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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2012 10:34:09 GMT -5
We've got some systems in place: he fills the dishwasher and runs it before he leaves the house in the morning & I empty it when I get home.
He mows the lawn and trims the trees, I take care of the gardens.
He told me when we first moved in together that he doesn't "do" bathrooms, which was fine with me.
As I was getting everyone out the door on Monday morning I was reminded of a The Nanny show I saw years ago where she created bags with household chores listed on them and she asked the husband and wife who does what. The wife ended up with so many bags she couldn't hold them all! I thought it was a nice visual for everyone to see who did what to keep the house running.
The Nanny's solution was to make up a chore chart for everyone in the house. DH and I made one on Monday night. We'll see how it goes...
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jun 13, 2012 10:34:17 GMT -5
Any chick that I would shack up with, would be lucky and have it good. -I'm decent looking...you know, serviceable. -I am a gourmet cook and clean up afterward -I do my own laundry and iron if needed -I handle my own finances and bill paying -Do yard work -I can do light house maintenance -I clean the house -I talk about my feeling -I am a great dancer -I am good in the sack The list goes on and on.... I'll have to admit that I am a great catch, it is embarrassing to admit it. So why do you keep dating crazies?
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2012 10:35:00 GMT -5
Any chick that I would shack up with, would be lucky and have it good. -I'm decent looking...you know, serviceable. -I am a gourmet cook and clean up afterward -I do my own laundry and iron if needed -I handle my own finances and bill paying -Do yard work -I can do light house maintenance -I clean the house -I talk about my feeling -I am a great dancer -I am good in the sack The list goes on and on.... I'll have to admit that I am a great catch, it is embarrassing to admit it. << eyeroll >>
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Post by Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ on Jun 13, 2012 10:35:48 GMT -5
So why do you keep dating crazies?
I dont, all women have some sort of dysfunction or neurosis. Even my current GF, whom I mentioned a few times here recently is a bit unbalanced.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jun 13, 2012 10:36:41 GMT -5
So why do you keep dating crazies? I dont, all women have some sort of dysfunction or neurosis. Even my current GF, whom I mentioned a few times here recently is a bit unbalanced. Um, yeah, the problem can't be you. It has to be every single woman in the world.
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Post by Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ on Jun 13, 2012 10:36:53 GMT -5
Any chick that I would shack up with, would be lucky and have it good. -I'm decent looking...you know, serviceable. -I am a gourmet cook and clean up afterward -I do my own laundry and iron if needed -I handle my own finances and bill paying -Do yard work -I can do light house maintenance -I clean the house -I talk about my feeling -I am a great dancer -I am good in the sack The list goes on and on.... I'll have to admit that I am a great catch, it is embarrassing to admit it. << eyeroll >> Which one of my awesome qualities are you challenging... oh, wait, I sense jealousy...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2012 10:37:29 GMT -5
So why do you keep dating crazies? I dont, all women have some sort of dysfunction or neurosis. Even my current GF, whom I mentioned a few times here recently is a bit unbalanced. << pulls up a couch >> OH! My turn! My turn! Analyze me....
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Jun 13, 2012 10:39:02 GMT -5
swasat - you are lucky. Well, you AND your DH are lucky. Aww... thanks Jenny! MIL is a doctor. She kept busy and expected everyone at home to do their fair share. DH and his brother have always done chores at home. So its not new to him . He has also seen the benefit of having a well run home where everyone pitches in. So its second nature for him to do so. I guess I did get lucky
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Post by Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ on Jun 13, 2012 10:39:02 GMT -5
Um, yeah, the problem can't be you. It has to be every single woman in the world
I'm pretty well stable and balanced, being on my own since age 18, I've had to be responsible for myself for 40 years.
