laterbloomer
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Post by laterbloomer on Jan 4, 2019 15:45:41 GMT -5
A friend of mine from high school was adopted and she always knew it. She had a good home life but was always curious about her biological relatives. Submitted her DNA to Ancestry.com was reunited with her younger sister. The sisters have met and are thrilled about it. Here's the story if your interested. Fixed LinkI have stayed away from Ancestry.com because I'm kind of freaked out by them collecting a huge database of everyone's DNA. However, I know I have a few half siblings out there through my biological father. Here's the question, would you do it?
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oped
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Post by oped on Jan 4, 2019 15:53:09 GMT -5
I've actually been struggling with this question. I picked up a 23 and me kit on black friday and haven't brought myself to do it yet. I know of no unknown siblings... BUT given how, hmmm what is a nice word for promiscuous, my father was all his life, i have always thought having only one full blooded sibling was probably a fiction. I'm not sure i want to open that can of worms.
If my daughter does it, will potential aunts and uncles show up for her?
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jan 4, 2019 15:53:34 GMT -5
I would. The curiosity would motivate me more than anything.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2019 16:06:30 GMT -5
My uncle just popped up on ancestory.com a few weeks ago. Our family has known for many years he was out there and had been searching for him, but it took him submitting his DNA to finally track him down. I think from the limited bit I've been hearing from other aunts and uncles that he's happy to have connected and wants to learn about his mom and siblings.
I haven't submitted my DNA, but so many of my family members have, including my older son, so I doubt I'd learn anything new by doing mine.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Jan 4, 2019 16:12:28 GMT -5
So I have a question - if you do Ancestry and a long lost relative does 23&Me, are you going to find each other? Is there some combined listing?
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chapeau
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Post by chapeau on Jan 4, 2019 16:12:57 GMT -5
No, but I’m both cynical and suspicious. But all of my grandparents had multiple siblings who mostly all had multiple kids. I’m guessing there’s enough familial DNA in the databases to get pretty close to me. I also don’t really want to know.
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buystoys
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Post by buystoys on Jan 4, 2019 16:33:52 GMT -5
I haven't and wouldn't do it. I'm just not that interested in geneology though. I could easily have half-siblings out there as much as my dad ran around. If I do, I really don't want to know it.
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Jan 4, 2019 16:50:56 GMT -5
My sister did this and our maternal grandfather's side reached out to her. He remarried and had more kids, so there are half uncles and aunts. They chatted a bit, exchanged pics, suggested meeting up. I wouldn't be opposed, but as far as I know no one has arranged anything. Some are local, some are in Ireland.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jan 4, 2019 16:53:52 GMT -5
Laterbloomer-I would do it if I were you (and I did it.)
Not through Ancestry or 23andMe, but I was told by my mom when I was in my 30s I had an uncle I never knew about. My maternal grandfather was married once before he married my grandmother. I knew that but not that he had a son from his first marriage.
My grandmother told my mom and her sister never to discuss their half-brother with their families. Why she didn't want it discussed? Who knows. My grandmother could be a real witch at times and that was one of them.
My mom finally met her half-brother when she was in her late 60s or so, probably after her mom died. She met his family too. A few years later, both she and her half-brother developed Alzheimer's disease (AD). My mom's sister/uncle's half-sister did not develop AD.
Searching Ancestry, I discovered their mutual paternal grandfather died in a mental institution in 1899. My guess is he had AD too-it's just that they didn't have a name for it back then. My mom and uncle's dad (my grandfather) died in his early 60s so it is unknown if he would have ever developed AD.
So it concerns me AD can be hereditary and passed down through family genes. Something for me to watch out for concerning myself.
I would rather know things than not know things. But that is not for everyone.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jan 4, 2019 16:59:15 GMT -5
No. I wouldn't want to know. It was rumored that one of my parents might have half siblings. One of my great uncles was also illegitimate (factual, not a rumor). Knowing the "truth" to these issues wouldn't enhance my life in any way.
And for sure, I can say I barely have enough emotional reserves to deal with my current life...let alone the fall out from any unplanned DNA matches. Knowing the truth wouldn't be very welcome. It would be a burden.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Jan 4, 2019 17:00:28 GMT -5
I wouldn't. I'd have long-lost relatives coming out of the woodwork, asking for Rolexes and BMWs. They have a very unrealistic view of life in Canada. Just because I don't share my little cottage with 17 other people does NOT mean I'm rich.
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mcsangel2
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Post by mcsangel2 on Jan 4, 2019 17:10:58 GMT -5
I am not adopted, but both my sister (51) and brother (49) are. My brother is indifferent to anything familial, so I'm sure he'd never care enough to. My sister has also always sworn she had no interest. We know both their birth mothers were 16 at the time. Bro was born in Hawaii, but sis was born in our hometown, where we still live. Our dad passed away a few years ago and our mom died unexpectedly after a short illness this last year, so we are feeling very bereft now. I do wonder if them being gone is going to make my sister change her mind at all. (although mom was the oldest of a large family, so we do still have lots of aunts and uncles and cousins around).
