swamp
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Post by swamp on Dec 14, 2020 9:06:11 GMT -5
I don't know that I would pick any of them, without consulting a lawyer, first. Good point. One other thing, knowing your wife's penchant for spending, I would get a post nup agreement that any credit card debt incurred as of X date is each parties' separate property.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 14, 2020 9:32:20 GMT -5
I knew Carl's brother had Covid, but was thinking he wouldn't count as a "dependent". I assume they are meaning a dependent you can claim on your tax returns. Didn't think that he would meet that criteria. Yeah that! I didn’t think your brother was your dependent tax-wise and that’s what I would think it would mean. Look at the IRS link I posted above (I can't copy and paste since it is a PDF). Im going to summarize what I read that made me think the brother would qualify. I do recommend Carl verify with his tax accountant (and make sure it is a true tax accountant, not someone that prepares taxes - HUGE difference) "A qualified individual for purposes of this notice is an individual who experiences adverse financial consequences" "the individual's spouse or a member of the individual's household (as defined below) being uarantined, being furloughed or laid-off, or having work hours reduced due to Covid-19" "for purposes of applying these additional factors, a member of the individuals' household is someone who shares the individuals principal residence" His brother shares the individual's principal residence and was quarantined for a week or two because of Covid-19. Here is the link again. www.irs.gov/pub/irs-drop/n-20-50.pdf
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 14, 2020 9:34:46 GMT -5
I knew Carl's brother had Covid, but was thinking he wouldn't count as a "dependent". I assume they are meaning a dependent you can claim on your tax returns. Didn't think that he would meet that criteria. Didn't know he had a business. I haven't looked at any of this closely. He doesn't count as a dependent (well, I have no idea if he does or not)...but he should count as a member of the household...
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 14, 2020 9:36:03 GMT -5
I don't know that I would pick any of them, without consulting a lawyer, first. I think a tax CPA is who this should be run by. Most of the attorneys that I know that I are not tax attorneys will defer to the CPA. I'm a CPA but I do not specialize in taxes...I'm the CPA that pays a CPA to prepare my taxes!lol
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Dec 14, 2020 9:41:19 GMT -5
I don't know that I would pick any of them, without consulting a lawyer, first. Good point. One other thing, knowing your wife's penchant for spending, I would get a post nup agreement that any credit card debt incurred as of X date is each parties' separate property. Yes, not only debt, but agreements on the kiddo's custody, and how much Mrs gets when The Chick-fil-a thing goes through.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Dec 14, 2020 9:43:44 GMT -5
I don't know that I would pick any of them, without consulting a lawyer, first. I think a tax CPA is who this should be run by. Most of the attorneys that I know that I are not tax attorneys will defer to the CPA. I'm a CPA but I do not specialize in taxes...I'm the CPA that pays a CPA to prepare my taxes!lol A CPA cannot correctly counsel Carl on the legalities of separating a household. I am fortunate, my state does have legal separation. If I were Carl, and I had legal separation at my disposal, that's absolutely what I would push for. I'm guessing Carl can be screwed more than a couple of ways...And not the fun way(s). Before he does anything, I would want to see him legally protected so he can absolutely make informed decisions now.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 14, 2020 9:45:23 GMT -5
I think a tax CPA is who this should be run by. Most of the attorneys that I know that I are not tax attorneys will defer to the CPA. I'm a CPA but I do not specialize in taxes...I'm the CPA that pays a CPA to prepare my taxes!lol A CPA cannot correctly counsel Carl on the legalities of separating a household. I am fortunate, my state does have legal separation. If I were Carl, and I had legal separation at my disposal, that's absolutely what I would push for. I'm guessing Carl can be screwed more than a couple of ways...and before he does anything, I would want to see him legally protected so he can absolutely make informed decisions now. Sorry, I misunderstood your advice. I didn't realize you were speaking of legal advice for separation of marriage...I thought you meant for the tax treatment of his options.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 14, 2020 9:48:48 GMT -5
