taz157
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Post by taz157 on Dec 27, 2023 9:47:44 GMT -5
Did they forget to pay the bills or did they just not have the money to pay them? If they forgot, then autopay could probably work well. If they didn't have the money to pay, that's a different issue. They DO have the money to be able to pay the bills. They either forgot to pay it or didn’t see the bill come in to pay it.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Dec 27, 2023 9:52:56 GMT -5
Unless you are unusually close to your in-laws I would have your dh push auto pay. Even if you're ultimately helping him with it, better for them to see its their kids handling their finances then in-laws imo. I am close to my ILs, not unusually. They want me to speak to my ILs about it because of my work background (CPA and work in finance). It is also known by DH and his siblings that I prepare their parent’s taxes based on the info given to me by them. His parents still look at it and sign everything.
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jerseygirl
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Post by jerseygirl on Dec 27, 2023 10:07:13 GMT -5
Autopay absolutely! Take the worry and burden off their and siblings shoulders. Put as much as possible on automatic If they object tell them it’s needed and also give yourself as an example ( I’m assuming you as most now do autopay) If your FIL likes to see that the bill is paid, can he do online banking and see the paid bill? Can BIL be added to their accounts for online banking?
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Dec 27, 2023 11:17:32 GMT -5
I would go the autopay route. If their utilities vary each month and you don't want them to, put them on budget billing. That way you know how much went out.
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mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on Dec 27, 2023 11:37:02 GMT -5
Some utilities offer third party notification for elderly customers, so that the customer can designate someone else to be notified as well if any bills go unpaid or any nasty notices go out.
The family might also want to check into the status of other regular bills, like insurance and credit cards. In NJ, we have a similar law allowing third party notification on insurance premiums for customers over 62.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Dec 27, 2023 12:17:05 GMT -5
Fortunately, my ILs don’t have credit cards. Insurance was brought up so that’s on the list.
For those wondering, I’ve been with my DH for 25 years and married for 19 (will be 20 in May).
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Dec 27, 2023 14:58:56 GMT -5
They sound like my parents with no credit cards. When they bought a tv at Walmart via check, Walmart ran the check through whatever system and would not take the check. At least my sister was with them and she put it on her card and the check went to her instead.
Same thing when dad needed hearing aids. It went on my card and he paid me back by check. By the time he needed a new pair of hearing aids, it was through the medical clinic and they did take a check. They took dad and my sister in to set up payments and he said I don't make payments.
So dementia and all and he knew he didn't make payments.
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Dec 27, 2023 16:56:06 GMT -5
Mister’s stuff with his Dad was a different situation since it doesn’t sound like your IL’s are irresponsible, just that they may be having trouble keeping up with things. But when he found out that his parents’ house was in danger of foreclosure and he started trying to clean up the mess his Dad had made, with his Dad’s permission, he made online accounts for all the important things, so that he could monitor the accounts and make sure things got paid. He set some things up on auto pay, but I don’t think it was every single thing.
He and his Dad also set certain accounts up with Mister being a person they could contact if needed.
This part probably really doesn’t apply to your IL’s, since it sounds like they aren’t just being irresponsible, but since Mister’s Dad already had 2 checking accounts, Mister set his Dad’s accounts up in a similar way that he manages his own money, that he learned from me about how I manage my money with 2 checking accounts. Basically a “bill” account and a “spending” account. For his Dad, I think he had the pension going to the “bill” account, and his SS going to a “spending” account at another bank. He insisted his Dad give him the debit card for the bill account, and his Dad could only use the card for the spending account, and once it was gone, it was gone. The bill account had enough money in it to pay the mortgage (once Mister got it caught up), the car payment, insurance and household bills, like cable, internet, utilities and his cell phone bill.
