laterbloomer
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Post by laterbloomer on Jan 4, 2019 18:10:38 GMT -5
According to all my American tv watching it's all about the wording of the will. If it says "to my children I leave...." then long lost progeny can show up and make a claim. If it names each offspring specifically and specifies what they inherit, no one that isn't named can make a claim.
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chapeau
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Post by chapeau on Jan 4, 2019 18:12:36 GMT -5
Totally selfish as fuck question here, but if a sibling finds dad through me, is he or she entitled to an inheritance? Because if so my sister would never forgive me... Are people automatically entitled to an inheritance in the US? I am not sure. I always thought it had to be left in a will or go to the next of kin. I know in Italy, all family members are automatically entitled to share the inheritance, but I am not sure about here..... I think that is the question, though. Would they be included in next of kin by virtue of the blood relationship? I’m assuming we’re not talking about losing out on an entailed estate. And don’t lawyers usually advise to leave someone you are disinheriting a paltry, token sum like a penny so there is no question of forgetting them, but instead making a deliberate choice?
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jan 4, 2019 18:29:19 GMT -5
And don’t lawyers usually advise to leave someone you are disinheriting a paltry, token sum like a penny so there is no question of forgetting them, but instead making a deliberate choice? That is what my dad's attorney advised.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2019 18:54:38 GMT -5
There is obviously a will, estate planning, etc. But while you can disinherit adult children i think the law says you need to specifically list them as such, which i guess would be the opening? So my father would have to either take measures to specifically disinherit or decide to include any siblings in the inheritance, maybe? I don't know. All of which gets filed under the makes me feel shmarmy for even thinking through, and gah, it just gives me a headache i'll return the damn kit. Or maybe just not do the find people thing... didn't realize that was an option. i'll look at that. Thanks to all who mentioned it. I don't think you should feel bad for thinking of this. You are asking realistic questions. Especially if your Dad is wealthy. Aside from any empathy I have for children that grow up not knowing who their father is or just not having a relationship with him, I can't say that it sits all that well with me for a child to suddenly pop up out of nowhere when there is an estate at stake, trying to claim it either. THAT seems kind of smarmy to me, unless they had at least previously done their part to try to get to know the person while they were alive. I have no idea whether my Dad had a will when he died, or whether there was even anything to inherit. I didn't care. I'd made it without him while he was living, I didn't need anything from him after he died. A few months after he died, his wife sent me a note with a $50 bill inside. She said she'd sold his boat and split the money between his kids. Ummm..... okay. Thanks.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2019 18:57:14 GMT -5
DH and I did Ancestry which brought no surprises in the broader picture for me but DH discovered his ancestors were from Ireland long before they got to France. No biggie. I am still deliberately avoiding looking at the site even though I get messages about new info. I just can't deal with flesh and blood folks yet. That's me. DH wants to look at his side of things but that requires me doing all the computer stuff, email, etc. And I'm not up for some long lost 4th cousin of his reaching/leaching out. Maybe this month. I really did enjoy confirming the basic DNA pattern of British Isles, Spain, Mid-East but don't need more at this point in my life. My mother said her father (my maternal grandfather) was a traveling man in every sense of the word, and I know my father was a serial sperm donor. I just don't need any more in my life at this juncture. Having grown up without biological family I don't want the complications discovering any would entail.
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Jan 4, 2019 19:11:12 GMT -5
I did both 23&me and Ancestry. Didn't learn anything I didn't already know except that I have a very high level of Neanderthal variants, which totally made the whole thing worthwhile.
I didn't anticipate finding any long lost relatives but clicked the box that agreed to allowing potential relatives turned up by DNA matching or whatever they do to figure out who might be related to whom. There were a lot of potential third through fifth or sixth cousins turning up in the notifications, which was fine. At that distance, we're probably all related. After a while, a few of them started contacting me to investigate how we might be related. I'm not really interested in acquiring a bunch of distant potential relations, so I turned off the contact permission/information feature and have not been bothered since.
