honeybabyu
New Member
Joined: Oct 1, 2016 23:24:49 GMT -5
Posts: 3
|
Post by honeybabyu on Dec 14, 2020 22:27:54 GMT -5
Before any decisions are made, I would suggest counseling.
|
|
TheHaitian
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 27, 2014 19:39:10 GMT -5
Posts: 10,144
|
Post by TheHaitian on Dec 14, 2020 23:04:31 GMT -5
Before any decisions are made, I would suggest counseling. I agree but the last time my wife and I were in the same room for more than 5 minutes was March 13, 2020 We never share the same space at the same time; if we are we are both wearing mask; I hang with my daughter outside and we wear mask. So yes that has been my life because my wife is deadly afraid of catching Covid or her mom catching it.
|
|
TheHaitian
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 27, 2014 19:39:10 GMT -5
Posts: 10,144
|
Post by TheHaitian on Dec 14, 2020 23:40:40 GMT -5
I am NOT defending, this is just from another side, Carl: I am currently working on my doctorate. It is not a good financial decision. I know that. It will help me get jobs for at least the next 15 years maybe 20 though. I could maintain my original job for which I have a Master's. I could maintain my current job for which I have two post-graduate certificates. But I super duper love learning. And I do want to progress in my career. AND, I want it. But I also know this is not a logical financial decision. I will probably make the money back that I'm spending on tuition and if I keep my trajectory, I'll actually clear money. However, if anything gets in the way, then I'm out tens of thousands of dollars for a completely selfish reason. In some ways it's almost like a hobby. And goodness knows people spend tens of thousands of dollars on hobbies.
If it is so important to your wife to have this degree, I would ask you to reconsider refusing to move with her. I am not refusing to move with her, I am just not going to blindly follow her - I am realistic about the possibility of my job prospect: already limited in regular times, very different in this new world of Covid . - I have been trying to make the jump from grocery retail to something else ; going to Albany to me reduce that possibility even more. - we moved to DC mainly because of her career and her pushing/moving forward with it and taking risk and I feel she has not done that and now we are to pick up and move to Albany for the DrPH that is magically supposed to fix everything career wise and I don’t think so. - it is costly to move, very. On top of that the job search, the cost of maintaining 2 homes while job searching, the cost of covering it and what jobs will cover vs the tab she will have to pick. So what is the total overall cost. You have to understand as it stands today if I were to pick the standard repayment plan for my wife loans (current loans) it comes $1,2000/month. That is a good chunk out of her pay that is taken or going to be taken out of what she could contribute to the household pot. What will it grow to by the end of this? Because I hear her, I hear her and I am trying to be a good husband. But ex her studies was supposed to be covered by work this semester. Since the semester started 2 weeks before her 3rd year anniversary, Georgetown did not cover it; and she was left with no way to appeal. My gut feeling was to scream out of the top of the roofs to start next semester then, but I was not offered a voice or choice in the decision so she took a 15k loan to cover this semester. What happens after she moves and her new job has something similar with Georgetown = we cover your education after you have been with the company X time or covers like my job a ridiculous amount that is laughable to the point it makes no sense to bother applying for it (came down to 1 credit per semester last I checked = yep not really pro education in this side company). What will she do? Take on the loans? So where are we at the end of year 3? So hopefully next semester is covered (knock on wood); how about the other 2 years? At 40k/year that is 80k... I cannot blindly believe and accept that everything will work out because in the past 13 years I have been the one smacking my head and looking at the numbers and trying to make it work and I am BURNED OUT. I told her today and I was honest; if for one reason and one reason I am looking forward to us having separate household it will be because her income and bills will be 100% hers and it will be up to her to actually seat down and pay her bills and maybe the she will have a come to Jesus moment and realize : I bring in X amount and it costs Y to just cover the basis and I am left with Z. Because if it is one thing I regret in my marriage is that I should not have taken the sole responsibility of figuring how to pay the bills, how to juggle things and make it work. I hate to put a price on education but yes thanks to her DrPh she can work till she is 70 or drops dead, I get it. Education is for life... but so will be those student loans at the rate we are going!
|
|
CCL
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 19:34:47 GMT -5
Posts: 7,607
|
Post by CCL on Dec 14, 2020 23:48:35 GMT -5
"And yes I mentioned we had a kid, it is different now. She doesn’t think so and feels she has moved countless times for my career it is only fair we move for hers."
