swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,326
|
Post by swamp on Jun 22, 2012 10:23:24 GMT -5
the whole neighborhood will hear them screaming at each other.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,326
|
Post by swamp on Jun 22, 2012 10:24:20 GMT -5
This thing would have hit double digits already if toughtimes were still around! ;D Yeah, but I can't quite decide which of her refrains she'd be on right now. Either: 1) From age 2 on, we were walking alone barefoot down crime ridden streets to gather cans to recycle to support the family. Pa just gave us a sharpened umbrella for protection and we were fine! or 2) My sister and I were walking alone to school at age 4 and 6. She was grabbed by a team of perverts. Although I fought 2 of them off with good blows to the crotch, the rest of them dragged my sister away and sold her to a gypsy camp never to be seen again. <<snort> I'd give you Karma for that, but I don't want to disrupt the number you have.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 2, 2024 19:08:45 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2012 10:27:39 GMT -5
For the record - I'm not concerned about predators. The chances of that are so ridiculously low, I don't think of that. I do worry about my kids getting hit by a car - probably because I've known 3 kids who have been hit by cars, because they irratically ran out into the street. And I'm even more worried about other random stuff happening - for example - I was with my kids at my neighbors house. My son said he wanted to ride his scooter home, so I drove home, and he didn't show up. I called over to the house to see if he went back to the friend's house, and no he wasn't there. So I was just about to go around the block and see what happened when he comes walking home with a different neighbor. He had fallen and broken his arm, and he was just laying in the street (or sitting.) He didn't even think to go back to the friend's house. So, he just sat there. Luckily, the other neighbor came home and helped him come home. But, I wonder how long he could have sat there before he either figured something out, or someone else came by. Is he permanently damaged because he sat there for a while? No, but, if he had hit his head instead of landed on his arm - maybe. I feel like crap that he was laying in the street, broken, alone. It's all fine - but still. The kid is 7. He wasn't necessarily emotionally strong enough to figure that out without an adult. You were going to find him. He would not have been there long. You can't stop bad things from ever happening.
|
|
|
Post by jarhead1976 on Jun 22, 2012 10:28:18 GMT -5
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,326
|
Post by swamp on Jun 22, 2012 10:29:44 GMT -5
they are sexually abused by people they know, like a family member or a trusted family friend.
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,719
|
Post by midjd on Jun 22, 2012 10:29:55 GMT -5
And what percentage of those were sexually abused at the hands of a stranger - vs. a trusted friend/family member?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 2, 2024 19:08:45 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2012 10:31:47 GMT -5
they are sexually abused by people they know, like a family member or a trusted family friend. Exactly. The only solution is for everyone to give away their children to strangers. For the sake of children.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,326
|
Post by swamp on Jun 22, 2012 10:31:54 GMT -5
And what percentage of those were sexually abused at the hands of a stranger - vs. a trusted friend/family member? I'd say it was 95% family/friend and 5% stranger. I was told on a thread it was 90% family/friend and 10% stranger. I've been practicing criminal law for 16 years. I've never seen a kid that was molested by a stranger. I've seen 2 rape cases that were complete strangers/grabbed someone in an alley way type rape.
|
|
|
Post by jarhead1976 on Jun 22, 2012 10:32:06 GMT -5
Those are just the one's documented.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,326
|
Post by swamp on Jun 22, 2012 10:32:29 GMT -5
they are sexually abused by people they know, like a family member or a trusted family friend. Exactly. The only solution is for everyone to give away their children to strangers. For the sake of children. <<boxes up my kids and mails them to Archie>>
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,326
|
Post by swamp on Jun 22, 2012 10:33:20 GMT -5
Those are just the one's documented. Isn't a kid who is being molested by Uncle Ted less likely to tell than the kid who was grabbed at the playgound by the predator?
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,719
|
Post by midjd on Jun 22, 2012 10:34:33 GMT -5
I would imagine kids would be much, much, much less likely to report abuse by a friend/family member than by a stranger. ETA - dammit Swamp, get out of my head! Your footsteps are disrupting my work flow.
|
|
|
Post by jarhead1976 on Jun 22, 2012 10:41:47 GMT -5
Doubt it swamp. For one children are extremely intelligent. They want to protect those they love most , their parents. Think about what you would do to someone you caught messing with your child? What's worse living with it or watching your whole family destroyed because you or your husband would kill the sob. Kids know this. Never doubt their love for you. I am sure you do not . My respects
|
|
GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
Senior Associate
"How you win matters." Ender, Ender's Game
Joined: Jan 2, 2011 13:33:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,291
|
Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Jun 22, 2012 10:46:14 GMT -5
I have a friend who is a divorce attorney. I offer this only because she has had to give it some thought with regards to her own kids because of some "unhappy" clients' exes:
Do you have any former clients/convicted criminals who might hold a grudge against you? Not that you can let that stuff get to you (my friend doesn't/won't) but she does think about it and *I* think it influenced how much freedom she gave her kids at each age. (Not necessarily a bad thing, but she would mention occasionally with a big grin that she might have pissed someone off, LOL.)