On my Dad's side, the little town in Germany from which his great-great grandfather emigrated has done extensive genealogical research on everyone who emigrated to the US from there and put it all online in a big, professionally designed genealogy website. On my mom's side, three of my cousins are competing with each other to put together the whole genealogy picture. So there aren't many surprises in my family on either side that haven't already been discovered.
I think I'd go ahead and do the DNA test. The data collection issue might be something to worry about; it's not something that really bothers me, but maybe I'm just too stupid to know any better. On the other hand, it is also information that will be available for medical research that could lead to advances or treatments that could potentially benefit people in the future. I prefer to focus on that aspect of the creation of a large DNA database.
I thought the information they provided on the likely origination point in Africa and probable migration route out of Africa of my distant ancestors was really interesting, so that along with now being able to boast of considerable Neanderthal genetic material in my makeup made the whole thing worthwhile.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jan 4, 2019 19:46:08 GMT -5
I am assuming your dad is still alive. The long lost sibling could I believe-they would have to fight for it though. But they would need more proof than just a report from Ancestry or whatever. Even if they're a blood relative, are they a legitimate heir if they were adopted into another family? I wouldn't think so. swamp ? If they are adopted, no inheritance. If if they aren’t adopted, you need a DNA test or some kind of official record like a birth certificate. Ancestry DNA doesnt cut it.
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Post by empress of self-improvement on Jan 4, 2019 20:53:18 GMT -5
About the only thing I would be interested in would be learning more about my maternal great-grandfather. Apparently my Gram's father was not her sisters' father. Did not know this until she died. I have a name and that's it. Other than that, meh.
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sesfw
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Post by sesfw on Jan 4, 2019 21:43:31 GMT -5
I did Ancestry and found it very interesting. No surprises with the family unit. I did like seeing the paths of my ancestry across the Atlantic and the Mormon migration across the northern states.
All the first cousins are known to me but I don't have any interest in contacting our to 5ht/6th lines out. No strange siblings in the mix.
Just thought it is interesting
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jan 4, 2019 22:03:36 GMT -5
My dad and my brother did it. My dad's was mostly as expected. Except for the 10% Italian. My brother's still getting people added and it's um interesting.
My aunt (our mother's half sister) did a family tree on Ancestry as a school project with her youngest. We don't think she did DNA or didn't share it. In any event it claims she isn't a relative of my brother's. I did a refresher on genetics and it could be possible I think. The part we can't square up is he's getting matches for 8th cousins and yet she's not a relative?
The cousins are all over the place on my mom's side. To be expected I guess since my biological maternal grandmother went on to have another family after ditching my mom and uncle and grandfather.
I think my brother's wanting me to do it. He sent me links from Black Friday sales. Part of me does worry about what happens to that data. Now the other voice in my head is about leaving sleeping dogs alone and not opening Pandora's box.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Jan 4, 2019 22:40:38 GMT -5
I don't know about 23 and me, I supposedly came up with some Neanderthal also, says its not common, then everyother person I talk to is coming up the same. Makes me very suspicious. Though it did pretty much confirm what I thought, lily white. Irish, northern European, which covers the dutch part and French. Can't believe its that clean. Paternal grandparents both irish, maternal grandmother French, grandfather dutch. Can't believe more isn't mixed in.
