How expensive can a divorce be

[NancysSummerSip]

I have no knowledge of my wife's cycle.



that's because you keep putting it up her butt, and the cycle is irrelevant.

You expect differently from a guy who can't even pack a simple picnic lunch?

[quotequeen]

May 9, 2012 15:29:28 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

You guys are mixing up the storyline a bit... I think. They were waiting for a couple years, then there was a very brief period where he said they were going to stop using birth control and if it happened it happened. I think that was prior to his new job. It was a really brief period though. Then they were back to waiting a couple years. She stopped taking the pill because the hormones were screwing with her, supposedly. So they were still using birth control, but it was just condoms and her tracking her cycle so they could avoid sex during her fertility windows.

Or at least that's what I remember.

Now he's finding out that she was lying to him about her half of their birth control method, because she decided their lives would be easier if she got pregnant now.

It doesn't make sense if they were combining the condoms with not having sex when she is ovulating. She went to her doctor to find out why her scheme hadn't worked yet - she wouldn't be surprised by that if they were still using condoms every time.

[Deleted]

Message deleted by moonbeam.

removed reference to quoted material that has been deleted

[Deleted]

You want to flip the script? Get snipped without her knowing and then tell her you want to start trying really hard to have kids and she can stop working when she gets pregnant. Sit back and enjoy the ride while it lasts.

[kindthatjingles]

Who are these women that think they are injured when they ahve their period.


For goodness sakes Princess lift an effin box. I blame the men around then that let them get away with this crap.


Also I feel horrible for the Men I see in the Tampax aisle. Ladies you know when it is coming.. Be prepared. Do not send your man to look hopeless in the aisle.

[swamp]

May 9, 2012 15:29:28 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

because she decided their her life lives would be easier if she got pregnant now.

fixed.

[kindthatjingles]

May 9, 2012 15:32:13 GMT -5 @mmc said:

You want to flip the script? Get snipped without her knowing and then tell her you want to start trying really hard to have kids and she can stop working when she gets pregnant. Sit back and enjoy the ride while it lasts.

Sometimes people get exactly what they deserve.

[kindthatjingles]

May 9, 2012 15:32:36 GMT -5 swamp said:

May 9, 2012 15:29:28 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

because she decided their her life lives would be easier if she got pregnant now.

fixed.

[Sum Dum Gai]

She went to her doctor to find out why her scheme hadn't worked yet - she wouldn't be surprised by that if they were still using condoms every time.

Then they were probably using the condoms during her window and not using them the rest of the time. Which is fine I guess, as long as the condom doesn't break, and she's honest about her cycle.

ETA - Carl, if that was your birth control method you guys be crazy by the way. Sounds risky as hell to me. You're both young, and probably fairly fertile. I think an oops baby would have been inevitable even if she wasn't trying for one.

[swamp]

May 9, 2012 15:32:24 GMT -5 kindthatjingles said:

Who are these women that think they are injured when they ahve their period.


For goodness sakes Princess lift an effin box. I blame the men around then that let them get away with this crap.


Also I feel horrible for the Men I see in the Tampax aisle. Ladies you know when it is coming.. Be prepared. Do not send your man to look hopeless in the aisle.

I get perverse pleasure when I send DH to buy tampons. But I lift heavy stuff without complaint, so it all evens out.

[imawino]

May 9, 2012 15:32:24 GMT -5 kindthatjingles said:

Also I feel horrible for the Men I see in the Tampax aisle. Ladies you know when it is coming.. Be prepared. Do not send your man to look hopeless in the aisle.

Oh please. I'm pretty sure that's like taking a puppy to the park. I think he likes to go because it's a pretty easy spot to pick up chicks that definitely haven't hit menopause.

[Angel!]

May 9, 2012 15:33:41 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

She went to her doctor to find out why her scheme hadn't worked yet - she wouldn't be surprised by that if they were still using condoms every time.

Then they were probably using the condoms during her window and not using them the rest of the time. Which is fine I guess, as long as the condom doesn't break, and she's honest about her cycle.

But even then the failure rate for that method is 5-10% for those who track everything carefully. I hope Carl knew this method is by no means foolproof.

[8 Bit WWBG]

...:::"Bing! Bing! Bing!":::...

You know we aren't affiliated with M$ anymore, right?

Just trying to cheer you up. A better response is coming as soon as I finish reading all the posts.

[Firebird]

And yes I told her the whole trust thing and how could I trust her. Her logic is it wouldn't be really tricking me since we both want kids and just can't seem to agree on the timeline... Her accidentally getting pregnant would solve that and after all she only wants 1.

