How expensive can a divorce be

[whoisjohngalt]

she is right in the sense that yea if she has gotten pregnant right now I would probably would have been perfectly ok with it and happy about it.

OK, this is CARL'S quote, so why is everyone so hung up on "oh, this is life altering" "one person can't decide to have a baby", blah blah blah when he doesn't seem to have a problem with that....

Lena

[Deleted]

May 10, 2012 9:16:13 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

she is right in the sense that yea if she has gotten pregnant right now I would probably would have been perfectly ok with it and happy about it.

OK, this is CARL'S quote, so why is everyone so hung up on "oh, this is life altering" "one person can't decide to have a baby", blah blah blah when he doesn't seem to have a problem with that....

Lena

the end does NOT justify the means. Why is that so hard to understand?

She went behind his back to see a fertility doctor even though they both agreed to wait to have kids. IMO, that's scheming behavior. If there was nothing wrong, why hide it?

[Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ]

OK, this is CARL'S quote, so why is everyone so hung up on "oh, this is life altering" "one person can't decide to have a baby", blah blah blah when he doesn't seem to have a problem with that....

He said he does not want one now.

[8 Bit WWBG]

...:::"Or men with no balls....notthatthereisantyhingwrongwiththat WWBG":::...

And to think, had I not randomly clicked page 15, I might have missed this. So I'm a weenie, huh. I think everyone SAYS they don't want me to be manipulated by others, but what they REALLY mean is that they still want to manipulate me themselves.

Cawiau, this is very simple. We could use spin to pin the crime entirely on either one of you. It could be totally your fault for failing to use protection and not accounting for her feelings. It could be entirely her fault for lying. It could be anything in between.

It comes down to this: You and I both married selfish women. They can be "good" for periods of time, but they are still women. They don't want to be when they don't stand to get 100% their way. This serves as a stark reminder that we cannot get complacent and think that they are "on board". All those pretty words and vows are lovely for show, but we need to remember that there will be times where they will not hesitate to do what they feel they need to do to achieve their own objectives. They want what they want, and when it gets the better of them, they default back to their true natures.

Its up to you to decide whether you want to continue to live in that environment. We both knew that this is who they "could" be. Perhaps we naively hoped they'd "gotten over it", but they don't and they never will. They DON'T mature. They CAN'T mature. Maturing means giving up what they want, and that just can't happen.

You could have a lot of fun with this. Make sure her and her mom know you might leave over this, and see if mom will write a check for those SLs. If Mom wants a grandkid, she probably has no choice but to pay them off. After all, there are very few men willing to pay the payments for a SAHW with $100K in SLs -- those that are can command the pick of the litter.

[Deleted]

May 10, 2012 9:19:24 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

May 10, 2012 9:16:13 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

OK, this is CARL'S quote, so why is everyone so hung up on "oh, this is life altering" "one person can't decide to have a baby", blah blah blah when he doesn't seem to have a problem with that....

Lena

the end does NOT justify the means. Why is that so hard to understand?

[midjd]

As far as SL's and finances and having a baby. It leads to another quesion which maybe should be it's own thread, I don't know.

I think the SL/SAHM issue is an interesting one, too. I have zero interest in being a SAHM but in my endless effort to have plans B through ZZZ at the ready, I've some budget numbers and surprisingly DH and I could still scrape by on just his income, even if we had a kid. And DH makes about $15K/yr less than Cawaiu. So it's not entirely out of the realm of reasonableness for Mrs. C to want to be a SAHM, particularly if Cawaiu has a mobile career. (The SLs are an issue, but with income-based repayment, less so.)

I suspect the responses if Cawaiu posted a thread on YM about his wife wanting to be a SAHM would be VERY different from the responses I'd get if I posted about wanting to be a SAHM - even though financially, we're in pretty similar circumstances...

[midjd]

It comes down to this: You and I both married selfish women. They can be "good" for periods of time, but they are still selfish PEOPLE

Oh please don't pull out that sexist crap. I fixed it for you.

[Deleted]

thanks, Mid. I think it's clear that selfishness is not relegated to one gender, especially since you could argue that Carl is being at least somewhat selfish for wanting to hold off on having kids.

[Epiphany]

May 10, 2012 9:19:30 GMT -5 8 Bit WWBG said:

...:::"Or men with no balls....notthatthereisantyhingwrongwiththat WWBG":::...

