NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Mar 18, 2019 6:42:59 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Mar 19, 2019 17:37:00 GMT -5
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Mar 19, 2019 17:39:07 GMT -5
You know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees?
Because they’re really good at it.
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Mar 19, 2019 17:41:47 GMT -5
A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”
Frantically the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
“Like hell they're getting divorced!” she shouts, “I'll take care of this!”
She calls Scotland immediately and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Sorted! They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way."
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gambler
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"the education of a man is never completed until he dies" Robert E. Lee
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Post by gambler on Mar 20, 2019 10:00:51 GMT -5
It happened in Dublin
A car full of Irish nuns are sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them. "Hey, show us yer teats, ya bloody penguins." shouts one of the drunks.
Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are, so show them your cross."
Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off."
She then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior quite innocently, and asks,
"Did that sound cross enough?"
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Mar 20, 2019 13:27:07 GMT -5
I wish I could "like" that one more than once gambler !!! Too funny
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Mar 22, 2019 0:14:40 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Mar 22, 2019 8:27:50 GMT -5
Funny but so true!!
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Mar 22, 2019 8:53:01 GMT -5
Funny but so true!! Yeah, but there were plenty of times one of those "other" songs became my reason for putting it on the turntable. Mine and music company executive's taste weren't allows in sync.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Mar 22, 2019 9:00:17 GMT -5
Funny but so true!! Yeah, but there were plenty of times one of those "other" songs became my reason for putting it on the turntable. Mine and music company executive's taste weren't allows in sync. Side B on 45s often became the more popular song.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Mar 22, 2019 9:26:15 GMT -5
Yeah, but there were plenty of times one of those "other" songs became my reason for putting it on the turntable. Mine and music company executive's taste weren't allows in sync. Side B on 45s often became the more popular song. My older sister got the Ram album (Paul McCartney) because she loved the Uncle Albert\Admiral Halsey song. I hated that song. I feel in love with the rest of that album. Years later I special ordered the CD. One song that for some reason never made it to Top 40 radio:
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Mar 22, 2019 9:41:21 GMT -5
Yeah, but there were plenty of times one of those "other" songs became my reason for putting it on the turntable. Mine and music company executive's taste weren't allows in sync. Side B on 45s often became the more popular song. I don't remember for sure but I think Hound Dog was B side and became the hit. Don't bet your last dollar on this but I do know it happened on one of Elvis 45's. I remember going into into a booth and listening to albums before buying it. And billisonboard you are right about the "other" songs!
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Mar 22, 2019 10:07:01 GMT -5
Side B on 45s often became the more popular song. I don't remember for sure but I think Hound Dog was B side and became the hit. Don't bet your last dollar on this but I do know it happened on one of Elvis 45's. I remember going into into a booth and listening to albums before buying it. And billisonboard you are right about the "other" songs! A-side and B-side
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Mar 22, 2019 14:45:14 GMT -5
Dang, my memory is better than I thought Tennesseer I just remembered an interview with someone in Elvis corner talking about a lot of his songs, how they came about, etc and all that jazz and Hound Dog came up. Thanks for the link - interesting read.
ETA: Well, maybe memory isn't that good. I couldn't remember the A side But this was 20 yrs or so that I saw the interview!! Dang can't remember who they were interviewing - OK I'll be quiet for now.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Mar 23, 2019 11:02:33 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Mar 24, 2019 0:54:07 GMT -5
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 24, 2019 4:48:23 GMT -5
You must have a lot of fun!
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Mar 24, 2019 11:26:42 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Mar 24, 2019 12:24:03 GMT -5
Me too.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Mar 27, 2019 20:46:03 GMT -5
When I was probably about 4 yrs old, I asked my mom what (something) was like back in the old days. (meaning when she was young) -YIKES!I never made that mistake again!
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Mar 30, 2019 12:38:52 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Mar 30, 2019 16:00:50 GMT -5
Bwahaha! =)
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Mar 30, 2019 17:55:35 GMT -5
I LOL at that one.
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gambler
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Post by gambler on Apr 2, 2019 9:52:03 GMT -5
Sumbitch
A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only Redneck in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.
Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters, and BBQ and flirting with all the women. At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 10 foot man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in.'
The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash. Everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool! Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass! Leroy was jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.
The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising hell. Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish.. Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool.. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.
Finally the host says, 'Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.'
'No, that's okay. I don't want it,' said Leroy.
The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?'
No thanks, I don't want it,' answered Leroy.
The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?'
Again Leroy said no.
Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well, Leroy, then what do you want?'
Leroy said, 'I want the name of the sumbich who pushed me in the pool!'
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Apr 2, 2019 10:35:00 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Apr 2, 2019 16:26:13 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Apr 2, 2019 16:28:01 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Apr 3, 2019 18:39:35 GMT -5
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Apr 3, 2019 18:48:39 GMT -5
When I was probably about 4 yrs old, I asked my mom what (something) was like back in the old days. (meaning when she was young) -YIKES!I never made that mistake again! When DS was little, he thought there was no colour in the world back in the old days, when mom was small. Anywhere. Since all the photographs and TV shows were black and white, colour hadn't been invented yet.
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gambler
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Post by gambler on Apr 4, 2019 15:41:30 GMT -5
The foretelling
A man and his wife are discussing what they think their son will be when he grows up.
Long
“I have an idea,” says the father. He puts a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table. “If he takes the money, he’ll be a banker. If he takes the whiskey, he’ll be a wino, and if he takes the Bible, that means he’ll be a preacher.”
So the man and his wife hide just before their son comes in the door, and watch from where they’re hiding. The boy saunters over to the coffee table. He picks up the ten-dollar bill, looks at it, then sets it down. He picks up the bottle of whiskey, uncorks it, sniffs it, then sets it down. He picks up the Bible, leafs through it, and sets it down. Then the boy takes the money and stuffs it into his pocket, grabs the whiskey, and walks off with the Bible under his arm.
“Well, how do you like that!” exclaims the father. “He’s going to be a politician!”
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