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CCL
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Post by CCL on Jan 4, 2019 23:53:39 GMT -5
Are people automatically entitled to an inheritance in the US? I am not sure. I always thought it had to be left in a will or go to the next of kin. I know in Italy, all family members are automatically entitled to share the inheritance, but I am not sure about here..... U.S. If a name is not mentioned in a will, most likely they are not entitled to an inheritance. Someone could fight it. Something is vaguely coming to mind. If no will is found, the estate goes to probate for disposal to known family. That is when an unknown relative could come forward and claim they are entitled to a share. That's when it gets interesting. Each state has it's own laws for when someone dies intestate, or without a will. It varies estate.findlaw.com/planning-an-estate/intestate-succession-laws-by-state.html
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Jan 5, 2019 12:36:43 GMT -5
I don't know about 23 and me, I supposedly came up with some Neanderthal also, says its not common, then everyother person I talk to is coming up the same. Makes me very suspicious. Though it did pretty much confirm what I thought, lily white. Irish, northern European, which covers the dutch part and French. Can't believe its that clean. Paternal grandparents both irish, maternal grandmother French, grandfather dutch. Can't believe more isn't mixed in. Neanderthal variants are not common worldwide, but they are very common among people with any northern European ancestry. It is likely that many of the people you encounter in your current location have northern European ancestry as the Midwest and upper Midwest areas were popular settlement locations for immigrants from Germany, Scandinavia, Finland, etc. seeking suitable farmland , so that probably explains why so many folks you encounter share some Neanderthal heritage.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Jan 5, 2019 14:51:17 GMT -5
Interesting didn't realize that.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jan 5, 2019 15:49:35 GMT -5
I'm considering it, for two reasons: 1) Mom gave birth to four children, three surviving. At least, that's what we were told. I've searched for a death certificate for the one who was born in 1960, but never found anything (we were told the child, a girl, died at birth). It is possible that at that time, no record of the death was made, and the lack of a record would have been a normal thing for that time period. But my folks were struggling financially at the time, and I always wondered if they gave up the child, rather than take on another baby they were not ready for. It would have been shameful at that time to admit they had to give up a child; maybe death at childbirth seemed like a more understandable explanation? 2) My maternal great-grandfather married twice, producing 13 children. We know his second wife was not Jewish, which got him kicked out of his Orthodox community. A family tale also says the second wife was non-white, though there are no photos and nothing concrete to back this up.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jan 5, 2019 17:31:59 GMT -5
It's the stories of my grandparents and aunts and uncles that make me curious, as well as of my own dad's marriage.
I have been told his ex-wife was pregnant when she disappeared with their daughter. Who did she name as the father on the birth certificate? I don't think in a million years my dad was the father because my parents were married by then.
My maternal grandparents both have interesting histories. My grandfather was widowed when they married, with two young daughters. They were raised by their grandparents on their mother's side and only around for special family times. My grandmother came to the marriage with one daughter. I have never been told who her father was. Their oldest daughter had a child out of wedlock before eventually marrying. Who is my cousin's father? When the aunt married, her husband adopted the daughter. The story goes her mother would not tell her who her father was and didn't tell her she was adopted until my aunt was nearing her death.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 5, 2019 17:45:35 GMT -5
I know my father was a bigamist, marrying again after deserting my mother and me without benefit of divorce so there likely are some hits from that family. But I don't want to go there so I'm delaying looking at the site again.
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laterbloomer
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Post by laterbloomer on Jan 5, 2019 18:26:42 GMT -5
So I mentioned it to my Mom today and she was totally fine with it. That's a relief. I think I'm going to do it.
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oped
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Post by oped on Jan 5, 2019 18:31:04 GMT -5
Yea h I called my sister yesterday and she was surprisingly zen about the whole thing too, so I think I might as well. Thanks for the thread.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jan 5, 2019 18:40:27 GMT -5
I'm considering it, for two reasons: 1) Mom gave birth to four children, three surviving. At least, that's what we were told. I've searched for a death certificate for the one who was born in 1960, but never found anything (we were told the child, a girl, died at birth). It is possible that at that time, no record of the death was made, and the lack of a record would have been a normal thing for that time period. But my folks were struggling financially at the time, and I always wondered if they gave up the child, rather than take on another baby they were not ready for. It would have been shameful at that time to admit they had to give up a child; maybe death at childbirth seemed like a more understandable explanation? 2) My maternal great-grandfather married twice, producing 13 children. We know his second wife was not Jewish, which got him kicked out of his Orthodox community. A family tale also says the second wife was non-white, though there are no photos and nothing concrete to back this up. You might be surprised that someone else in the country/world just might have a photo of your maternal great-grandfather and his second wife. While it was only a picture of her grandparents, I posted a picture on Ancestry's message program to a second cousin. It was a picture of me and my older brother as little kids (1955-1956) posing with her uncle and grandparents. She said her family had so few pictures of her grandparents and was excited by the one I sent her. Likewise, she had a few pictures of her maternal grandmother and her grandmother's siblings (including my grandmother) and parents (my great-grandparents) when the siblings were in their teens and early 20s. Never saw the entire family picture before. Interesting. There are pictures quite often out there. It just depends which distant relative has them.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 5, 2019 18:46:12 GMT -5