Based on what I can remember, she has a valid point. How many times have you moved for your job? How many times for hers? I may be remembering incorrectly, but wasn't your move to DC due to you getting fired from your previous job?
She was even ok with your unemployed brother moving in with you and all the added expenses that came with that. And he carelessly exposed you all to Covid while he was there, so maybe she was right to be afraid of catching the virus. If I had young children I would do everything I could to avoid exposing them. I imagine her mom is high risk, too.
I don't know, but it seems to me like you might be able to work things out if you both are willing to compromise.
I know it's easy for all of us to tell you what you should do. Not so easy when you are the one who has to decide.
ETA: I just saw you said your move to DC was for her education, not your job. I'm probably confusing you with someone else.
|
|
Works4me
Senior Member
Someone responded to your personal ad - a German Shepherd named Tara wants to have you for dinner...
Joined: May 5, 2012 12:11:37 GMT -5
Posts: 2,522
|
Post by Works4me on Dec 14, 2020 23:58:19 GMT -5
Here are a few thoughts:
For any type of Doctorate, it is important to go to the best school you can get into. Name recognition is everything in academia, especially when it comes to hiring and tenure track. She needs to talk to Johns Hopkins to find out why she didn't get in last year and how to fix that. Also, she should contact them to see what effect Covid has on application dates.
Regarding your 401K, I'd take advantage of the special Covid program. It will give you the most options, in ALL ways and is probably a one time offer. If you don't need it you can just repay it in 3 years.
Finally, divorce is the gift that never stops giving, especially when there are children.
ETA - what about cash flowing this degree? Maybe wait another year, save as much money as fast as possible and position herself to qualify for as many fellowships, grants, etc. at the best school there is for her program.
I'm shocked but not really that she just took in another $15K. So, total cost for Albany would be about $100,000? What are the two of you willing to give up for that?
|
|
TheHaitian
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 27, 2014 19:39:10 GMT -5
Posts: 10,144
|
Post by TheHaitian on Dec 15, 2020 1:05:41 GMT -5
"And yes I mentioned we had a kid, it is different now. She doesn’t think so and feels she has moved countless times for my career it is only fair we move for hers."Based on what I can remember, she has a valid point. How many times have you moved for your job? How many times for hers? I may be remembering incorrectly, but wasn't your move to DC due to you getting fired from your previous job? She was even ok with your unemployed brother moving in with you and all the added expenses that came with that. And he carelessly exposed you all to Covid while he was there, so maybe she was right to be afraid of catching the virus. If I had young children I would do everything I could to avoid exposing them. I imagine her mom is high risk, too. I don't know, but it seems to me like you might be able to work things out if you both are willing to compromise. I know it's easy for all of us to tell you what you should do. Not so easy when you are the one who has to decide. ETA: I just saw you said your move to DC was for her education, not your job. I'm probably confusing you with someone else. My job has locations in 5 states: MD, VA, DE, NC, SC and DC We moved for my job because I lost my job in MA but we picked high cost DC area because due to her field (Public Health) it would have been a great launching pad for her career and opportunities to propel that career. Again the decision is hers, I am not going to stand in the way of her dreams and goals. I am just going to put myself in a position liquidity wise I can pay my obligations and move forward. One more time everyone thank you, seems options C is what I will Pick and moving forward.