It comes down to this: You and I both married selfish women. They can be "good" for periods of time, but they are still women. They don't want to be when they don't stand to get 100% their way. This serves as a stark reminder that we cannot get complacent and think that they are "on board". All those pretty words and vows are lovely for show, but we need to remember that there will be times where they will not hesitate to do what they feel they need to do to achieve their own objectives. They want what they want, and when it gets the better of them, they default back to their true natures.

Its up to you to decide whether you want to continue to live in that environment. We both knew that this is who they "could" be. Perhaps we naively hoped they'd "gotten over it", but they don't and they never will. They DON'T mature. They CAN'T mature. Maturing means giving up what they want, and that just can't happen.

Probably true but I have to say as a woman who is NOT like this; I find these statements incredibly sad and it gives normal women a bad rap.

eta: yeah, md got it right.

[Deleted]

May 10, 2012 9:23:38 GMT -5 midjd said:

It comes down to this: You and I both married selfish women. They can be "good" for periods of time, but they are still selfish PEOPLE

Oh please don't pull out that sexist crap. I fixed it for you.

I was hoping he just forgot the "selfish".

[midjd]

I think it's a little depressing that despite dozens of threads in which dozens of women have told him NOT ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE YOUR WIFE, he doesn't seem to believe it...

[8 Bit WWBG]

...:::"You left your balls at home, didnt you?":::...

No, I did it to be a "nice" and "supportive" guy. I should have just turned the game up as loud as it took to drown her out. She can count. She knows how many are left in the box. She has money. She has working legs. She should have taken measures to walk her lazy butt across the street before this became an issue.

Remember the poster who told his wife "we can run out of ketchup 3 times in our lives before I divorce you". There were always extra bottles of ketchup.

[Deleted]

I would have been putting ketchup on everything!!!

[Deleted]

Remember the poster who told his wife "we can run out of ketchup 3 times in our lives before I divorce you". There were always extra bottles of ketchup.

they both need help. I would have let it run out just to see what happened, then take him to the cleaners come divorce time.

[quotequeen]

W.T.F.

[Miss Tequila]

"And to think, had I not randomly clicked page 15, I might have missed this. So I'm a weenie, huh. I think everyone SAYS they don't want me to be manipulated by others, but what they REALLY mean is that they still want to manipulate me themselves."

Huh??? You realize I was joking around with you, right??? Seriously, does NOONE on YM have a sense of humor??

<runs back to EE>>

[Deleted]

May 10, 2012 9:25:02 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

thanks, Mid. I think it's clear that selfishness is not relegated to one gender, especially since you could argue that Carl is being at least somewhat selfish for wanting to hold off on having kids.

I will freely admit that I am being selfish.

That is where the D word came up. She wants one now or at least know we would start trying within the next year, while I am not sure I want to start trying within the next 3.

Unfair for her to force me into it and unfair for me to keep her from her dream of being a mom before she turns 30.

Can we find a middle ground? I don't know.

[Miss Tequila]

"I would have been putting ketchup on everything!!! "

the only thing I would have put ketchup on was his god damn head...then I would make it a point to NEVER buy ketchup again!

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

I think the SL/SAHM issue is an interesting one, too. I have zero interest in being a SAHM but in my endless effort to have plans B through ZZZ at the ready, I've some budget numbers and surprisingly DH and I could still scrape by on just his income, even if we had a kid. And DH makes about $15K/yr less than Cawaiu. So it's not entirely out of the realm of reasonableness for Mrs. C to want to be a SAHM, particularly if Cawaiu has a mobile career. (The SLs are an issue, but with income-based repayment, less so.)

The difference is that you live in the Midwest, not NY. It is more expensive for me to live in Plattsburgh, NY than Lexington, KY. The differences between the COL in a small town in NY vs a small city in the Midwest are pretty significant in my observations.

Secondly, you are not Mrs. C, who seems to make shopping an aerobic activity.

What it boils down to is that HER actions (and granted, neither have Carl's) have not put them in a position for her to be a SAHM.

[Deleted]

I think I like your idea better, Tina!

[Opti]

May 10, 2012 9:31:26 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

I would have been putting ketchup on everything!!!

Since its ketchup and IMO not that earth shattering of a thing I probably would have gone the opposite way, that is if I had even married the guy. If you think the presence or absence of ketchup is divorce worthy, have at it. Ketchup might disappear spontaneously from the refrigerator and pantry.

[movingforward]

May 10, 2012 9:37:20 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

"I would have been putting ketchup on everything!!! "

the only thing I would have put ketchup on was his god damn head...then I would make it a point to NEVER buy ketchup again!

