How expensive can a divorce be

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I don't think Cawaiu is being selfish for wanting to wait until he's financially ready to have a kid - I think he's being selfish for continuing to push back the goalposts despite knowing his wife's desire to have kids ASAP



Carl needs to give a straight one word yes or no answer to having kids NOW.

Mrs C does deserves the right to decide if she wants to stick around until Carl has met his desired goals for "finanical stability" no matter how long that is.

He has the right to decide that he doesn't want kids now and it is a dealbreaker to be with someone who does.

It isn't fair to either one of them to sit around and wait for the other person to come around.

Either he wants kids now or he doesn't. Either she is willing to wait or she is not.

They can't move forward until they have a frank discussion it needs to be "do you want them now, yes or no" on her end and on his end "do you want to wait yes or no".

Then they know exactly where the other person stands and can decide from there.

I learned that from when we were in therapy and the topic of kids came up.

[Firebird]

I'd abandon my beliefs if they weren't constantly proven right.

I understand that your wife constantly proves them right - but are you telling me you have never in your life encountered a woman who didn't? You've never engaged with any female human who didn't act this way?

How can you be so level and so logical when it comes to other issues, and yet so closeminded about this one?

[Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ]

May 10, 2012 11:52:34 GMT -5 8 Bit WWBG said:

...:::"I think it's a little depressing that despite dozens of threads in which dozens of women have told him NOT ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE YOUR WIFE, he doesn't seem to believe it...":::...

I'd abandon my beliefs if they weren't constantly proven right.

There are commonalities in various behaviors. Some are very extreme, others mild, but yes, all these idiosyncrasies and dysfunctions are quite common.

[quotequeen]

May 10, 2012 11:49:31 GMT -5 midjd said:

I don't think Cawaiu is being selfish for wanting to wait until he's financially ready to have a kid - I think he's being selfish for continuing to push back the goalposts despite knowing his wife's desire to have kids ASAP. I highly doubt the "let's have kids now!" was something sprung on him on her 25th birthday.

And that would be a fair point for her to make if they were having a discussion about when to have kids. But now they need to have a discussion about her going behind his back to get what she wants, and him moving the goal posts really has no place in that discussion, IMO.

[whoisjohngalt]

Why is it confusing that some would find this magnitude of deception upsettin

I can't speak for others, but personally, I don't think there is a "magnitude" that some think there is.

C is all over the place with what he wants. Condoms in, condoms out, we are buying a house, we are not buying a house, we are saving this much, we are saving that much. Some people can't pick a path and stick with it and are often actually OK with being "helped" into a decision. It seems to me that his wife knows that, and was trying to do just that AND she turned out to be right bc if decision would have been made for him, he would have been OK with the results.

Lena

[8 Bit WWBG]

...:::"That is where the D word came up. She wants one now or at least know we would start trying within the next year, while I am not sure I want to start trying within the next 3.":::...

Your wife has ALWAYS wanted everything "now". She has always been clear about this. But that doesn't make it right. Don't let her twist this around and make you the guilty party. She faked agreement. If she'd never agreed and kept fighting you, that might be different. But she told you what you wanted to hear, then did what she wanted anyway.

[swamp]

May 10, 2012 11:52:34 GMT -5 8 Bit WWBG said:

...:::"I think it's a little depressing that despite dozens of threads in which dozens of women have told him NOT ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE YOUR WIFE, he doesn't seem to believe it...":::...

I'd abandon my beliefs if they weren't constantly proven right.

I think you just managed to offend Athena, Pink, Angel, DQ, Sesfw, Beach, Beerwench, Miss Tequila, Thyme, QQ, and every other sane, rational, thoughtful, and intelligent woman who is part of this community.

There are more, but those are just the ones that popped into my head.

[movingforward]

May 10, 2012 11:55:23 GMT -5 8 Bit WWBG said:

All of you getting mad about the ketchup example need to remember that he is simply being clear of his expectations up front. If the genders were reversed and a woman was stating her beliefs up front, she'd be applauded.

Yes, I am sure that if a woman came on here and said that she told her husband that he had 3 chances to not mow the grass on time or she would divorce him we would all commend her - give me an effing break here!

[8 Bit WWBG]

...:::"why don't you make this about financial stability instead of time? Set a tangible financial goal - one that will make you feel better about having a kid. Then agree that when you reach it, you can TTC. Maybe that will help her to reign in her COL and spending.":::...