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jan 4, 2019 17:14:37 GMT -5
There are so many "illegitimate" children and premature babies in my ancestry that I would probably learn something. I'm sure I have more relatives than I am aware of.
I am interested in genealogy. That is the only reason I would consider doing it. I have not at this time.
A high school friend knew she was adopted. I can't remember not knowing that about her. She did do it and has now met her other 3 biological siblings. They meet a few times a year.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2019 17:17:40 GMT -5
No. I wouldn't want to know. It was rumored that one of my parents might have half siblings. One of my great uncles was also illegitimate (factual, not a rumor). Knowing the "truth" to these issues wouldn't enhance my life in any way.
It WOULD if you found out that you and I were cousins! The uncle we found is from your neck of the woods. I've actually had pretty positive experiences with the whole "long lost relatives" thing. I found out when I was pregnant with my oldest that my Mom had given an older brother up for adoption when he was born. He found us, so mom had to break it to me at age 34. He's pretty cool. Definitely my brother. We're both reserved and at the time both drove 3/4 ton Ford trucks, which was a little freaky. He has two daughters so my Mom went from 0 to 3 grandkids in less than a month. He was the one that had the info showing there was a 9th child of my Grandma's, so my family had been madly hunting for 16 years. But, that's kind of my family. They're all about "the more the merrier".
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2019 17:18:48 GMT -5
While you were gone (welcome back!), we had some sort of thread on this. My sister wants to do this, and I do not. I am 65 years old and have zero interest in finding additional relatives. I'm not the family reunion type. She is. Supposedly, our father was married previously and had a son. If he is still alive, he would be in his 70s or 80s. Assuming he is alive and even interested, what on earth could I tell him given our father died when I was five? I don't even know most of it. I figure the half-brother was adopted by a step-parent and lived happily ever after. You are considerably younger so YMMV. Would you be excited to learn about new relatives? Are YOU the family reunion type?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2019 17:35:11 GMT -5
I'm wary of things like that, so I can't say whether I'd use something like that or not.
I have 3 half sisters and wouldn't be surprised to learn that I have more siblings. I doubt that I'll ever actively search to be sure though.
I'm not close to the sisters I know about. It still feels weird to even say I have sisters, even though I've known about them since I was a child. We are FB friends, but that's pretty much it for interaction. I've never had a conversation at all with the youngest, though I did meet her after our father died. The oldest reached out to me on FB yesterday, trying to get in touch with my brother, because she's in town and wanted to see him. That led to a phone call, the first time we've spoken since a few months after our father died, almost 15 years ago. She and my brother developed a relationship over the years and lost touch over this past year.
Im not sure why I'm so indifferent toward them, and I'd probably be even more so if I discovered there are more of us. I don't dislike them or anything, just never made an effort to really get to know them and didn't really cooperate with their efforts to get to know me.
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Jan 4, 2019 17:35:58 GMT -5
You can do 23andme and choose NOT to be matched with other people who may have genetic links to you. They won't hear about you and you won't hear about them.
Can you do the same thing on Ancestry.com? Like if you just want to know what the split out of your genetic background is - but don't really want to find out about long lost relatives?
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oped
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Post by oped on Jan 4, 2019 17:41:05 GMT -5
Totally selfish as fuck question here, but if a sibling finds dad through me, is he or she entitled to an inheritance? Because if so my sister would never forgive me...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2019 17:43:20 GMT -5
You can do 23andme and choose NOT to be matched with other people who may have genetic links to you. They won't hear about you and you won't hear about them. Can you do the same thing on Ancestry.com? Like if you just want to know what the split out of your genetic background is - but don't really want to find out about long lost relatives? I think 23 and Me is more about genetic markers for illness and where your ancestors came from than geneology research. You can choose to share/link your info to Ancestery, but don't have to do that.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jan 4, 2019 17:43:59 GMT -5
You can do 23andme and choose NOT to be matched with other people who may have genetic links to you. They won't hear about you and you won't hear about them. Can you do the same thing on Ancestry.com? Like if you just want to know what the split out of your genetic background is - but don't really want to find out about long lost relatives? I don't remember if that was an option on Ancestry. I wasn't so much interested in finding long lost relatives as I was in finding out how far back in time my family could be traced. I think I got as far back as 1520 France for one of my father's family lines. I could probably go even further if I paid for the international records. I found the 1520 France relative looking at a distant relative's family tree.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jan 4, 2019 17:47:10 GMT -5
Totally selfish as fuck question here, but if a sibling finds dad through me, is he or she entitled to an inheritance? Because if so my sister would never forgive me... I am assuming your dad is still alive. The long lost sibling could I believe-they would have to fight for it though. But they would need more proof than just a report from Ancestry or whatever.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2019 17:50:30 GMT -5
Totally selfish as fuck question here, but if a sibling finds dad through me, is he or she entitled to an inheritance? Because if so my sister would never forgive me... I am assuming your dad is still alive. The long lost sibling could I believe-they would have to fight for it though. But they would need more proof than just a report from Ancestry or whatever. Even if they're a blood relative, are they a legitimate heir if they were adopted into another family? I wouldn't think so. swamp?
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oped
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Post by oped on Jan 4, 2019 17:52:53 GMT -5
I'm thinking more single mom who never said who dad was... I know, my writer's brain creates problems...
