Colleenz
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 8:56:39 GMT -5
Posts: 3,983
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 10:49:16 GMT -5
Post by Colleenz on Jun 27, 2011 10:49:16 GMT -5
Humor is all good, and I think many of us were willing to play along.
Right up until Loop said she felt suicidal. Nothing humorous in that.
|
|
Taxman10
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 15:12:43 GMT -5
Posts: 3,455
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 11:04:01 GMT -5
Post by Taxman10 on Jun 27, 2011 11:04:01 GMT -5
JFC, I have to agree with tallguy...words i never thought I'd say AACCKK!! the world is coming to an end!!
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,719
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 11:31:57 GMT -5
Post by midjd on Jun 27, 2011 11:31:57 GMT -5
I agree completely. Even if Loop wasn't *serious* serious about it and was just using it as an argument tool to get DH to back down, I would recommend counseling - for no other reason than to give her some different discussion tools.
And I say this from experience. For the first 3-4 years of our relationship, DH and I had the same couple of fights over and over and over. One of us would end up backing down when things got really heated, but nothing would be resolved. It took us quite a while to learn how to speak (and listen) to each other without getting all riled up, and to be able to get our thoughts across without putting the other on the defensive. Sometimes what you say is not even remotely what the other person hears.
(E.g.: Me - "Can we talk about how to possibly bring in some more income?" DH hears "You don't make enough money!" and responds based on that thought, even though it was not remotely what I meant.)
Dark, your comment about Loop possibly being depressed and that "she" can go to a counselor and be prescribed Zoloft if "she" needs it - that is all well and good, but it doesn't solve your underlying problem, which seems to be communication. I really do think BOTH of you could benefit from a few trips to a counselor. And if it turns out to be wasted money, so be it - but I really, really don't think it will be.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 14, 2024 19:16:52 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 11:40:43 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2011 11:40:43 GMT -5
Page 5, *I was here*.
|
|
8 Bit WWBG
Administrator
Your Money admin
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 8:57:29 GMT -5
Posts: 9,322
Today's Mood: Mega
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 11:43:18 GMT -5
Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jun 27, 2011 11:43:18 GMT -5
...:::"That type of humor mixed with just talking to each other in a caustic way can produce that type of argument. It doesn't necessarily mean there is some sort of crisis. The bad part though is that both people can become so used to hearing hyperbole and obscene exaggeration from each other that they lose the ability to sense when something really is that serious.":::...
Like when Newman threatened to jump off the building, and Kramer's response was "wave when you pass my window".
|
|
bring in the new year
Well-Known Member
Happy Thanksgiving!
Joined: May 3, 2011 17:28:52 GMT -5
Posts: 1,966
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 11:49:17 GMT -5
Post by bring in the new year on Jun 27, 2011 11:49:17 GMT -5
I had a fight with a family member too, but not related to money.
But I know I thought about last week's thread as we were fighting.
Does anyone remember the Malcolm in the Middle where Dewey asks a question which starts all the couples arguing? I think it starts with the oldest son and then passes along to all their friends...by the end of it random strangers walking through the scene are having the same fight.
I wonder if we all just go sucked (including D&L) into some giantic argument thread that none of us started and yet all of us perpetuated.
Wouldn't it be nice to believe it was that? And not our own issues? ;D
|
|
Sum Dum Gai
Senior Associate
Joined: Aug 15, 2011 15:39:24 GMT -5
Posts: 19,892
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 13:05:04 GMT -5
Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 27, 2011 13:05:04 GMT -5
DF and I had a nice fight this past weekend too, kind of a similar "pot boiled over" style just like Dark and Loop had. In honor of this thread, I said a few things that I'd sat on for a while. Good fun. That's really what happened. I'm not sure why Loop started that thread, except to get you guys to give me crap about my sister. She said in the OP that she wanted to air our dirty laundry and argue in public. I figure if we were going to do it anyway, I might as well get everything off my chest. Regarding all the comments about counseling to learn how to argue with each other in a healthy way, what's the point now? Talking about it makes Loop suicidal, so I can't talk about it anymore unless I'm a selfish uncaring prick. So now it's off limits, until Loop decides that she can handle talking about it again.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,869
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 13:11:29 GMT -5
Post by zibazinski on Jun 27, 2011 13:11:29 GMT -5
Talking about her getting a job makes her suicidal? Talking about your sister makes her suicidal? Talking about counseling makes her suicidal? What EXACTLY makes her suicidal?
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,719
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 13:13:31 GMT -5
Post by midjd on Jun 27, 2011 13:13:31 GMT -5
See, to me, that is precisely why you should talk about it with a counselor. I imagine that Loop is hearing something very different from what you are saying - you say "It would be nice if you got a job", she hears, "I can't believe you don't have a job already, what are you, lazy? We wasted all this money on your degree," etc. Even though that's not what you meant to imply, and may not even be how you feel, that is what she is going to hear.
A counselor could help her filter out her internal monologue and hear what you are actually saying, not the spin she puts on it.
And I'd also say that a subject that makes someone "suicidal" should be addressed with therapy. That is not a healthy reaction to any subject.
Either it really does make her suicidal - and she should see someone about it - or it doesn't make her suicidal, but she knows that telling you that gets you to leave her alone, in which case you should BOTH see someone to learn more effective argument strategies.
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,719
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 13:17:36 GMT -5
Post by midjd on Jun 27, 2011 13:17:36 GMT -5
Tbird, my guess is that she is not really suicidal, but knows that is the trigger word to get Dark to back off. Then the argument is de facto resolved in her favor. And like he said, for him to bring it up again would make him the bad guy.
Pretty effective system if you ask me.
(Dark, that is not meant to be critical of you or her - I know firsthand that when you don't have adults in your life to model healthy relationships or healthy arguments, it's very hard to learn how to argue effectively. But consider counseling a gift you can give to your girls - to give them a good example of how to argue (not "fight" - but work out disagreements) when they start to become involved in their own relationships).
|
|
Colleenz
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 8:56:39 GMT -5
Posts: 3,983
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 13:17:45 GMT -5
Post by Colleenz on Jun 27, 2011 13:17:45 GMT -5
Either Loop has manipulated Dark with the suicide comment or she NEEDS to see a mental health professional ASAP (not after her parents have left or whenever).
Hello - Is this thing on???
Care to comment Dark?
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 13:20:56 GMT -5
Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 27, 2011 13:20:56 GMT -5
Either Loop has manipulated Dark with the suicide comment or she NEEDS to see a mental health professional ASAP (not after her parents have left or whenever).Hello - Is this thing on??? Care to comment Dark? Colleen, you are cracking me up!
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 13:22:33 GMT -5
Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 27, 2011 13:22:33 GMT -5
See, to me, that is precisely why you should talk about it with a counselor. I imagine that Loop is hearing something very different from what you are saying - you say "It would be nice if you got a job", she hears, "I can't believe you don't have a job already, what are you, lazy? We wasted all this money on your degree," etc. Even though that's not what you meant to imply, and may not even be how you feel, that is what she is going to hear. A counselor could help her filter out her internal monologue and hear what you are actually saying, not the spin she puts on it. And I'd also say that a subject that makes someone "suicidal" should be addressed with therapy. That is not a healthy reaction to any subject. Either it really does make her suicidal - and she should see someone about it - or it doesn't make her suicidal, but she knows that telling you that gets you to leave her alone, in which case you should BOTH see someone to learn more effective argument strategies. Maybe my husband and I are too blunt because I would actually have no problem asking him if he was lazy and telling him I thought he was wasting his degree...I don't sugar coat issues when I talk.
|
|
Sum Dum Gai
Senior Associate
Joined: Aug 15, 2011 15:39:24 GMT -5
Posts: 19,892
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 13:24:31 GMT -5
Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 27, 2011 13:24:31 GMT -5
By the way, I think suicidal is too strong. Loop is very depressed about the whole job situation, and I honestly don't even think she's thought it all the way through. Think about what she said on that thread, "All the jobs in my field are in San Francisco" (well she didn't say San Francisco, but the city that's too far to commute is San Francisco), she's doing the podcast and stuff to so she'll have experience in her field which will help her get a job later (uhh.. because San Francisco is suddenly going to be closer in a year or two?), she's said numerous times that she has a degree but no real job skills, she says she's been applying at places this whole time but I know she hasn't had any interviews. She's just feeling kind of hopeless about the whole job thing. I know she wanted to work in publishing and there just aren't many publishing jobs available, and none in our immediate area. I don't think she's really sure what to do now, so she keeps her toes in doing the podcast and volunteer work for the dems and is just hoping that something opens up at some point. There aren't any publishing houses in Hollister though. There's not going to be a publishing job that just appears.
That's why she's been sniping at me about the house I think. She's feeling trapped in a place where she can't do what she wants to do.
|
|
Colleenz
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 8:56:39 GMT -5
Posts: 3,983
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 13:25:26 GMT -5
Post by Colleenz on Jun 27, 2011 13:25:26 GMT -5
Maybe I am thinking about this all wrong. Next time DH forgets to load the dishwasher I'll threaten to take a bath with the toaster. I'll let you guys know how it works out.
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,719
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 13:26:22 GMT -5
Post by midjd on Jun 27, 2011 13:26:22 GMT -5
Well MT, as long as your husband doesn't threaten suicide when you talk to him that way, it's probably OK My DH and I joke that he is the "woman" in the relationship, so I have to be careful how I phrase things. He can say just about anything to me and I laugh it off, though... I have told him many times that he's lucky I'm not as sensitive as he is, or we'd spend more time giving each other the silent treatment than actually talking!
|
|
CarolinaKat
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 16:10:37 GMT -5
Posts: 6,364
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 13:31:30 GMT -5
Post by CarolinaKat on Jun 27, 2011 13:31:30 GMT -5
Maybe I am thinking about this all wrong. Next time DH forgets to load the dishwasher I'll threaten to take a bath with the toaster. I'll let you guys know how it works out. Great! I just LOLed and got some funny looks. Thanks and Karmas
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 13:32:00 GMT -5
Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 27, 2011 13:32:00 GMT -5
Well MT, as long as your husband doesn't threaten suicide when you talk to him that way, it's probably OK My DH and I joke that he is the "woman" in the relationship, so I have to be careful how I phrase things. He can say just about anything to me and I laugh it off, though... I have told him many times that he's lucky I'm not as sensitive as he is, or we'd spend more time giving each other the silent treatment than actually talking! LOL! I've been in public accounting for 16 1/2 years, it would a lot more than someone calling me lazy to push me over the edge!
|
|
Sum Dum Gai
Senior Associate
Joined: Aug 15, 2011 15:39:24 GMT -5
Posts: 19,892
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 13:32:48 GMT -5
Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 27, 2011 13:32:48 GMT -5
did this come up at all during the house search? In a roundabout way. We flat out can't afford to live in San Francisco. She knows it, and I know it. If we did get into like a Measure J (low to moderate income housing) place there, and yes we'd qualify at my salary, it would most likely be in a place where we aren't sending the kids to the public schools. Even with Loop working too we wouldn't make enough for it to be worth it. If her dream gig was as a neurosurgeon or something, then fine, we'll both happily live in the city. Sci Fi/Fantasy editors at a publishing place don't make all that much though, and that's what she wants to do.
|
|
Colleenz
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 8:56:39 GMT -5
Posts: 3,983
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 13:33:27 GMT -5
Post by Colleenz on Jun 27, 2011 13:33:27 GMT -5
Well I want to be a runway model. All the good jobs are in Paris, which is far too long of a commute.
Not that I am qualified to be a runway model, but I am walking around with a book on my head and I don't drop it often.
I filled out an application at Subway, but I made sure the manager knew I could only work every third Friday in August because I am busy with my kids and working on my REAL job. I mean, who would really want to work at Subway?
I don't know why I am not getting interviews - boo hoo
Yes, this is total snark. Loop was given many valid ways to earn extra $$ in the other thread and hadf every excuse why she could not. Congratulations Dark - you married your sister.
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 13:34:02 GMT -5
Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 27, 2011 13:34:02 GMT -5
Maybe I am thinking about this all wrong. Next time DH forgets to load the dishwasher I'll threaten to take a bath with the toaster. I'll let you guys know how it works out. Holy shit, you are cracking me up!!!!
|
|
Mrs. Dinero
Well-Known Member
100% about truth & justice. Always trying to give mercy a chance.
Joined: Dec 28, 2010 17:09:17 GMT -5
Posts: 1,508
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 13:36:30 GMT -5
Post by Mrs. Dinero on Jun 27, 2011 13:36:30 GMT -5
Post #94 by qofcc is an excellent summary!
|
|
Mrs. Dinero
Well-Known Member
100% about truth & justice. Always trying to give mercy a chance.
