Jokes

[NoNamePerson]

 for Tiger!!! Started my day off with a big laugh especially the sugar one.....

[ZaireinHD]

OH GEEZ!!!
little embarrassed now!
ever since I saw the charging cat picture
I've been trying to figure out how did someone take a picture and NOT get the glowing eyes?
top pic no flash and bottom pic used flash!

[NoNamePerson]

I still say the "mouse" tricked the cat!!!!!!

[Deleted]

No joke..

I wish all of you the best this year 

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

[tigerpause]

[tigerpause]

[tigerpause]

[tigerpause]

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

[Deleted]

 

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

[NoNamePerson]

[NoNamePerson]

[NoNamePerson]

[NoNamePerson]

A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO Sam's Club

Yesterday I was at Sam's Club, buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my
loyal pet, Owen , the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman
behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that
no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that
I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that
I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes
coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it
works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one
or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete,
(certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled
with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food
poisoned me.

I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard.

Sam's Club won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask
retired people.

We have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

[tigerpause]

Help desk: What's your modem serial number?

Caller: 001, E as in igloo, A as in apple, 3251, E as in igloo.

Help desk: So that was 001, Echo, Alpha, 3251, Echo?

Caller: No, E as in igloo!

Help desk: Sorry, sir, but igloo begins with an I.

Caller: No, igloo is spelled E-G-L-U-E. I have a G.E.D. You can't pull one over on me, Mr. Fancy Pants!



~~~actual tech support call

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

For those of you freezing your a$$e$ off in the mid-west, put on a Happy Face:

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

[tigerpause]

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

This would have been my dad - he couldn't boil water:

[NoNamePerson]

Jan 10, 2014 19:27:08 GMT -5 ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ said:

This would have been my dad - he couldn't boil water:

You need to post this over on steff's thread!!!

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

She's suffering enough without adding insult to injury.

[NoNamePerson]

That is so true. I come off as sweet little elderly lady till something goes funky with PC and internet connection. Then I am like something out of a scene from the Exorcist.  

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

This is definitely me....

[NoNamePerson]

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

My Kind of Fridge: