How expensive can a divorce be

[Deleted]

May 9, 2012 14:12:42 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

He must have had a bagel with schmear for lunch.

oye vey

[taz157]

May 9, 2012 12:44:00 GMT -5 @blondegranny said:

WOW, just wow......I'm saddened you are going through this Carl. Just be sure that whatever steps you take going forward are well thought out. Those who have said to get some counselling are correct. If not for you and Mrs. as a couple, then do it for you to be able to make good decisions.

I'm sorry to read what you had posted shortly before this reply. I wish you and Mrs. the best and make the decision for everyone concerned.

[Deleted]

May 9, 2012 14:13:01 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

May 9, 2012 14:12:42 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

He must have had a bagel with schmear for lunch.

oye vey

ack, this dry air!!!





okay, that was wrong.

[swamp]

May 9, 2012 14:13:53 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

May 9, 2012 14:08:25 GMT -5 swamp said:

Holy crap, have you read any of Cawiau's post about their families pushing them to have a baby?

No, that's why I asked. So wife is smack in the middle?

All the cousins are breeders and the pressure is never ending.

[Deleted]

May 9, 2012 13:45:47 GMT -5 Angel! said:

May 9, 2012 13:42:23 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

And everyone knows that a baby solves everything. /sarcasm.

Well, think about her problems. She can't find a job where he lives. She really wants to be a SAHM. She wants a baby now.

All 3 problems solved with one simple pregnancy. He won't tell her to not move yet, he can't be mad she isn't working, & she gets a baby.

Bing! Bing! Bing!

That actually came out during the argument and her reasoning on how getting pregnant would make everything easy.
A) she could quit her job and move
B) stay at home for a year or so
C) wouldn't have to deal with moving in with my mom or job hunt.

Baby would force us into a decision aka make it easy.

She kept on saying how she always planned to have kids at 25 so she is 2 years overdue.

I understand that her mom keeps on telling her to hurry up and get pregnant, how both set of families are pressuring us... But unless someone is going to financially take care of the kid once it gets here no one can dictate when I can have kids or have a say.

[Apple]

Ok, I'm on my lunch break so don't have time to read all the comments, but...

It IS tricking you to stop the birth control efforts without your knowledge. Personally, if I was married, wanting kids in the future or not, and I found out my spouse was sabbotaging my birth control efforts, I would be DONE. That is an extreme violation of trust. If she's stopped using the birth control in an effort to "have an accident", I wouldn't put it past her to poke holes in a condom (basically, your only form of bc as a man...)

The advice I've given to guys is store your own protection where it is "tamper-proof" (one friend in HS found out his girlfriend had been poking holes in the condom package--hard to notice when you're already getting down and dirty and in a hurry). If you're done having kids, get fixed. Some women will stop at nothing in their attempt to get pregnant (yeah, I've even heard of girls turning a condom inside out after it was thrown away to try to trap someone). Make sure you use spermicide AND condoms if you do want to have kids someday, but not now.

Good luck

[Apple]

But unless someone is going to financially take care of the kid once it gets here no one can dictate when I can have kids or have a say.

I've said this exact thing to people in the past.

[Deleted]

ah, now it all makes sense. And good for you for not giving into the pressure. Your wife needs to
a) tell her family to MTOB
b) realize that things will happen in their own time.


So sorry this is happening to you.

[Deleted]

May 9, 2012 14:18:27 GMT -5 Apple said:

Ok, I'm on my lunch break so don't have time to read all the comments, but...

It IS tricking you to stop the birth control efforts without your knowledge. Personally, if I was married, wanting kids in the future or not, and I found out my spouse was sabbotaging my birth control efforts, I would be DONE. That is an extreme violation of trust. If she's stopped using the birth control in an effort to "have an accident", I wouldn't put it past her to poke holes in a condom (basically, your only form of bc as a man...)

The advice I've given to guys is store your own protection where it is "tamper-proof" (one friend in HS found out his girlfriend had been poking holes in the condom package--hard to notice when you're already getting down and dirty and in a hurry). If you're done having kids, get fixed. Some women will stop at nothing in their attempt to get pregnant (yeah, I've even heard of girls turning a condom inside out after it was thrown away to try to trap someone). Make sure you use spermicide AND condoms if you do want to have kids someday, but not now.