Good lord. Imagine if, years down the line, you guys *actually had* an accident. You'd never be able to fully believe that it really was an accident.

I doubt I could trust my spouse again if he tampered with my birth control in an effort to get me pregnant when he knew I didn't want a kid at that time. If you can't trust your spouse not to trick you in such a fundamental way... what have you got?

Damn. I'm so sorry.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

May 9, 2012 15:31:16 GMT -5 quotequeen said:

May 9, 2012 15:29:28 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

You guys are mixing up the storyline a bit... I think. They were waiting for a couple years, then there was a very brief period where he said they were going to stop using birth control and if it happened it happened. I think that was prior to his new job. It was a really brief period though. Then they were back to waiting a couple years. She stopped taking the pill because the hormones were screwing with her, supposedly. So they were still using birth control, but it was just condoms and her tracking her cycle so they could avoid sex during her fertility windows.

Or at least that's what I remember.

Now he's finding out that she was lying to him about her half of their birth control method, because she decided their lives would be easier if she got pregnant now.

It doesn't make sense if they were combining the condoms with not having sex when she is ovulating. She went to her doctor to find out why her scheme hadn't worked yet - she wouldn't be surprised by that if they were still using condoms every time.

I suspect she was using ovulation kits to determine when she was ovulating. If she was telling Carl when she was not ovulating, when she really was, then it would be a fairly simple (albeit expensive) deception.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Do not send your man to look hopeless in the aisle.

In my defense he said he wanted to be helpful and would run into get them.

10 minutes later he comes back and tells me he needs help that he was too embarassed to ask a clerk.

I told him don't feel bad, half the time I can't find what I am looking for either.

[Sum Dum Gai]

If you can't trust your spouse not to trick you in such a fundamental way... what have you got?

A pretty average marriage, since over half of them don't work out these days.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I got a package of 50 ovulation sticks for $10 at Target. All I had to do was wait to see a dark pink line and then get DH to have sex within 72 hours. Not an expensive deception at all if you track your cycle and test once a month. That's 50 tries in one box.

[imawino]

May 9, 2012 15:33:41 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

ETA - Carl, if that was your birth control method you guys be crazy by the way. Sounds risky as hell to me. You're both young, and probably fairly fertile. I think an oops baby would have been inevitable even if she wasn't trying for one.

That's why to us her actions seems shockingly wrong, but I can see how in her head she could have totally believed that he wouldn't care because they weren't being serious about birth control anyway.

[midjd]

ETA - Carl, if that was your birth control method you guys be crazy by the way. Sounds risky as hell to me. You're both young, and probably fairly fertile. I think an oops baby would have been inevitable even if she wasn't trying for one.

Agreed. Condoms are by no means a foolproof BC method, and if you're only using them when you think you "need" them... well, I can see why she wondered about fertility problems, you're not even really trying NOT to have a kid at that point.

Not excusing her actions whatsoever, but I can see how it is somewhat of a mixed message, particularly since even Cawaiu went the "let's have a baby right now" route for a month or so.

[Firebird]

May 9, 2012 13:07:10 GMT -5 @shooby said:

Carl, do you love your wife to give her a second chance? Would she love you enough to do so if you made a mistake? Sorry that i cannot jump onto the "get a divorce" bandwagon. That is not something i would divorce my spouse over, not even close. If you do, your choice completely but there are some of us here who would not.

It's not hard to understand why a betrayal of this magnitude would make someone want a divorce. I'm not going to tell him what to do either, but it would take a LONG fucking time for me to trust DH again if he pulled this kind of stunt on me, and that's assuming I ever could at all - not a given.

If you don't have trust, you don't have a marriage. Second chances are nice, but I would need serious and concrete action pretty much on a daily basis from DH to show I could trust him again, probably for years, before I could fully let myself be in the relationship again.

[Firebird]

I don't think I could ever get the trust back after that. I think I'd prefer my spouse cheated than pulled a stunt like Mrs. C.

Me too.

[Firebird]

May 9, 2012 13:19:31 GMT -5 swamp said:

May 9, 2012 13:17:28 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

Sorry about that BTW.. I was just passing through..

LOL!
Now focus dude, our virtual brother is hurting here.

I think we need a Chicks of YM road trip to smack some sense into Mrs. C.

I'll go along with that too, this kind of bullshit gives women a bad name.

(Sorry, I'm obviously still catching up.)

[midjd]

I think it comes down to communication. Mrs. C - for whatever reason - felt she couldn't communicate her desire for a child to Cawaiu (or did and he didn't listen) - so she immaturely took matters into her own hands. Bad decision.

