BELOW IS ONE OF THE MOST STRAIGHTFOWARD DESCRIPTIONS OF AA, BOTH SIDES AROUND
FOR WIGGY AND HAMSTER Hopefully you'll have a better
understanding
It's worth the read with a cup of coffee
Your First AA Meeting
An Unofficial Guide For the Perplexed
Floyd P. Garrett, M.D.
Introduction
Locating a meeting
Types of AA meetings
Discussion meetings
Big Bookand Step Study meetings
Speaker meetings
Clubhouse and church meetings
Meeting size
Smoking ornon-smoking?
The diversity of AA groups
Ritualsand readings: What goes on at a typical AA meeting
The problem of fear
90 Meetings in 90 days? You must be CRAZY!
Arriving late, leaving early
Anonymity and confidentiality
What should you say if you share?
God, Religion and Spirituality
Dogmatism and dogmatists
Sponsors and sponsorship
Principles before personalities
Before and after the meeting
Brainwashing, mind control and cultism
Slogans and other superficial things
A New Vocabulary: Acceptance, Humility, Powerlessness
AA and Psychiatry. The Question of Medications
The AA Preamble
The Serenity Prayer
The Twelve Steps of AA
The Twelve Traditions of AA
The Promises of AA
Links to AA resources(Big Book, meeting finders, &etc.)
Introduction
Practically nobody looks forward to going to their first AA meeting. In most cases this in fact is an occasion of extreme shame, dread and despair. The majority of individuals going to AA for the first time are doing so reluctantly, either because they have promised someone else to go or because they have been directed to attend by a judge, an employer, a therapist or an addictions treatment program. Even first timers who "go on their own" are usually in an intensely ambivalent and negative state. Nobody wishes to require the help that is provided by AA, and as a result virtually everyone attending their first meeting wishes that they were someplace else doing something else.
It is in fact an act of great courage to walk into an AA meeting for the first time. Many people with severe drinking problems simply lack the courage to take this first step under any circumstances. They commonly hide their fear by critical, often cynical remarks about AA and the people who do have the courage to attend. They may indulge themselves with elaborate philosophical, scientific and even political rationalizations for why they will never attend a single AA meeting. But at bottom they are simply too afraid to walk through the door. Still worse: they are unable or unwilling to be honest with themselves and others about their real feelings and hence continue to cloak their fear behind irrelevant and insincere theoretical objections. (See Obstacles to Recovery for more about shame, dishonesty and personal exceptionalism in addictive illness.)
The obvious and best solution to the problem of the normal anxiety and discomfort that are associated with attending one's first AA meeting is to go to the meeting with someone who knows the ropes. If no friend or acquaintance who happens to be an AA member is available, contact can always be arranged by calling the local AA Central Office and asking for a volunteer to telephone one. Although many people avail themselves of such measures to reduce the stress of their first AA meeting, many others find such logical preliminaries themselves too frightening and therefore do not follow them. It is principally to this last group, to those solitary and always frightened and confused "first timers," that this brief introduction is oriented.
Although there is a great deal of information about AA available on the web and in traditional print, there is surprisingly little to be found that deals with the practical concerns and fears of the individual who is attending or thinking of attending a meeting for the first time. The result is sometimes a kind of "culture shock" which takes place when the newcomer attends and is temporarily overwhelmed by the newness and strangeness of the experience. Even worse, people who seriously consider attending an AA meeting may decide not to do so because of the natural human fear of the unknown.
This guide is neither an official one nor affiliated in any way with AA itself. It represents merely one person's attempt to describe some of the common features of AA meetings. There will be many individual variations and exceptions to this or to any other relatively brief attempt to sketch the principal outlines and common experiences in a program as diverse and unregulated as AA. The best way to regard what follows is as one of those primitive and only half-correct maps drawn by the early geographers. Not everything in such maps is correct, and much that is important is omitted. But in favorable cases the map does serve as a rough guide to the territory to be explored, and provides at least some major landmarks by which the traveler may hope to orient and guide himself in his own explorations of the terrain.