Why bother? He tried compromising and she lied. Whats the point of setting goals when one person is just going to fail to hold up her part?

[Firebird]

Many of us have been consistent since during their engagement. I vividly recall the way she almost doubled the wedding cost. I vividly remember her insistence on spending 3 more years in school to then become a SAHM. She has always been consistent in her wants. This should come as no surprise.

How about this - what does it say about men who marry selfish women? How can you be upset with an entire gender when you pick a representative of their worst qualities to marry?

[Deleted]

May 10, 2012 11:57:48 GMT -5 movingforward said:

May 10, 2012 11:55:23 GMT -5 8 Bit WWBG said:

All of you getting mad about the ketchup example need to remember that he is simply being clear of his expectations up front. If the genders were reversed and a woman was stating her beliefs up front, she'd be applauded.

Yes, I am sure that if a woman came on here and said that she told her husband that he had 3 chances to not mow the grass on time or she would divorce him we would all commend her - give me an effing break here!

My wife has told me many more than three times that I need to clean up the clothes on the floor on my side of the bed. Luckily she has not divorced me yet.

[Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ]

May 10, 2012 11:55:23 GMT -5 8 Bit WWBG said:

All of you getting mad about the ketchup example need to remember that he is simply being clear of his expectations up front. If the genders were reversed and a woman was stating her beliefs up front, she'd be applauded.

This is akin to a woman saying NO sex, I am not ready. C is saying NO kids I am not ready.

We applaud the woman, but lambaste the guy.

Gotta love the intellectual dishonesty.

[Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ]

My wife has told me many more than three times that I need to clean up the clothes on the floor on my side of the bed. Luckily she has not divorced me yet.

When you get divorced you can move in with me...

[Bob Ross]

Regardless of who wants what when, the two of them having a kid now, on C's income alone, with his wife as a SAHM, with her lifestyle choices, and her SL, is not a sustainable possibility no matter how you cut it.

[Deleted]

: )

[swamp]

May 10, 2012 11:56:43 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

Why is it confusing that some would find this magnitude of deception upsettin

I can't speak for others, but personally, I don't think there is a "magnitude" that some think there is.

C is all over the place with what he wants. Condoms in, condoms out, we are buying a house, we are not buying a house, we are saving this much, we are saving that much. Some people can't pick a path and stick with it and are often actually OK with being "helped" into a decision. It seems to me that his wife knows that, and was trying to do just that AND she turned out to be right bc if decision would have been made for him, he would have been OK with the results.

Lena

DH and I have discussed getting a dog. I really, really, really want one now. He wants to wait until the kids are older.

Would it be fair of me to bring a dog home tomorrow? A friend is looking to give away her purebred black lab, and thats exactly what I want.

[Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ]

May 10, 2012 11:57:10 GMT -5 swamp said:

May 10, 2012 11:52:34 GMT -5 8 Bit WWBG said:

...:::"I think it's a little depressing that despite dozens of threads in which dozens of women have told him NOT ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE YOUR WIFE, he doesn't seem to believe it...":::...

I'd abandon my beliefs if they weren't constantly proven right.

I think you just managed to offend Athena, Pink, Angel, DQ, Sesfw, Beach, Beerwench, Miss Tequila, Thyme, QQ, and every other sane, rational, thoughtful, and intelligent woman who is part of this community.

There are more, but those are just the ones that popped into my head.

Those are rational, thoughtful and intelligent chicks???

[Firebird]

Why bother? He tried compromising and she lied. Whats the point of setting goals when one person is just going to fail to hold up her part?

Agreed. I wouldn't be able to trust her to stick to any kind of proposed goal or timetable at this point.

[qofcc]

C is all over the place with what he wants. Condoms in, condoms out, we are buying a house, we are not buying a house, we are saving this much, we are saving that much. Some people can't pick a path and stick with it and are often actually OK with being "helped" into a decision. It seems to me that his wife knows that, and was trying to do just that AND she turned out to be right bc if decision would have been made for him, he would have been OK with the results.

[Firebird]

This is akin to a woman saying NO sex, I am not ready. C is saying NO kids I am not ready.

We applaud the woman, but lambaste the guy.

You really need to read more posts on this thread. Plenty of women, myself included, are furious with Mrs. C and think this was an incredibly low stunt.

No means no for EVERYBODY.

