alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Dec 11, 2017 13:08:05 GMT -5
I work in a boring industry with a lot of antisocial people ( engineers). I have been through many performance reviews and promotion discussions and never heard a comment about anyone's attendance at a Christmas party.
You probably get more notice by management with late night emails or car in the parking lot after hours.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Dec 11, 2017 14:46:48 GMT -5
and now I'm finding out the party doesn't even start til 7:30. Girl, bye. I am NOT doing all that (probably getting home at damn near 10:30 to just put in a 30 min appearance) after putting in a full day's work.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Dec 11, 2017 14:54:56 GMT -5
and now I'm finding out the party doesn't even start til 7:30. Girl, bye. I am NOT doing all that (probably getting home at damn near 10:30 to just put in a 30 min appearance) after putting in a full day's work. You have a built-in excuse: childcare (even if your ex has him; they don't need to know that level of detail). Just casually drop that tidbit on your boss or someone higher up before the party, so they don't wonder where you are. JMHO it's much easier to "beg off" a party that is NOT somehow attached to work hours (aka, it starts in the evening a few hours after the worksite closes) than one that happens during the work day (like a potluck) or in direct transition from work (like a party that starts right when the worksite closes).
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Dec 11, 2017 15:05:28 GMT -5
I guess it's to give people time to get there from NJ. I was under the assumption that we'd cut out a little early and head up to the party that would be starting at maybe 6:30. A 7:30 start time is pretty arrogant of the company, that we should inconvenience ourselves by partying from 7:30pm to who knows when and then be expected to come in ready to work the next morning.
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grumpyhermit
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Post by grumpyhermit on Dec 11, 2017 15:08:31 GMT -5
I guess it's to give people time to get there from NJ. I was under the assumption that we'd cut out a little early and head up to the party that would be starting at maybe 6:30. A 7:30 start time is pretty arrogant of the company, that we should inconvenience ourselves by partying from 7:30pm to who knows when and then be expected to come in ready to work the next morning. Seriously. I must be a total granny, because no way am I staying out that late on a weeknight if I have to work the next day. I'm not sure why companies view these types of parties as "rewards". They are almost always a total pain in the ass, that no one enjoys. Maybe that's just the introvert in me talking.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Dec 11, 2017 15:11:17 GMT -5
I'm not surprised that it doesn't come up during a performance review discussion but some people do notice when you aren't there and the issue comes down to which people those are and what kind of pull they have. My company had a quasi holiday party that I completely forgot about (RSVP'd, no intent on going just didn't want to say I wasn't going) and my boss also didn't attend. Her boss asked her if she was able to make it and when she said she missed it due to another obligation her response was "so you didn't go?" The issue for my boss was that there was an email sent out during the party from an outside source about something work related that went out to certain high level people who then had questions that only my boss would be able to answer. All of these people had questions and noticed that they didn't see the person who could answer them. Obviously that's a rare case but at my work some people still notice if you don't go and like all walks of life there's certain people who you don't want to end up on their **** list. If you have the childcare excuse no one can hold that against you even though some petty people might but that's the perfect reason not to go. If I ever attend company parties it's for about 30-60 minutes and I talk to enough people who will be able to say "oh yeah I saw him there" if they talk about the party with co-workers.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2017 15:11:26 GMT -5
I don't get having it on a Tuesday night either. When we did have them they were always on a Friday or Saturday night.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 11, 2017 15:18:19 GMT -5
I would skip it. I don't think these things matter at all. I used to and I used to feel obligated to go. I don't want to anymore so now I don't. I don't think anyone really cares. You are hired to do your job and if you do it well, nobody is going to care about some office party.
