TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Sept 13, 2019 16:58:02 GMT -5
I had the same reaction.
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oped
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Post by oped on Sept 13, 2019 17:21:49 GMT -5
You all never go out just to treat yourselves? I don't think husband comes to this thread...
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Sept 13, 2019 19:50:20 GMT -5
After the child sex abuse in the past, the BSA has gotten extremely cautious out of necessity. I'm surprised the x was ever allowed to volunteer in any leadership position.
Also, in our district, anyone volunteering in the school has to summit a background check form every school year. Last year, I did one to chaperone a field trip in April, and had to do another one for a field trip that September.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2019 20:34:36 GMT -5
After the child sex abuse in the past, the BSA has gotten extremely cautious out of necessity. I'm surprised the x was ever allowed to volunteer in any leadership position. Also, in our district, anyone volunteering in the school has to summit a background check form every school year. Last year, I did one to chaperone a field trip in April, and had to do another one for a field trip that September. How does your Pack work? In ours the parents are often helping out. There is one or two official den leaders but other parents will often assist or run meetings especially if it's an area they specialize in...like one parent works for the fire department so he of course does the first aid, fire safety type stuff. A couple of the dens split all the meetings up and each parent leads one. But the "official" leaders are still there. It's not really any different than if they have a DNR guy or someone come in to speak or demonstrate something. It's not required they have background checks.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Sept 13, 2019 21:00:04 GMT -5
After the child sex abuse in the past, the BSA has gotten extremely cautious out of necessity. I'm surprised the x was ever allowed to volunteer in any leadership position. Also, in our district, anyone volunteering in the school has to summit a background check form every school year. Last year, I did one to chaperone a field trip in April, and had to do another one for a field trip that September. How does your Pack work? In ours the parents are often helping out. There is one or two official den leaders but other parents will often assist or run meetings especially if it's an area they specialize in...like one parent works for the fire department so he of course does the first aid, fire safety type stuff. A couple of the dens split all the meetings up and each parent leads one. But the "official" leaders are still there. It's not really any different than if they have a DNR guy or someone come in to speak or demonstrate something. It's not required they have background checks. Sorry, I probably confused the issue talking about the school district vs the pack. The leaders all have to pay the extra for the background check, and just for the privilege to volunteer their time. They're trying to get the other parents to chip in more. Last year, each week we had a different parent in charge of doing the activities for our lions, since nobody volunteered to lead. My ODS' leader is now the school superintendent (aka--really busy), so they are going to get parents to start chipping in weekly this year for that den as well. Otherwise, they don't have parents doing much other than hanging out with their own kid in the lion and tiger dens, or helping only their own kid during the pinewood derby car build. The parents hanging out don't even really discipline their own kids. They tend to run around, acting like animals, that really drives me nuts, especially considering the meetings aren't held at our own school (aka, other people's stuff could get ruined/broken). I thought your x was actually considered a sort of leader before all this (just not the main one), and had a background check?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2019 21:12:10 GMT -5
No. He was just helping out at the meetings before last year. I don't know what happened that they didn't get his application in last year though. Ex told me tonight that he was really blind-sided by this because they ran the background check a year ago. I dont know if that's true or not. He claims the charter rep guy did it, but if he did it wouldn't have been for the BSA. Maybe the church ran it ahead of time?
He wants to be the one to tell Carrot. I guess that's fine. I just hope he doesn't go off on a pity trip explaining and owns it. I suppose I can offer my perspective later.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Sept 13, 2019 21:52:26 GMT -5
E told me she cried during their lock down drill today. She said she was ok until they started rattling the door knob "trying to get in". It's heart breaking.