But the impression I've gotten from some of Cawaiu's posts is that he tells her how it's going to be, and she says "OK." Given what he's said about her shyness, fear of confrontation, etc., this doesn't really surprise me.

Again, I'm not at all condoning what she did. But I think there are bigger issues here. If she's afraid/reluctant/whatever to tell Cawaiu how she really feels, or what she really wants - or she DOES tell him and he says, "No, we're doing it this way" - that's a much bigger issue than "did she lie about her menstrual cycle." And I think this kind of communication issue is completely fixable, though the trust may be broken beyond repair.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

but I can see how in her head she could have totally believed that he wouldn't care because they weren't being serious about birth control anyway

If you think he is okay with having a baby why not be honest with your intentions?

Why talk about it behind his back?

That's what I don't get. I totally understand what you are saying about mixed signals but I can't wrap my brain around proceeding ahead with increasing my odds without consulting my husband, let alone hiding it from him.

DH got mixed signals from me about kids. He asked me point blank if I wanted kids or not.

I never would have forgiven him if he had tampered with my birth control and then claimed "well I thought it would be okay with you".

You don't go behind your spouses back and decide "Well they are all right with it so now I am going to deliberately start trying".

That to me means you got some serious communication problems if you feel that is acceptable rather than confronting your spouse on his mixed signals.

[Firebird]

May 9, 2012 13:22:47 GMT -5 @shooby said:

May 9, 2012 13:11:36 GMT -5 swamp said:

I dont' think anyone has said "you need to divorce her now." They've noted it's a difficult situation, that the trust is gone, and they need counseling.

I don't think I could ever get the trust back after that. I think I'd prefer my spouse cheated than pulled a stunt like Mrs. C.

The trust isn't "gone" . The reason so many things get blown all out of proportion is because people start talking in catastrophic language like saying the "trust is gone". Really? It is gone? That quickly? Over a an overhead converstation none of which there isn't any evidence that she followed through with? How about talking to the wife and hearing her side and then going from there. And, no i would not divorce over that.

Um, he did hear her side though? And she admitted she was trying to trick him? The overheard comment is simply how he found out before it was too late, thank God, not the actual issue.

[kindthatjingles]

I think that if she was pregnant he'd love the child and eventually it would all work out but he would never forget how that child got here.

Once I don't trust someone friend ,family ,spouse whatever I am done.

[DVM gone riding]

OMG--Now I am hating the fact that the board split in two because I haven't had the time to check up here the last few days!!



you know we love you and I really hope you will do as everyone as adviced and take a few days/weeks to calm down and think how much your life will really suck without your wife.

She didn't cheat on you to get pregnant and then tell you it was yours did she? That would definately be a deal breaker but this is something that needs to be discussed----get yourself a marriage counsler and make a deal with her to tell NONE of the family about it.

[kindthatjingles]

May 9, 2012 15:49:57 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

but I can see how in her head she could have totally believed that he wouldn't care because they weren't being serious about birth control anyway

If you think he is okay with having a baby why not be honest with your intentions?

Why talk about it behind his back?

That's what I don't get. I totally understand what you are saying about mixed signals but I can't wrap my brain around proceeding ahead with increasing my odds without consulting my husband, let alone hiding it from him.

DH got mixed signals from me about kids. He asked me point blank if I wanted kids or not.

I never would have forgiven him if he had tampered with my birth control and then claimed "well I thought it would be okay with you".

You don't go behind your spouses back and decide "Well they are all right with it so now I am going to deliberately start trying".

That to me means you got some serious communication problems if you feel that is acceptable rather than confronting your spouse on his mixed signals.

I know I said it before but and the fact she was like crap I am getting checked out this should have worked by now... That to me is the wtf?

[quotequeen]

May 9, 2012 15:49:04 GMT -5 midjd said:

I think it comes down to communication. Mrs. C - for whatever reason - felt she couldn't communicate her desire for a child to Cawaiu (or did and he didn't listen) - so she immaturely took matters into her own hands. Bad decision.

But the impression I've gotten from some of Cawaiu's posts is that he tells her how it's going to be, and she says "OK." Given what he's said about her shyness, fear of confrontation, etc., this doesn't really surprise me.

Again, I'm not at all condoning what she did. But I think there are bigger issues here. If she's afraid/reluctant/whatever to tell Cawaiu how she really feels, or what she really wants - or she DOES tell him and he says, "No, we're doing it this way" - that's a much bigger issue than "did she lie about her menstrual cycle." And I think this kind of communication issue is completely fixable, though the trust may be broken beyond repair.

I don't know, they've had at least 10 conversations about it that he's shared with us. Granted he seems to change his mind a fair amount, but it's not like they aren't communicating on the subject.