|
|
TheHaitian
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 27, 2014 19:39:10 GMT -5
Posts: 10,144
|
Post by TheHaitian on Dec 15, 2020 1:14:24 GMT -5
Here are a few thoughts: For any type of Doctorate, it is important to go to the best school you can get into. Name recognition is everything in academia, especially when it comes to hiring and tenure track. She needs to talk to Johns Hopkins to find out why she didn't get in last year and how to fix that. Also, she should contact them to see what effect Covid has on application dates. Regarding your 401K, I'd take advantage of the special Covid program. It will give you the most options, in ALL ways and is probably a one time offer. If you don't need it you can just repay it in 3 years. Finally, divorce is the gift that never stops giving, especially when there are children. ETA - what about cash flowing this degree? Maybe wait another year, save as much money as fast as possible and position herself to qualify for as many fellowships, grants, etc. at the best school there is for her program. I'm shocked but not really that she just took in another $15K. So, total cost for Albany would be about $100,000? What are the two of you willing to give up for that? Deep down I think she is seeing Albany as an escape to get not only her degree but what she wants in terms of lifestyle. ~200k/year may sound like a lot but in DC you are basically at the bottom of the pole. All our neighbors and I us are in that box: double income making anywhere from 175k-300k. To others outside of the DC of DMV crazy expensive bubble it sounds life on easy street but we are all living in 1950’s row home that are barely 1,000 Sqft juggling life, in a “gentrified” neighborhood, single homes around here are 1Million and up. Let’s say we both take a pay cut and it comes to 130-150k in Clifton park NY.. I think overall lifestyle would still be more in line to what she prefer: bigger home with yard, more space, etc etc. As for the cost of school : I dunno. I am told it will be covered by employers but I have no proof of that. As of now her first semester was not because of a glitch, the only cover after you have been there 3 years, she started school 2 weeks before her third year. I am assuming next semester will be unforeseen no issues. What happens after she moves? She stated future employers will cover it... do I know that for certain? No. Do I have proof of that? No... but when I question the logic of it I am met with aggravation and frustration because I just don’t get it. So how much it will cost her long run? I don’t know and it is not my place to question it.
|
|
mamasita99
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jan 3, 2011 5:42:27 GMT -5
Posts: 1,623
|
Post by mamasita99 on Dec 15, 2020 6:44:37 GMT -5
Here are a few thoughts: For any type of Doctorate, it is important to go to the best school you can get into. Name recognition is everything in academia, especially when it comes to hiring and tenure track. She needs to talk to Johns Hopkins to find out why she didn't get in last year and how to fix that. Also, she should contact them to see what effect Covid has on application dates. Regarding your 401K, I'd take advantage of the special Covid program. It will give you the most options, in ALL ways and is probably a one time offer. If you don't need it you can just repay it in 3 years. Finally, divorce is the gift that never stops giving, especially when there are children. ETA - what about cash flowing this degree? Maybe wait another year, save as much money as fast as possible and position herself to qualify for as many fellowships, grants, etc. at the best school there is for her program. I'm shocked but not really that she just took in another $15K. So, total cost for Albany would be about $100,000? What are the two of you willing to give up for that? Deep down I think she is seeing Albany as an escape to get not only her degree but what she wants in terms of lifestyle. ~200k/year may sound like a lot but in DC you are basically at the bottom of the pole. All our neighbors and I us are in that box: double income making anywhere from 175k-300k. To others outside of the DC of DMV crazy expensive bubble it sounds life on easy street but we are all living in 1950’s row home that are barely 1,000 Sqft juggling life, in a “gentrified” neighborhood, single homes around here are 1Million and up. Let’s say we both take a pay cut and it comes to 130-150k in Clifton park NY.. I think overall lifestyle would still be more in line to what she prefer: bigger home with yard, more space, etc etc. As for the cost of school : I dunno. I am told it will be covered by employers but I have no proof of that. As of now her first semester was not because of a glitch, the only cover after you have been there 3 years, she started school 2 weeks before her third year. I am assuming next semester will be unforeseen no issues. What happens after she moves? She stated future employers will cover it... do I know that for certain? No. Do I have proof of that? No... but when I question the logic of it I am met with aggravation and frustration because I just don’t get it. So how much it will cost her long run? I don’t know and it is not my place to question it. I live in DC as well, so I understand the feeling that you should have more to “show” for double incomes. We are only living in DC because her work pays for her to live within a radius to her job. Otherwise we would have to move further out and commute. If your wife could accept a suitable school in this area, you could always move out a bit so she could have the things that are important to her lifestyle. But as we know, the grass is always greener.. Eventually she may get dissatisfied with that lifestyle as well. Have you asked if she would be ok with a lifestyle “decrease” when she gets to Albany? Because it may take a while to get a new life situated, so she has to be sure that attending this school will be worth all the sacrifices. She doesn’t strike me as a woman who wants to go down in lifestyle, even if temporary. But if she wants that school badly enough, idk.
|
|
|
Post by minnesotapaintlady on Dec 15, 2020 9:06:00 GMT -5
I am NOT defending, this is just from another side, Carl: I am currently working on my doctorate. It is not a good financial decision. I know that. It will help me get jobs for at least the next 15 years maybe 20 though. I could maintain my original job for which I have a Master's. I could maintain my current job for which I have two post-graduate certificates. But I super duper love learning. And I do want to progress in my career. AND, I want it. But I also know this is not a logical financial decision. I will probably make the money back that I'm spending on tuition and if I keep my trajectory, I'll actually clear money. However, if anything gets in the way, then I'm out tens of thousands of dollars for a completely selfish reason. In some ways it's almost like a hobby. And goodness knows people spend tens of thousands of dollars on hobbies.
