Loosing custody over an obese child

[Deleted]

Jul 13, 2011 11:33:52 GMT -5 Lady Gaga Gaga Snerd said:

What does that explain?

part of why you're so overprotective of your daughter. All the Super Christian families I've encountered are like that.

[midjd]

Archie, I love you.

And see, that ties right back into the OP - obesity!

[Mrs. Dinero]

Wow! I cannot believe all the responses for blaming the parents. I have 2 children 8 and 11. Both are in the healthy weight range. They have friends that are overweight and a couple that are obese. The parents of the ones that are obese are some of our closest friends. These parents all go to the gym and watch what their children eat when they can. If we are having a gathering I have heard them say, "That's it for that or this" I've seen both children way over eat when their parents weren't around. It appears their constant vigilance has backfired. Sometimes it is not the parents fault is all I'm saying. You can't watch them 24/7.

[Deleted]

Jul 13, 2011 11:54:58 GMT -5 Mrs. Dinero said:

It appears their constant vigilance has backfired. Sometimes it is not the parents fault is all I'm saying.

If their constant vigilance is the problem, then the parents are at fault for being so overbearing.

[michelyn8]

Jul 13, 2011 11:54:58 GMT -5 Mrs. Dinero said:

Wow! I cannot believe all the responses for blaming the parents. I have 2 children 8 and 11. Both are in the healthy weight range. They have friends that are overweight and a couple that are obese. The parents of the ones that are obese are some of our closest friends. These parents all go to the gym and watch what their children eat when they can. If we are having a gathering I have heard them say, "That's it for that or this" I've seen both children way over eat when their parents weren't around. It appears their constant vigilance has backfired. Sometimes it is not the parents fault is all I'm saying. You can't watch them 24/7.

Just curious but do these parents go the gym for their own benefit and leave the kids at home or do they make it a family outing and get the kids moving too?

[Mrs. Dinero]

That's the funny thing...these 2 kids (2 different families) are in every sport a kid can be in. Both play select basketball even. The parents bring the kids with them to the gym. Both of these sets of parents are extremely competitive and have competitive children. It doesn't make sense for them to be obese. The parents are frustrated.

[michelyn8]

Jul 13, 2011 11:21:14 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

Snerd does what she thinks is best for her kids and I do what I think is best for mine. Ain't freedom grand?

Yes it is. There are things I did when I was 10-14 that I would never have allowed my children to do if I'd been able to raise them in my hometown. I was able to ride my bike to the Jr. High 2-3 miles from my house. Part of the route was through a busy T-intersection with just a 7-11 on one corner and small engine shop on the opposite corner. It was touch and go riding through there back then. Now its a full intersection with a mall and all that entails on the "new" side. I wouldn't dream of letting a child ride their bike anywhere near that place now. When the grandbaby starts getting up there, I'm sure I'll be even more protective.

The world is different and people have less common sense or courtesy. Add to that, that we know so much more of what's bad and no one can really be surprised if a parent chooses to keep their children closer longer than our parents kept us.

[pig]

Just curious but do these parents go the gym for their own benefit and leave the kids at home or do they make it a family outing and get the kids moving too?

I don't know of any gyms that allow children into the weight and aerobics rooms.

[Mrs. Dinero]

I realize that some parents could be contributing to the problem but some are not. Don't group all obese kids together. Looking down on others has never solved anything anyway. I can't even imagine how these parents feel or their kids. I love those kids and hope someday they will be able to control their eating and maintain their level of activity.

Kids are allowed on the track and basketball courts at their gym.

[michelyn8]

Jul 13, 2011 12:00:36 GMT -5 Mrs. Dinero said:

That's the funny thing...these 2 kids (2 different families) are in every sport a kid can be in. Both play select basketball even. The parents bring the kids with them to the gym. Both of these sets of parents are extremely competitive and have competitive children. It doesn't make sense for them to be obese. The parents are frustrated.

Is the doctor saying they're obese based on some chart or are they truly obese (fat rolls everywhere)? I had a classmate in school who was very active in sports and was a little on the chunky side - but it was solid weight, not rolls of fat that I would associate with someone who is truly overweight.

[Deleted]

Sounds like they are eating to rebel against their parents.