An excellent source of "official" AA information is available at the Alcoholics Anonymous World Services Web Site. Anyone curious about AA and contemplating going to their first meeting should read the brief descriptive information available there, including the following:
A Newcomer Asks
Is AA For You?
44 Questions and Answers About AA
AA Fact File
Those seriously interested in this topic are advised to read The Addict's Dilemna, Addiction, Lies and Relationships, Excuses Alcoholics Make, and Resistances to AA Attendance for more information.
Locating a meeting
There is a famous old English recipe for ox tail stew that begins "First, kill an ox." The first step in attending one's first AA meeting is to locate a meeting to attend. The best way to do this is to have or ask for a specific recommendation from someone who is familiar with both the prospective attendee and the meeting in question. Most cities have what are called "Central Offices" for AA that are listed in the local phone book under "Alcoholics Anonymous." Mental health facilities and hospitals usually have a current directory of meetings or a contact number. And the internet is an excellent resource for locating meetings anywhere in the world.
www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/ectroff.html lists Central Offices by state.
alcoholism.miningco.com/health/alcoholism/msubmeetaa.htm lists on-line AA meetings, mailing lists, and also face-to-face meetings by state.
www.atlantaaa.org is the web site of the Atlanta, Georgia Central Office. This contains a meeting schedule that is both searchable on-line and downloadable. Meetings in the greater Atlanta metropolitan area are listed and described.
The local Central Office can provide suggestions for a nearby meeting, a meeting schedule, and other information about AA.
www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/econtent.html is the web address for Alcoholics Anonymous. This site provides much useful introductory information, including the database of Central Offices just described.
www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/em24doc1.html is an "AA Fact File" that answers many questions newcomers usually have.
Types of AA Meetings
Meetings can be categorized by their topic and format, who attends them, and the facilities in which they are held. It is also useful to consider the unofficial distinctions of small versus large meetings and smoking versus non-smoking.
Open versus closed
Mixed, men only, women only, young peoples'
Speaker, Big Book, Step Study or Discussion
Clubhouse or church
Small or large
Smoking versus non-smoking
Meetings may be "Open" (to anyone) or "Closed"(for alcoholics only). Many groups pay no attention to this distinction, and it is not uncommon for regular participants in a meeting to be uncertain whether their meeting is officially open or closed. Family and friends of the alcoholic, along with observers and students of various kinds are welcome at the open meetings. Closed meetings are reserved for those who consider themselves to be alcoholics or who are investigating that possibility for themselves. Newcomers are always welcome at closed meetings regardless of whether they have made up their minds about themselves.
Meetings may be "mixed"(male and female), men only, or women only. Meeting schedules indicate by codes(usually MO or WO) if a meeting is restricted.
AA meetings are also characterized according to their format:
Discussion meetings
Big Book Study meetings
Step Study meetings
Speaker meetings
Discussion meetings
The discussion leader introduces a topic with some brief comments and then throws the meeting open, recognizing those who indicate their desire to share by raising their hands.
Those who raise their hands and are recognized by the discussion leader normally introduce themselves by saying "My name is so-and-so and I am an alcoholic." Some people say "I am a grateful recovering alcoholic," "I am powerless over alcohol," or some other variation. Although it is generally expected, it is not required that those who wish to share identify themselves as being alcoholic.
Sharing usually begins with some reference to the topic mentioned by the discussion leader or to comments by a previous speaker, but each member who speaks is free to change the subject or to introduce an entirely new topic if they need to do so. It is expected that anyone having a particularly hard time, especially if they are thinking seriously about drinking, will bring this up regardless of whatever the original topic or subsequent comments may have been.
Certain conventions guide the content and format of sharing in meetings, although these may be and sometimes are ignored. They include:
Length around 3 minutes or less.
Personal experience, feelings, struggles valued over opinions, theory.