Sometimes his Dad would look at the balance in the bill account and feel like he had a lot of money that Mister wouldn’t let him access, but the money was only there because all of the monthly bills hadn’t been paid yet. Once all of the bills were paid for the month, there wasn’t much left in the account until he got his check the next month. When Mister got the mortgage caught up, say his Dad’s check hit the account on the 3rd, the mortgage wasn’t due until the 1st of the next month, so money would just be sitting there until Mister paid the bills, and his Dad felt like he had a bunch of money he could spend. I think that is why he started lying and saying Mister wouldn’t give him his own money, because he would see how much he had in the bill account sometimes, and felt like he should be able to spend it, whether his bills got paid or not. If he was really determined to get the money, there was nothing stopping him from going into a branch and making a withdrawal, thankfully, he never did that, despite the lies he was telling people.
Mister also monitored the spending account, but didn’t try to tell his Dad what he could or could not do with that money. He just eventually stopped giving him more money out of his own pocket after his Dad would spend it all. It’s a good thing he monitored that account though, because that is how he found out that his Dad was paying for several monthly “services” or whatever, that his Dad didn’t even know what they were, but had agreed to at some point. Mister canceled all the random stuff coming out of his Dad’s account.
Anyway, it sounds to me like one of the children or you, should at least set up online accounts with them for the important stuff, to make sure your IL’s bills are paid, if they are forgetting to make sure everything is paid. It doesn’t sound to me like you all need to go to the lengths Mister did, just set things up so that someone can keep an eye on things just in case your IL’s miss something.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Dec 27, 2023 17:30:01 GMT -5
Will they accept auto pay? Who of the siblings has financial POA for your inlaws, Taz? Maybe I missed all of that.
Do you have a plan if they patently refuse to put bills on auto pay?
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Dec 27, 2023 19:26:02 GMT -5
Mister’s stuff with his Dad was a different situation since it doesn’t sound like your IL’s are irresponsible, just that they may be having trouble keeping up with things. But when he found out that his parents’ house was in danger of foreclosure and he started trying to clean up the mess his Dad had made, with his Dad’s permission, he made online accounts for all the important things, so that he could monitor the accounts and make sure things got paid. He set some things up on auto pay, but I don’t think it was every single thing. He and his Dad also set certain accounts up with Mister being a person they could contact if needed. This part probably really doesn’t apply to your IL’s, since it sounds like they aren’t just being irresponsible, but since Mister’s Dad already had 2 checking accounts, Mister set his Dad’s accounts up in a similar way that he manages his own money, that he learned from me about how I manage my money with 2 checking accounts. Basically a “bill” account and a “spending” account. For his Dad, I think he had the pension going to the “bill” account, and his SS going to a “spending” account at another bank. He insisted his Dad give him the debit card for the bill account, and his Dad could only use the card for the spending account, and once it was gone, it was gone. The bill account had enough money in it to pay the mortgage (once Mister got it caught up), the car payment, insurance and household bills, like cable, internet, utilities and his cell phone bill. Sometimes his Dad would look at the balance in the bill account and feel like he had a lot of money that Mister wouldn’t let him access, but the money was only there because all of the monthly bills hadn’t been paid yet. Once all of the bills were paid for the month, there wasn’t much left in the account until he got his check the next month. When Mister got the mortgage caught up, say his Dad’s check hit the account on the 3rd, the mortgage wasn’t due until the 1st of the next month, so money would just be sitting there until Mister paid the bills, and his Dad felt like he had a bunch of money he could spend. I think that is why he started lying and saying Mister wouldn’t give him his own money, because he would see how much he had in the bill account sometimes, and felt like he should be able to spend it, whether his bills got paid or not. If he was really determined to get the money, there was nothing stopping him from going into a branch and making a withdrawal, thankfully, he never did that, despite the lies he was telling people. Mister also monitored the spending account, but didn’t try to tell his Dad what he could or could not do with that money. He just eventually stopped giving him more money out of his own pocket after his Dad would spend it all. It’s a good thing he monitored that account though, because that is how he found out that his Dad was paying for several monthly “services” or whatever, that his Dad didn’t even know what they were, but had agreed to at some point. Mister canceled all the random stuff coming out of his Dad’s account. Anyway, it sounds to me like one of the children or you, should at least set up online accounts with them for the important stuff, to make sure your IL’s bills are paid, if they are forgetting to make sure everything is paid. It doesn’t sound to me like you all need to go to the lengths Mister did, just set things up so that someone can keep an eye on things just in case your IL’s miss something. They do have money to pay their monthly bills and fortunately no mortgage. It’s just not paying the bill by the due date. FIL is very old school and doesn’t use a computer. Everything is paid by check. MIL does have a computer, but she is very limited in using it. Based on the number of emails she has, I don’t think she’s checking her email anymore too. Having them pay everything online would cause them way too much stress. DH and I need to chat more but it sounds like they want someone to oversee to make sure things are getting paid on time.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Dec 27, 2023 19:31:02 GMT -5
Will they accept auto pay? Who of the siblings has financial POA for your inlaws, Taz? Maybe I missed all of that. Do you have a plan if they patently refuse to put bills on auto pay? Doing auto pay is what we need to discuss with them. I would insist all bills still go to them, but having online access to those that can be done. As far as I know, no one has a financial or medical POA. They are still of sound mind to make their own decisions. I do think BIL would be the POA when the time comes though. I do believe some of the hesitation for auto pay would be they would be afraid that the company would clean out their bank account linked to the payment. I get the feeling that DH would recommend opening another account that X amount goes in to cover bills. The rest of their money wouldn’t be in that particular account either. I’m still brainstorming scenarios and need to discuss with DH when we aren’t occupied with DDs too.
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Dec 27, 2023 19:39:34 GMT -5
Mister’s stuff with his Dad was a different situation since it doesn’t sound like your IL’s are irresponsible, just that they may be having trouble keeping up with things. But when he found out that his parents’ house was in danger of foreclosure and he started trying to clean up the mess his Dad had made, with his Dad’s permission, he made online accounts for all the important things, so that he could monitor the accounts and make sure things got paid. He set some things up on auto pay, but I don’t think it was every single thing. He and his Dad also set certain accounts up with Mister being a person they could contact if needed. This part probably really doesn’t apply to your IL’s, since it sounds like they aren’t just being irresponsible, but since Mister’s Dad already had 2 checking accounts, Mister set his Dad’s accounts up in a similar way that he manages his own money, that he learned from me about how I manage my money with 2 checking accounts. Basically a “bill” account and a “spending” account. For his Dad, I think he had the pension going to the “bill” account, and his SS going to a “spending” account at another bank. He insisted his Dad give him the debit card for the bill account, and his Dad could only use the card for the spending account, and once it was gone, it was gone. The bill account had enough money in it to pay the mortgage (once Mister got it caught up), the car payment, insurance and household bills, like cable, internet, utilities and his cell phone bill. Sometimes his Dad would look at the balance in the bill account and feel like he had a lot of money that Mister wouldn’t let him access, but the money was only there because all of the monthly bills hadn’t been paid yet. Once all of the bills were paid for the month, there wasn’t much left in the account until he got his check the next month. When Mister got the mortgage caught up, say his Dad’s check hit the account on the 3rd, the mortgage wasn’t due until the 1st of the next month, so money would just be sitting there until Mister paid the bills, and his Dad felt like he had a bunch of money he could spend. I think that is why he started lying and saying Mister wouldn’t give him his own money, because he would see how much he had in the bill account sometimes, and felt like he should be able to spend it, whether his bills got paid or not. If he was really determined to get the money, there was nothing stopping him from going into a branch and making a withdrawal, thankfully, he never did that, despite the lies he was telling people. Mister also monitored the spending account, but didn’t try to tell his Dad what he could or could not do with that money. He just eventually stopped giving him more money out of his own pocket after his Dad would spend it all. It’s a good thing he monitored that account though, because that is how he found out that his Dad was paying for several monthly “services” or whatever, that his Dad didn’t even know what they were, but had agreed to at some point. Mister canceled all the random stuff coming out of his Dad’s account. Anyway, it sounds to me like one of the children or you, should at least set up online accounts with them for the important stuff, to make sure your IL’s bills are paid, if they are forgetting to make sure everything is paid. It doesn’t sound to me like you all need to go to the lengths Mister did, just set things up so that someone can keep an eye on things just in case your IL’s miss something. They do have money to pay their monthly bills and fortunately no mortgage. It’s just not paying the bill by the due date. FIL is very old school and doesn’t use a computer. Everything is paid by check. MIL does have a computer, but she is very limited in using it. Based on the number of emails