TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jan 9, 2019 11:32:45 GMT -5
Watched the PBS show Finding Your Roots last night.
Very interesting. In both situations, the family lore was proven wrong. One of the people found out everything he had been told was wrong and there was no way at this time to go back further on the family tree.
The other situation turned out great. Found his mother's biological family, who welcomed mother and son with open arms.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jan 10, 2019 13:48:47 GMT -5
I said on the last thread it is a game changer for my kids. We used an anonymous sperm donor for them and they are full genetic siblings. We've never felt the need to connect with half siblings, but know that there are groups that do that. I assume there are about 50 to 70 half siblings out there and we've always been honest with the kids about how they were conceived.
I would think the anonymous donors out there will be fielding a lot more questions about what they did in college than what they expected though and I have to think it ruins the possibility of truly anonymous donors, which would be heart breaking for people who need that help to get pregnant.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jan 10, 2019 13:57:02 GMT -5
if I was conceived using an anonymous donor, my concern would be that a SO/sex partner could possibly be a blood relative.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Jan 10, 2019 13:59:19 GMT -5
I am interested in genealogy. That is the only reason I would consider doing it. I have not at this time. this is me. I'm totally interested in genealogy, but for how paranoid I've gotten about who's doing what with my information, I would never submit my own samples. and laterbloomer? the link in your OP is to the thread itself. I was interested in reading, but no luck.
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laterbloomer
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Post by laterbloomer on Jan 10, 2019 14:08:21 GMT -5
I am interested in genealogy. That is the only reason I would consider doing it. I have not at this time. this is me. I'm totally interested in genealogy, but for how paranoid I've gotten about who's doing what with my information, I would never submit my own samples. and laterbloomer ? the link in your OP is to the thread itself. I was interested in reading, but no luck. Sorry about that, I was using the email gadget instead of the hyperlink and it was messing things up. It's fixed now. Fixed Link
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jan 10, 2019 14:11:13 GMT -5
if I was conceived using an anonymous donor, my concern would be that a SO/sex partner could possibly be a blood relative. Which is 1 reason we're honest with them and when it's age appropriate we can add that to the things you need to discuss with partners before sex. The odds aren't that much more likely though than for anyone else running into a cousin they didn't know about. We didn't use a local sperm bank, but even if we had, those 50-70 half siblings are going to scattered across the US assuming none have left the country.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Jan 10, 2019 14:25:43 GMT -5
this is me. I'm totally interested in genealogy, but for how paranoid I've gotten about who's doing what with my information, I would never submit my own samples. and laterbloomer ? the link in your OP is to the thread itself. I was interested in reading, but no luck. Sorry about that, I was using the email gadget instead of the hyperlink and it was messing things up. It's fixed now. Fixed Linkthanks! what a cool story. happy it worked out well for your friend
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Jan 12, 2019 11:56:22 GMT -5
I would worry more in small towns how many people are related, they find a lot of kids may have a different father then they think they do. Small gene pool and maybe even smaller then you think, LOL!!
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laterbloomer
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Post by laterbloomer on Jan 12, 2019 11:57:57 GMT -5
I would worry more in small towns how many people are related, they find a lot of kids may have a different father then they think they do. Small gene pool and maybe even smaller then you think, LOL!! This is so true!!! If the people in my parents small town (technically a super village) ever all do the DNA testing there will be some major pruning of the family trees!
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jan 12, 2019 12:31:25 GMT -5
Mom's family is from a town settled by 3 main families. Her aunt married one of dad's uncles. She always said the entire area where she grew up is related.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Jan 12, 2019 12:36:15 GMT -5
Mom's family is from a town settled by 3 main families. Her aunt married one of dad's uncles. She always said the entire area where she grew up is related. Sorry for going OT, but caught your sig line. You are kicking some serious ass on the 2019 decluttering! Great job!
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jan 12, 2019 12:45:49 GMT -5
It's a typo. Going to fix it now.
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haapai
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Post by haapai on Jan 12, 2019 13:30:01 GMT -5
If I were adopted, things would be different. I'd want to know something, particularly if I came from the era of closed adoptions and had no fear that my search for roots would disturb my adoptive parents or disturb a family narrative.
But I'm fairly sure that I am not adopted. I was a draft deferment. I have adopted cousins who are close in age who have always known that they were adopted. I also seem to have the same hearing loss that my father and his siblings have. I don't have a blank slate to fill in, I just have tons of family stories that could be upended by DNA tracing of my family tree.