Good luck

I can't be sure because Cawaii posts a lot, but I thought he posted a few months ago that she had gone of her bitch control and whatever happens happens.

[NancysSummerSip]

I understand that her mom keeps on telling her to hurry up and get pregnant, how both set of families are pressuring us... But unless someone is going to financially take care of the kid once it gets here no one can dictate when I can have kids or have a say.

Not to mention paying off Mrs. C's student loans. Maybe I am not remembering this right, but doesn't she owe a boatload of money on these? How does she plan to keep making payments on them if she becomes a SAHM?

[resolution]

May 9, 2012 13:47:55 GMT -5 imawino said:

::Carl has also said that he has the responsibility for all contraception already::

If this is true, and you have been willing to have sex at all without protection, I can see how she would extrapolate that you weren't REALLY opposed to having a kid now. I'm not suggesting she was in the right, but a willingness to boff without protection might lead to a true misunderstanding about one's level of opposition to having a baby.

I am not going to go digging through his post history, but I remember a few months ago he posted about them not using protection and that he was ok with having a baby right away if it happened. Then they changed their minds and went back to waiting until their financial situation was better.

I am not trying to defend her deceit, just that the time they were trying for a little while might have been what triggered the trip to the fertility doc.

[Works4me]

C- did she say how long she has been "trying" to get pregnant?

ETA - did you check condom supply - any holes, etc?

[Deleted]

bitch control

Freudian slip?

[swamp]

May 9, 2012 14:18:25 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

May 9, 2012 13:45:47 GMT -5 Angel! said:

Well, think about her problems. She can't find a job where he lives. She really wants to be a SAHM. She wants a baby now.

All 3 problems solved with one simple pregnancy. He won't tell her to not move yet, he can't be mad she isn't working, & she gets a baby.

Bing! Bing! Bing!

That actually came out during the argument and her reasoning on how getting pregnant would make everything easy.
A) she could quit her job and move
B) stay at home for a year or so
C) wouldn't have to deal with moving in with my mom or job hunt.

Baby would force us into a decision aka make it easy.

She kept on saying how she always planned to have kids at 25 so she is 2 years overdue.

There are no words........................

[Angel!]

May 9, 2012 14:18:25 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

May 9, 2012 13:45:47 GMT -5 Angel! said:

Well, think about her problems. She can't find a job where he lives. She really wants to be a SAHM. She wants a baby now.

All 3 problems solved with one simple pregnancy. He won't tell her to not move yet, he can't be mad she isn't working, & she gets a baby.

Bing! Bing! Bing!

That actually came out during the argument and her reasoning on how getting pregnant would make everything easy.
A) she could quit her job and move
B) stay at home for a year or so
C) wouldn't have to deal with moving in with my mom or job hunt.

Baby would force us into a decision aka make it easy.

She kept on saying how she always planned to have kids at 25 so she is 2 years overdue.

I understand that her mom keeps on telling her to hurry up and get pregnant, how both set of families are pressuring us... But unless someone is going to financially take care of the kid once it gets here no one can dictate when I can have kids or have a say.

It doesn't make it right, but it does have to be hard to want a baby so bad, THINK that a baby will fix everything, & to have everyone else pressuring you to have kids.

I am a little confused on the BC issue. Were you guys only using protection during ovulation? Or did she quit taking BC pills without your knowledge? I would see the 2nd as a way bigger issue than the first. If you were only using protection sometimes, then you could have easily had an oops baby without her manipulation & I could see that sending her mixed messages.

I also think that B) stay home a year or so - would actually turn into stay home 5 years or so.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Baby would force us into a decision aka make it easy.

Not really. Babies make things like moving and deciding what jobs to take even more difficult because now you have a little person to tote along with you.

My counseler said that having a baby is like setting off a landmine in your living room and she isn't too far off.

It took me a YEAR, to start feeling like I was back on track again.

I know there are some couples who have a baby and go back to life like they never left it but they are the exception. Most of us have a heck of time rearranging our lives once baby arrives.

Even if you choose not to stay you need to urge your wife to get some serious therapy. What she did was an extreme violation of trust.

Having a baby SOLVES nothing, it creates an entirely new set of challenges and problems. Especially if it is something that is forced upon you.

My DH is almost 40, way past the age where he planned on having kids, but something called life happened. It's twisted thinking to try to use an age deadline to do what she did.