she has, I don’t think she’s checking her email anymore too. Having them pay everything online would cause them way too much stress. DH and I need to chat more but it sounds like they want someone to oversee to make sure things are getting paid on time. What I am suggesting is that, one of you set up the accounts online (with the IL’s permission) and they can still pay the bills with their preferred method, mailing checks or whatever, but one of you can access the accounts online just to make sure the bill has actually been paid. I understand that our elders want to be independent and do things the way they are familiar with, I’m not suggesting you all try to take that from them. My suggestion was just to set up online access so one of you can check and make sure the important stuff is paid, but still let them handle their own finances and pay their bills by check or whatever. That way, whoever has access to the accounts can give them a gentle reminder if they miss something and forget to pay it, before things get to the point that stuff gets cut off. It was just an idea, and it probably would’ve been more clear if I’d left Mister and his Dad out of it, since that really was a different kind of situation.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Dec 27, 2023 20:03:32 GMT -5
They do have money to pay their monthly bills and fortunately no mortgage. It’s just not paying the bill by the due date. FIL is very old school and doesn’t use a computer. Everything is paid by check. MIL does have a computer, but she is very limited in using it. Based on the number of emails she has, I don’t think she’s checking her email anymore too. Having them pay everything online would cause them way too much stress. DH and I need to chat more but it sounds like they want someone to oversee to make sure things are getting paid on time. What I am suggesting is that, one of you set up the accounts online (with the IL’s permission) and they can still pay the bills with their preferred method, mailing checks or whatever, but one of you can access the accounts online just to make sure the bill has actually been paid. I understand that our elders want to be independent and do things the way they are familiar with, I’m not suggesting you all try to take that from them. My suggestion was just to set up online access so one of you can check and make sure the important stuff is paid, but still let them handle their own finances and pay their bills by check or whatever. That way, whoever has access to the accounts can give them a gentle reminder if they miss something and forget to pay it, before things get to the point that stuff gets cut off. It was just an idea, and it probably would’ve been more clear if I’d left Mister and his Dad out of it, since that really was a different kind of situation. FWIW, DH had initially said to take over bill paying for them. I’m not sure what their thoughts are at the moment. BIL originally wanted to meet on Friday to have a game plan, but that won’t happen. I tested positive for Covid 2 days before Christmas, so I’m not going to their house until the weekend after New Year’s now.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Dec 27, 2023 21:47:01 GMT -5
You could also looking in to making someone rep payee through Social Security. That way it's all legal and above board as you have to account for the money that you have spent from their Social Security.
This can also be done informally but I would want a document with their signatures just because people who develop dementia tend to think in ways totally different than they ever have before.
Dad didn't know how to reconcile a bank account or read a bank statement. Mom had always done that. She paid their bills by check but couldn't understand the bank statements from the credit union here. So she gave all of those to me. They kept way too much money in checking where it didn't make a penny, so it didn't matter that they didn't know how much was in the account.
I treated it as a rep payee account, even though officially it wasn't one. I did an accounting every month for them. Mom understood them and appreciated it.
Dad didn't even want to look at them, but he could never spend any money because he was broke. There was right at $100,000 in that checking account.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Dec 27, 2023 23:17:58 GMT -5
I went through that with mom and MIL. I had to handle all the bills and money for them both. Thank goodness I still had a good mind and was able. Honestly having that part over at my age is a blessing for me. Sounds mean but at some point I'm going to need help too I imagine.
I still have to handle DD's stuff but its not too bad. I need to sit down with son and show him so one day he can do it. If she is in a group home it won't amount to much, just the money we will leave for her in a trust. I just had our will changed and when we get back hubs and I will sign off, so instead of leaving her half of our estate which I finally convinced hubs was crazy. We will leave her $50k, probably too much but if something happens to son, DIL would likely take it all so therefore she will have something for her personal needs. If I'm the last one standing I'm toying with the idea if something happens to son which is likely since he is 10 years older than her that I create 2 trusts,one for grandson and one for her so she can't run through all the money and grandson gets something. She will have SS and a pension from son and knowing him a good savings. I doubt her ability to handle it and he knows that. But that is for another day.