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milee
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Post by milee on Dec 11, 2017 15:22:45 GMT -5
.... My company had a quasi holiday party that I completely forgot about (RSVP'd, no intent on going just didn't want to say I wasn't going) and my boss also didn't attend. Her boss asked her if she was able to make it and when she said she missed it due to another obligation her response was "so you didn't go?" .... The issue here may be totally different. I've seen plenty of bosses and HR people get really angry at people who RSVP "yes" then don't turn up because the company has paid money for people who then pull a no show. Especially in an expensive venue like NYC, you don't want to be the jerk that the company paid $XXX for and then didn't show up. IMO it's fine if you RSVP no to this given the travel distance, but it would be very rude to RSVP yes and then not show up.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Dec 11, 2017 15:26:16 GMT -5
there wasn't a formal invite/RSVP ... it was literally an email saying "we're having our holiday party, stay tuned for details". Then today we got the time and location details sent by our boss, not even the originators of the party. It's beyond weird to me because I'm coming from a place where early details and formal invites are SOP.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 11, 2017 15:33:57 GMT -5
The party is tomorrow and you are just finding out the time? If you said yes and signed up on a sheet or something that says you are going then you probably should. Is this a catered dinner? Drinks and a band? What is it?
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Dec 11, 2017 15:51:38 GMT -5
The party is tomorrow and you are just finding out the time? If you said yes and signed up on a sheet or something that says you are going then you probably should. Is this a catered dinner? Drinks and a band? What is it? I have no clue. I think it's catered but not anything fancy. Dress is basically casual. I think it's just typical party food, alcohol, and bowling, and games on the side. That's based on what I was told they did last year. I have no other details. No sign-up, no sheet, nothing to bring, no RSVP - nothing.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Dec 11, 2017 15:53:00 GMT -5
Given the circumstances, I wouldn't go, and I wouldn't feel guilty about it -- but I also wouldn't offer up a fake excuse. (That's not directed at MJ, but at the comments listing excuses.) I especially wouldn't cite childcare or single parenthood as a reason I couldn't go.
There have been waaaaay too many threads with (mostly child-free) YMers complaining about the "preferential treatment" given to employees with kids or even discussing their reluctance to hire people with obvious family obligations for me to ever think using childcare as an excuse to get out of something I don't really want to do is a good idea. In my personal life, sure, but never at work.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Dec 11, 2017 15:53:45 GMT -5
my home office is having a "party" during work hours on Friday and we're doing a white elephant. I'm much more excited about that than this one. Mostly because these people are cool and I don't want to inflict bodily harm on them.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Dec 11, 2017 15:57:01 GMT -5
Given the circumstances, I wouldn't go, and I wouldn't feel guilty about it -- but I also wouldn't offer up a fake excuse. (That's not directed at MJ, but at the comments listing excuses.) I especially wouldn't cite childcare or single parenthood as a reason I couldn't go. There have been waaaaay too many threads with (mostly child-free) YMers complaining about the "preferential treatment" given to employees with kids or even discussing their reluctance to hire people with obvious family obligations for me to ever think using childcare as an excuse to get out of something I don't really want to do is a good idea. In my personal life, sure, but never at work. yeah. I mean childcare conflict does creep in here - like when people ask me to do things with 1 minute left in the day and I have to pick up DS, or when he broke his clavicle and I had to leave - but I try my best to plan around it. Honestly I am tired, think I might be getting sick, have a lot of work to catch up on, and I am peopled out. I'm going to cite tired and catching up on work if asked.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 11, 2017 16:01:38 GMT -5
Nobody will care if you show up or not. If you don't, they might ask, you why you didn't come. You can mumble something, then 30 sec later, they will be off to find some coffee and donuts thinking about their next meal. It's not that important.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Dec 11, 2017 17:31:10 GMT -5
I didn't give excuses when I didn't attend parties. I just said I wouldn't be there.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Dec 11, 2017 17:35:19 GMT -5
and the next day is the year end deadline for invoicing.... I'm just predicting the rest of this week to be a hot mess.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Dec 11, 2017 17:52:49 GMT -5
