant thinking the man is going to take care of them, they will live this fairy tale life, their children will only be around when they want them to. Then they find out that marriage isn't easy and children don't wait for you to decide when you want to love them. Fairy tale shattered, they move out. As I said the entire thing is selfish.
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beags
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I'm not a psychopath. I'm a high functioning sociopath, do your research.
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Post by beags on Jul 25, 2012 10:01:47 GMT -5
"being as her mother left in 1983 ." I think wvu was born in 1983.... My niece was born in 1988 . . . . My daughter is younger than that.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Jul 25, 2012 10:02:19 GMT -5
Maybe some areas were different. I get the impression that young people did not move out, get their own apartment, and so on in that area. They stayed at home till they got married. She was raised in a rural area, the graduating class was less than 100. Yes, she could have moved to the closest city, gotten a job, roommate, etc but she didn't. She got married instead and decided that wasn't for her seven years and two kids later. Thruthfully that isn't that different from how DH's family is in rural PA. All his neices and nephews and cousins and their kids were married and had children before they were twenty. A couple managed to do both and still never move out. I can't imagine having had a child at that age. I am 47 and I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Jul 25, 2012 10:03:01 GMT -5
If the mother is feeling herself coming unglued, loosing her temper with kids, having thoughts of killing them, then running away may be the kindest thing to do. Had Andrea Yates done the same, her kids would still be alive today.
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beags
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I'm not a psychopath. I'm a high functioning sociopath, do your research.
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Post by beags on Jul 25, 2012 10:03:44 GMT -5
Maybe some areas were different. I get the impression that young people did not move out, get their own apartment, and so on in that area. They stayed at home till they got married. She was raised in a rural area, the graduating class was less than 100. Yes, she could have moved to the closest city, gotten a job, roommate, etc but she didn't. She got married instead and decided that wasn't for her seven years and two kids later. Thruthfully that isn't that different from how DH's family is in rural PA. All his neices and nephews and cousins and their kids were married and had children before they were twenty. A couple managed to do both and still never move out. I can't imagine having had a child at that age. I am 47 and I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up. LOL I'm 42 and I don't know what I want to do when I grow up either. We 80's kids are messed up.
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beags
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I'm not a psychopath. I'm a high functioning sociopath, do your research.
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Post by beags on Jul 25, 2012 10:05:24 GMT -5
If the mother is feeling herself coming unglued, loosing her temper with kids, having thoughts of killing them, then running away may be the kindest thing to do. Had Andrea Yates done the same, her kids would still be alive today. If you are upset over the fact that we can't understand how someone would want to leave their children, then you don't want to know what we think of her.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jul 25, 2012 10:06:44 GMT -5
I was born in 1984 more than a year after parents were married Divorce was final in June 1990. I went to dad's parents that summer and never went back. Mom signed for me to attend school in that county in the fall. Somewhere in next year he sued for and got full custody. I don't deny that it can be a selfish thing but if someone is truly mentally ill, then that parent leaving is better than staying and possibly hurting the children. We don't know in this case. Yes, mom is selfish and always takes the easy way out. She's never been one to struggle and make it over the long haul. My dad is amazing. My stepmom did the best she could and did more than my mom ever did. Dad's family and some of mom's are great. Mom's half sister is a great role model and helps me out as I've gone thru college and started a career. Its luck of the draw and I'd rather have one great parent with an awesome supporting cast than two crappy ones.
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beags
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I'm not a psychopath. I'm a high functioning sociopath, do your research.