If it is so important to your wife to have this degree, I would ask you to reconsider refusing to move with her. Except Carl's wife is already sitting on 6 figures of student loan debt. I don't think she should get a pass just because the hobby is education. If her hobby was collecting cars and she had that much debt for cars already and was looking to buy another one most people would agree it was crazy. Now, if she can get an employer to pay for it or some other way without adding to the pile, that would be different.
|
|
wvugurl26
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 15:25:30 GMT -5
Posts: 21,730
|
Post by wvugurl26 on Dec 15, 2020 9:25:28 GMT -5
The brother is unemployed by law. He's trying to get approval to work. He cannot legally work here in this country. It was live with Carl or remain in ICE custody. That's not a choice I would feel good about.
Maybe if she is on her own she will finally come to reality. Yes, education is great but when it costs almost as much as you make in a year, not so much.
|
|
lurkyloo
Junior Associate
“Time means nothing now,” said Toad. “It is just the thing that happens between snacks.”
Joined: Jan 8, 2011 11:26:56 GMT -5
Posts: 5,638
|
Post by lurkyloo on Dec 15, 2020 9:34:38 GMT -5
Hi Carl, can you set up a meeting for her with a financial adviser?
She’s not listening to you, or reality. This is...not well thought out.
I wish you both the best.
(I have a name-brand PhD. It gets me a second glance most places when interviewing, but at the phd level it’s more about your research and experience and less about where you got the letters after your name. My field is not public health, YMMV.)
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 15, 2020 9:41:22 GMT -5
I am NOT defending, this is just from another side, Carl: I am currently working on my doctorate. It is not a good financial decision. I know that. It will help me get jobs for at least the next 15 years maybe 20 though. I could maintain my original job for which I have a Master's. I could maintain my current job for which I have two post-graduate certificates. But I super duper love learning. And I do want to progress in my career. AND, I want it. But I also know this is not a logical financial decision. I will probably make the money back that I'm spending on tuition and if I keep my trajectory, I'll actually clear money. However, if anything gets in the way, then I'm out tens of thousands of dollars for a completely selfish reason. In some ways it's almost like a hobby. And goodness knows people spend tens of thousands of dollars on hobbies.
If it is so important to your wife to have this degree, I would ask you to reconsider refusing to move with her. I’m newly married (again. Lol) but I can assure you if my husband wanted to spend tens of thousands of dollars on hobbies that we couldn’t afford, it would be a one-way ticket to either separate finances or single hood again. This is going to sound cold but at 49 and financially set enough to retire, I do not need to be married. I want to be married. But I only want to be married to someone who is going to make my life better. Not in the financial sense (I take great pride in saying I do not need or want a man foe his money). If my husband suddenly insisted that he was going on $40k a year hunting trips (something he would love to do), he would be shown the door. No amount of love is going to make me sacrifice my financial security
|
|
Rukh O'Rorke
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 4, 2016 13:31:15 GMT -5
Posts: 10,086
|
Post by Rukh O'Rorke on Dec 15, 2020 10:42:57 GMT -5
Here are a few thoughts: For any type of Doctorate, it is important to go to the best school you can get into. Name recognition is everything in academia, especially when it comes to hiring and tenure track. She needs to talk to Johns Hopkins to find out why she didn't get in last year and how to fix that. Also, she should contact them to see what effect Covid has on application dates. Regarding your 401K, I'd take advantage of the special Covid program. It will give you the most options, in ALL ways and is probably a one time offer. If you don't need it you can just repay it in 3 years. Finally, divorce is the gift that never stops giving, especially when there are children. ETA - what about cash flowing this degree? Maybe wait another year, save as much money as fast as possible and position herself to qualify for as many fellowships, grants, etc. at the best school there is for her program. I'm shocked but not really that she just took in another $15K. So, total cost for Albany would be about $100,000? What are the two of you willing to give up for that? Deep down I think she is seeing Albany as an escape to get not only her degree but what she wants in terms of lifestyle. ~200k/year may sound like a lot but in DC you are basically at the bottom of the pole. All our neighbors and I us are in that box: double income making anywhere from 175k-300k. To others outside of the DC of DMV crazy expensive bubble it sounds life on easy street but we are all living in 1950’s row home that are barely 1,000 Sqft juggling life, in a “gentrified” neighborhood, single homes around here are 1Million and up. Let’s say we both take a pay cut and it comes to 