Just a thought.
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,719
|
Post by midjd on Jun 22, 2012 10:47:55 GMT -5
So you're saying kids are less likely to report stranger abuse because of fear of their parents' reaction?
How does this not equally apply to family abuse? (And in the case of family abuse, sadly the parents' first reaction is often "That never happened, you must be making it up.")
I would think - especially to a child - the thought of fessing on uncle Oscar (and resulting family fallout) would be a lot more traumatic than the thought of fessing on some random street thug to whom I had no prior connection.
|
|
shanendoah
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 19:44:48 GMT -5
Posts: 10,096
Mini-Profile Name Color: 0c3563
|
Post by shanendoah on Jun 22, 2012 10:56:50 GMT -5
I don't know Swamp, I think the fact that you know the majority of the people along your kids' walk to the babysitter's has upped their chances of being abused by a predator. And I bet you know most of the teachers at the school, too. And the 5th (or 6th) grader is only 10 or 11, so she hasn't even hit the magical age of 12 yet, either.
What happened to Shooby's friend was a terrible accident- but accident is what it was. You can NOT watch your child every second 24/7. And even if the mom had been watching, could she have stopped the kid from running out in the street, even yelling at him might not have stopped him, if she wasn't close enough to grab him. Growing up, when I was about 5, we knew a girl our age who had heart problems. She had to go in for surgery. Someone forgot to look at her chart and gave her penicillian even though she was allergic to it. She died. We planted a tree for her in my best friend's yard. Two years later, my best friend developed serious kidney problems. Her mother didn't refuse to take her to the same hospital that had killed the other little girl because of that one rare occurrance. (We were in a small town- there was only one hospital.)
Bad things sometimes happen to kids. It's true. I don't think any parent is unaware of that. Being a helicopter or more cautious parent can't actually prevent that. (Think again the little girl who died in surgery.) Each parent must make their own decision about their kids, based on the risk factors they can control. Every parent is going to make different decisions. That doesn't make one parent bad and one good, it just makes them different. I will likely be much more like Swamp as a parent than Shooby. I don't think that makes Shooby a bad parent, just a different one than I will be. And I don't think it makes Sweamp (or future me) a bad parent, just different from Shooby.
And, as I've said before, DH and I already have the same type of argument settling system that Swamp and her DH have. Whoever says "no" (ie argues on the side of safety) wins.
But I do like the graduated system. At first, older kid walks them all the way to the babysitter's. Later, she takes them across the street and to the turn. She watches them walk to the babysitter's. Later, she can turn back around at the turn, too. Then, she just takes them across the street. Next year, kids can do it all on their own.
But I do think that whether any of us agree with Swamp's final decision or not, she and her DH will make the decision that is right for their family.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,326
|
Post by swamp on Jun 22, 2012 10:59:54 GMT -5
Especially when the perpetrator is mom's husband and a source of financial support for the family, an perhaps the parent of a half sibling.
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,411
|
Post by thyme4change on Jun 22, 2012 11:03:04 GMT -5
This is something I've considered. My husband got a death threat because of his job, and the first thing he did was call our day care and tell them. Then he called me. It isn't like our day care let anyone walk away with kids - but he did ask them to be extra careful for the next few days - us only, and we would call them if it was going to be anyone else. If they had been in a position of walking home from school, he would have found someone to walk with them.
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,411
|
Post by thyme4change on Jun 22, 2012 11:04:50 GMT -5
I have met a couple people who told their mom that step-dad was molesting them, and the child went to live elsewhere while Mom stayed married to step-dad. If the kid thinks that might happen, it might seem like a good idea to keep their mouths shut.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,326
|
Post by swamp on Jun 22, 2012 11:05:45 GMT -5
Do you have any former clients/convicted criminals who might hold a grudge against you? probably. I don't really worry about it. I did have a problem with one parent where I was law guardian for the kid. I told him that I have hunting rifles and I know how to use them, and if I see him walking up my driveway, I'll assume the worst and I will shoot him on sight. I never had a problem with him again.