Now I'm dealing and I'm starting to wonder a bit about hubs. He is constantly signing up for crap coming out of our credit card that he doesn't realize he is doing. He orders stuff from the fly by night sites and I think by not paying close attention he clicks on stuff he shouldn't. I can't tell you how many times I have had to cancel our credit cards. He decided we need separate ones to find out where its coming from. The first time we did it, yep, he signed up for some more shit I had to cancel. They even had proof by an email sent to him and he said oh I don't read those I just delete them. I have practically threatened him with his life if he does shit while I'm gone. Last summer he moved money around and I still can't figure out what he did and he doesn't know and it was quite a bit of money. I'm hoping he didn't cash in an IRA too, its a long story I won't get into but if he did its going to cost us.
I am so hoping he is not starting to get like his mom. I talked with him today and said we need to get busy on moving when I get back. He goes I just don't know how we are going to do all this!!!! Now he is wanting to buy a conex to store all his garage worth of tools in. Our son wants quite a few but he is never going to use all the stuff he has. He is not the same person. I'm already willing and will get rid of tons of my stuff and furniture. I'm going to have yard sale and burn fests to take care of it. Our good furniture will likely all go in one big load. But he is letting tools he wants to hang on to define the rest of his life.
So far I have dealt with all the old and the disabled. I dread when I can no longer take care of all this. I think he is purposely dragging his feet. Hell, I don't want to move either but I don't want to create scenarios for our son like parents have done to you guys. DIL gets aggravated, she says I talk more about dying than living. She has no idea the problems elderly cause their families in America and what you can lose. At least I have gotten us down to 3 banks and only 2 401K's now, so have simplified that. Now if we can get down to one property, All I hear from hubs is cashing in those 2 401ks, I told him leave them alone. The one will cover our taxes and ins for the year and the other is too tiny to worry about, but I know one day if he figures out how to get in the account he will do it. He avoided stocks all his life and now is relying on some guy at the bank, because hubs doesn't understand and I keep telling him that guy makes money by trading. We may end up with little money if I cant watch him. Hope I'm just being paranoid.
Still my stress level is less than it was and I hope to keep it that way. Closing out the LLC will help and selling that last property and getting rid of that last renter will do wonders for me too.
So yep I know what all of you have dealt with. Can I continue, so far I'm still mentally fit but at 77 for how long? So this is coming from the parent side who is still hanging in there. I want it all simplified enough son can take care of it when I cannot.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 28, 2023 12:23:51 GMT -5
TBF you have dealt A LOT with elderly and dying Countrygirl. I get how that can scew your perspective.
However your DIL does have a point as well. You are long long overdue to start living and enjoying your life. Moving closer to your grandson was a huge step in that direction. I hope you follow through even if hubs continues to drag his feet. You deserve to have a life outside of all this. That he can't see past his own nose shouldn't stop you.