130-150k in Clifton park NY.. I think overall lifestyle would still be more in line to what she prefer: bigger home with yard, more space, etc etc. As for the cost of school : I dunno. I am told it will be covered by employers but I have no proof of that. As of now her first semester was not because of a glitch, the only cover after you have been there 3 years, she started school 2 weeks before her third year. I am assuming next semester will be unforeseen no issues. What happens after she moves? She stated future employers will cover it... do I know that for certain? No. Do I have proof of that? No... but when I question the logic of it I am met with aggravation and frustration because I just don’t get it. So how much it will cost her long run? I don’t know and it is not my place to question it. every employer has a different timeline on when you qualify, so when/what they pay can't be determined until the job is secured. She may be able to get a job within the university/department for a tuition waiver. I had that my last 2 years. My employer was 1 year but the benefit was only 5250/year reimbursement. Current employer is only 3k/year. I know Mrs. C was talking about this degree before I went back to school in 2013. So - this isn't going to go away and I think somehow she is going to have to go for it for herself. If she hasn't been hands on with the finances, she may not be too savvy on how this is going to impact things.
|
|
|
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Dec 15, 2020 10:51:11 GMT -5
Here are a few thoughts: For any type of Doctorate, it is important to go to the best school you can get into. Name recognition is everything in academia, especially when it comes to hiring and tenure track. She needs to talk to Johns Hopkins to find out why she didn't get in last year and how to fix that. Also, she should contact them to see what effect Covid has on application dates. Regarding your 401K, I'd take advantage of the special Covid program. It will give you the most options, in ALL ways and is probably a one time offer. If you don't need it you can just repay it in 3 years. Finally, divorce is the gift that never stops giving, especially when there are children. ETA - what about cash flowing this degree? Maybe wait another year, save as much money as fast as possible and position herself to qualify for as many fellowships, grants, etc. at the best school there is for her program. I'm shocked but not really that she just took in another $15K. So, total cost for Albany would be about $100,000? What are the two of you willing to give up for that? Deep down I think she is seeing Albany as an escape to get not only her degree but what she wants in terms of lifestyle. ~200k/year may sound like a lot but in DC you are basically at the bottom of the pole. All our neighbors and I us are in that box: double income making anywhere from 175k-300k. To others outside of the DC of DMV crazy expensive bubble it sounds life on easy street but we are all living in 1950’s row home that are barely 1,000 Sqft juggling life, in a “gentrified” neighborhood, single homes around here are 1Million and up. Let’s say we both take a pay cut and it comes to 130-150k in Clifton park NY.. I think overall lifestyle would still be more in line to what she prefer: bigger home with yard, more space, etc etc. As for the cost of school : I dunno. I am told it will be covered by employers but I have no proof of that. As of now her first semester was not because of a glitch, the only cover after you have been there 3 years, she started school 2 weeks before her third year. I am assuming next semester will be unforeseen no issues. What happens after she moves? She stated future employers will cover it... do I know that for certain? No. Do I have proof of that? No... but when I question the logic of it I am met with aggravation and frustration because I just don’t get it. So how much it will cost her long run? I don’t know and it is not my place to question it. I had a VERY liberal employer paid education benefit in my last job. I had to be employed a year before I could take advantage of it. It had its limits in that I could take only so many hours each semester. It took me several years to complete my course work because of this. TBH, I could not have done more than 6 hours plus work, even if I wanted to and done a decent job for my employer. My tuition benefit was prorated, if I cut to part time, my benefit halved and could only take 3 hours. For me, that 6 hours/semester benefit amounted to about a $6000/semester tuition bill. Also, I am assuming she is currently not a resident of NY. Is she planning on paying out of state tuition rates? For NY, you need to be a resident for a year to get those (or you had to when I was in school in NY). Since she is currently not employed in the area, she has no idea whether she even will have educational benefits with her job. Added to this, I was employed by a university. Universities are hurting right now and when universities hurt, hiring freezes hit. Despite being in Public Health, if a PI has money and a university has a hiring freeze, there is still no hiring. I guess I don’t understand why she does not remain at Georgetown, now that she is eligible for employee benefits.