Good point. One other thing, knowing your wife's penchant for spending, I would get a post nup agreement that any credit card debt incurred as of X date is each parties' separate property. Yes, not only debt, but agreements on the kiddo's custody, and how much Mrs gets when The Chick-fil-a thing goes through. I can only speak to my legal separation and then ultimate divorce. It was the date of separation that our assets counted...it was very clear in the document that anything earned after that date, was our individual property. It didn't matter for us because I am not the type to go after anyone's money...I didn't even get child support even though one child never stayed with him and the other stayed much less than 50% of the time. I didn't need his money and I'm a very proud woman. I have a feeling that Mrs. C would be much different than me so he definitely should protect himself if there is a separation.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Dec 14, 2020 9:50:55 GMT -5
Carl also needs to be protected from her debts.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Dec 14, 2020 9:51:11 GMT -5
A CPA cannot correctly counsel Carl on the legalities of separating a household. I am fortunate, my state does have legal separation. If I were Carl, and I had legal separation at my disposal, that's absolutely what I would push for. I'm guessing Carl can be screwed more than a couple of ways...and before he does anything, I would want to see him legally protected so he can absolutely make informed decisions now. Sorry, I misunderstood your advice. I didn't realize you were speaking of legal advice for separation of marriage...I thought you meant for the tax treatment of his options. I think it's important to do both, actually. And it's necessarily for separation of the marriage, it's for living separated. In an ideal world, I'd want them to stay married if they want. But. If living separated for a while becomes a real separation...better to take steps not to harm yourself in the future. Carl has a lot to protect. Hate to see him get the short end of the stick.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Dec 14, 2020 10:09:27 GMT -5
So would the chick-fil-a franchise happen in DC, or Albany? I'm just trying to figure out your if/then's.
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justme
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Post by justme on Dec 14, 2020 10:30:49 GMT -5
So would the chick-fil-a franchise happen in DC, or Albany? I'm just trying to figure out your if/then's. Must be DC since Carl said that if it happens he wouldn't be able to relocate.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Dec 14, 2020 10:34:43 GMT -5
So would the chick-fil-a franchise happen in DC, or Albany? I'm just trying to figure out your if/then's. Must be DC since Carl said that if it happens he wouldn't be able to relocate. Ah, thank you. I was getting a little lost in all the scenarios.
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lurkyloo
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Post by lurkyloo on Dec 14, 2020 12:37:44 GMT -5
Hugs Carl. I’m fresh out of judgement today. <br><br>As someone who spent the first six years of marriage only seeing each other on weekends due to careers, I agree that having a kid involved is a different universe. Will Carlie go with your wife and you’ll only see her when you make it over to Albany? Is there really no closer or online option for a DPH (University of Maryland, Johns Hopkins?). <br><br>You can get quite a bit more bang for your housing buck if you look at the suburbs. I have a 3500 sq ft house on an acre, safe neighborhood, good schools, for less than you paid, and I’m not that far from you.<br><br>I agree sometimes there’s no good compromises left. But I might look at marriage counseling. sometimes things seem all or nothing (especially with the added stress of today’s world) but there might be some more gray worth exploring.<br><br>Wishing you the best. Also, still voting for option C. <img text=" " alt=" " src="https://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/ymamsmiles/smile.gif">
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bookkeeper
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Post by bookkeeper on Dec 14, 2020 12:39:06 GMT -5
From the IRS:
A qualifying individual for the child and dependent care credit is:
Your dependent qualifying child who was under age 13 when the care was provided,
Your spouse who was physically or mentally incapable of self-care and lived with you for more than half of the year, or
An individual who was physically or mentally incapable of self-care, lived with you for more than half of the year, and either: (a) was your dependent; or (b) could have been your dependent except that he or she received gross income of $4,200 or more, or filed a joint return, or you (or your spouse, if filing jointly) could have been claimed as a dependent on another taxpayer's 2019 return.