Many men my age have lots of problems of all kinds.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Jun 13, 2012 10:39:16 GMT -5
We've got some systems in place: he fills the dishwasher and runs it before he leaves the house in the morning & I empty it when I get home. He mows the lawn and trims the trees, I take care of the gardens. He told me when we first moved in together that he doesn't "do" bathrooms, which was fine with me. As I was getting everyone out the door on Monday morning I was reminded of a The Nanny show I saw years ago where she created bags with household chores listed on them and she asked the husband and wife who does what. The wife ended up with so many bags she couldn't hold them all! I thought it was a nice visual for everyone to see who did what to keep the house running. The Nanny's solution was to make up a chore chart for everyone in the house. DH and I made one on Monday night. We'll see how it goes... We tried that and it was a total disaster for us. It ended up being like CarolinKat said. He would say he is going to clean the bathroom but them only do it once a month or something crazy like that. It wouldn't bother him if the bathroom are all dirty. He would say he would do the dishes but his idea of doing the dishes would be piling them up in the sink and countertops till there were none left clean to be used. I can't live like that. I am not super neat but I do have some standards.
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Post by Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ on Jun 13, 2012 10:39:59 GMT -5
So why do you keep dating crazies? I dont, all women have some sort of dysfunction or neurosis. Even my current GF, whom I mentioned a few times here recently is a bit unbalanced. << pulls up a couch >> OH! My turn! My turn! Analyze me.... I love you too Beerwrench... remember, I've seen it all being in the dating world for over 23 years... all kinds....
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2012 10:40:34 GMT -5
DH and I have an equal balance of work as long as I don't work outside the home (much - I have a PT gig as a photographer). If we both worked then it would be very unbalanced. DH has openly said that he doesn't care if I work or not as long as his lifestyle stays the same. He's more than willing to do big projects like renovating a kitchen or a bathroom but laundry or dishes are a no go. Even before we had DS DH asked me to work part time and take care of all the household stuff. I honestly don't know if what would happen if I worked full time. milee -
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jeffreymo
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Post by jeffreymo on Jun 13, 2012 10:40:56 GMT -5
My wife works 50-60 hours every week. At home she does laundry, and sometimes the dishes. We have a cleaner come every other week. I work 40 hours a week and do almost everything else. Neither one of us is useless, but there are times we argue about who's pulling their fair share.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Jun 13, 2012 10:41:14 GMT -5
So why do you keep dating crazies? I dont, all women have some sort of dysfunction or neurosis. Even my current GF, whom I mentioned a few times here recently is a bit unbalanced. << pulls up a couch >> OH! My turn! My turn! Analyze me.... beer, he CAN'T. A normal woman is alien to him. He only deals in that strata of the society where you find unstable women. Oh wait. Maybe its only THOSe kind of woman who find it amenable to deal with him. The normal ones reject him. ;D
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2012 10:41:31 GMT -5
We tried that and it was a total disaster for us. It ended up being like CarolinKat said. He would say he is going to clean the bathroom but them only do it once a month or something crazy like that. It wouldn't bother him if the bathroom are all dirty. He would say he would do the dishes but his idea of doing the dishes would be piling them up in the sink and countertops till there were none left clean to be used. I can't live like that. I am not super neat but I do have some standards. Our problems arise because his standard is higher than mine. I am also going to have him read this month's "Can this marriage survive" article, since it's about a perfectionist and her "laid back" husband.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2012 10:42:05 GMT -5
<< pulls up a couch >> OH! My turn! My turn! Analyze me.... beer, he CAN'T. A normal woman is alien to him. He only deals in that strata of the society where you find unstable women. Oh wait. Maybe its only THOSe kind of woman who find it amenable to deal with him. The normal ones reject him. ;D Awwww......swasat thinks I'm normal!
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2012 10:43:13 GMT -5
My partner is completely useless. I pay all of the bills, do all of the housework and maintenance. It's almost as if he doesn't even exist. Oh... wait...
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The J
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Post by The J on Jun 13, 2012 10:45:17 GMT -5
I love you too Beerwrench... remember, I've seen it all being in the dating world for over 23 years... all kinds....Except, apparently, the sane kinds....