Avoidance of direct advice and "cross talk," i.e. telling another member what to think or how to behave.
Some relation to alcohol or to conflicts in living that can be related to the Twelve Steps.
In general a "single share" convention is followed in which no member speaks at length more than once during a given meeting, although exceptions to this are not uncommon depending upon the group and circumstances.
Identification and empathy with the experiences of others who have shared. This is expressed by sharing one's own personal experiences of a similar nature.
Occasionally the meeting "goes around the room" and everyone has the opportunity to speak if desired, or the discussion leader may call on individual members and invite them to share. Those who do not wish to speak simply say "Thanks, I'll pass" or "I'll just listen tonight." This is always accepted and pressure is never exerted to speak.
b. Meetings usually wrap up on time and are closed in a manner chosen by the particular group. A basket is usually passed around the room for voluntary contributions to defray expenses. No contribution is required, and first-timers are often advised not to contribute. The usual donation is one dollar. It is common for the chairperson to read or remind everyone of the Twelfth Tradition(the principle of anonymity) and to invite the group to stand, join hands in a circle, and recite the Lord's Prayer or the Serenity Prayer.
Big Book and Step Study Meetings
These meetings are devoted to the study of the "Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous" or to the "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions"("12 and 12") written by Bill Wilson, a co-founder of AA. Participants commonly bring their own copy of the appropriate book, but there are usually extra copies available at the meeting for those who did not bring a copy.
The typical meeting will involve reading some portion of the "Big Book" or the "Twelve and Twelve" and then commenting upon it from the individual member's experience and perspective. The discussion leader may read a selected passage and then invite comments, or members may take turns reading a paragraph or two from a chosen section of the work, followed by a general discussion of the topics covered.
As in the discussion meeting, sharing that consists of personal experience and applications of the text is valued over purely theoretical and impersonal analysis.
Also as in the discussion meeting, "cross talk" is kept to a minimum. The usual etiquette is for members to remain silent until the speaker has finished.
Speaker meetings
A speaker is selected in advance who agrees to "tell their story" of drinking and recovery to the group. Speakers are usually those with a year or more of sobriety who have previously been asked and agreed to talk.
A common format is to devote the entire meeting after the usual opening readings to the speaker's story. When the story is finished the meeting is wrapped up without formal discussion.
Some meetings are combined "speaker-discussion meetings" in which a chosen speaker talks for a quarter or a half an hour, followed by a group discussion of the themes raised in accordance with the usual conventions of a discussion meeting.
Clubhouse and Church Meetings
AA Clubhouses are sites specifically dedicated to AA meetings and usually have a wide variety of meetings every day, often at all hours of the day. Clubhouses may be freestanding buildings or rented space in other buildings. "Clubhouse meetings" typically include a wide spectrum of recovering alcoholics from still drinking to recently relapsed to decades of continuous sobriety. There are usually meetings in all of the above formats(open, closed, mixed, men, women, discussion, Big Book, Step Study, speaker, Young Peoples' &etc.). Often there are special beginner's or "First Step" meetings that are attended both by newcomers and those who have been sober a long time. Clubhouse meetings tend to be larger than church meetings – though this is not always the case.
Church meetings are held on the premises of various local churches by special arrangement with the congregation, usually including a nominal rent payment from collections taken up by the AA group at the end of each meeting. The meetings are not affiliated with the church in any way but simply reflect a tradition in which churches have provided AA with space to hold its meetings.
Church meetings tend to be smaller than Clubhouse meetings, though this is not always the case. Meetings are held wherever space is available – though seldom in the sanctuary or chapel.
Meeting size varies from small to large wherever the meeting may be held and regardless of the specific format(discussion, Big Book, Step Study, speaker) and who attends(mixed, men, women, young people &etc.). "Small" usually refers to meetings of fifteen or less members while "large" can mean thirty, forty, fifty or more people.