[michelyn8]

Jul 13, 2011 12:06:49 GMT -5 @pig said:

Just curious but do these parents go the gym for their own benefit and leave the kids at home or do they make it a family outing and get the kids moving too?

I don't know of any gyms that allow children into the weight and aerobics rooms.

Some gyms have programs to keep the children active while the parents are working out. Then there are places like the YMCA where an adult could work out while their child takes swimming leassons or participates in some other activity.

[Mrs. Dinero]

Sorry to say they have dimpled skin on their stomachs and plenty of rolls. We all go to the same pool and play sand vb together so plenty of opportunity to see them in swim suits or shirtless.

[midjd]

Is the doctor saying they're obese based on some chart or are they truly obese (fat rolls everywhere)? I had a classmate in school who was very active in sports and was a little on the chunky side - but it was solid weight, not rolls of fat that I would associate with someone who is truly overweight.

That's the other thing. Some people are never going to be skinny, no matter how much weight they lose.

My DH weighed about 380 at his largest (he's 6'4") and is in the 250 range now, which is technically obese. He is a large guy, but solid, no fat rolls... and his cholesterol, BP, etc. are better than mine.

He got down to 220 shortly after we started dating, and his hair began to fall out. He looked awful. But even then, he was still technically overweight, even though you could tell from looking at him that he was way skinnier than he should be (had the bobblehead thing going on). His absolute highest "ideal" weight is 200, but I honestly don't think he could get that low, barring some severe illness like cancer.

[sil]

I've seen fat kids participate and excel in sports, and I've known grown men who are 300+ with an "obese" BMI, who are far healthier than my lazy 125lb self. But that's not the kind of "obesity" this article is talking about.

The article is refering to a 400 lb girl, a 550 lb boy....with some life threatening, obesity-related health complications like sleep apnea. I understand that its tough to draw the line on what level of obesity is an obvious parental issue, but c'mon. Barring some major physical disorders, I cannot understand how this would not be regarded as a physical sign of child abuse or neglect.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

www.northjersey.com/news/national/Should_parents_lose_custody_of_super_obese_kids.html

According to this article the 550 lb boy is in the custody of his sister, not the state. And he has already lost more than 200 pounds since he was placed with her.

[whoisjohngalt]

There was a girl who was trying for So You Think You Can Dance who was fat, especially for a dancer. Boy, could she move!!!

But really, how often does this happen that a person is fit and active and healthy and still "fat"

Lena

[midjd]

Sil, I get your point - there is definitely a difference between obese at 250 lbs and obese at 550 lbs. However, I don't think removal is the answer. Education should be key, and perhaps requiring the parents and child to hit certain benchmarks in order to stay in the home - but uprooting a child seems like it would do more harm than good in most cases. (Especially for stress-eaters).

Our foster system is overloaded and understaffed as it is. Removing more children from their homes is not the answer, at least under our present system.

[whoisjohngalt]

Removing more children from their homes is not the answer,

Would you want to remove a child if parents weren't feeding him enough?

Lena

[Deleted]

midwestern - those charts are so far off for tall men. DH is 6'5 and at 280 he's considered obese. He needs to lose 20 lbs but he would look anorexic if he got to the overweight range on the charts.

I watched this show about morbidly obese people on tv. Each person claimed they were eating 2-3,000 calories a day and just had a slow metabolism. When they looked at what they were eating on camera however it turns out these people were eating 15,000-30,000 calories a day!

[midjd]

Would you want to remove a child if parents weren't feeding him enough?

And put him where? Obviously these cases are very much dependent upon the situation. If it's an ignorance thing - educate the parents. If it is complete disinterest in their child's welfare... well, in that case, perhaps foster care is the answer. But there are simply not enough good foster homes for these kids. It's a case of out of the frying pan and into the fire...

[midjd]

I just think that "foster care" is bandied about as some sort of panacea, when - if you've worked with kids in foster care - it is often no better than the abusive or neglectful situations from which the child was removed.

No offense meant to foster parents - I have worked with some truly wonderful ones. But even in the best case scenario, there are not enough to go around.

[raeoflyte]

What kind of long term message is a 10 year old going to get from being put in foster care for weight? Considering the emotional reasons behind over eating and obesity, I can't see how removing them from their home (assuming that obesity is the only issue) is going to make the kid a more balanced adult. I think it would be more likely to cause long term eating disorders and depression.