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soupandstew
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Post by soupandstew on Dec 28, 2023 18:24:35 GMT -5
I went through that with mom and MIL. I had to handle all the bills and money for them both. Thank goodness I still had a good mind and was able. Honestly having that part over at my age is a blessing for me. Sounds mean but at some point I'm going to need help too I imagine. I still have to handle DD's stuff but its not too bad. I need to sit down with son and show him so one day he can do it. If she is in a group home it won't amount to much, just the money we will leave for her in a trust. I just had our will changed and when we get back hubs and I will sign off, so instead of leaving her half of our estate which I finally convinced hubs was crazy. We will leave her $50k, probably too much but if something happens to son, DIL would likely take it all so therefore she will have something for her personal needs. If I'm the last one standing I'm toying with the idea if something happens to son which is likely since he is 10 years older than her that I create 2 trusts,one for grandson and one for her so she can't run through all the money and grandson gets something. She will have SS and a pension from son and knowing him a good savings. I doubt her ability to handle it and he knows that. But that is for another day. Now I'm dealing and I'm starting to wonder a bit about hubs. He is constantly signing up for crap coming out of our credit card that he doesn't realize he is doing. He orders stuff from the fly by night sites and I think by not paying close attention he clicks on stuff he shouldn't. I can't tell you how many times I have had to cancel our credit cards. He decided we need separate ones to find out where its coming from. The first time we did it, yep, he signed up for some more shit I had to cancel. They even had proof by an email sent to him and he said oh I don't read those I just delete them. I have practically threatened him with his life if he does shit while I'm gone. Last summer he moved money around and I still can't figure out what he did and he doesn't know and it was quite a bit of money. I'm hoping he didn't cash in an IRA too, its a long story I won't get into but if he did its going to cost us.I am so hoping he is not starting to get like his mom. I talked with him today and said we need to get busy on moving when I get back. He goes I just don't know how we are going to do all this!!!! Now he is wanting to buy a conex to store all his garage worth of tools in. Our son wants quite a few but he is never going to use all the stuff he has. He is not the same person. I'm already willing and will get rid of tons of my stuff and furniture. I'm going to have yard sale and burn fests to take care of it. Our good furniture will likely all go in one big load. But he is letting tools he wants to hang on to define the rest of his life. So far I have dealt with all the old and the disabled. I dread when I can no longer take care of all this. I think he is purposely dragging his feet. Hell, I don't want to move either but I don't want to create scenarios for our son like parents have done to you guys. DIL gets aggravated, she says I talk more about dying than living. She has no idea the problems elderly cause their families in America and what you can lose. At least I have gotten us down to 3 banks and only 2 401K's now, so have simplified that. Now if we can get down to one property, All I hear from hubs is cashing in those 2 401ks, I told him leave them alone. The one will cover our taxes and ins for the year and the other is too tiny to worry about, but I know one day if he figures out how to get in the account he will do it. He avoided stocks all his life and now is relying on some guy at the bank, because hubs doesn't understand and I keep telling him that guy makes money by trading. We may end up with little money if I cant watch him. Hope I'm just being paranoid. Still my stress level is less than it was and I hope to keep it that way. Closing out the LLC will help and selling that last property and getting rid of that last renter will do wonders for me too. So yep I know what all of you have dealt with. Can I continue, so far I'm still mentally fit but at 77 for how long? So this is coming from the parent side who is still hanging in there. I want it all simplified enough son can take care of it when I cannot. I remember you posting this summer about all the places you had him move the $$ to when you were worried about banks failing. If you go back through your summer posts, maybe it will help you figure out where you had him switch stuff to. Hope you find the missing $$ - that's scary
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Dec 28, 2023 23:58:07 GMT -5
He moved things I did not want him too. I had already done what needed to be done, and I explained exactly all he had to do, but.....
It will just involve having to pay more taxes if he didn't roll things, I tried digging into it before I left. I need to get the brokerage stuff together, they are very hard to follow and track. I have them all. But he would never have done this stuff before so it kind of worries me. He kind of resents the fact I know how to make money from investments but he can earn the money. Of course, it makes sense, but we each are good at what we know. I don't try to get into his skills, not way do I have skills like he does on building, fixing, and creating, so he needs to listen to me too and he has a hard time doing that. His investment strategies make us nothing.
He is fighting me almost daily about cashing in all his 401k's, I keep telling him leave it alone. Well, we can't get to the money. I said we do NOT need too. This will supply us with extra money for the rest of our lives and we are earning off the part we would pay for taxes too. If we get into it, it will get spent one way or another. Honestly at times, he is maddening. I hope I can keep somewhat on top of things or I don't know. I'm not sure if he is slipping a bit or just being stubborn.