Smoking and nonsmoking meetings. The "smoke filled room" of AA tradition was a definite reality but is now becoming a thing of the past as more and more meetings become nonsmoking only. Smokers still congregate outside the meeting before, during and after it is held – but meetings in which smoking is permitted inside are becoming rare.
The Diversity of AA Groups
No two AA groups are alike. There is an enormous diversity among groups reflecting unique features of the particular group and the individuals who constitute it. AA's Fourth Tradition states that "Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or AA as a whole." This is not just empty talk, as anyone who has sampled the wide variety of AA meetings knows well. There is a tremendous kaleidoscopic variation of emphasis, emotional tone, meeting philosophy, readings and ritual, and informal group norms from one group to another. This seems to be one of AA's "secrets of success" and guarantees that when there are enough groups to choose from, a newcomer will be able to find something that closely matches his needs if only he is willing to look. Though all are welcome, groups generally tend to mirror the socioeconomic and ethnic characteristics of the neighborhoods in which they meet. Exceptions, however, abound. Perhaps nowhere in modern society are as much genuine democracy and class and status-less affiliation of equals to be found as in the typical AA meeting.
Rituals and Readings: What Goes on at a typical AA Meeting
AA meetings vary considerably in their particular readings and rituals from place to place, even within the same general geographic location. Each meeting has its own style of opening and closing.
A common sequence(there are many variations) in the southeastern United States is:
Meeting called to order by volunteer chairperson.
Chairperson reads "AA Preamble," leads group in Serenity Prayer.
Reading of "How it Works," the "Twelve Traditions" and "The Promises," often by members who were asked before the meeting to do so.
Chairperson asks if there are any newcomers or people attending that particular meeting for the first time who care to introduce themselves by their first name. (This is completely optional and may be ignored by newcomers if desired, although it is obviously a good idea to introduce oneself in order for others to begin to get to know him.)
AA-related announcements.
The meeting itself, whether discussion, Big Book Study, Step Study or speaker.
Conclusion of meeting proper.
Chips handed out for length of sobriety(in SE US). Voluntary.
"Pass the basket" for optional one dollar donation.
Statement of Twelfth Tradition.
Lord's Prayer, usually said standing in a circle, heads bowed, holding hands. Some groups close with Serenity Prayer.
:)The Problem of Fear
Regardless of the type, size or location of their first AA meeting, newcomers face a predictable series of challenges that must be overcome in order to begin to benefit from AA. By far the greatest problem most individuals experience when beginning AA is how to deal with their fear.
Fear is the great enemy of recovery from alcoholism and indeed from any serious addiction. Intensely negative emotions such as fear, shame, and guilt obstruct the road to recovery and detour the alcoholic-addict away from what is good for him(for example, AA meetings, therapy, rehab) and toward what is bad for him(isolation, secrecy, alcohol and drugs). Even when a person has supposedly "hit bottom" as a consequence of his addiction and sincerely, desperately desires to overcome it and begin leading a healthy life, the painful and aversive affects of shame, guilt and fear often conspire with his addiction to thwart him and bring his hopes to naught. In all too many cases the fear of the steps necessary for lasting recovery may be greater than the alcoholic's fear of relapse into alcoholism, resulting in the familiar "On again, off again" pattern many alcoholics and addicts display as they begin to flirt with but not yet commit to recovery. (See Why is Recovery So Hard? and Obstacles to Recovery.)
It is the rare newcomer to an AA meeting who is not at least inwardly quaking in his boots. Fear of the unknown and of strange situations is a perfectly normal human response. In fact, it is a necessary response: for without the capacity for fear, no individual would survive for long. Fearful anticipation and resulting hyper-vigilance serve to protect people from harm in strange situations.
The fear of the typical newcomer to an AA meeting begins but by no means ends with this normal and adaptive apprehension in regard to the unfamiliar. The newcomer is vulnerable to many other fears which usually cause far greater distress and may eventually cause him to run away, to adopt a combative attitude, or simply to be unable to profit from his AA experience.