My son showed me a picture of his great, great, great grandparents in Switzerland that were on ancestry. The man looked a lot like my grandpa.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 6, 2019 9:34:11 GMT -5
I'm curious but also paranoid about having the details of my DNA put into a database. I doubt there are any skeletons in my immediate family; Mom and Dad and my grandparents were squeaky-clean. I know you can never say never but I'm pretty sure about that. As for illegitimate children coming out of the woodwork claiming the right to an estate: two observations with the caveat that I am not an attorney and, as swamp said, laws vary by state. One will I saw in the course of my summer job tracing chains of titles to property left the woman's property to her son and to his "lawful issue of the body surviving". I loved the beautiful, archaic wording. The son was a retired judge and the attorney I worked for jokingly suggested that maybe the judge needed to get a vasectomy to ensure that there were no future children. I would think that a "lawful issue" wording in a will would shut out illegitimate heirs. And yes, I learned in making my own will that you MUST name your kids even if you disinherit them- otherwise they can make a claim on the estate because, well, maybe you just forgot to mention them. One attorney in the county where I worked didn't like the girl his son married and left him 30 dimes in his will- back when dimes were made of silver. How biblical.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jan 6, 2019 11:33:22 GMT -5
No, I have no intention of doing this. Mainly because I do not like the fact that once you release your PHI (which is your DNA) the information can be mined indiscriminately.
I am pretty sure that me and my sibs are the only children of my parents, and I really don’t care that much about my ancestry. It changes absolutely nothing about who I am today and is merely an academic exercise that people are making money off of.
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Jan 6, 2019 11:48:54 GMT -5
While you were gone (welcome back!), we had some sort of thread on this. My sister wants to do this, and I do not. I am 65 years old and have zero interest in finding additional relatives. I'm not the family reunion type. She is. Supposedly, our father was married previously and had a son. If he is still alive, he would be in his 70s or 80s. Assuming he is alive and even interested, what on earth could I tell him given our father died when I was five? I don't even know most of it. I figure the half-brother was adopted by a step-parent and lived happily ever after. You are considerably younger so YMMV. Would you be excited to learn about new relatives? Are YOU the family reunion type? I am an only child so a part of me is very interested in the feeling of looking at a blood sibling. I would like it if we got along but I don't have a lot of experience with that instinctive family feeling I hear people talk about with blood relatives. I'm closer to my mom's family than my adopted father's but I tend to think his family is nuts. The big negative for me is being on this huge database. I get creepy feelings about what somebody is going to do with all that info. Just an FYI: I don't think it's instinctual. At their most fundamental base - families are all about duty, obligation, and maybe honor. Respect, like or love follows from that. And I don't think anyone is born automatically knowing their duty, obligation, what's honorable towards "family" it's taught/enforced. After all, why would most parables/fairytales/really good stories warn that bad things happen when one is unloyal/unfaithful to ones blood relatives/family (even if they've just found out about them and have little history together?)
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Jan 6, 2019 11:55:19 GMT -5
Are people automatically entitled to an inheritance in the US? I am not sure. I always thought it had to be left in a will or go to the next of kin. I know in Italy, all family members are automatically entitled to share the inheritance, but I am not sure about here..... I think that is the question, though. Would they be included in next of kin by virtue of the blood relationship? I’m assuming we’re not talking about losing out on an entailed estate. And don’t lawyers usually advise to leave someone you are disinheriting a paltry, token sum like a penny so there is no question of forgetting them, but instead making a deliberate choice? I would think it would be dependent on if there was a will and how the will was worded (my mom's generic will, listed us kids by name). I would think this issue is what probate is about - to contest the will OR to come forward and try to claim part or all of an estate - you know say "hey! I'm entitled to part of the estate - lets negotiate or else go to court." I would think that someone who would do this would actually have some verifiable proof that they should be included in the estate - otherwise why would a lawyer even bother to represent them? Of course if we're talking millions of dollars - it totally might be worth while to go after a loophole in a law/will. But then you'd think the judges/powers that be would be aware of such a loophole and have ways to avoid/close it.