|
|
geenamercile
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:40:28 GMT -5
Posts: 2,495
|
Post by geenamercile on Dec 15, 2020 12:54:47 GMT -5
I like Albany way more than DC, and it's not that cold there. Go to Albany! Need a JOB first! Look I am not going to sabotage it or be a party pooper. As the time gets closer I will give it a 100% effort but what I already know is for my position I would need to consider a paycut and honestly not too crazy about it. I finally broke 6 figures after taking a 15k pay cut when I came to DC, took me 4 years to climb back up and I am still not where I was when I left MA but close. So really that prospect is not really enticing. Two I like Albany because the drive to NJ or Long Island is much easier and straight forward for a good part of it. In 2 hours I can be at my mom’s house depending on traffic and where we would end up staying vs ~4-5 hours now. But you cannot deny it is cold, freezing cold compared to DC , I have not seen actual snow in 4 years living here (less than an inch here and there). I HATE THE SNOW!!! And the cold temperatures! She also would need to find a job but she is under the idea that it would not be difficult. Her school keeps emailing them about job openings and what not to apply for. Time will tell! That whole seeing the snow thing might be changing in a day or two. To be fair we have had some really light snow years these past years too, I am hopeful this year will be more normal with snow.
|
|
TheHaitian
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 27, 2014 19:39:10 GMT -5
Posts: 10,144
|
Post by TheHaitian on Dec 15, 2020 14:21:17 GMT -5
Need a JOB first! Look I am not going to sabotage it or be a party pooper. As the time gets closer I will give it a 100% effort but what I already know is for my position I would need to consider a paycut and honestly not too crazy about it. I finally broke 6 figures after taking a 15k pay cut when I came to DC, took me 4 years to climb back up and I am still not where I was when I left MA but close. So really that prospect is not really enticing. Two I like Albany because the drive to NJ or Long Island is much easier and straight forward for a good part of it. In 2 hours I can be at my mom’s house depending on traffic and where we would end up staying vs ~4-5 hours now. But you cannot deny it is cold, freezing cold compared to DC , I have not seen actual snow in 4 years living here (less than an inch here and there). I HATE THE SNOW!!! And the cold temperatures! She also would need to find a job but she is under the idea that it would not be difficult. Her school keeps emailing them about job openings and what not to apply for. Time will tell! That whole seeing the snow thing might be changing in a day or two. To be fair we have had some really light snow years these past years too, I am hopeful this year will be more normal with snow. 80% chances of snow tomorrow... we will see how much DC does get
|
|
gooddecisions
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 13:42:28 GMT -5
Posts: 2,418
|
Post by gooddecisions on Dec 15, 2020 16:34:48 GMT -5
She should delay and reapply at Georgetown. As far as the col, if you expand your search, you'd be surprised what you can find in the d.c area. I have family that just bought a brand new 2020 constructed, 5000 sqf, 5 bedroom, 5 bathroom, 2 car garage, finished walkout basement with a decent size yard for $625,000 - and has all the nice things you'd expect in new construction, on the Maryland side, 30 min from D.C. I've been there and the area is fine. They sold their 1940's 1700 sqf, 3 br, 3 ba, 1 car garage for $525k, which was also 30 min from d.c on the other side. The areas seem comparable. Schools, I can't say. They don't have kids, but they are thrilled with their new home. Both have been successfully working from home and avoiding a commute since the pandemic started.
You guys will get through this. It has been a tough year for everyone. I don't think telling her to go for it, but without you is the answer. It seems like a passive aggressive way of telling her no to Albany.
|
|
TheHaitian
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 27, 2014 19:39:10 GMT -5
Posts: 10,144
|
Post by TheHaitian on Dec 15, 2020 16:51:31 GMT -5
She should delay and reapply at Georgetown. As far as the col, if you expand your search, you'd be surprised what you can find in the d.c area. I have family that just bought a brand new 2020 constructed, 5000 sqf, 5 bedroom, 5 bathroom, 2 car garage, finished walkout basement with a decent size yard for $625,000 - and has all the nice things you'd expect in new construction, on the Maryland side, 30 min from D.C. I've been there and the area is fine. They sold their 1940's 1700 sqf, 3 br, 3 ba, 1 car garage for $525k, which was also 30 min from d.c on the other side. The areas seem comparable. Schools, I can't say. They don't have kids, but they are thrilled with their new home. Both have been successfully working from home and avoiding a commute since the pandemic started. You guys will get through this. It has been a tough year for everyone. I don't think telling her to go for it, but without you is the answer. It seems like a passive aggressive way of telling her no to Albany. Are we talking towards Brandywine, Fort Washington, Waldorf Area?