[swamp]

May 10, 2012 12:01:51 GMT -5 Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ said:

May 10, 2012 11:57:10 GMT -5 swamp said:

I think you just managed to offend Athena, Pink, Angel, DQ, Sesfw, Beach, Beerwench, Miss Tequila, Thyme, QQ, and every other sane, rational, thoughtful, and intelligent woman who is part of this community.

There are more, but those are just the ones that popped into my head.

Those are rational, thoughtful and intelligent chicks???

Like you'd recognize a rational, thoughtful and intelligent chick if she hit you over the head with a ketchup bottle.

[Deleted]

You're lucky I like you, SF!!!

[whoisjohngalt]

Would it be fair of me to bring a dog home tomorrow?

Did you say yes to a dog, no to a dog, yes to a dog, no to a dog? If he did bring a dog, would you have said "yay doggie, I'll call him Fluffy and love him forever"?

Lena

[Deleted]

May 10, 2012 12:01:19 GMT -5 swamp said:

May 10, 2012 11:56:43 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

I can't speak for others, but personally, I don't think there is a "magnitude" that some think there is.

C is all over the place with what he wants. Condoms in, condoms out, we are buying a house, we are not buying a house, we are saving this much, we are saving that much. Some people can't pick a path and stick with it and are often actually OK with being "helped" into a decision. It seems to me that his wife knows that, and was trying to do just that AND she turned out to be right bc if decision would have been made for him, he would have been OK with the results.

Lena

DH and I have discussed getting a dog. I really, really, really want one now. He wants to wait until the kids are older.

Would it be fair of me to bring a dog home tomorrow? A friend is looking to give away her purebred black lab, and thats exactly what I want.

Absolutely it would be fair.

[Wisconsin Beth]

May 10, 2012 12:01:19 GMT -5 swamp said:

May 10, 2012 11:56:43 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

I can't speak for others, but personally, I don't think there is a "magnitude" that some think there is.

C is all over the place with what he wants. Condoms in, condoms out, we are buying a house, we are not buying a house, we are saving this much, we are saving that much. Some people can't pick a path and stick with it and are often actually OK with being "helped" into a decision. It seems to me that his wife knows that, and was trying to do just that AND she turned out to be right bc if decision would have been made for him, he would have been OK with the results.

Lena

DH and I have discussed getting a dog. I really, really, really want one now. He wants to wait until the kids are older.

Would it be fair of me to bring a dog home tomorrow? A friend is looking to give away her purebred black lab, and thats exactly what I want.

My BIL did this to my sister. He left a note on the back door saying "please don't divorce me." And he'd taken the kids with him to pick out the dog so she'd have 3 kids getting upset too. She hasn't divorced him but she refused to train, feed or clean up after the dog for the first couple of years.

ETA - you guys wanted him, you need to deal with him. Kinda tough love.

[midjd]

I'd abandon my beliefs if they weren't constantly proven right.

By whom? I'm not going to attack you, I really want to know. By your wife? Other women in your life? Coworkers? YM members?

[Deleted]

May 10, 2012 12:01:51 GMT -5 Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ said:

Those are rational, thoughtful and intelligent chicks???

No, I wouldn't put myself in that category because I'm not a chick.

[swamp]

May 10, 2012 12:05:32 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

Would it be fair of me to bring a dog home tomorrow?

Did you say yes to a dog, no to a dog, yes to a dog, no to a dog? If he did bring a dog, would you have said "yay doggie, I'll call him Fluffy and love him forever"?

Lena

Yes, he has waffled. But I hear no more than yes.

[whoisjohngalt]

I wouldn't be able to trust her to stick to any kind of proposed goal or timetable at this point.

OK, read this again and substitute HIM in this sentence - bc even though he "technically" have not lied, he changed his mind quite a bit. Should she still trust HIM?

Lena

[973beachbum]

May 10, 2012 11:57:48 GMT -5 movingforward said:

May 10, 2012 11:55:23 GMT -5 8 Bit WWBG said:

All of you getting mad about the ketchup example need to remember that he is simply being clear of his expectations up front. If the genders were reversed and a woman was stating her beliefs up front, she'd be applauded.

Yes, I am sure that if a woman came on here and said that she told her husband that he had 3 chances to not mow the grass on time or she would divorce him we would all commend her - give me an effing break here!

Just to be clear I wouldn't get mad. I would get even. ;D