It is probably true in general that the famous "fight or flight" response is the characteristic response of most higher organisms to perceived threat. If a danger is spotted one must either overcome it, usually by attack, or run away to escape harm and even death.
The majority of alcoholics dispose of their fear –dread would probably be a more accurate word- of AA meetings(and alcohol treatment) by the classical phobic-avoidance method: they stay as far away from them as possible. This phobic avoidance is commonly rationalized in various ways, some of which may be superficially plausible. But the underlying problem in almost all cases is fear.
The alcoholic who actually attends an AA meeting, therefore, is the exception to this rule of avoidance. The "normal" thing is for the alcoholic to shy away from AA and anything remotely resembling AA. And the chief reason for this avoidance is fear, followed closely by the intense shame that is characteristic of most advanced addictive disease.
What is the alcoholic so afraid of that he is willing to go to any length -sometimes even to die- to avoid AA meetings? Every individual has a unique story – but there are some common factors which, while varying in relative importance in each case, actually constitute the principal explanation for the typical alcoholic's fear and loathing of AA.
We should keep in mind that the alcoholic attending his first AA meeting seldom does so in a state of mental calm and physical equilibrium. Usually there has been a drinking-related crisis of some kind that has prompted the first visit to AA. A considerable amount of "energy" is required to lift the alcoholic from his normal, i.e. drinking "orbit" into the initially much more aversive AA "orbit." And it is the nature of addiction that mere rational analysis seldom provides sufficient energy for such a drastic change of state. Something more, and often something painful and undeniable, is usually required in addition to whatever intellectual insight the alcoholic may possess. Attendance at one's first AA meeting does not take place in a vacuum but in the context of an existence that more often than not is riddled and riven with turmoil resulting from alcoholic drinking and behavior.
Something else to keep in mind when considering the first AA meeting is the usually highly abnormal and unstable physical state of the alcoholic. For whether he is still drinking, has attempted to cut down, or has recently stopped altogether, his brain is seldom in a healthy functional state. More often than not these days, drugs besides alcohol are likely to be part of the picture as well. All of this undermines the clarity and stability of the newcomer's psyche and makes the chore of correctly perceiving and interpreting the meeting environment more difficult.
The basic fear of the average alcoholic attending his first AA meeting is loss of face, i.e. fear of painful narcissistic injury, humiliation, or social embarrassment. To attend an AA meeting means to acknowledge that one is or might be an alcoholic who has been unable to control his drinking! This fear originates and is maintained solely in the alcoholic's head and is largely independent of external influence – especially external influence that might be thought to ameliorate it. Thus the newcomer at an AA meeting is frequently ashamed to be seen there despite knowing full well that everyone else present is also an alcoholic. This is because the "seeing" that pains him is his own seeing of himself as someone with a drinking problem who is in need of help. Well-meant reassurances from other people are of little help here and may even make the shame worse. For the alcoholic is ashamed in his own eyes and before himself, feelings that commonly overflow and then are projected upon others. The self-critical and ashamed alcoholic thus experiences his own internal self-condemnation as external criticism and disapproval coming or threatening to come from others.
A soldier on night sentry duty on the frontier of hostile and dangerous territory will naturally be alert to every sound and shadowy movement as possibly indicating the threatening presence of the enemy. His attention is focused and organized to detect and act upon signs of imminent attack. Everything else has been put on the back burner for as long as he stands sentry duty. Such a soldier is not interested in, nor would he be very good at learning various kinds of new information about the theory of standing guard, the politics of warfare, or the geologic history of the landscape he is presently patrolling. His survival depends upon the capacity of his mind to weed out such extraneous or distracting input and to remain fixated upon the immediate task of survival through vigilance and readiness for quick response. Not merely his weapon but the soldier himself is "locked and loaded," i.e. ready for combat.
