laterbloomer
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 26, 2018 0:50:42 GMT -5
Posts: 4,350
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Post by laterbloomer on Apr 18, 2019 10:51:10 GMT -5
Where did this info come from? I seem to be missing part of the story. From the article. She paraphrased what he said as something about her being unfriendly. Doesn't mention what they said she did/said it's just "something". That's the same part I was referring to when I mentioned her conveniently bad memory. She remembers the very first time she met DIL, basically just a "Mom this is GF" but can't remember a detailed discussion of what she did to insult her DIL? I don't think so.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Apr 18, 2019 11:42:23 GMT -5
There is a lot missing from this article, which is why I am taking the whole thing with a grain of salt. Spin is everything, and regret is enough here to make a carousel proud.
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lurkyloo
Junior Associate
“Time means nothing now,” said Toad. “It is just the thing that happens between snacks.”
Joined: Jan 8, 2011 11:26:56 GMT -5
Posts: 5,569
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Post by lurkyloo on Apr 20, 2019 21:13:03 GMT -5
I've avoided a lot of my mothers bad behavior but not all. I am very vigilant about this and mostly it stays in my head and not voiced or acted on. I try hard, but it’s pretty insidious. I consider it a minor miracle that I’m happily married, and figure that it’s mostly my husband‘s fault I’m not as patient with DS as I should be by a long shot...but he is a challenging kid! We stopped at one so at least we don’t have to worry about favoritism
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lurkyloo
Junior Associate
“Time means nothing now,” said Toad. “It is just the thing that happens between snacks.”
Joined: Jan 8, 2011 11:26:56 GMT -5
Posts: 5,569
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Post by lurkyloo on Apr 20, 2019 21:32:28 GMT -5
Yes, there are really bad mothers out there. I'm surprised that many of their children manage to turn out normal! But, really bad daughters in law exist too. I've seen one case where the DIL worked hard on shit-talking her H's family to anybody around, and on cutting him off from them. He managed to escape and divorce. Then she went on to marry one of his friends, who did not. He is now completely cut off from anybody he knew before the marriage. I never saw any of her tantrums, but they were said to be potential winners in a champion contest for spoiled 2 1/2 year olds.... (raises hand) My mother is still holding a grudge against her MIL, my paternal grandmother, for expressing surprise that she was expecting my younger brother. Bro just turned 38, Grandma passed away 20+ years ago and my mother is still unprovokedly nasty about her. She hates her brother‘s wife (my aunt by marriage) too. Of course I’ve been actively avoiding my own MIL for 2-3 years now, but I think DH thinks that’s a good idea. We used to get along well for 10+ years before that but as she’s aged the entitlement mentality has gone through the roof.
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sheilaincali
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 17:55:24 GMT -5
Posts: 4,131
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Post by sheilaincali on Apr 22, 2019 8:54:44 GMT -5
Yes, there are really bad mothers out there. I'm surprised that many of their children manage to turn out normal! But, really bad daughters in law exist too. I've seen one case where the DIL worked hard on shit-talking her H's family to anybody around, and on cutting him off from them. He managed to escape and divorce. Then she went on to marry one of his friends, who did not. He is now completely cut off from anybody he knew before the marriage. I never saw any of her tantrums, but they were said to be potential winners in a champion contest for spoiled 2 1/2 year olds.... (raises hand) My mother is still holding a grudge against her MIL, my paternal grandmother, for expressing surprise that she was expecting my younger brother. Bro just turned 38, Grandma passed away 20+ years ago and my mother is still unprovokedly nasty about her. She hates her brother‘s wife (my aunt by marriage) too. Of course I’ve been actively avoiding my own MIL for 2-3 years now, but I think DH thinks that’s a good idea. We used to get along well for 10+ years before that but as she’s aged the entitlement mentality has gone through the roof. My mom and her MIL (grandma) had a tense relationship. When my mom called them on Mother's day to tell her parents and dad's parents that they were expecting their first baby (my older brother). My grandma said "How dare you do this to me. I'm too young to be a grandma". Ignore the fact that my parents were married, employed and in their 20's at the time. When we'd go visit the grandparents (both sets lived in the same town) we'd spend the weekend at my maternal grandparents and swing by the paternal ones on the way out to town and visit for like 30 minutes before hitting the road. 48 years later and my mom still holds a grudge.
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happyhoix
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Oct 7, 2011 7:22:42 GMT -5
Posts: 20,882
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Post by happyhoix on Apr 22, 2019 17:30:59 GMT -5
My mom was the queen of grudges - when she was in her 80s, she told me the story (again) about the mean girl who drove them all to the beach, then insisted Mom couldn't buy one of the big stuffed animals they had for sale there, because it wouldn't fit in the car on the way home. Then she bought the same stuffed animal and mom ended up with the thing on her lap for the ride home. I must have heard that repeated 8 or 10 times over the years, last time it was probably a 60 year old grudge. She also held a grudge against her older sister throwing Mom's china head doll down the stairs, breaking the head. She told that one about as often as my Aunt's name came up in conversation - had to be about a 80 year old grudge by the time mom died at 87. Of course, my grandma on my dad's side was also one to hold a grudge. I remember her complaining to me when she was in her 70's that when she agreed to marry my grandpa, he turned around and bought an expensive set of dishes for his mother - money he could have spent on grandma, his new wife. That grudge had to be 50 something at the time, I think she got married at 16. I come from endless grudge holders on both sides of the family, I'm screwed.
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giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 21,302
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Post by giramomma on Apr 22, 2019 18:23:22 GMT -5
My mom and her MIL (grandma) had a tense relationship. When my mom called them on Mother's day to tell her parents and dad's parents that they were expecting their first baby (my older brother). My grandma said "How dare you do this to me. I'm too young to be a grandma". Ignore the fact that my parents were married, employed and in their 20's at the time. During my engagement, my mom informed me I was supposed to wait a few years before procreating because she wasn't ready to be a grandma. \
My mom was even able to hold grudges against my oldest (who was a toddler at the time) because he didn't show her affection "the right way." It's probably a good thing she went low/no contact before #2 was a toddler. #2 is not particularly demonstrative of love or emotions. DD1 has softened, as she's turned into a tween. I get cuddles now. But, even still, telling me she loves me is a rarity. I'd never hear the end of the questioning why DD1 was like that, and what did I tell DD1 to behave in such a way. As it was, mom questioned how I was managing to turn #1 against her.
My mom would have never thought "goodness, maybe that child is different." Much easier just to jump to conclusions and blame me for grandparent alienation because #1 didn't physically demonstrate that he loved her in the way she wanted.
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