How expensive can a divorce be

[moxie]

I just celebrated thirty years of marriage (and five years dating prior). Life isn't a fairytale (good advice from my Mom many, many years ago), so don't go into it thinking that way. Don't make mountains out of mole hills. Don't sweat the little things. Laugh a lot. Make time for each other. My husband still travels a lot...it wasn't fun when I had two little ones at home, but now...no biggie. The kids are raised...the empty nest is still enjoyable if you have common interests. It's okay to have time with friends away from each other too...or even just time to yourself.

*Good luck...and if you love each other, give it everything you've got!

[resolution]

Talk to someone that you trust that can give you advice. If you don't know anyone to talk to, see if your employer has an Employee Assistance Program that you can call for counseling. Don't give up without a fight.

[Formerly SK]

Hugs to you. #buddies#

[Deleted]

Uncontested & you give away the store - $600 if you include filing costs and all.
Contested - You start with a $2500 retainer & it goes up from there.

I would not do a DIY divorce. An attorney's advice can help protect you from the unexpected, or your own vengeful self. A good attorney is a good adviser since they can look at the divorce from an objective point of view.

What blew up? I am sad for you as you normally seem like such a joyful guy. I wish you the best.

[lurkyloo]

So sorry to hear

I'm with everyone who suggested you take some time and think about what you really want (or go beat up a punching bag at the gym if that's what helps). Any time you want to vent we're here for you, pretty much round the clock.

[Happy prose]

I say wait 6 months before filing. By then you'll know how you really feel, and if divorce is the right move to make. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. Best of luck to you.

[Jake 48]

May 8, 2012 4:27:36 GMT -5 Happy prose said:

I say wait 6 months before filing. By then you'll know how you really feel, and if divorce is the right move to make. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. Best of luck to you.

good advice, hang in there buddy

[Deleted]

Carl,

Many states require a six month cooling off period before a divorce can become final. There's a good reason for that.

I read the mid-life crisis thread. What's got you so wizzed off?

[Deleted]

Cawaiu - I don't know you that well yet but have followed your postings. And i am a bit surprised because from what i have read you really do love your wife. But. i dont' presume to know what is going on and whether you should or shouldn't stay. But, in general, marriages have ups and downs. And spouses make mistakes. And, we can learn from mistakes. A healthy dose of forgiveness toward one another and realizing we really do love one another and are in this life together can often help refocus. I strongly recommend you seek out some counseling not necessarily to save your marriage but just to have someone to talk to to help you sort things out. People often don't talk to counselors when they could do them a world of good. Good luck.

[happyscooter]

Wow, where have I been? I thought you were looking at a house then maybe talking about having kids. What happened?

In NC, you have to be separated 1 year before you can get a divorce. I have only known of a handful of people who used that year to go for therapy and work on their problems. The others lived apart and then started seeing other people and that was the end of that.

I can only add that I was young when I got married. In the 70s, EVERYBODY was young. It was hard, no money, stressful jobs and life in general was a tough row to hoe. (no I was not pregnant.) But we made it through and it is now over 30 years. Kids are grown and things have gotten easier.

Hang in there.

[Deleted]

I am so sorry. I agree with everyone who said to give it some before you do anything.

[Waffle]

I'm so sorry Carl - when I saw the title and who started this thread, I really thought it was going to be about someone else.

I hope you guys can work things out.

[NancysSummerSip]

Aw, Carl........ .

You're a loved man, here, my friend. Sorry to hear about all this.

PM someone you trust, or talk to someone in RL. If your company offers any kind of mental health counseling, take it. Not for me to say what you should do next in your life legally speaking. This may just be something you have to deal with day-by-day.

[Epiphany]

Carl, I'm going to tell you something my mom told me when I got married. Don't bring up the D word. Not in a fight, not in conversation, not in a what if... , but especially not when you are mad at your spouse. Almost everything can be worked through in marriage. Your spouse will let you down, you'll let her down, but with a healthy dose of grace, love and forgiveness you can make it through the ups and downs. And yes, I think the distance is factoring into this. It adds high levels of stress to a relationship and not every marriage can handle it. Even if the reason isn't the move, it can make other problems creep up or exacerbate them.