At the IRS website there is an interactive tool you can use to determine if the brother is eligible to be your dependent. Looks like you need an infirmity to be an adult dependent. This seems like it has tightened up. I seem to remember people claiming their parents or siblings as dependents if they had no income and lived with them. Things change.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Dec 14, 2020 13:49:10 GMT -5
I like Albany way more than DC, and it's not that cold there. Go to Albany! Need a JOB first! Look I am not going to sabotage it or be a party pooper. As the time gets closer I will give it a 100% effort but what I already know is for my position I would need to consider a paycut and honestly not too crazy about it. I finally broke 6 figures after taking a 15k pay cut when I came to DC, took me 4 years to climb back up and I am still not where I was when I left MA but close. So really that prospect is not really enticing. Two I like Albany because the drive to NJ or Long Island is much easier and straight forward for a good part of it. In 2 hours I can be at my mom’s house depending on traffic and where we would end up staying vs ~4-5 hours now. But you cannot deny it is cold, freezing cold compared to DC , I have not seen actual snow in 4 years living here (less than an inch here and there). I HATE THE SNOW!!! And the cold temperatures! She also would need to find a job but she is under the idea that it would not be difficult. Her school keeps emailing them about job openings and what not to apply for. Time will tell!
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Dec 14, 2020 14:00:34 GMT -5
Hugs Carl. I’m fresh out of judgement today. <br><br>As someone who spent the first six years of marriage only seeing each other on weekends due to careers, I agree that having a kid involved is a different universe. Will Carlie go with your wife and you’ll only see her when you make it over to Albany? Is there really no closer or online option for a DPH (University of Maryland, Johns Hopkins?). <br><br>You can get quite a bit more bang for your housing buck if you look at the suburbs. I have a 3500 sq ft house on an acre, safe neighborhood, good schools, for less than you paid, and I’m not that far from you.<br><br>I agree sometimes there’s no good compromises left. But I might look at marriage counseling. sometimes things seem all or nothing (especially with the added stress of today’s world) but there might be some more gray worth exploring.<br><br>Wishing you the best. Also, still voting for option C. <img text=" " alt=" " src="https://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/ymamsmiles/smile.gif"> If my daughter was not in the picture I would 100% be for it. We were apart 4 years of college, about ~2 years while married. I strongly believe a kid change that dynamic and it unless absolutely necessary there is no reason to bring that “chaos” to her world. She applied last year to John’s Hopkins and did not get in and also said it is very costly. But I don’t think she is comparing apples to apples more oranges to apples. With GW and Maryland she would stay out but with Albany we would need to uproot our whole family (if I follow) , the cost of moving, the potential cut in pay and career setback for her DrPH When I made it clear that due to our finances and me being really serious about this business opportunity, she said she “technically” only need to be there for 2 years worth of classes, she can move back to DC afterwards and just fly back and forth for the 1 or 2 classs/seminars or whatever she would need to attend because after that it would be her working on her dissertation/research’s and she could do that from DC. The other day she just dropped out of nowhere that she may not be able to move with all her stuff and she plans on leaving some behind. I told her that may not work if I sell the house so you would need to figure it out, she was surprised because I guess she did not think I was serious about unloading the house. There is no reason for me to stay in the house if it is just me down here until I figure out what is next. It is not beneath me to move in the hoods of Baltimore (get low/cheap rent) and commute to DC everyday or crash at my cousins in Baltimore : I have 3 coworkers that commute in from Baltimore every day. Again a lot up in the air, I am only getting piece meals ... I am just putting myself in a situation to best handle this financially.
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Dec 14, 2020 14:07:40 GMT -5
So, if her mom is not moving either who is going to take care of Carlie or is your daughter staying with you and MIL watching her in DC?
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Dec 14, 2020 14:17:47 GMT -5
My question is why aren't you splitting the remaining bills in half? Unless the majority is for your brother?