Your wife has some problems, there is no doubt about that. It's up to you if you want to decide to try to work thru them with her and stick together or not.

Either way I'd encourage you to at least encourage her to get some help.

[Wisconsin Beth]

May 9, 2012 14:19:28 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

May 9, 2012 14:17:02 GMT -5 swamp said:

All the cousins are breeders and the pressure is never ending.

Is the point of her getting pregnant to get her locked into a marriage or is the family intent on starting their own colony?

I suspect colony. Carl and Mrs. C. are both Haitian and have huge extended families and they have them young.

[Peace Of Mind]

May 9, 2012 14:22:28 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

May 9, 2012 14:18:27 GMT -5 Apple said:

Ok, I'm on my lunch break so don't have time to read all the comments, but...

It IS tricking you to stop the birth control efforts without your knowledge. Personally, if I was married, wanting kids in the future or not, and I found out my spouse was sabotaging my birth control efforts, I would be DONE. That is an extreme violation of trust. If she's stopped using the birth control in an effort to "have an accident", I wouldn't put it past her to poke holes in a condom (basically, your only form of bc as a man...)

The advice I've given to guys is store your own protection where it is "tamper-proof" (one friend in HS found out his girlfriend had been poking holes in the condom package--hard to notice when you're already getting down and dirty and in a hurry). If you're done having kids, get fixed. Some women will stop at nothing in their attempt to get pregnant (yeah, I've even heard of girls turning a condom inside out after it was thrown away to try to trap someone). Make sure you use spermicide AND condoms if you do want to have kids someday, but not now.

Good luck

I can't be sure because Cawaii posts a lot, but I thought he posted a few months ago that she had gone of her bitch control and whatever happens happens.

LOL!! You all wish there was such a thing!

Yeah, easier for HER. I don't think it's her family pushing her IMO. I think her family knows what she really wants and she is just telling Carl that she is willing to wait, but really isn't and tried to fake him out. I'm basing this on what he has posted.

[swamp]

May 9, 2012 14:28:14 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

May 9, 2012 14:19:28 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

Is the point of her getting pregnant to get her locked into a marriage or is the family intent on starting their own colony?

I suspect colony. Carl and Mrs. C. are both Haitian and have huge extended families and they have them young.

And it seems like nobody has any money to take care of these kids.

[Wisconsin Beth]

May 9, 2012 14:29:07 GMT -5 swamp said:

May 9, 2012 14:28:14 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

I suspect colony. Carl and Mrs. C. are both Haitian and have huge extended families and they have them young.

And it seems like nobody has any money to take care of these kids.

And they live in a HCOLA.

As for Mrs. C's student loans - I suspect her Mom will pay off a chunk of them once the grandbaby (babies) come along.

[Opti]

I have words Swamp.

Was she planning to quit her job the minute she got pregnant and sit around in a town she doesn't know well just being pregnant and taking care of the household duties? And what was supposed to happen in a year or two from now if you got your next promotion to elsewhere. Moving a newborn or a one year old child along with everything else would be a PITA I would think.

I think she and her advising family members think very short term. They aren't even looking just a couple years into the future and what it may hold.

[movingforward]

May 9, 2012 14:29:07 GMT -5 swamp said:

May 9, 2012 14:28:14 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

I suspect colony. Carl and Mrs. C. are both Haitian and have huge extended families and they have them young.

And it seems like nobody has any money to take care of these kids.

Carl is trying to break this cycle and should be commended for that

[movingforward]

"I think she and her advising family members think very short term. They aren't even looking just a couple years into the future and what it may hold."

This seems to be the way a lot of society thinks. YM people are the different ones. Very few people I know think much past next week.

[Deleted]

May 9, 2012 14:33:03 GMT -5 movingforward said:

May 9, 2012 14:29:07 GMT -5 swamp said:

And it seems like nobody has any money to take care of these kids.

Carl is trying to break this cycle and should be commended for that

[Deleted]

Carl - it sounds like there is a lot more going on than the baby thing. You've mentioned that you are willing to be mobile for your career. Is your wife willing to follow you around? Now that it's a reality is she okay with it? Is the baby to cover up concerns about the strength of the marriage?