I'm really quite terrified by what could happen if I send my DNA out to strangers and then start comparing my own DNA with that of other relatives who have also done testing. On one side of the family, here's a double-sibling marriage (actually two full sisters who married two half-brothers) two generations back that could yield some very oddly-coded discoveries. On the other side of the family, there's an "adopted" first cousin once removed who I suspect may be my mother's first child. I could handle a half-sister 12 years older than me but I have no clue how to deal with DNA results that indicate that her father is also one of my relatives.
I have no desire to learn that some of my cousins who have done DNA tracing through the same company are not showing up in my results even though they clicked the "show relatives/allow notifications" box.
Maybe, twenty years from now, I'll be ready for the results of familial match searching and comparison, but I sure ain't ready now.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Jan 12, 2019 13:42:41 GMT -5
It's a typo. Going to fix it now. I still think you're doing great. You're tackling some seriously hard stuff.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Jan 12, 2019 14:31:46 GMT -5
I can't argue with the results when they've caught killers because some of their relatives have submitted DNA to the ancestry websites but it still just doesn't sit well with me from a big brother standpoint. It's already weird enough that any time I look at something online or mention it in a post I'll then see advertisements or get emails from amazon trying to sell me said thing. I know I've got nothing to hide but I'm just not comfortable with the fact that my DNA could then be used without my knowledge by marketers or the government. I know the ancestry sites don't simply give the information up but all it takes is a data breach and information I don't want anyone but my medical provider having is out there.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jan 12, 2019 17:09:34 GMT -5
It's a typo. Going to fix it now. I still think you're doing great. You're tackling some seriously hard stuff. Thank you. I have been tackling some of the difficult items.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Jan 12, 2019 18:58:26 GMT -5
I don't care, can't control what others in my families have done. As far as insurance, mine said no parkinsons and very little chance of alz, so let them use it. I have an odd family tree on dads side anyway, I have written it down and still couldn't tell you without reading i.
I guess if it was otherwise, I might feel differently.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2019 11:31:17 GMT -5
Watching crime shows on TV... They use the DNA databases already and they use them to find related people to then find the perp.
For example, they have a rape kit and the DNA comes up with someone who is a cousin, they then work from that back to who did the crime. So, if anyone in your family has submitted DNA, your's is essentially there as well.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Jan 14, 2019 15:42:00 GMT -5
No problem with that, don't think we have any crooks in my current small family.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2019 16:56:14 GMT -5
In the 1930s the Dutch government kept records of its citizens' religious affiliation because they wanted to give them a proper burial (according to their own affiliation) if they died with no friends or relatives to make arrangements. The Nazis found those records very useful. (Source: "Dragnet Nation" by Julia Angwin- great book.) Even if you have "nothing to hide" and can't think of any reason your data could be used to your detriment, you don't really know until it happens. I won't be part of that database.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 14, 2019 19:01:11 GMT -5
I don't care, can't control what others in my families have done. As far as insurance, mine said no parkinsons and very little chance of alz, so let them use it. I have an odd family tree on dads side anyway, I have written it down and still couldn't tell you without reading i. I guess if it was otherwise, I might feel differently. There is a study out there linking just about everything to your genes. You think insurance companies will care if it's legit or not if it means they don't have to pay? Nope I will not volunteer my DNA especially with the Republicans working so hard to get rid of preexisting conditions. Just because you have low risk doesn't mean a random marker isn't lurking in your code. It's an insurance company wet dream.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Jan 14, 2019 19:03:06 GMT -5
I don't disagree with you, they likely have all that anyway.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jan 18, 2019 13:51:31 GMT -5
Interesting Dear Prudence and related to this thread. Help! My Wife Asked Me to Destroy Evidence of Her Secret Past. I Didn’t.Dear Prudence, This is my wife’s second marriage. She had a daughter from that first marriage, and we have adult children of our own. That first marriage was abusive, and my wife’s sister helped her to escape. When she divorced and left her husband, she also left her child and has never tried to trace or contact her. She finds the whole subject very painful, so much so that she waited to tell me until just before our wedding when she could no longer keep the secret. I think she came close to leaving me rather than have to do that. I have respected her pain and kept the secret through over 30 years of marriage. In particular, our kids have no clue their mom was married before or that they have a sister. The only evidence was a sealed cardboard box with a few pictures, in our closet. It kept coming along on moves, never opened. Recently, we realized that it would be bad for that box to be discovered by our children, with no explanation, after we were gone. She asked me to dispose of the box, and I did … but I hedged and scanned some of the photos of her and her daughter and secured them... Complete article here: Help! My Wife Asked Me to Destroy Evidence of Her Secret Past. I Didn’t.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Jan 18, 2019 14:49:44 GMT -5
Tennesseer I know this is incredibly judgmental but... what sort of mother (or father) flees an abusive spouse and leaves their child with the abuser?