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 14, 2020 15:53:54 GMT -5
I like Albany way more than DC, and it's not that cold there. Go to Albany! Need a JOB first! Look I am not going to sabotage it or be a party pooper. As the time gets closer I will give it a 100% effort but what I already know is for my position I would need to consider a paycut and honestly not too crazy about it. I finally broke 6 figures after taking a 15k pay cut when I came to DC, took me 4 years to climb back up and I am still not where I was when I left MA but close. So really that prospect is not really enticing. Two I like Albany because the drive to NJ or Long Island is much easier and straight forward for a good part of it. In 2 hours I can be at my mom’s house depending on traffic and where we would end up staying vs ~4-5 hours now. But you cannot deny it is cold, freezing cold compared to DC , I have not seen actual snow in 4 years living here (less than an inch here and there). I HATE THE SNOW!!! And the cold temperatures! She also would need to find a job but she is under the idea that it would not be difficult. Her school keeps emailing them about job openings and what not to apply for. Time will tell! You can’t get hung up on a salary number, though. You need a hella lot more to live in DC than the frozen tundra of Albany. I made six figures in a very low cost of living area (and not just over the six figure threshold). I would have felt poor in DC. So a $15k paycut might actually give you a better lifestyle, too Not that I’m for moving or staying. Just putting the salary into perspective. When we were not long out of college, my group of peers at the firm were all making about $30k. One guy opted to take a job for $50k in NJ (the NYC area). He was back in 18 months because even though he was making $20k, everything was so much more expensive. Even his car insurance! He loved better on $30k than he did $50k in a hcola
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Dec 14, 2020 16:32:20 GMT -5
I like Albany way more than DC, and it's not that cold there. Go to Albany! Need a JOB first! Look I am not going to sabotage it or be a party pooper. As the time gets closer I will give it a 100% effort but what I already know is for my position I would need to consider a paycut and honestly not too crazy about it. I finally broke 6 figures after taking a 15k pay cut when I came to DC, took me 4 years to climb back up and I am still not where I was when I left MA but close. So really that prospect is not really enticing. Two I like Albany because the drive to NJ or Long Island is much easier and straight forward for a good part of it. In 2 hours I can be at my mom’s house depending on traffic and where we would end up staying vs ~4-5 hours now. But you cannot deny it is cold, freezing cold compared to DC , I have not seen actual snow in 4 years living here (less than an inch here and there). I HATE THE SNOW!!! And the cold temperatures! She also would need to find a job but she is under the idea that it would not be difficult. Her school keeps emailing them about job openings and what not to apply for.
Time will tell! I was in the DrPH program and worked full time. However, I was only taking 6 credits each semester which meant that it took me several years to complete the classwork alone. Most employers will not be as flexible as mine was because my boss wanted me in the program in order to enhance our lab direction. My employer also paid 100% of my tuition, so I wasn't left with huge bills. It isn't the finding a job that would be difficult while going to school, but finding the time. If the truth was really known, for the 6 hours I took each semester, there were times where I doubt I put in 20 hours/week at my job. IOW, going to school full time may not allow for many hours of work. Doesn't her current employer have any sort of educational benefits? Can she find a local employer that does if hers does not? Johns Hopkins has a phenomenal program and it's in your ballpark. A good portion of the program is available online now, so it would mean that she could live at home and just have very long days (unless you are looking at separating for other reasons).
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Dec 14, 2020 16:32:43 GMT -5
Thanks everyone; will just need to figure out the logistics and what not but seems option C is the best one for now.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Dec 14, 2020 16:42:20 GMT -5
Need a JOB first! Look I am not going to sabotage it or be a party pooper. As the time gets closer I will give it a 100% effort but what I already know is for my position I would need to consider a paycut and honestly not too crazy about it. I finally broke 6 figures after taking a 15k pay cut when I came to DC, took me 4 years to climb back up and I am still not where I was when I left MA but close. So really that prospect is not really enticing. Two I like Albany because the drive to NJ or Long Island is much easier and straight forward for a good part of it. In 2 hours I can be at my mom’s house depending on traffic and where we would end up staying vs ~4-5 hours now. But you cannot deny it is cold, freezing cold compared to DC , I have not seen actual snow in 4 years living here (less than an inch here and there). I HATE THE SNOW!!! And the cold temperatures! She also would need to find a job but she is under the idea that it would not be difficult. Her school keeps emailing them about job openings and what not to apply for.