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imanangel
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Post by imanangel on Jan 4, 2019 17:54:18 GMT -5
I didn't do the one from from the Ancestry website, but I did just do one from MyHeritage. My adopted daughter did one as well. We know absolutely nothing about her background, and I know she has always been curious. I got her one for Christmas and told her she could do it, or not do it, it was up to her. I did one because I have always heard stories about where our ancestors came from and I was curious. I also come from really huge families (my mom is 1 of 18 kids, and my dad is 1 of 10 kids). I am hoping to find that my mom's family tree actually has some branches, and doesn't practically go straight up and down like a fear. So yes, I did it and I am ok with finding out the results.
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laterbloomer
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Post by laterbloomer on Jan 4, 2019 17:54:39 GMT -5
While you were gone (welcome back!), we had some sort of thread on this. My sister wants to do this, and I do not. I am 65 years old and have zero interest in finding additional relatives. I'm not the family reunion type. She is. Supposedly, our father was married previously and had a son. If he is still alive, he would be in his 70s or 80s. Assuming he is alive and even interested, what on earth could I tell him given our father died when I was five? I don't even know most of it. I figure the half-brother was adopted by a step-parent and lived happily ever after. You are considerably younger so YMMV. Would you be excited to learn about new relatives? Are YOU the family reunion type? I am an only child so a part of me is very interested in the feeling of looking at a blood sibling. I would like it if we got along but I don't have a lot of experience with that instinctive family feeling I hear people talk about with blood relatives. I'm closer to my mom's family than my adopted father's but I tend to think his family is nuts. The big negative for me is being on this huge database. I get creepy feelings about what somebody is going to do with all that info.
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imanangel
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Post by imanangel on Jan 4, 2019 17:55:49 GMT -5
Totally selfish as fuck question here, but if a sibling finds dad through me, is he or she entitled to an inheritance? Because if so my sister would never forgive me... Are people automatically entitled to an inheritance in the US? I am not sure. I always thought it had to be left in a will or go to the next of kin. I know in Italy, all family members are automatically entitled to share the inheritance, but I am not sure about here.....
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jan 4, 2019 18:00:51 GMT -5
Totally selfish as fuck question here, but if a sibling finds dad through me, is he or she entitled to an inheritance? Because if so my sister would never forgive me... Are people automatically entitled to an inheritance in the US? I am not sure. I always thought it had to be left in a will or go to the next of kin. I know in Italy, all family members are automatically entitled to share the inheritance, but I am not sure about here..... U.S. If a name is not mentioned in a will, most likely they are not entitled to an inheritance. Someone could fight it. Something is vaguely coming to mind. If no will is found, the estate goes to probate for disposal to known family. That is when an unknown relative could come forward and claim they are entitled to a share. That's when it gets interesting.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2019 18:03:36 GMT -5
While you were gone (welcome back!), we had some sort of thread on this. My sister wants to do this, and I do not. I am 65 years old and have zero interest in finding additional relatives. I'm not the family reunion type. She is. Supposedly, our father was married previously and had a son. If he is still alive, he would be in his 70s or 80s. Assuming he is alive and even interested, what on earth could I tell him given our father died when I was five? I don't even know most of it. I figure the half-brother was adopted by a step-parent and lived happily ever after. You are considerably younger so YMMV. Would you be excited to learn about new relatives? Are YOU the family reunion type? I am an only child so a part of me is very interested in the feeling of looking at a blood sibling. I would like it if we got along but I don't have a lot of experience with that instinctive family feeling I hear people talk about with blood relatives. I'm closer to my mom's family than my adopted father's but I tend to think his family is nuts. The big negative for me is being on this huge database. I get creepy feelings about what somebody is going to do with all that info. I have a feeling insurance companies are going to try to find a way to get all that info. I've decided it doesn't even matter if I do it since so many of my family have. My son can pull up the ancestry app on his phone and it has all the links to his name. They're not perfect because the genetics is so random. Like he comes up as being my aunt's first cousin, but a lot are right on. New uncle popped up on there as half uncle. I also have a cousin that fathered a son but the mom denied it was his and married someone else and he adopted the baby. They fought about it for quite a while, but apparently they never did a DNA test (this was 21 years ago). He popped up on our tree this year and we pulled up picture of him on Facebook and he is the spitting image of my cousin's older son (his half brother).
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laterbloomer
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Post by laterbloomer on Jan 4, 2019 18:07:11 GMT -5
Exactly!! Or people looking to harvest organs! Or some kind of science experiment I can't even think of!
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oped
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Post by oped on Jan 4, 2019 18:07:47 GMT -5
There is obviously a will, estate planning, etc. But while you can disinherit adult children i think the law says you need to specifically list them as such, which i guess would be the opening? So my father would have to either take measures to specifically disinherit or decide to include any siblings in the inheritance, maybe? I don't know.
All of which gets filed under the makes me feel shmarmy for even thinking through, and gah, it just gives me a headache i'll return the damn kit.
Or maybe just not do the find people thing... didn't realize that was an option. i'll look at that. Thanks to all who mentioned it.
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