Why Did/Would You Get Married?

[Deleted]

Jesus moon, I remember you having a pornfest with some guy on the old Mens sex and health board (take your mod hat off), and always feeling miserable about your situation.

So do something about it already, you only live once, don't let it slip away.

[femmefatale]

[femmefatale]

Nov 8, 2011 22:59:19 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

First time, stupidity and the desire to get away from my parents.
Second time, because the greatest guy in the world asked me. We were married for 37 years and it was never anything but good. He was very, very special.

Now that is sweet mmhmm..

[moon/Laura]

whatever Robert.. it's not always that black and white. when you're in my shoes, you can tell me what to do.

[femmefatale]

I think we all need a round of Margaritas! ;D

[Deleted]

Look, Moon, I'm not trying to yank your chain and be a pain in the ass...just trying to make you think about things.

Femme, but out, or I'll butt in, and it will be scream worthy.

[femmefatale]

Nov 11, 2011 15:48:56 GMT -5 Robert not Bobby said:

Look, Moon, I'm not trying to yank your chain and be a pain in the ass...just trying to make you think about things.

Femme, but out, or I'll butt in, and it will be scream worthy.

It was a joke Robert. WTF?

[Jake 48]

Ex and present DW would/will put up with me, I'm a lot of work

[moon/Laura]

Nov 11, 2011 15:48:56 GMT -5 Robert not Bobby said:

Look, Moon, I'm not trying to yank your chain and be a pain in the ass...just trying to make you think about things.

don't you think i think about it enough as it is? that i don't worry that by the time i *can* do something about it that i'll be too damn old to bother? it's always so much easier when you're on the outside.

i'll really flipping sorry i said anything.

[formerroomate99]

I got married because I wanted children and knew I wasn't cut out to be a single mother. We had a rough first couple of years, but now things are really nice.

If I didn't want children, there is no way I would have ever gotten married or cohabitated.

[warbringer]

Message deleted by Warbringer.

[warbringer]

Nov 11, 2011 15:48:56 GMT -5 Robert not Bobby said:

Look, Moon, I'm not trying to yank your chain and be a pain in the ass...just trying to make you think about things.

Femme, but out, or I'll butt in, and it will be scream worthy.

Sounds like someone's not getting their way and they're having a tantrum lmao!

[quince]

Nov 11, 2011 14:46:40 GMT -5 moon/Laura said:

Nov 10, 2011 19:22:44 GMT -5 quince said:

Getting married because it's important to him, and affords some legal and financial benefits and protections.

all the wrong reasons..

Really? All the wrong reasons?

I'm in a long term relationship because our personalities fit each other- we have a communication style that works for both of us, we can both compromise without feeling victimized, we both care about the other person's well being alongside our own.

We've discussed children and finances and come to agreements on how they'll be handled, in general terms, with both of us aware the circumstances and experience could change what we want, and we're willing to handle life as continuing adventure, renegotiating and changing direction and needed.

These are the reasons I have committed to being with him for the long term. I don't live in his head so I won't pretend I understand all of his reasons for committing to ME.

Because I trust him and he trusts me, the legal entanglements of marriage are acceptable to me. When it comes to property/inheritance/access to health insurance/medical decisions in the event of one of us being incapacitated, it is a GOOD idea, especially since we are planning on children.

I'm okay with getting married because we ALREADY have the kind of relationship I think the idealized marriage should be. I don't look at marriage as a switch that is going to change that relationship. It's not a relationship elixir or a bandage to fix something broken. It's a confirmation of something that is already there, but at least in my case, it is not going to change what is there.

[moon/Laura]

quince, that's great. but you have to admit that your first reply conveyed NONE of that. it didn't even mention love.. so, yes.. it appeared like you were doing so "because he wants to and it's convenient". that's why i said they were the wrong reasons.

your statement of "I'm okay with getting married" still makes it sound like you're not all that into it.

[quince]

Nov 12, 2011 12:21:01 GMT -5 moon/Laura said:

quince, that's great. but you have to admit that your first reply conveyed NONE of that. it didn't even mention love.. so, yes.. it appeared like you were doing so "because he wants to and it's convenient". that's why i said they were the wrong reasons.

your statement of "I'm okay with getting married" still makes it sound like you're not all that into it.