Time will tell! I was in the DrPH program and worked full time. However, I was only taking 6 credits each semester which meant that it took me several years to complete the classwork alone. Most employers will not be as flexible as mine was because my boss wanted me in the program in order to enhance our lab direction. My employer also paid 100% of my tuition, so I wasn't left with huge bills. Doesn't her current employer have any sort of educational benefits? Can she find a local employer that does if hers does not? Johns Hopkins has a phenomenal program and it's in your ballpark. A good portion of the program is available online now, so it would mean that she could live at home and just have very long days (unless you are looking at separating for other reasons). Her employer has a program but they only cover most of it if you attend that school (Georgetown) and they do not offer the programs she wants. If you study elsewhere they only cover it partially or somewhat. She has applied to John Hopkins last year and did not get in, don’t think she tried this year (and that was one reason she considered it, most of the course could be done online and she would have long days like you said). She has missed the deadline for GW this year, I think is going to apply to UMaryland but not her top choice because it is a PhD program vs DrPH program and another program in Philly. So if she does not get into those that would allow her to stay locally she is moving to Albany to finish her DrPH program that she started online this fall.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Dec 14, 2020 16:57:16 GMT -5
Also I do support my wife but I am also practical. Maybe I am wrong but my long term focus is where does this leaves us financially at the end of this. Ex; I asked her when she plans on moving if she does because that would give me an idea on when I could put the house on the market after I clean, fix what needs to be fixed (minor) and paint.
She got upset and said she specifically said she wanted us to keep this house if she move. So my question to her then please give me a budget where we maintain 2 household on the same income we are making now.
Because our mortgage in DC is $2,700/month. I don’t think my wife will find a suitable 2 bedroom apartment in Albany for less than $1,500/month unless she goes way outside of Albany. In 2008-2010 we rented a 1 bedroom 1 den in Clifton Park for $800/month (just checked now it is $1,075) ; but if she is going to be there by herself with Carlie I would think she would want to be closer to school and work (I still think her mom might give in and move with them).
So I checked that place online and it is about ~30 minutes commute from downtown Albany and her school and she can get a 2 bedroom there for $1,100-$1,600 (I guess depending on size and finishes).
So yes, so let’s say she gets a job that pays the same as she does get paid now, how we go about handling an extra ~$1,500/month + utilities ? Even if I move and we decide to rent it out : what happens when the renter does not pay? We still have a mortgage to pay, or the place is vacant? We still have a mortgage to pay... can we afford it?
When I say those things I come off as the asshole that is shutting down her ideas when I am just being logical. Yes you want to keep the house in DC just like you wanted to keep our house in MA... my reasoning for saying no has not change: worst case scenario (place vacant or tenant not paying) we are not in a position to carry 2 mortgages long term.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Dec 14, 2020 17:01:10 GMT -5
Will your wife be taking out student loans for grad school? I may be confusing you with another poster but I thought she already had significant student loans.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Dec 14, 2020 17:07:27 GMT -5
Also I do support my wife but I am also practical. Maybe I am wrong but my long term focus is where does this leaves us financially at the end of this. Ex; I asked her when she plans on moving if she does because that would give me an idea on when I could put the house on the market after I clean, fix what needs to be fixed (minor) and paint.
How much is her DrPH going to add to her student loans? I don't think she is going to be looking at a huge ROI for the additional costs she will be accruing. The ONLY reason why I did it was that my employer paid for my tuition, there is no way I would have put myself into that sort of debt for the ROI of a DrPH. At the end, it does come down to finances. In my experience, the only place that the ROI would be hugely beneficial of her getting this would be if she dumps the DrPH program and looks at Biostatistics in the math department. They can pretty much write their ticket for salary, as the DrPH degree (particularly if you do not have an MD/DDS as well) does not pay as well as you'd think.