In the same way the individual exposed for the first time to an entirely new and, in his mind, potentially threatening environment such as an AA meeting will be in a state of heightened defensive vigilance, scanning the environment and the behavior of others for any signs of danger. This is by no means the optimum state of mind to make objective assessments and to draw reliable conclusions about what is going on. People under conditions of perceived high threat view, organize and interpret their environment just as the soldier-sentry described above does: they are watchful, suspicious, cautious, and prepared to fight or flee on a moment's notice.
In brief, the high anxiety and selective attention of many AA newcomers causes them to experience and evaluate their meeting environment and the people in it in a distorted fashion. Only by coming back a number of times with a diminishing level of fear and anxiety do individuals unfamiliar with AA meetings begin to acquire a more rounded, accurate and in-depth view of what is actually going on – as opposed to what they fear is or might shortly be going on.
All of the observations made above apply with even more force to those not infrequent instances in which the newcomer, in addition to suffering from alcoholism, also suffers from a significant anxiety disorder such as "social phobia" or "social anxiety disorder." A very high percentage of alcoholics, 50% or more in some studies, show evidence of an associated anxiety or depressive condition in addition to their alcoholism. In these cases faster progress in AA and sobriety is usually made when separate professional treatment is obtained for the "dual diagnosis" condition.
90 Meetings in 90 Days? You Must be CRAZY!
The newcomer is frequently shocked and horrified to hear the recommendation that in order to become adequately acquainted with AA, he should attend at least ninety meetings in ninety days – a meeting every day for three months! This recommendation amounts to a proposal for the kind of "total immersion" strategy that is often used in learning a foreign language: the student is simply thrown into an environment in which no language but the one he wishes to learn is spoken.
Also called "90-90" or "doing a 90-90," the ninety meetings in ninety days suggestion is just a common sense and experience-derived attempt to deal with the problems of perspective and interfering emotions described above. The 90-90 proposition also serves notice that the AA recovery path is not an easy or effortless one – and that a major change in daily routine and therefore priorities is required for success. The prescription is probably one of those :more honored in the breach than the observance," although a certain number of newcomers do manage to follow it or something closely akin to it. The basic idea is that in order to be successful the neophyte must spend the time and energy required to become acquainted with AA.
A large number of alcoholics who attend at least one AA meetings recoil in disgust from the 90-90 advice. It confirms for them some of their worst fears about AA, for example the charge that it is a dangerous cult that succeeds only by brainwashing the critical judgment of its participants. The very idea of making time to attend an AA meeting every single day for three months offends their sense of proportionality because it seems to them an absurd, almost grotesque over-reaction to their alcohol problem.
Arriving Late and Leaving Early
Not everyone is uncomfortable at their first AA meeting – but most people are. Part of this is the normal social anxiety associated with unfamiliar situations; the majority of it is connected with the intense self-consciousness, hyper-vigilance, shame and guilt that the prospective AA member feels for exposing himself as someone with a significant drinking problem which he is unable to handle on his own. For there is simply no satisfactory escape from the painful logic that announces to himself and everyone who sees him at the AA meeting that if he didn't have a bad drinking problem that he was having trouble handling, he wouldn't be there in the first place. Just showing up at an AA meeting, therefore, is a declaration of unmanageable personal difficulty. And for many people that is an acutely painful source of shame and stigma.
One of the common ways individuals attempt to manage their "meeting anxiety" is by arriving late and leaving early. This strategy not only cuts down on the amount of time actually spent at the meeting, it also, and more importantly, eliminates the unstructured time prior to and after the meeting itself. Newcomers tend to feel uncomfortable and awkward in such circumstances because they don't yet know anybody and aren't sure how to behave. The simplest and most obvious solution to this predicament is to avoid it altogether. This sometimes lead to a pattern of meeting behavior that resembles a bank robbery: the getaway car is left running outside while the robber darts into the bank, grabs the money, and runs for his life before the police arrive. The role in this behavior of intense fear and the resulting phobic-avoidance defense is apparent.
Continued below
Well how'd we all do last nite?