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jitterbug
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Post by jitterbug on Jan 7, 2019 12:35:50 GMT -5
I'm usually not big on conspiracy theories - but has anyone else thought about what a great way this is to build a huge DNA database that will be used for OTHER reasons? Like solving a crime? I have nothing to hide and nothing to fear from my ancestry - but while I'm very interested in knowing my personal history, I'm just slightly hesitant to put my DNA out for someone to mine.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Jan 8, 2019 12:04:58 GMT -5
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Jan 8, 2019 12:31:09 GMT -5
I'm considering it, for two reasons: 1) Mom gave birth to four children, three surviving. At least, that's what we were told. I've searched for a death certificate for the one who was born in 1960, but never found anything (we were told the child, a girl, died at birth). It is possible that at that time, no record of the death was made, and the lack of a record would have been a normal thing for that time period. But my folks were struggling financially at the time, and I always wondered if they gave up the child, rather than take on another baby they were not ready for. It would have been shameful at that time to admit they had to give up a child; maybe death at childbirth seemed like a more understandable explanation? 2) My maternal great-grandfather married twice, producing 13 children. We know his second wife was not Jewish, which got him kicked out of his Orthodox community. A family tale also says the second wife was non-white, though there are no photos and nothing concrete to back this up. Ok, I've got something like this in my family background. You should check the local cemetery registries. I had heard rumors of a full term still born baby before I came along in 1964. There's no real documentation for this baby. There's no birth certificate, no official name, no nothing. Except at the Catholic cemetery where all of my parents generation relatives are buried. We don't have a super common last name - so when searching the Cemetery records - there's a Baby Boy "Our Last Name" buried in a special section of the cemetery for babies who apparently don't get names - there's just a numbered marker in a large open area with lots of other numbered markers without any kind of statues or marker or something to indicate that it's a field of babies who didn't make it. How sad is that? this 'Baby Boy' fits the timing AND would explain why when I was a little kid - the old women (my mom's friends who we saw infrequently) would oo and ah and say how special I was and how lucky my mom was to finally get a girl baby. Blech. There are a couple of other such babies with our last name - but they don't fit my parents time line.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jan 8, 2019 16:58:29 GMT -5
Both of my parents and all of my siblings were born at home, so no birth certificates.
I don't know the reason why but there was a doctor present when mom was born and he signed off on the details in a baby book. She was the only one who got a baby book. When her youngest sister needed a passport, Mom, her sister and a brother got their birth certificates. Mom had to sign off as a witness for her younger siblings. This was before 9/11 so I don't know if they could do that now.
Mom and my aunt and uncle were so happy to have birth certificates. Dad doesn't have one.
There was a stillborn baby on dad's side. The baby is listed on my Grandparents' headstone. I don't know if the child's remains are there or not, but all 12 children are on the stone, including the stillborn child.
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mcsangel2
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Post by mcsangel2 on Jan 8, 2019 18:51:01 GMT -5
I'm considering it, for two reasons: 1) Mom gave birth to four children, three surviving. At least, that's what we were told. I've searched for a death certificate for the one who was born in 1960, but never found anything (we were told the child, a girl, died at birth). It is possible that at that time, no record of the death was made, and the lack of a record would have been a normal thing for that time period. But my folks were struggling financially at the time, and I always wondered if they gave up the child, rather than take on another baby they were not ready for. It would have been shameful at that time to admit they had to give up a child; maybe death at childbirth seemed like a more understandable explanation? 2) My maternal great-grandfather married twice, producing 13 children. We know his second wife was not Jewish, which got him kicked out of his Orthodox community. A family tale also says the second wife was non-white, though there are no photos and nothing concrete to back this up. If the child who died was less than full term, a death certificate would not have been necessary. These days, they go by weight. My sister prematurely delivered a boy at about 23 weeks (in 1997), and he just made the cutoff to require one.
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