|
|
mamasita99
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jan 3, 2011 5:42:27 GMT -5
Posts: 1,623
|
Post by mamasita99 on Dec 15, 2020 17:47:31 GMT -5
I checked out the Fort Washington area to look for a suitable investment. I wouldn’t want my own residence there if I had kids because of the schools, but other than that I liked the area. Now ten minutes down the road, nope. There were some beautiful, affordable homes but most had bars on the windows and still a high crime area. I haven’t looked into the other areas mentioned.
|
|
geenamercile
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:40:28 GMT -5
Posts: 2,495
|
Post by geenamercile on Dec 15, 2020 20:07:06 GMT -5
If you are willing to drive 30/45 mins there is a fair amount of houses out there on both sides.
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 15, 2020 20:13:13 GMT -5
That whole seeing the snow thing might be changing in a day or two. To be fair we have had some really light snow years these past years too, I am hopeful this year will be more normal with snow. 80% chances of snow tomorrow... we will see how much DC does get We are supposed to get between 2-3 FEET.....we haven’t had a storm like this in 3 years. I’m praying they are wrong. Ugh
|
|
formerroomate99
Junior Associate
Joined: Sept 12, 2011 13:33:12 GMT -5
Posts: 7,381
|
Post by formerroomate99 on Dec 15, 2020 21:10:21 GMT -5
Before any decisions are made, I would suggest counseling. I agree but the last time my wife and I were in the same room for more than 5 minutes was March 13, 2020 We never share the same space at the same time; if we are we are both wearing mask; I hang with my daughter outside and we wear mask. So yes that has been my life because my wife is deadly afraid of catching Covid or her mom catching it. Counseling is done over zoom these days anyway.
|
|
sesfw
Junior Associate
Today is the first day of the rest of my life
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 15:45:17 GMT -5
Posts: 6,268
|
Post by sesfw on Dec 15, 2020 21:38:18 GMT -5
So how much it will cost her long run?In another 20 years or so she may realize the cost was too high, both funds and family. Hope she does some real serious thinking about this and waits until your daughter is out of high school. It will never be too late for her to go back to school. I have just an AA degree but started school for it when I was 50. Hope things work out well for your whole family.
|
|
jerseygirl
Senior Member
Joined: May 13, 2018 7:43:08 GMT -5
Posts: 4,817
|
Post by jerseygirl on Dec 15, 2020 21:43:16 GMT -5
I finished my PhD at 46 when my 3 kids were in college and high school. Had a serious career in pharmaceuticals Seriously, ask her to explore universities near DC area and also consider locating a house outside of DC Are there no schools with DPH in that area??
|
|
Deleted
Joined: May 18, 2024 0:20:58 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 15, 2020 21:49:16 GMT -5
Ok, I’m trying to sort my thoughts out about this as I type, so please bear with me. I have a former coworker/friend that relocated for a job at our headquarters in DC. She chose to live in Virginia and commute to her job because she couldn’t afford to live in DC. She had a house built in Virginia a couple years ago. Idk how much her house cost, but I’ve drooled over the pictures she’s sent me and I know her well enough to be sure that it still cost less than if she lived in DC. I also know for a fact that if you make 6 figures by yourself, your household income is much more than hers. I’m all for learning just for the sake of learning BUT! There’s often a “but”, right? So BUT not if it puts someone in financial jeopardy. And IIRC, your wife has already run up a substantial amount of student loan debt. And she has expensive tastes, which can run up consumer debt too if one isn’t careful, if it hasn’t already. I’m also all for following or chasing dreams. But imo, that usually works best and is easier to do when one has no responsibility to another, like a spouse, and especially a child. From reading your posts for years, I don’t think you’re wrong for trying to be realistic and practical at this point in your lives. The fact that you are a provider and a man who tries to get it done, no matter what it is, has likely shielded her from some of the harsh realities of life. I’m not trying to knock her when I say that, I’m just being honest about what I see from my point of view, on the outside, looking in. I respect that you aren’t trying to stop her from doing what she feels she must do, imo, that’s LOVE. I just hate that the costs may be higher than she realizes right now, and not just financially. And I wish that she was more financially savvy, to see and fully understand exactly what she might be getting herself into with her choices. I don’t have any answers, I’m not the most financially savvy person myself. But I do know that I’ve always been rooting for you and your family, I think you know that too. The bottom line is that at some point in our lives, we have to realize and accept that with some things, if it doesn’t make dollars, it doesn’t make sense, especially when our decisions affect a spouse and a child. So I said all that and still didn’t say much except that I want to see you and your family win. Hopefully together, but if necessary, even separate from each other. You are like my little brother that I’ve never even met IRL and I care about you and your family as much as someone can care about people they only know from the internet. I think you’re a good man who has his own ambitions and works very hard to be a provider, while also trying to do right by your family, and I support you in doing whatever you think is best for you and yours. I’m rooting for you, your wife and little Carlie to get through this and be ok.... more than ok, HAPPY..... whatever that means for all of you in real life. That’s pretty much all I got. Just support and encouragement, with little to no financial advice for this situation. But my support and desire to encourage you is REAL.