ETA: I'm specifically speaking to carl who seemed to have a great loving relationship with spouse, not those who did decide D was the only option

[busymom]

C, just sending some <HUGS> your way.


Whatever happens, we are still your friends here!

[Wisconsin Beth]

May 8, 2012 7:00:09 GMT -5 happyscooter said:

Wow, where have I been? I thought you were looking at a house then maybe talking about having kids. What happened?

Hang in there.

[findingdeadbeats]

I just wanted to send along my good thoughts for your situation as well. I know relationships are impossible sometimes. My advice is always decide what you can live with and what is acceptable to you, and then act from there. And, I totally, 1000% agree with others, if the relationship is not right for you, then the time to leave is BEFORE children. Children will not help the situation - at all.

[shanendoah]

A note on student loans: For the most part, you have to take yours, she has to take hers. That shouldn't figure into any part of a divorce settlement, even if you took them out while married. Student loans are a special class of debt with losts of very specific rules, so unless you actually cosigned or consolidated them into one loan at some point, student loans are 100% non-transferrable.

[Works4me]

Pkease let us know that you are ok - long time lurker

[InsertCoolName]

Sorry that you are having a shitty moment in life. I really do hope that you will find peace.

I live in Indiana and my first divorce cost $600. Best money. 2nd one cost $91. Even better.

Everyone has different reasons for divorce. No one can tell you what a good reason is. And please don't let them. It's between you and your wife as to what the reason is.

[Deleted]

Carl if nothing else, thanks for logging in today. Thoughts and prayers are with you brother.....

[Wisconsin Beth]

And if you wouldn't mind checking in every once in a while, I'd appreciate it. Doesn't have to be much, but I worry and sometimes think the worst. It's nice to be wrong.

[kimber45]

May 8, 2012 11:05:17 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

And if you wouldn't mind checking in every once in a while, I'd appreciate it. Doesn't have to be much, but I worry and sometimes think the worst. It's nice to be wrong.

[kindthatjingles]

Take care and prayers for you guys.

I have divorced recently and I would not wish it on my worst enemy. Anything I can help with let me know.


It is good to get things figured out before kids are involved.

[Deleted]

May 8, 2012 11:05:17 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

And if you wouldn't mind checking in every once in a while, I'd appreciate it. Doesn't have to be much, but I worry and sometimes think the worst. It's nice to be wrong.

I care about some of you way more than I should.

[Wisconsin Beth]

May 8, 2012 11:10:45 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

May 8, 2012 11:05:17 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

And if you wouldn't mind checking in every once in a while, I'd appreciate it. Doesn't have to be much, but I worry and sometimes think the worst. It's nice to be wrong.

I care about some of you way more than I should.

Yep. Me too.

[Deleted]

Me three.

[kindthatjingles]

Lol...

I live near a poster and there was a News Story abour a house fire in that area of town and I thought to myself I hope it wasn't xyz....

[aliciar6]

mine cost $250 for the court filing fee, $89 for the online documents, he paid the $150 request for hearing fee, then i had to pay $110 to file the quit claim deed with the county putting the house in my name. Then it cost me 10K in the separation agreement because he wouldn't go with out a fight if i didn't give him some form of money, even though he put nothing into the marriage over 4 years. Basically i was keeping everything from the furniture to the house and he would never get the 1st time home buyer thing again...that was his rationale, i was making him start over completely. best 10K i spent.

we came up with our own separation agreement...granted some vehicles were in both names so we had to refinance those, that was minimal fees for that. and we each handled the vehicle we were keeping.

[aliciar6]

Carl- it took me 4 years to finally get the courage to divorce, when i made up my mind it took under a month from the time i told him, I knew i didn't want to marry him in the first place but go convinced into it. I don't think your situation was like mine and i think you guys truely love each other, which was not the case in my first marriage.

spend some time talking lots of things are repairable, others just aren't. But it doesn't hurt to give it a real chance.

My FI's first marriage didn't last a year (he saw the red flags before, but she walked out, i think she had someone else) but they would have ended up in the same place years later and it would have been harder then. His divorce was hard on him, mine was easy on me.

will be keepnig you in my mind and T&Ps.