Joined: Dec 28, 2010 17:09:17 GMT -5
Posts: 1,508
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 13:36:48 GMT -5
Post by Mrs. Dinero on Jun 27, 2011 13:36:48 GMT -5
Post #94 by qofcc is an excellent summary!
|
|
Mrs. Dinero
Well-Known Member
100% about truth & justice. Always trying to give mercy a chance.
Joined: Dec 28, 2010 17:09:17 GMT -5
Posts: 1,508
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 13:36:54 GMT -5
Post by Mrs. Dinero on Jun 27, 2011 13:36:54 GMT -5
Post #94 by qofcc is an excellent summary!
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,315
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 13:39:09 GMT -5
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 27, 2011 13:39:09 GMT -5
Next time DH forgets to load the dishwasher I'll threaten to take a bath with the toaster.If I did that my husband would say "Great, wait here while I get the toaster".
|
|
souldoubt
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 11:57:14 GMT -5
Posts: 2,745
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 13:41:09 GMT -5
Post by souldoubt on Jun 27, 2011 13:41:09 GMT -5
Well I want to be a runway model. All the good jobs are in Paris, which is far too long of a commute. Not that I am qualified to be a runway model, but I am walking around with a book on my head and I don't drop it often. I filled out an application at Subway, but I made sure the manager knew I could only work every third Friday in August because I am busy with my kids and working on my REAL job. I mean, who would really want to work at Subway? I don't know why I am not getting interviews - boo hoo Yes, this is total snark. Loop was given many valid ways to earn extra $$ in the other thread and hadf every excuse why she could not. Congratulations Dark - you married your sister. I seriously just laughed out loud at work, thanks. In the previous thread I think both people made some valid points but quite frankly I agree that some of the expectations are just...well out of whack with reality. Everyone wants their dream job but it doesn't fall into your lap and you have to make sacrifices. Seems like a lot of the responses from Loop were her making excuses. She criticized someone and pointed out the cost benefit of her getting a job and having to pay daycare yet she apparently didn't apply this type of logic to going back to school and racking up debt. Best luck going forward to both Dark and Loop.
|
|
swasat
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 13, 2011 9:34:28 GMT -5
Posts: 3,735
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 13:44:06 GMT -5
Post by swasat on Jun 27, 2011 13:44:06 GMT -5
Dark, why is Loop not getting the simple message people on here are trying to get across? There are the WANTS and then there are the NEEDS. Loop's needs outweigh her wants! She simply cannot afford to be choosy!
Its written on the wall and everyone can see it. Why can't she? She wants a job but has no work ex, no skill set. Feeling desparate is not going to fix the problem.
On the other thread she had huge list of why she can't take just any job. Heck she even mentioned that your daughters have softball in the afternoons. Guess what people like us do where both parents work. We enroll the kids in evening or weekend classes.
In most cases the home events need to be adjusted to work schedule. Not the other way around. Which employer cares if she wants to work only certain days, certain hours etc.
|
|
CarolinaKat
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 16:10:37 GMT -5
Posts: 6,364
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 13:46:01 GMT -5
Post by CarolinaKat on Jun 27, 2011 13:46:01 GMT -5
Next time DH forgets to load the dishwasher I'll threaten to take a bath with the toaster.If I did that my husband would say "Great, wait here while I get the toaster". DBF would have me in for a psych eval and put on sucide watch in less than 20 mins
|
|
Sum Dum Gai
Senior Associate
Joined: Aug 15, 2011 15:39:24 GMT -5
Posts: 19,892
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 13:47:49 GMT -5
Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 27, 2011 13:47:49 GMT -5
Yes, this is total snark. Loop was given many valid ways to earn extra $$ in the other thread and hadf every excuse why she could not. Congratulations Dark - you married your sister. I have no problem with her taking the opportunity to find something that she'll actually enjoy. It's one of the luxuries I never really had because we chose to have kids so young. Being stuck in a career path you don't like is a pretty crappy feeling. I totally get that. All I question is the time line. She started going back to school like 6 or 7 years ago at this point. She graduated three years ago. Go ahead and take some time to figure out a rewarding or enjoyable way to make some money instead of taking the first shit job that comes along. I just question whether or not that process takes three years.
|
|
Colleenz
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 8:56:39 GMT -5
Posts: 3,983
|
deleted
Jun 27, 2011 13:48:01 GMT -5
Post by Colleenz on Jun 27, 2011 13:48:01 GMT -5
The really funny thing is most min wage / fast food places would love to work around her schedule. Having a "Mom" working helps keep the high school kids working with her in line.
|
|