Opti
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Post by Opti on Feb 12, 2024 18:46:39 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Feb 16, 2024 11:05:58 GMT -5
On patrol one evening I decided to wait outside a bar known for being pretty wild at closing time.
I figured if nothing else, it would be easy pickings for DUI's.
Sure enough, right at 2am, a man stumbled out to his car. I watched as he fumbled to get his keys out, struggled to unlock and open the door, and dropped his keys repeatedly before finally getting them in the ignition and starting the car.
As soon as he pulled onto the street, I turned on my lights and pulled him over.
I said, "Sir, how much have you had to drink tonight?"
"Nothing, I've just been drinking sodas all night," he replied.
I said, "Sir, I have reason to believe you're intoxicated. Please step out of the car."
I administered all the usual sobriety tests - reciting the alphabet, walking the white line, touching his nose - and to my surprise the man passed. I gave him the breathalyzer, and he blew a zero - he was completely sober.
I said, "I don't get it. I watched you stumble out of that bar, fumble your way to your car, and drop your keys trying to get it started. Yet here you are stone cold sober. What happened?"
He said "Oh, tonight I'm the designated decoy. All the drunks left while you were watching me.”
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Feb 17, 2024 21:16:09 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Feb 21, 2024 10:21:16 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Feb 22, 2024 16:08:48 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Feb 24, 2024 16:27:21 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Feb 24, 2024 16:27:49 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Feb 24, 2024 16:28:20 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Feb 24, 2024 16:34:43 GMT -5
 Took a minute!
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Mar 2, 2024 13:45:19 GMT -5
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Mar 2, 2024 13:49:54 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Mar 3, 2024 10:19:43 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Mar 3, 2024 13:13:27 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Mar 4, 2024 11:35:28 GMT -5
From The Onion  ITHACA, NY—In a shocking revelation that left the entire ornithological community reeling, Cornell University scientists reportedly discovered Tuesday that birds had lied about being related to dinosaurs. “For decades, birds literally looked us in the eye and claimed they descended from theropods—and it was all a stupid lie!” said Professor Tracy Rheiner, who slammed the entire Aves class for feeding scientists “total bullshit” for years that essentially rendered ornithologists’ collective work worthless. “I’ve been publishing papers using what they told me! Does that mean anything to them? This is my career we’re talking about. We look like fucking idiots! What the hell is the public going to say when they find out?” Rheiner went on to state that birds were probably lying about being related to Princess Diana, too. |
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Mar 4, 2024 11:38:19 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Mar 8, 2024 17:03:53 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Mar 11, 2024 13:41:40 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Mar 16, 2024 16:49:30 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Jokes
Mar 18, 2024 8:41:10 GMT -5
Post by NoNamePerson on Mar 18, 2024 8:41:10 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Mar 18, 2024 8:58:19 GMT -5
Operator: "Do you have a large basement chest freezer?" |
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Mar 18, 2024 12:21:11 GMT -5
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Mar 22, 2024 17:49:32 GMT -5
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Mar 22, 2024 17:50:20 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
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Favorite Drink: Sometimes I drink water... just to surprise my liver!
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Post by toomuchreality on Mar 22, 2024 17:51:04 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
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Favorite Drink: Sometimes I drink water... just to surprise my liver!
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Jokes
Mar 22, 2024 17:51:56 GMT -5
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Post by toomuchreality on Mar 22, 2024 17:51:56 GMT -5
But he didn't spill his drink! Smart! |
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Mar 22, 2024 17:52:15 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Mar 22, 2024 17:53:43 GMT -5
Operator: "Do you have a large basement chest freezer?"  I have so many questions! |
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Mar 22, 2024 17:54:41 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Mar 22, 2024 17:56:05 GMT -5
Ha! I didn't mean to post those frowny faces. That was supposed to be 3 question marks! |
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Mar 22, 2024 19:51:21 GMT -5
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I have so many questions!