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Post by beags on Jul 25, 2012 10:18:07 GMT -5
I would have to agree, WVU. I'm happy you had the one good parent with a great supporting cast.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Jul 25, 2012 10:37:10 GMT -5
If the mother is feeling herself coming unglued, loosing her temper with kids, having thoughts of killing them, then running away may be the kindest thing to do. Had Andrea Yates done the same, her kids would still be alive today. If you are upset over the fact that we can't understand how someone would want to leave their children, then you don't want to know what we think of her. I'm not upset at you for having an opinion. I could never imagine leaving my kids either. But the fact of the matter is that there are a variety of circumstances where holding on to your kids isn't in their best interests and pretending that these circumstances don't exist won't help anyone. It certainly didn't help the Yates kids.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jul 25, 2012 10:39:21 GMT -5
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 25, 2012 11:16:21 GMT -5
I wish my mom had left an left me with my dad.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 25, 2012 11:35:24 GMT -5
If the mother is feeling herself coming unglued, loosing her temper with kids, having thoughts of killing them, then running away may be the kindest thing to do. Had Andrea Yates done the same, her kids would still be alive today. actually, I think getting mental health treatment would probably be the best option.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jul 25, 2012 11:54:26 GMT -5
"I'm not upset at you for having an opinion. I could never imagine leaving my kids either. But the fact of the matter is that there are a variety of circumstances where holding on to your kids isn't in their best interests and pretending that these circumstances don't exist won't help anyone. It certainly didn't help the Yates kids. "
I said in my posts that unles it was for mental health issues, I coudln't understand it. So yes, someone that actually wants to harm their child should obviously not be around them. That did not appear to be the case with Anne's friend or the OP...to me, those women appear very selfish...I don't know them and maybe they are mentally unstable and shouldn't be around their children...
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jul 25, 2012 11:57:06 GMT -5
Baby Daddy did a lot of "seeing the kids a few time a year and then not at all" thing. Last time he was ogne for 2 years. He showed up last thanksgiving demanding the kids because the custody agreement states he gets them for 1/2 of all holidays. The little one went with him. The big one refused to go because she's been burned enough by him over the years. He's still around for now, and the big one stilll refuses to see him. It really is much easier when he's gone.
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beags
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I'm not a psychopath. I'm a high functioning sociopath, do your research.
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Post by beags on Jul 25, 2012 12:35:00 GMT -5
If the mother is feeling herself coming unglued, loosing her temper with kids, having thoughts of killing them, then running away may be the kindest thing to do. Had Andrea Yates done the same, her kids would still be alive today. actually, I think getting mental health treatment would probably be the best option. I can and have agreed with that. It would be better for the parent to get help and then come back, then it would be for the parent to leave and never return, or stay and beat the kids. The difference is a child has no control over their parents, or their situation. BUT the parent being the adult, does. There's help out there, the parent should take it.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Jul 25, 2012 13:21:22 GMT -5
beags, not all mental heath issues are treatable, at least not to the point where that person could ever be trusted around children. Some conditions only get worse, some just don't get better and some take many years to sort out. For example, a lot of those pedifile priests were sent to treatment and proclaimed cured by teams of psychiatrists. If memory serves, Andrea Yates was under the care of psychiatrists when she did what she did.
At any rate, whether it is selfishness or mental illness, it seems pretty clear that the kids are better off without this woman in their lives. Sometimes, a clean break is kinder than having a bad or insane person drifting in and out of your life.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 25, 2012 14:06:52 GMT -5
At any rate, whether it is selfishness or mental illness, it seems pretty clear that the kids are better off without this woman in their lives. Sometimes, a clean break is kinder than having a bad or insane person drifting in and out of your life.
Agreed. If a person truly can't be a parent, and doesn't anticipate that ever changing, the best thing she or he can do is make a clean getaway. I truly think kids are less damaged by an absent parent than a bad one who is in and out, or there all the time. (Notice, I didn't say they were NOT damaged, only LESS damaged - and that's just my personal opinion.)
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Jul 25, 2012 14:07:18 GMT -5
beags, not all mental heath issues are treatable, at least not to the point where that person could ever be trusted around children. Some conditions only get worse, some just don't get better and some take many years to sort out. For example, a lot of those pedifile priests were sent to treatment and proclaimed cured by teams of psychiatrists. If memory serves, Andrea Yates was under the care of psychiatrists when she did what she did. At any rate, whether it is selfishness or mental illness, it seems pretty clear that the kids are better off without this woman in their lives. Sometimes, a clean break is kinder than having a bad or insane person drifting in and out of your life. I don't think andrea Yates is a good example here. She had post partum psychosis and her husband kept getting her pregnant and then dumped the full time care of his mom or dad on top of that and her homeschooling the kids. A completely sane person would probably have snapped in that situation but with her PPP it was literally just a matter of time. IMO he should be in jail for ignoring all the Dr's warnings and both getting her pregnant again and leaving her alone with the kids when he was told what would happen. Susan Smith is a better example IMO of a woman who should have just turned over custody of the kids.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jul 25, 2012 14:56:46 GMT -5
"Agreed. If a person truly can't be a parent, and doesn't anticipate that ever changing, the best thing she or he can do is make a clean getaway"
I'm actually not disagreeing with this statement. I still say the kids will be hurt by it, but they will be hurt by it either way. I never said a mother that doesn't want to mother should stay...I questioned the type of person that would do that in the first place....what kind of a mom abandons her children?? So many people were intent on making excuses...but honestly, there are just some very selfish people out there...I couldn't abandon a dog let alone a child I carried for 9 months...I honestly do not understand .