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quotequeen
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Post by quotequeen on Jun 13, 2012 10:45:22 GMT -5
I honestly think every person needs to live on their own at least 6 months or longer. No dorms or no roommates, just you. Because then you learn that the are no fairies - laundry, bills, grocery, cleaning and maintenance all need to happen on a regular basis. I know some people learn this while living at home but so many don't. Living alone isn't necessarily the issue. Some people can live alone just fine because they have their own standards for when something needs to be done that would gross others out. There is no laundry fairy, but the laundry can pile up on the floor until you run out of underwear and nobody will die. The dishes can stay in the sink growing mold until you run out of plates. The toilet doesn't stop functioning because it gets a ring around the water line. The dust bunnies piling up in the corner don't bite anybody.
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lynnerself
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Post by lynnerself on Jun 13, 2012 10:45:26 GMT -5
I worked with a women who did it all. Raised the kids, worked full time, kept the house up, paid the bills, volunteered at school. Even mowed the yard and stacked the wood. Cooked dinner and kept a plate warm for her DH when he finally came home. How was she rewarded? DH put them into bankruptcy and had an affair of course!
Thank god she got divorced and seems to have picked much better in her 2nd husband.
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Post by Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ on Jun 13, 2012 10:45:37 GMT -5
beer, he CAN'T. A normal woman is alien to him. He only deals in that strata of the society where you find unstable women.
Oh wait. Maybe its only THOSe kind of woman who find it amenable to deal with him. The normal ones reject him.
Most(98%) of the women I've dated are highly educated. Most have graduate degrees, work in respectable fields earning very good salaries.
Nearly all were in great shape and good health.
When one dates a lot, you see patterns of behavior emerge. It is not rocket science.
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Post by Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ on Jun 13, 2012 10:46:41 GMT -5
I love you too Beerwrench... remember, I've seen it all being in the dating world for over 23 years... all kinds....Except, apparently, the sane kinds.... You are way too young to understand J.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jun 13, 2012 10:47:50 GMT -5
And I think some women are martyrs. Some are control freaks and want it done their way. Some guys are just lazy. I know I need to have Swamp's talk: "I bring home 6 figures. I cook. I clean, I take care of the house, I take care of the kids. I am helping you paint the house right now. I'm not crazy. I'm kind of funny. I'm good in bed. If you don't start appreciating what you have, someone else will. " But I'm also pretty sure where that talk will lead and I'm not yet ready to go there with 2 small boys. That's painful to read, milee. I hope you guys can work things out. I honestly think every person needs to live on their own at least 6 months or longer. No dorms or no roommates, just you. Because then you learn that the are no fairies - laundry, bills, grocery, cleaning and maintenance all need to happen on a regular basis. I know some people learn this while living at home but so many don't. Beth - I completely agree. The time I spent living on my own was some of the best education I ever got, and I wouldn't change a single thing about it. (Plus it was damn nice after my drama-ridden roommate history up to that point.) This thread is making me want to go home and clean the house. I think I've been the useless partner lately On the other hand... ONE POST to catch up. Isn't everyone proud of me?
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Jun 13, 2012 10:50:04 GMT -5
Sometimes I think so.
DH is a serial remodeller and a workaholic. He works so many hours lately on his main job that when he comes home he tends to sit down on the couch and fall asleep.
When He says "We need to clean the house" I beleive he means "YOU need to clean the house while I sit on the couch".
If he eats an orange, he eats it in the living room, no bowl or plate and leaves the peels for me to pick up.
DH is a good cook, so if he is home he cooks. I get to do the dishes. He tends to use more dishes than I would. (I don't make a big deal about the dishes b/c I really don't trust him to do the dishes.
DH does not know how to turn on the dishwasher.
DH does not know how to use the washing machine if I am home. If I am not home, he can figure it out. He irons his own clothes.
DH does all the lawn work, unless his parents do it first. I swear they cut our lawn all last summer. DH first cut it in September.