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saveinla
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Post by saveinla on Sept 13, 2019 23:27:32 GMT -5
E told me she cried during their lock down drill today. She said she was ok until they started rattling the door knob "trying to get in". It's heart breaking. That is so sad Rae. Hugs to you both.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Sept 14, 2019 12:57:29 GMT -5
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Sept 15, 2019 12:42:17 GMT -5
Caught a cold, yuck, just woke up at 1230. Work tomorrow is not going to be fun
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Sept 15, 2019 15:10:55 GMT -5
E told me she cried during their lock down drill today. She said she was ok until they started rattling the door knob "trying to get in". It's heart breaking. This makes me want to cry.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Sept 16, 2019 12:20:48 GMT -5
I'm sorry Rae. I hope she's no longer troubled by it.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 16, 2019 15:00:01 GMT -5
Well I may have screwed up. Apparently geometry is still not my strong suit because I measured for Abby's new bed and thought it would fit. Yeah. . . As two grown adults we should be able to figure this out. If we take the back off Gwen's bed and remove the shelves that should give us another 5 inches to play with. It'll still be an itty bitty walk way between the beds but at least you'll be able to get between them. Much like when I lived in a dorm. On top of that DH put it together backwards. Now we have to figure out how to turn it around because it ain't coming out of the bedroom and he refuses to take it apart. Ugh, Abby was right I should have done bunk beds but I was trying to consider Gwen's feelings on the matter.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 16, 2019 15:07:23 GMT -5
Oooh. Sorry Drama. If it's any consolation, I fell in love with a reading lounge/couch. DH bought it for me (we weren't even engaged at the time but I was living with him) and discovered that it was 92 inches long when we got it home. We had to take a window apart to get it into the room I wanted it in. We could get it into the living room but not down the hallway. And it didn't really work in the living room. Then back out through the window when we needed to turn that room into C's room when I was pregnant.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 16, 2019 15:12:14 GMT -5
I figure worst case scenario we have to buy Gwen a new bed too, which would suck because her bed is only 4 years old but it is what it is. They mainly sleep and watch TV in there so having a ton of space isn't a priority. We just need enough to open the door and be able to walk between the beds.
We're going to try taking off the back of her bed first. That is going to require my dad's help and possibly my brother's help too because there is no way I can lift those beds. DH may have to suck it up and take Abby's bed apart again.
I wish the old lady had made another bedroom for the house instead of the stupid sun room. We *could* partition part of it off but that would be even more expensive than just buying Gwen a new bed. It's not as simple as putting up a sheet and drawing a chalk line a la the attic in the Brady Bunch.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Sept 16, 2019 15:39:11 GMT -5
Dh and I had our first appointment with a therapist today. I guess it went well. We both seemed to like her at least. She was pretty honest that its going to take time considering how long we've been on the current cycle. We each have an appointment with her next week separately, then meet back together the following week.
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oped
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Post by oped on Sept 16, 2019 15:46:15 GMT -5
Drama, are you in this house for the long haul? If so I’d think about converting another bedroom now if at all possible.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 16, 2019 15:52:09 GMT -5
Drama, are you in this house for the long haul? If so I’d think about converting another bedroom now if at all possible. We don't have the money to convert. We would have but. .. other issues have gotten in the way. We do not have the funds or the credit to be doing anything major to the house for the foreseeable future. Right now the girls like sharing a room together. It beats the shit out of them wanting to sleep with me because they can't stand being alone. It's not going to kill them. If I could spend 2 years in a dorm room the same size with another person plus her boyfriend then they can handle being in a room to sleep/watch TV with a whole house to otherwise occupy. If mommy hadn't done conversions in my head like a dumb ass there would actually be enough room for two girls.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2019 21:34:11 GMT -5
So, Ex 2.0 said he wanted to be the one to tell Carrot about him not being able to go to scouts. He texted me this evening saying that "maybe it would be for the best if he lied and told him that he couldn't go to scouts because of work". I haven't replied yet. I mean, what am I supposed to say? Yeah, lying to him sounds like a good idea?