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soupandstew
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Post by soupandstew on Dec 29, 2023 8:54:30 GMT -5
He moved things I did not want him too. I had already done what needed to be done, and I explained exactly all he had to do, but..... It will just involve having to pay more taxes if he didn't roll things, I tried digging into it before I left. I need to get the brokerage stuff together, they are very hard to follow and track. I have them all. But he would never have done this stuff before so it kind of worries me. He kind of resents the fact I know how to make money from investments but he can earn the money. Of course, it makes sense, but we each are good at what we know. I don't try to get into his skills, not way do I have skills like he does on building, fixing, and creating, so he needs to listen to me too and he has a hard time doing that. His investment strategies make us nothing. He is fighting me almost daily about cashing in all his 401k's, I keep telling him leave it alone. Well, we can't get to the money. I said we do NOT need too. This will supply us with extra money for the rest of our lives and we are earning off the part we would pay for taxes too. If we get into it, it will get spent one way or another. Honestly at times, he is maddening. I hope I can keep somewhat on top of things or I don't know. I'm not sure if he is slipping a bit or just being stubborn. Oh, I see. That is troubling since I know you don't want any more taxable income this year since you sold a rental. I'm glad you have the brokerage statements and can eventually track the dollars.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Dec 29, 2023 10:17:48 GMT -5
He moved things I did not want him too. I had already done what needed to be done, and I explained exactly all he had to do, but..... It will just involve having to pay more taxes if he didn't roll things, I tried digging into it before I left. I need to get the brokerage stuff together, they are very hard to follow and track. I have them all. But he would never have done this stuff before so it kind of worries me. He kind of resents the fact I know how to make money from investments but he can earn the money. Of course, it makes sense, but we each are good at what we know. I don't try to get into his skills, not way do I have skills like he does on building, fixing, and creating, so he needs to listen to me too and he has a hard time doing that. His investment strategies make us nothing. He is fighting me almost daily about cashing in all his 401k's, I keep telling him leave it alone. Well, we can't get to the money. I said we do NOT need too. This will supply us with extra money for the rest of our lives and we are earning off the part we would pay for taxes too. If we get into it, it will get spent one way or another. Honestly at times, he is maddening. I hope I can keep somewhat on top of things or I don't know. I'm not sure if he is slipping a bit or just being stubborn. Have you tried just asking him this? I know you're from a different generation that may not be as candid as mine, but you need to tell him that this is really stressing you out.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Dec 30, 2023 1:04:00 GMT -5
We sold 3 rentals but remember these are not high dollar houses. But we made a nice profit on each of them, more than I figured we would.
The first one we sold we bought this mobile with, the car, and furnace up here, so it was spent.
The other 2 we have not. I think we may be just under the wire on taxes but only will know for sure after the returns are done. We will owe Indiana taxes, I paid deposits on federal for 2024.
I finally got the answer for hubs on how to do this and we both HATE selling our beautiful, super efficient home, and buying some whatever up here. I still feel at times we just need to sell the other rental, retain this, and downsize and stay where we are till one of us goes.
I told him, get the guy out of his mom's house, we will clean and move the furniture we want to keep there. He has repairs to do on the garage, than he thinks he can get everything in it he wants to save. Than sell the mobile off that lot. Once we find something and move, we can paint, put in new carpet or whatever there and put it up for sale. He makes things too difficult, but that will work.
I am still sick. 3 hours of sleep last night, could not sleep till 6 AM. I tried the bed, the recliner, finally I wore myself out and slept on the couch. It's the prednisone, I had one last pill today and I ditched it. I cannot stand another night of no sleep. I coughed and coughed, anytime I lay down, even in the recliner so had it up pretty far. And I had little guy go home this evening. He is no trouble really but just a bit of extra work that I am not up to right now. He is a very good kid for me. I cooked dinner for DD and I she was really hungry, so she is good now. I have minimal laundry, washing a tiny load.
My heat and electric here for the month was $190, since the first bill was $330, I consider that ok. But than I keep it 74 during the day and 73 at night, so if I lowered it would be better. And that includes 2 long showers for myself and grandson, plus another for DD daily, so lots of hot water usage plus d/w daily. Hubs thought it was ok too.
I'm reading till 11 than trying to sleep again. I took a benadryl this afternoon trying to dry stuff up and slept for at least 2 hours, may have ruined my sleep tonight but I doubt it. If I can only keep from coughing I will sleep well.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Dec 30, 2023 2:18:55 GMT -5
Sorry CG2. I think there is always a health adjustment if you move significantly away from where you were. I have seasonal allergies and they are different in different parts of NJ plus different in various areas of the Midwest. I think it would take time to adjust to WA's brand of stuff plus with a school age grandson you will be exposed to more things anyway.