[Deleted]

I was assuming the only children they would take are the ones that are in immediate danger from their weight - like the kids who are 400 lbs and up. I think it's the parents who should be educated though. I watched an episode about super obese teenagers (like 800 lbs) who were trying to slim down for gastric bypass surgery. These children hardly moved. One of the parents had a child that died and then had her son. She was stuffing her son full of food - it was her way of keeping him inside and safe.

[Angel!]

Jul 13, 2011 15:00:31 GMT -5 @anne81 said:

I was assuming the only children they would take are the ones that are in immediate danger from their weight - like the kids who are 400 lbs and up. I think it's the parents who should be educated though. I watched an episode about super obese teenagers (like 800 lbs) who were trying to slim down for gastric bypass surgery. These children hardly moved. One of the parents had a child that died and then had her son. She was stuffing her son full of food - it was her way of keeping him inside and safe.

I saw a show like that once. There was a morbidly obese kid, maybe 15 years old, & they were trying to teach the mom how to feed him better & what foods were nutritional. I think he was getting the surgery. I remember she specifically said something along the lines of she had to have candy bars & snacks in the house for the other kids & she couldn't keep her son from eating them because she couldn't watch him every minute. I don't know if the kids need to be taken away, but it says a lot about a parent when they can't do something as simple as not buying anymore candy bars even when their son's health & life is at risk.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Enabling is as hard a habit to kick as the overeating. DH and I were watching the 1 ton man and his wife was crying over how if she didn't provide him pop and chips on demand he would yell and threaten her. I asked DH what the hell could you threaten me with if you weighed that much? That you'd eat me?

It isn't like he'd have much control over anything if he can't even get out of bed. I told DH I'd tell him that once he lost the weight feel free to get up out of bed and divorce me, otherwise STFU.

[Angel!]

Jul 13, 2011 15:40:13 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I asked DH what the hell could you threaten me with if you weighed that much? That you'd eat me?

LOL! I remember H & I once had a similar conversation. He asked me if I would still love him if he got that fat. I told him he would never get that fat because there is no way I would ever serve him his meals in bed & he was going to have to get up & get the food himself, which would at least limit how fat he could get.

[998fbird]

Weight is a very complex issue with so many components that the answers aren't always as simple as good or bad foods. I have a long term sleep disorder and tend to be heavier. I also am an emotional eater. Something that has helped me are Dr. Daniel Amen's books about brain chemistry and body size. However I confess I have no intention of giving up all junk food forever. I also don't know how much of it is genetics and how much is other factors.
My DS on the other hand takes after his father and my mother, both very slim regardless of what or how much they eat.
One of my food issues is being part of the 'clean plate' generation, so as a mom I made sure DS could stop when he was full, no matter how much food was still on his plate.
However, advertising is insidious and I know that I personally believe all fast food commercials should be stopped a 7pm every evening.

As for the other discussion, while stranger abductions do happen it is way more likely that a child will be abused by a family member or other adult 'welcomed' in their live (teachers/clergy/coaches) by the parents.

[april47]

In my family of 5 kids growing up years ago, I was the one to tend to gain weight while my siblings didn't. We didn't eat junk food at all and my mother made food from scratch. So how do they explain that? We ate the same food and took our lunches to school! Reminds me of my own kids and cavities. The dentist lectured me big time about my kid and getting cavites early on. He assumed I must let her eat sticky sweets all the time. My other kid ate the same things and brushed her teeth the same times and had none.

[raeoflyte]

Jul 13, 2011 15:40:13 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Enabling is as hard a habit to kick as the overeating. DH and I were watching the 1 ton man and his wife was crying over how if she didn't provide him pop and chips on demand he would yell and threaten her. I asked DH what the hell could you threaten me with if you weighed that much? That you'd eat me?

That's got to be an awful situation, but I have to say there is NO WAY that I would stay with someone who had a medical condition that could be controlled, but that the person chooses not to, and then for that person to treat me like crap because I didn't do enough for him? Hell no!

I was talking with someone about a mutual friend whose dbf is diabetic but he refuses to take responsibility for his medical condition. He could go blind, lose a foot, or any other # of awful things and then our friend could be stuck taking care of him forever. It would be different if he owned up to testing, diet, medication, etc. But if you can't take care of yourself, then I'm not doing it for you!