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,719
|
Post by midjd on Jun 22, 2012 11:06:00 GMT -5
A little off-topic, but DH and I watch Intervention and it's truly sad (and scary) how many of the stories begin with "My stepdad molested me when I was 6, I told my mom, and she didn't believe me..." They inevitably begin using/drinking around age 10 or 11 and are a complete mess on the verge of death 10 years later.
|
|
shanendoah
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 19:44:48 GMT -5
Posts: 10,096
Mini-Profile Name Color: 0c3563
|
Post by shanendoah on Jun 22, 2012 11:07:13 GMT -5
golden: I grew up with people occassionally being mad at my father (we switched to an unlisted number after some of the people he was working with tracked him down at home), and we also lived along the river- where any kid who escaped from juvie instantly headed. For the most part, we still had the complete run of the neighborhood. Sometimes we were told that we had to play in the yard of a parent who was home that day, but the only ONLY times we were ever restricted to the house was after my best friend's parents got divorced, and we got reports of her father being drunk and talking about taking his daughters. (The folks who worked at the bar he drank at were good folk who would call their mom. She would then call our house and my mom would usher us all inside.)
Again, kids are so much more likely to be in danger from friends and family members than strangers. And while we can take precautions, that doesn't mean we're never going to let our kids develop relationships with their extended families.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,326
|
Post by swamp on Jun 22, 2012 11:09:51 GMT -5
A little off-topic, but DH and I watch Intervention and it's truly sad (and scary) how many of the stories begin with "My stepdad molested me when I was 6, I told my mom, and she didn't believe me..." They inevitably begin using/drinking around age 10 or 11 and are a complete mess on the verge of death 10 years later. When someone is convicted of a felony, a presentencing report has to be done. It's like a background check/interview with the defendant where they explain the circumstances of their life and the crime. It's astounding the number of them that were sexually abused as kids. Most by a family member.
|
|
Colleenz
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 8:56:39 GMT -5
Posts: 3,983
|
Post by Colleenz on Jun 22, 2012 11:14:02 GMT -5
What about the snow leopards? Virgil told me they have a particular taste for young children and like to lie in wait near elementary schools.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,326
|
Post by swamp on Jun 22, 2012 11:14:46 GMT -5
What about the snow leopards? Virgil told me they have a particular taste for young children and like to lie in wait near elementary schools. Oh crap, my son would go pet them and get eaten.
|
|
Plain Old Petunia
Senior Member
bloom where you are planted
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 2:09:44 GMT -5
Posts: 4,840
|
Post by Plain Old Petunia on Jun 22, 2012 13:04:46 GMT -5
I'm not certain if I find the "helicopter" parent remarks hilarious, shocking, or sad.
Children mature at their own pace, certainly. However, certain milestones are reached at certain points in development. Newborns are not developmentally ready to walk. A child barely 6 and a child not yet 5 are not developmentally ready to think like an adult.
It doesn't matter how often you tell a barely 6 year old "Go straight to the sitter's. Don't talk to strangers. Look both ways before you cross the street." or how many times they repeat it back to you. They don't get it. They aren't developmentally ready to problem solve at this level.
I think you already know it is a bad idea, Swamp. If you didn't, you wouldn't have started this thread.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,326
|
Post by swamp on Jun 22, 2012 13:07:12 GMT -5
I don't think it's a bad idea, I just wanted to know what everyone elses opinion was.
I started a similar thread last year. DS was invited to go on vacation with a friend. DH didn't want him to go, I was OK wiht it. I was just interested in what's going through everyone else's mind as a parent.
There are also some posters who I respect immensely, and I want to pick their brains.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 2, 2024 19:08:45 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2012 13:09:15 GMT -5
Awwww......shucks!
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,719
|
Post by midjd on Jun 22, 2012 13:11:24 GMT -5
Neither are 16-year-olds... yet we let them operate potentially deadly pieces of machinery.
I don't think there's a firm dividing line that applies to every kid (which is EXACTLY why there are rarely specific age guidelines in the neglect laws). Some 6-year-olds can handle that level of responsibility. Some 14- or 15-year-olds probably can't. It really depends on the kid. And Swamp knows hers better than we do.
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,411
|
Post by thyme4change on Jun 22, 2012 13:13:13 GMT -5
What is the risk of BEING in a car accident? What is the risk from DYING from being sexually abused?
Plus, if 95% of sex abuse is done by family or friends, then the risk of DYING in a car accident is about the same as the risk of being abducted and molested by a stranger. So, worrying about a predator and worrying about a car accident is an equal match.
Now, if you say that I'm allowed to worry about my kid being hurt in a car accident, the rate of that happening vs. stranger danger is actually much higher - so it is still my #1 priority. Also, I do think about which men have access to my children and do I trust them.
Yes, because I had set it up so I was there to take him home, and we changed the plan. If I had the plan that he could just come home on his own, I wouldn't have known what time he left the neighbor's house, and I wouldn't have been suspicious that he didn't come home within 3 minutes of leaving.
|
|