This might change her flexibility in universities.
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lurkyloo
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Post by lurkyloo on Dec 14, 2020 17:20:05 GMT -5
Wait. She’s going to take Carlie with her and go to school and have a job that covers rent and living expenses and not have your MIL as backup for childcare?
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bookkeeper
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Post by bookkeeper on Dec 14, 2020 17:42:22 GMT -5
It's not how much you make, it's how much you keep.
There seems to be a lot of my wants vs. your wants in the discussion. As parents, you need to come together and do what is best for your family. You went through a lot of time, money and heartache to build this family. Your family should be more valuable than an extra $20 grand a year or so. That being said, financial security makes raising your family much easier. We all need money to get along.
Time to come together with a plan. Relationships are built with compromise. Both parents need to put the family first over the individual. You both had plenty of time to be individuals before your daughter came into your family. You will have more time to be individuals after she is grown. These years in the middle, I feel you should focus on your family that you worked so hard to create.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 14, 2020 19:03:54 GMT -5
Also I do support my wife but I am also practical. Maybe I am wrong but my long term focus is where does this leaves us financially at the end of this. Ex; I asked her when she plans on moving if she does because that would give me an idea on when I could put the house on the market after I clean, fix what needs to be fixed (minor) and paint. She got upset and said she specifically said she wanted us to keep this house if she move. So my question to her then please give me a budget where we maintain 2 household on the same income we are making now. Because our mortgage in DC is $2,700/month. I don’t think my wife will find a suitable 2 bedroom apartment in Albany for less than $1,500/month unless she goes way outside of Albany. In 2008-2010 we rented a 1 bedroom 1 den in Clifton Park for $800/month (just checked now it is $1,075) ; but if she is going to be there by herself with Carlie I would think she would want to be closer to school and work (I still think her mom might give in and move with them). So I checked that place online and it is about ~30 minutes commute from downtown Albany and her school and she can get a 2 bedroom there for $1,100-$1,600 (I guess depending on size and finishes). So yes, so let’s say she gets a job that pays the same as she does get paid now, how we go about handling an extra ~$1,500/month + utilities ? Even if I move and we decide to rent it out : what happens when the renter does not pay? We still have a mortgage to pay, or the place is vacant? We still have a mortgage to pay... can we afford it? When I say those things I come off as the asshole that is shutting down her ideas when I am just being logical. Yes you want to keep the house in DC just like you wanted to keep our house in MA... my reasoning for saying no has not change: worst case scenario (place vacant or tenant not paying) we are not in a position to carry 2 mortgages long term. Thanks to the eviction moratorium, I had to eat 10 months of unpaid rent. Then the dickhead put holes in the walls, left a ton of junk behind and even stole doorknobs (what??lol). This was a house I completely remodeled right before he moved in. All in, I will be about $20k out of pocket. I still had to pay the mortgage, taxes, insurance, sewer, garbage and landlord license fee. Being a landlord is not for the faint of heart and not to be done without a significant cushion. Explain that kind of situation to her.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Dec 14, 2020 21:48:20 GMT -5
I am NOT defending, this is just from another side, Carl: I am currently working on my doctorate. It is not a good financial decision. I know that. It will help me get jobs for at least the next 15 years maybe 20 though. I could maintain my original job for which I have a Master's. I could maintain my current job for which I have two post-graduate certificates. But I super duper love learning. And I do want to progress in my career. AND, I want it. But I also know this is not a logical financial decision. I will probably make the money back that I'm spending on tuition and if I keep my trajectory, I'll actually clear money. However, if anything gets in the way, then I'm out tens of thousands of dollars for a completely selfish reason. In some ways it's almost like a hobby. And goodness knows people spend tens of thousands of dollars on hobbies.
If it is so important to your wife to have this degree, I would ask you to reconsider refusing to move with her.
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