|
|
|
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Dec 15, 2020 22:17:36 GMT -5
I finished my PhD at 46 when my 3 kids were in college and high school. Had a serious career in pharmaceuticals Seriously, ask her to explore universities near DC area and also consider locating a house outside of DC Are there no schools with DPH in that area?? Not the same field. Much different ROI. Carl’s wife is already sitting on $100k of student loans, and getting her doctorate will double them. Her DrPH is not going to increase her current salary 100%, even if she is at the peak of her field.
|
|
jerseygirl
Senior Member
Joined: May 13, 2018 7:43:08 GMT -5
Posts: 4,817
|
Post by jerseygirl on Dec 15, 2020 22:43:03 GMT -5
I finished my PhD at 46 when my 3 kids were in college and high school. Had a serious career in pharmaceuticals Seriously, ask her to explore universities near DC area and also consider locating a house outside of DC Are there no schools with DPH in that area?? Not the same field. Much different ROI. Carl’s wife is already sitting on $100k of student loans, and getting her doctorate will double them. Her DrPH is not going to increase her current salary 100%, even if she is at the peak of her field. Was thinking more about my age and kids age Frankly I wasn’t concerned about getting more money with a PhD. I just really wanted to learn and continue teaching . When I learned the person who did publicity at the college earned far more than I as an associate professor, I decided to look at opportunities elsewhere. A former professor hired me at a pharma company Hatian might discuss waiting for continued degree with his wife
|
|
TheHaitian
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 27, 2014 19:39:10 GMT -5
Posts: 10,144
|
Post by TheHaitian on Dec 17, 2020 15:50:47 GMT -5
80% chances of snow tomorrow... we will see how much DC does get We are supposed to get between 2-3 FEET.....we haven’t had a storm like this in 3 years. I’m praying they are wrong. Ugh We did not even get an inch ... maybe half an inch
|
|
TheHaitian
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 27, 2014 19:39:10 GMT -5
Posts: 10,144
|
Post by TheHaitian on Dec 17, 2020 15:54:35 GMT -5
If you are willing to drive 30/45 mins there is a fair amount of houses out there on both sides. The issue is anywhere that you consider 30-45 minutes out turns into 1-2 hours during rush hour traffic or some accident or something happens with no way around. Take Baltimore for example; it is only 45 minutes from DC on a good day, I know I have done the drive many early morning sir late nights with no one on the roads. Add regular light traffic it jumps to an hour, add mild to insane traffic you are looking at 2 hours. But you guys say to be open to it, I told her I am open to it as long as our mortgage stays within $2,500-$2,750/month. She suggested Manassas and Springlied. Here is the thing: Manassas on 66 when everyone goes back to work, that is easily 1.5 hours commute for me (my boss lives there, I know). But ok, I am being open...
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,345
|
Post by swamp on Dec 17, 2020 16:10:51 GMT -5
That whole seeing the snow thing might be changing in a day or two. To be fair we have had some really light snow years these past years too, I am hopeful this year will be more normal with snow. 80% chances of snow tomorrow... we will see how much DC does get The city of Albany just got about 3 feet of snow.
|
|