I've mentioned before on this thread that DH and I had to see a counselor to deal with the topic of more children. Wanting children is not rational. I think the desire to have kids and to consider being deceptive is natural. Actually doing it rather than having a discussion with your spouse about what you are thinking is a huge warning. To me that shows you guys aren't communicating well on important issues.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

May 9, 2012 14:18:25 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

May 9, 2012 13:45:47 GMT -5 Angel! said:

Well, think about her problems. She can't find a job where he lives. She really wants to be a SAHM. She wants a baby now.

All 3 problems solved with one simple pregnancy. He won't tell her to not move yet, he can't be mad she isn't working, & she gets a baby.

Bing! Bing! Bing!

That actually came out during the argument and her reasoning on how getting pregnant would make everything easy.
A) she could quit her job and move
B) stay at home for a year or so
C) wouldn't have to deal with moving in with my mom or job hunt.

Baby would force us into a decision aka make it easy.

She kept on saying how she always planned to have kids at 25 so she is 2 years overdue.

I understand that her mom keeps on telling her to hurry up and get pregnant, how both set of families are pressuring us... But unless someone is going to financially take care of the kid once it gets here no one can dictate when I can have kids or have a say.

What does she plan on doing about her $100k in student loans? This isn't going to go away....ever. Is mommy willing to ante up the $$$ to take that burden off of you?

[movingforward]

Oh geez, that old Wham sound "Everything She Wants" just came on Pandora Radio while I am reading this...

[imawino]

May 9, 2012 14:35:09 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

May 9, 2012 14:29:07 GMT -5 swamp said:

And it seems like nobody has any money to take care of these kids.

So, what's the point of all the kids? Are all these wives working?

What kind of question is that? What is the "point" of any kids? Aside from the top of their little heads right after they come out? I assume the point is that they are wanted.

[Taxman10]

May 9, 2012 13:42:25 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

May 9, 2012 12:36:37 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

We were at her little cousin last Saturday for his first communion. One of the kid vomit and I was helping cleaning it up.

So they were talking and did not see me heading back to them and basically her cousin was telling her how I would be a good dad.

My wife said yes and she was worried she had fertility issue since she couldn't seem to get pregnant (last I check we were not trying). She went as far as getting tested to see if she had fertility issues (news to me).

It seems for a couple of months now she has been telling me she was not ovulating when she was at her peak in a effort to get pregnant.

Her cousin suggested the drug and she did not answer since her mother interrupted then at the time. So we had a huge argument over the weekend.

When we finally talked, her defense was that
A) she was not trying to trick me into knocking he up but more so not trying not to get pregnant. It would be an accident and we would just both accept it.
B) she would have never drugged me
C) she feels that having a baby would make things easier, easier for her to just move, etc.
D) best part: she suggested that I may want to get tested for fertility because she should have gotten pregnant.
E) my cousin that got married a day after us just announce she was pregnant with her third... That did not help.

She wants a baby now, I am not ready for one now and more certain about it more than ever.

It is unfair of her to push it on me and it would be unfair of me to hold her from having one.

And yes I told her the whole trust thing and how could I trust her. Her logic is it wouldn't be really tricking me since we both want kids and just can't seem to agree on the timeline... Her accidentally getting pregnant would solve that and after all she only wants 1.

It would only be tricking if I did not want kid period or she was trying to keep me from leaving her. After all we were both on board to have kids not to long ago.

Cluster fuck!

That's it???

Women are crazy. Get used to it. Sound like normal women type behavior to me. I don't see what the big deal is.

at some point, you've got man up, and give her what she needs

[Deleted]

Well, think about her problems. She can't find a job where he lives. She really wants to be a SAHM. She wants a baby now.

All 3 problems solved with one simple pregnancy. He won't tell her to not move yet, he can't be mad she isn't working, & she gets a baby.



Bing! Bing! Bing!

That actually came out during the argument and her reasoning on how getting pregnant would make everything easy.
A) she could quit her job and move
B) stay at home for a year or so
C) wouldn't have to deal with moving in with my mom or job hunt.

Baby would force us into a decision aka make it easy.

She kept on saying how she always planned to have kids at 25 so she is 2 years overdue.

I understand that her mom keeps on telling her to hurry up and get pregnant, how both set of families are pressuring us... But unless someone is going to financially take care of the kid once it gets here no one can dictate when I can have kids or have a say.

I totally missed that post. Thanks for the replay.