I would just say it's going to take you 2.5 hours to get home, and you didn't realize it was going to start so late on a freaking Tuesday night. Alright, leave out the freaking, but seriously.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 11, 2017 17:57:19 GMT -5
I didn't give excuses when I didn't attend parties. I just said I wouldn't be there. Yes, you are either going or not going. The reason why , who cares? Just say, sorry I will not be attending. Explanations arent really necessary for most things.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 11, 2017 18:15:54 GMT -5
I don't get having it on a Tuesday night either. When we did have them they were always on a Friday or Saturday night. Cheaper
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 11, 2017 18:21:14 GMT -5
Yeah, having it on a Tues is kind of lame.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Dec 11, 2017 19:54:04 GMT -5
SIGH.... fiiiiiiine. I'll find my boss, his boss, the CEO, a handful of other colleagues, and the colleagues at my home office. Then I'm OUT. 25 mins max. Make yourself a bingo card. Cross them off as you meet them and then move on to the next one. Fill other squares with "talk to someone in a Christmas sweater", "talk to someone holding a drink", "use the word 'meow' instead of 'now' in a sentence", and other small tasks to entertain yourself. That 25 minutes will fly by.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Dec 12, 2017 7:26:37 GMT -5
I'm already exhausted today - definitely not going tonight. If he presses I'll tell him I'm not feeling well and need to rest and catch up on invoicing. He can't argue with that.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2017 8:16:34 GMT -5
there wasn't a formal invite/RSVP ... it was literally an email saying "we're having our holiday party, stay tuned for details". Then today we got the time and location details sent by our boss, not even the originators of the party. It's beyond weird to me because I'm coming from a place where early details and formal invites are SOP. Details today for a party tomorrow? Hells no.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Dec 12, 2017 8:53:29 GMT -5
there wasn't a formal invite/RSVP ... it was literally an email saying "we're having our holiday party, stay tuned for details". Then today we got the time and location details sent by our boss, not even the originators of the party. It's beyond weird to me because I'm coming from a place where early details and formal invites are SOP. How big is the NYC office? How many folks potentially could attend?
The Healthcare company I work for used to have holiday parties always on a Friday night until one year they didn't. They had it on a Thursday night. That simply was because of the administrator at the time commuted in and his real home was out of state. I don't think its been on a Friday since then because we have lots of regional managers lately as placeholders and a Thursday night party is more convenient for them as well. I don't even know if the party date has been determined. I like to go, but frankly if it was held tonight I wouldn't have the strength for it unless its the only thing I tried to do today.
Given the time is later, I agree with you that going is not worth it for you. NYC folks live different than NJ. They play more by marketers rules so sometimes the party is when most of the important folk can attend it. Our home office is near NYC on the Jersey side, so we essentially play by marketer/NYC rules for any big event. I hope our party is not this coming Tuesday!
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Dec 12, 2017 8:55:19 GMT -5
SIGH.... fiiiiiiine. I'll find my boss, his boss, the CEO, a handful of other colleagues, and the colleagues at my home office. Then I'm OUT. 25 mins max. Make yourself a bingo card. Cross them off as you meet them and then move on to the next one. Fill other squares with "talk to someone in a Christmas sweater", "talk to someone holding a drink", "use the word 'meow' instead of 'now' in a sentence", and other small tasks to entertain yourself. That 25 minutes will fly by. I've been given a bingo card like that at a Christmas party as an icebreaker. It is always interesting.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Dec 12, 2017 9:34:20 GMT -5
the NYO is big - likely over 1000 people. And now I'm actually feeling nauseous.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 12, 2017 11:32:48 GMT -5
I wouldn't drive in for a week day party, especially if you are required to be at work bright and early the next day. My response was based on you originally already being in the area.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 12, 2017 12:01:56 GMT -5
No way would I go to a party with that much of a commute. The next day, if your boss or anyone asks you where you were, just say you were really disappointed you missed it and immediately ask how it was... The food, the music, the atmosphere, how late it went on, etc so as to take the focus off you and why you weren't there. For the next person who asks, say you heard it was so much fun and repeat.
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