I do all the personal finances. I do the taxes. I do most of the school stuff, but DH occasionally acts as a pinch hitter. School is one place where I never made issues about DH's involvement. His hours are not condusive to him attending school functions. Mine aren't really either, but I make it work. DH handles the AM School stuff and I handle the PM school stuff.
DH or my FIL always take the Dog for Grooming. I have never done it myself. I always take the dog to the vet. I had DS do it one time though.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2012 10:50:25 GMT -5
I honestly think every person needs to live on their own at least 6 months or longer. No dorms or no roommates, just you. Because then you learn that the are no fairies - laundry, bills, grocery, cleaning and maintenance all need to happen on a regular basis. I know some people learn this while living at home but so many don't. DH lived by himself for 5 years before I moved in. He had a maid. He had exactly enough cups to get him through to the next time she came. He stacked bills on his computer and paid them when his utilities got shut off. His backyard literally had so much trash in it from the dog dragging it out that I filled 60 large yard bags before I gave up. OTOH - he fixed his own roof and AC, rewired the house, and got to some insane level on world of warcraft.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2012 10:50:38 GMT -5
We tried that and it was a total disaster for us. It ended up being like CarolinKat said. He would say he is going to clean the bathroom but them only do it once a month or something crazy like that. It wouldn't bother him if the bathroom are all dirty. He would say he would do the dishes but his idea of doing the dishes would be piling them up in the sink and countertops till there were none left clean to be used. I can't live like that. I am not super neat but I do have some standards. Our problems arise because his standard is higher than mine. I am also going to have him read this month's "Can this marriage survive" article, since it's about a perfectionist and her "laid back" husband. DH will only clean unprompted if he thinks it's a problem. Seeing as he could live in a landfill without issue, it's safe to say that I will be cleaning XYZ because I don't enjoy living in filth. Now if I ask him, he'll do it (and then proclaim it as if he's cured cancer ), but not in a timely fashion. After a while I just had to accept the fact that my standards are higher than his (I'm not a neat freak - I can deal with clutter but dirt/unsanitary conditions makes me physically agitated), and that I should be happy that he helps at all.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2012 10:50:54 GMT -5
Most(98%) of the women I've dated are highly educated. Most have graduate degrees, work in respectable fields earning very good salaries. Nearly all were in great shape and good health. When one dates a lot, you see patterns of behavior emerge. It is not rocket science. Of course someone would see patterns if they keeps dating the same "type" of woman. <--- undereducated, underpaid woman in questionable health
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Jun 13, 2012 10:51:12 GMT -5
I lived alone for a while... I learned that living alone for 2 years is pretty bad for my mental health. I had a very active social life, but it's not the same as having a roomate or partner. At that point in my life I was done dealing with rommates though, except for bff, her moving in with me for 6 months was kick-ass!!!
I am much happier now that I can come home and interact with DBF in the evening even if it is just sitting quietly together on the couch
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Jun 13, 2012 10:51:24 GMT -5
I honestly think every person needs to live on their own at least 6 months or longer. No dorms or no roommates, just you. Because then you learn that the are no fairies - laundry, bills, grocery, cleaning and maintenance all need to happen on a regular basis. I know some people learn this while living at home but so many don't. Living alone isn't necessarily the issue. Some people can live alone just fine because they have their own standards for when something needs to be done that would gross others out. There is no laundry fairy, but the laundry can pile up on the floor until you run out of underwear and nobody will die. The dishes can stay in the sink growing mold until you run out of plates. The toilet doesn't stop functioning because it gets a ring around the water line. The dust bunnies piling up in the corner don't bite anybody. So you have met my DH!
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jun 13, 2012 10:51:39 GMT -5
I'm a single parent now. But when Baby Daddy and I were together, he was pretty useless. I worked FT and went to school 3/4 time and did all the cooking, cleaning, child care, bills, etc. He worked FT too, but when he got home, he would sit on the couch and stay there until it was time to go to bed. He even ate dinner there which was expected to be ready for him when he got home. Just one of the 31,867,414 reasons we are not together anymore.
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