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Sept 16, 2019 21:41:50 GMT -5
I could see both sides. How much does your DS know about his dad's problems? I know he was very young when Ex 2.0 was in jail a lot so he probably doesn't remember that, but what does he know?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2019 21:52:36 GMT -5
I doubt he knows anything. I've never said anything anyhow and even older son doesn't know all the details and probably doesn't remember he was homeless/in jail for a year, just that he wasn't here.
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justme
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Post by justme on Sept 16, 2019 22:40:53 GMT -5
My thoughts - with the caveat that I have no kids nor know your ex well - is to say you'll let him handle it but will not lie to carrot if asked. I just get the impression it'd be *a lot* to get him to admit to fault, but I'd also clearly state that you're not going to back up his lies. You won't actively out him, but if carrot asks you if he's A and you know he's B then you won't lie
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2019 23:24:15 GMT -5
I struggle with understanding how lying to him will work long-term. I mean, he's just going to say he has to work every time there's a meeting, camp out, award ceremony, anything? I guess it isn't my problem if he wants to try and pull that off. I hated when he used to lie to me though.
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oped
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Post by oped on Sept 17, 2019 5:15:55 GMT -5
How old is carrot and whet is his goal in lying? To cover himself or to cover for bs?
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 17, 2019 7:27:20 GMT -5
I figure worst case scenario we have to buy Gwen a new bed too, which would suck because her bed is only 4 years old but it is what it is. They mainly sleep and watch TV in there so having a ton of space isn't a priority. We just need enough to open the door and be able to walk between the beds. We're going to try taking off the back of her bed first. That is going to require my dad's help and possibly my brother's help too because there is no way I can lift those beds. DH may have to suck it up and take Abby's bed apart again. I wish the old lady had made another bedroom for the house instead of the stupid sun room. We *could* partition part of it off but that would be even more expensive than just buying Gwen a new bed. It's not as simple as putting up a sheet and drawing a chalk line a la the attic in the Brady Bunch. Drama, I got metal bed frames at JCPenny. No head or foot boards, just the frames, for around $30-$50. The headboards I have can be attached to the frames; assuming the headboards have the proper holes in them.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2019 7:47:01 GMT -5
How old is carrot and whet is his goal in lying? To cover himself or to cover for bs? He's 9. I guess I just assumed his goal was to cover himself, but I never asked. I still haven't responded to him asking for my opinion.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2019 12:36:11 GMT -5
My thoughts - with the caveat that I have no kids nor know your ex well - is to say you'll let him handle it but will not lie to carrot if asked. I just get the impression it'd be *a lot* to get him to admit to fault, but I'd also clearly state that you're not going to back up his lies. You won't actively out him, but if carrot asks you if he's A and you know he's B then you won't lie I ended up going with this as my reply to him. I figure I can always easily undo that decision, but not so much the other way around.
Personally, I think it's a good teaching moment for Carrot about actions having long-term consequences, but he might also end up feeling sorry for his Dad and getting negative about BSA and decide to leave scouts over this. Ex is really good at getting people to feel sorry for him.
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oped
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Post by oped on Sept 17, 2019 12:44:36 GMT -5
It isn’t even about that though. Kids are inherently loyal. And easy to embarrass. Carrot may just not feel comfortable going back to scouts once he knows the story.
If this blasts some pure image he still manages to hold of his father, that too may get transferred to bs... he may get angry at them because it’s the easiest entity to get angry at.
Frankly your ex could do everything right and those things could still happen. That’s why I wondered in the first place about motivation because I could see making excuses if it was to shield bs, as it were...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2019 12:59:23 GMT -5
I'm glad I posted this here before I just chewed him out for even thinking of lying to him.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 17, 2019 13:37:24 GMT -5
I think it'd be easier to lie personally. The reasons why your Ex cannot be a BS leader are a lot to absorb for a nine year old, especially one that seems to idolize his dad as much as Carrot does. The truth will come out eventually but I don't think it should come out thanks to the boy scout council unless they want to be the ones to deal with the aftermath of the news.
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