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jan 18, 2019 15:34:01 GMT -5
Tennesseer I know this is incredibly judgmental but... what sort of mother (or father) flees an abusive spouse and leaves their child with the abuser? I'll be judged with you.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jan 18, 2019 15:54:25 GMT -5
Tennesseer I know this is incredibly judgmental but... what sort of mother (or father) flees an abusive spouse and leaves their child with the abuser? I don't have an answer for that. A friend of mine left her husband and allowed him to have their two kids. The husband was not abusive to my knowledge. She was too immature to be a wife and mother. It took a while for her now adult children to forgive her for leaving and little contact with them during their formative years.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 18, 2019 16:45:16 GMT -5
Tennesseer I know this is incredibly judgmental but... what sort of mother (or father) flees an abusive spouse and leaves their child with the abuser? I can understand this position although thankfully I didn't have to make that choice. My first husband was alcoholic, verbally abusive, made threats of physical abuse. He was unemployed the last 5 years of the marriage and I was paying all the bills. DS was about 10 when things got really bad. I had a good job but we lived in a HCOL area and the costs of living in the marital home left me with little extra. So.... I could get out and leave DS with my husband and find myself a cheap room somewhere. I have to admit I wouldn't have been able to sleep at night. And, if I kept paying on the house, my husband had no incentive whatever to leave. I could take DS with me but then I'd have to find a place to rent in a decent school district. Probably impossible if I kept paying on the mortgage, so I'd have to let them foreclose and trash my credit. I felt cornered. Finally, my husband sealed his own fate when I came home from work and he was furious that the A/C had stopped working and threatened to kill me if I didn't find someone to fix it. I had him removed from the house with a Restraining Order. It took another year but finally we got divorced. He never spent a night in the house again. I have no idea what the woman in the article experienced in her first marriage; I can only hope that she made her decision based on some feeling that her Ex's abuse was directed only at her and would not be directed at their daughter- but I certainly can't judge. It's been over 20 years since my divorce and even typing this has caused details to come flooding back. Not unpleasant- it reminds me of how good life is now.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 18, 2019 16:50:10 GMT -5
Tennesseer I know this is incredibly judgmental but... what sort of mother (or father) flees an abusive spouse and leaves their child with the abuser? I can understand this position although thankfully I didn't have to make that choice. My first husband was alcoholic, verbally abusive, made threats of physical abuse. He was unemployed the last 5 years of the marriage and I was paying all the bills. DS was about 10 when things got really bad. I had a good job but we lived in a HCOL area and the costs of living in the marital home left me with little extra. So.... I could get out and leave DS with my husband and find myself a cheap room somewhere. I have to admit I wouldn't have been able to sleep at night. And, if I kept paying on the house, my husband had no incentive whatever to leave. I could take DS with me but then I'd have to find a place to rent in a decent school district. Probably impossible if I kept paying on the mortgage, so I'd have to let them foreclose and trash my credit. I felt cornered. Finally, my husband sealed his own fate when I came home from work and he was furious that the A/C had stopped working and threatened to kill me if I didn't find someone to fix it. I had him removed from the house with a Restraining Order. It took another year but finally we got divorced. He never spent a night in the house again. I have no idea what the woman in the article experienced in her first marriage; I can only hope that she made her decision based on some feeling that her Ex's abuse was directed only at her and would not be directed at their daughter- but I certainly can't judge. It's been over 20 years since my divorce and even typing this has caused details to come flooding back. Not unpleasant- it reminds me of how good life is now. . Hugs
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jan 18, 2019 16:52:14 GMT -5
I had read this earlier today. I was a bit shocked that she would leave a child with the abuser. I also know I have never walked n the shoes of being abused and from everything I have read, it totally messes up the mind of the abused.
My dad's ex-wife disappeared with their daughter back in the late 1940's. Everything was so different then. Dad didn't have the means to find her even though he tried several times. She was raised by a woman who had 9 children by 9 different men. She did not tell my half sister who her father was until she was a teenager. The damage was done. Her mother then filled her head with all kinds of things about how terrible her father was, how he didn't pay his child support, etc.
The child support was paid to the court as had been ordered. At some point, dad's attorney advised he go to court and have it stopped because no one knew where the child was. So the court ordered the support stopped. Dad took his then adult daughter to the courthouse to show her the money that was waiting for her mother from all those years ago and had not been claimed.
I don't know if she ever claimed it.
I do know my half sister would have been so much better off had she been living where dad had some influence over her life.
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