[Miss Tequila]

Carl, it really does sound like you are in a tough spot. I don't agree with ultimatums and that is what she is giving you. I really think you two need some counseling to help you sort through all of this.

Good luck

[Deleted]

May 10, 2012 9:36:53 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

May 10, 2012 9:25:02 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

thanks, Mid. I think it's clear that selfishness is not relegated to one gender, especially since you could argue that Carl is being at least somewhat selfish for wanting to hold off on having kids.

I will freely admit that I am being selfish.

That is where the D word came up. She wants one now or at least know we would start trying within the next year, while I am not sure I want to start trying within the next 3.

Unfair for her to force me into it and unfair for me to keep her from her dream of being a mom before she turns 30.

Can we find a middle ground? I don't know.

I guess one point to make is

are you being selfish or practical?

of course one person's practical is another's selfish

I think it is best for you all to discuss everything out first in a calm manner

[Formerly SK]

May 10, 2012 9:19:30 GMT -5 8 Bit WWBG said:

...:::"Or men with no balls....notthatthereisantyhingwrongwiththat WWBG":::...

And to think, had I not randomly clicked page 15, I might have missed this. So I'm a weenie, huh. I think everyone SAYS they don't want me to be manipulated by others, but what they REALLY mean is that they still want to manipulate me themselves.

Cawiau, this is very simple. We could use spin to pin the crime entirely on either one of you. It could be totally your fault for failing to use protection and not accounting for her feelings. It could be entirely her fault for lying. It could be anything in between.

It comes down to this: You and I both married selfish women. They can be "good" for periods of time, but they are still women. They don't want to be when they don't stand to get 100% their way. This serves as a stark reminder that we cannot get complacent and think that they are "on board". All those pretty words and vows are lovely for show, but we need to remember that there will be times where they will not hesitate to do what they feel they need to do to achieve their own objectives. They want what they want, and when it gets the better of them, they default back to their true natures.

Its up to you to decide whether you want to continue to live in that environment. We both knew that this is who they "could" be. Perhaps we naively hoped they'd "gotten over it", but they don't and they never will. They DON'T mature. They CAN'T mature. Maturing means giving up what they want, and that just can't happen.

You could have a lot of fun with this. Make sure her and her mom know you might leave over this, and see if mom will write a check for those SLs. If Mom wants a grandkid, she probably has no choice but to pay them off. After all, there are very few men willing to pay the payments for a SAHW with $100K in SLs -- those that are can command the pick of the litter.

What a heartbreakingly sad post. It's just like hearing women say all men are cheaters. I don't know what happened to you in your life, but your outlook is so sad. I wish you could see it.

[Miss Tequila]

Beer, they don't call me a vindictive bitch for nothing!lol

[Bob Ross]

The fact that there is a hotly contested argument on whether or not a kid should be had is a good indicator in itself that a kid should NOT be had at this point.

Another human life is now at play here. A life that would feel the full impact of the fallout from this.

[973beachbum]

May 10, 2012 9:37:20 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

"I would have been putting ketchup on everything!!! "

the only thing I would have put ketchup on was his god damn head...then I would make it a point to NEVER buy ketchup again!

Ditto.

[Deleted]

May 10, 2012 9:36:53 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

May 10, 2012 9:25:02 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

thanks, Mid. I think it's clear that selfishness is not relegated to one gender, especially since you could argue that Carl is being at least somewhat selfish for wanting to hold off on having kids.

I will freely admit that I am being selfish.

That is where the D word came up. She wants one now or at least know we would start trying within the next year, while I am not sure I want to start trying within the next 3.

Unfair for her to force me into it and unfair for me to keep her from her dream of being a mom before she turns 30.

Can we find a middle ground? I don't know.

Talking with a neutral 3rd party might help you find a solution that you both can live with.

[8 Bit WWBG]

...:::"If you're going to every woman who deceives you, you're never going to be with anyone. And I don't think he has it in him to give up women completely.":::...

Karma for hoops. Heed this advice well cawiau.

...:::"not everyone feels the need to lie and toy with other people's emotions.":::...

I'd bet Mrs. C doesn't feel like she lied. Like I said, she could spin his choosing not to use condoms as the same thing. If he was 100% opposed to pregnancy, he would never skip the condom. But he tried to play roulette, so all she did was increase the odds (which were already pretty high). You can tell how she thinks in how she worded it. She didn't try to get pregnant, she just didn't try not to get pregnant.