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 25, 2012 14:58:06 GMT -5
I agree about Andrea Yates husband. He should be fixed AND in jail.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 25, 2012 15:05:11 GMT -5
but honestly, there are just some very selfish people out there...I couldn't abandon a dog let alone a child I carried for 9 months...I honestly do not understand . I don't understand either No excuses for people like that from me. I just read an interesting book called The Pregnancy Project - a high school girl whose entire brood of SEVEN brothers and sisters had out of wedlock children (usually more than one) way before they would have graduated from high school. Everyone basically assumed she'd fall into the same pattern. She faked a pregnancy in her junior year to see how people would react and to make a couple of good points about stereotypes. Anyway, I just mention it because she does talk a bit about why (from her perspective) parents abandon their kids. Interesting stuff.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Jul 25, 2012 15:05:39 GMT -5
I agree about Andrea Yates husband. He should be fixed AND in jail. I was thinking more like running him over with a car a few dozen times but your way works too.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 25, 2012 15:24:18 GMT -5
;D
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 25, 2012 15:40:15 GMT -5
The Yates kids would have grown up and been part of that weird cult, and then we could be making fun of them right now for being so flippin' weird.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jul 25, 2012 15:53:56 GMT -5
"The Yates kids would have grown up and been part of that weird cult, and then we could be making fun of them right now for being so flippin' weird. " So...should we drown the Dugger kids as a preemptive strike?
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 25, 2012 15:54:47 GMT -5
Heck no - I love the freaks! They make me appear so normal.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jul 25, 2012 15:58:46 GMT -5
Those kids didn't do anything wrong. Drown Jim Bob and Michelle instead
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Jul 25, 2012 16:19:40 GMT -5
Of course they will, but a lot of our choices in this life are a lesser of two evils. I was hurt when my parents left me with family and friends so my dad could have the best cancer treatments, but I got to have a father for 6 more years as a result.
I have bad allergies, and the doctors now say that breastfed kids and kids who grow up in filth have fewer allergies. Well, my allergy medicine kills my milk supply and I can't live in filth without getting sick, so am I now supposed to quit taking my allergy medicine, live in filth, and risk my job and my health for this ideal, or should I just accept the fact that my kids will get some formula, grow up in a relatively clean house, and may have a few more allergies?
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 25, 2012 16:20:46 GMT -5
Those kids didn't do anything wrong. Drown Jim Bob and Michelle instead
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jul 25, 2012 16:26:37 GMT -5
beags, not all mental heath issues are treatable, at least not to the point where that person could ever be trusted around children. Some conditions only get worse, some just don't get better and some take many years to sort out. For example, a lot of those pedifile priests were sent to treatment and proclaimed cured by teams of psychiatrists. If memory serves, Andrea Yates was under the care of psychiatrists when she did what she did. At any rate, whether it is selfishness or mental illness, it seems pretty clear that the kids are better off without this woman in their lives. Sometimes, a clean break is kinder than having a bad or insane person drifting in and out of your life. I don't think andrea Yates is a good example here. She had post partum psychosis and her husband kept getting her pregnant and then dumped the full time care of his mom or dad on top of that and her homeschooling the kids. A completely sane person would probably have snapped in that situation but with her PPP it was literally just a matter of time. IMO he should be in jail for ignoring all the Dr's warnings and both getting her pregnant again and leaving her alone with the kids when he was told what would happen. Susan Smith is a better example IMO of a woman who should have just turned over custody of the kids. I agree Beach. I feel bad for Andrea Yates and her kids. The worst thing is I believe hubby found a new wife and started creating a brood.
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