I am up coughing as I did not hydrate enough during work even though we were not slammed. And of course it took me roughly 2 hours to get home using the bus as I missed the one because we ran late and the other one was cancelled. (Again!)
Change of seasons can be tough, I hope things start improving for you soon.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Dec 30, 2023 15:53:14 GMT -5
Last night I doped up with benadryl, one tab, and the cough syrup that makes you sleepy. I did get a good nights sleep after coughing for 2 hours. I slept 10 hours and woke up once an hour to glance at the clock and right back to sleep. I feel better but still have this damn crud, blowing and blowing. I dread being on the plane, I'm hoping by the 10th I'm not doing this. I took the benadryl wondering if its allergies.
I have all the decorations off my tree, I'm going to take it down today. I love Christmas, but its over so I'm cleaning it up.
Not sure what else to do today. DD and DIL and I might go out to eat today. Not positive though.
Watching a really bad movie, sure not a top script or producer for sure.
Don't feel bad now except for blowing crud, wish it would improve.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Jan 24, 2024 23:42:59 GMT -5
We went to visit my ILs over the weekend. It was quiet a shock in a way to see both of them. MIL uses a walker or cane majority of the time. She sat in her recliner a lot of the time too. FIL can walk normally and quite active for an almost 89 year old man; however, both DH and I noticed that his hands shake sometime and one of feet does too. MIL has had her hands shaking too (for a few years but it's not Parkinson's) but never her feet. MIL did mention that she's lost 40 pounds, but since gain 2 pounds back. She really can't afford to lose that much. We believe that she doesn't eat much because of the hands shaking as it makes it difficult.
When MIL napped on Sunday, DH, FIL and I did talk about me helping out with the standard monthly bills. FIL went through the checkbook with DH and I so that I could make notes, and FIL also handed me a stack of mail that's been paid. It would just have the account information so that I could online account setup for them. I'm going to setup an email address and give DH and his siblings the email account login info so that they can see any emails received. I seriously doubt any of them will look at it, but at least they'll know.
We may go back this weekend, but I'm not sure. I know we can't the following weekend due to a robotics tournament for DD1.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Jan 25, 2024 9:34:54 GMT -5
taz157 they make adaptive utensils for people with tremors that might help your IL's. These are typically weighted, which makes them much easier to hold, and can have a bend in them so that the diner doesn't need to hold them at an angle to get them into their mouth. It seems like the automatic bill paying will be very helpful.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Jan 25, 2024 11:08:21 GMT -5
taz157 they make adaptive utensils for people with tremors that might help your IL's. These are typically weighted, which makes them much easier to hold, and can have a bend in them so that the diner doesn't need to hold them at an angle to get them into their mouth. It seems like the automatic bill paying will be very helpful. I thought one of my SILs got her something like that to use but I don’t think she is. I don’t know why either.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Jan 27, 2024 18:32:21 GMT -5
I have auto pay set up on most of the bills. wouldn't you know hubs paid one that was already set up. I have told him over and over. It happens when I'm gone.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jan 27, 2024 21:25:05 GMT -5
I started having problems getting the tops off bottles of water, etc. I bought this cheap thing off of Amazon and it helps. No problems since I have used it.
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jerseygirl
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Post by jerseygirl on Jan 27, 2024 22:25:18 GMT -5
I started having problems getting the tops off bottles of water, etc. I bought this cheap thing off of Amazon and it helps. No problems since I have used it. I use a nutcracker to open bottles. Broke my wrist about 5 years ago and it’s still weak
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Jan 28, 2024 3:45:33 GMT -5
I started having problems getting the tops off bottles of water, etc. I bought this cheap thing off of Amazon and it helps. No problems since I have used it. I use a nutcracker to open bottles. Broke my wrist about 5 years ago and it’s still weak no broken wrist but arthritis. I also have problem with manual can openers so I bought a battery powered* one on Amazon, problem solved. * I rarely use canned food but it is the majority of my EQ emergency food so I need to stock it AND be able to open it when needed.
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