I guess that's because I'm not into marriage. I don't like how people bestow special status to a relationship with the label of marriage, even though two people might have met and gotten married in months, and another couple might have been together for a decade. I also think a lot of people focus on the label instead of the relationship...sort of like how people spend a lot of time and money planning a wedding, but often don't talk about their intentions for their lives AFTER the wedding.

I guess it would be more accurate to say I'm getting married because it is important to him, it's convenient, and we have gone through the pros and cons, discussed the risks, benefits, and implications, and the probability is that it will be beneficial to both of us?

I also think there is a distinction between doing it because he wants to, and doing it because it's important to him. Want sounds...whimsical? It's important to him- the social aspect/recognition of it, the formalized acknowledgement of the relationship by family, it means something to him, if not to me. And because I do love him, very much, doing something that he wants that costs me nothing that I am not willing to pay is a no-brainer.

[moon/Laura]

fair enough

[el1504]

Together 5 years married for 2. Because when I told him I had breast cancer and they were chopping off one of my boobs (I was 29 he was 27) he asked me where I wanted to eat lunch. Then he stuck around through surgery, chemo and hormone therapy despite me breaking up with him at least twice.

[mmhmm]

I'm sorry you had to go through what you did at such a young age, el. Heck, I'm sorry for anyone who has to face cancer at any age! Sounds like you really found yourself a winner!

[cme1201]

Nov 7, 2011 21:18:58 GMT -5 KindeBabe's Kupid Kiss said:

I was stupid!

When it's over I won't make the same mistake twice.

[el1504]

Thanks mmhmm. It took me a while but I eventually worked that out (I'm a slow learner ;D)

[thyme4change]

I married my husband because he makes me a better person. I had to lock that down, quick!

[femmefatale]

I have a wonderful Man but I ain't gonna lie. I'm scared as hell of marriage now.

[busymom]

I was lucky enough to marry my best friend! It's not always wine & roses, but I'm going thru life feeling like I've always got someone who watches out for me (yea I know, Sandra Bullock said something similar before she found out her husband was cheating). Also, we both wanted kids, and had similar views on raising those kids!

[Deleted]

I was drinking at the time. Heavily.

[kittensaver]

I got married because I finally grew up and recognized I'd stopped chasing guys I THOUGHT I wanted (jocks and surfer dudes) and found the guy I needed (solid, reliable, common values, fun-loving and most important - he WANTED to be in a relationship and have a wife . He's not perfect, but he's perfect for me. 28+ years and still going strong - warts and all. As noted by others it hasn't always been easy, but I can't imagine trying to "do life" with anybody else.

[ride]

Vince hit the nail on the head ;D

[aliciar6]

the first time: i think mainly i wanted the ring and the party and i thought i would feel more secure in the relationship...we had a lot of on /off spells when we were first dating and i really should never have taken him back.

the next time: because i can't imagine life with out him.

[missdivine]

First marriage, I was too young and stupid to realize exactly what I was getting myself into and swore off of marriage forever.

Second marriage, I couldn't stand the thought of losing him although he turned out to be not exactly who I thought he was. Swore off marriage again.

Current bf, it crosses my mind and if he asked me tomorrow, I would say yes. We take care of each other and I can't imagine being without him. We've had the discussion, and he fully intends to get married again someday (we're both mid-40's). He went to 3 funerals with me in the first 6 months of us being a couple and if that's not when a person is their most vulnerable and needy, I don't know when else. He was/is my rock.

[daisylu]

I never thought that I would marry. After one heck of a cohabitation relationship in my early twenties, I never had a desire to get married. Focused on myself and my 2 kiddos. It all changed in 2006, when a friend became more than a friend - it was like finding the half of me that I never knew was missing.

We are without a doubt each other's BFs. We bring out the best in each other, and I could never imagine being apart. But I had no intention of cohabitating again and neither did he, so after 2 years of dating we got married. BEST DECISION EVER.

[Sum Dum Gai]

I got married because I finally grew up and recognized I'd stopped chasing guys I THOUGHT I wanted (jocks and surfer dudes) and found the guy I needed (solid, reliable, common values, fun-loving and most important - he WANTED to be in a relationship and have a wife .

Do you give lessons? I have this SIL that apparently finds unemployed skater looking dudes like super hot. Everyone figured she'd grow out of that when her teen years ended. Then by the time she graduated from college. Then by the time she hit 30. So far she's still going strong with her string of losery guys that never last more than a year or two, and everyone is still waiting for her to grow out of it.