Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Aug 10, 2017 14:19:21 GMT -5
I'm assuming there is a benefit to Mrs. T not working crazy hours... like her being home to do more around the house - making life less stressful for all. I know you would rather just have the extra money and pay someone else to clean, etc. but maybe Tractor doesn't feel that way? If they needed every dollar, then I'd say for sure she needs to stay put in her current job, at least for now. But if they are doing well and just have to cut back on charity... sorry, but I don't think Tractor's desire to give a lot to charity should trump his wife's mental health and physical safety. I imagine most people would feel that way about their spouse. I'm confused because I thought tractor started this thread because he wasn't ok with her taking a $30k paycut.... Correct, but read the subject of the thread. He wants to be able to, emotionally at least, be a supportive husband. Some of us are giving him varying perspectives from his current one.
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Annie7
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Post by Annie7 on Aug 10, 2017 14:20:34 GMT -5
To me that's not a fair counter argument. The chores at home NEED to be done. They don't NEED the 30K. A comparison could be that Tractor was washing the windows and detailing the car every week, etc (equivalent to giving away 20% of income). Now, he stopped doing it. He's not asking his wife to do it for him. It just doesn't get done that often. If someone wants it done that often, then they need to sacrifice somewhere else to get it done. They don't NEED the windows washed and car detailed every week. Both enjoy it when done. But if it doesn't get done, there is no harm to the rest of their lifestyle.
The above to me is a much fairer comparison
Actually, no, the chores at home don't NEED to be done any more than you NEED money to pay your bills (trust me, as a single male, many of those chores did not get done or not with nearly the frequency that they are done today, so they are not a need anymore than making that money is). And yes, he is asking his wife to do it for him...someone has to make the money to pay the bills, if wife isn't doing it, then husband must do it.
I'm not sure how you're comparing getting your car detailed to the on the same NEED level as paying your debts.
No, if they stop the charitable giving, no one needs to make more money to pay the bills. Not Tractor, not his wife. That calculation has been done many times in this thread.
Also, he has mentioned college fund as part of debt, not as part of charitable giving. His words: "Debt payoff includes 1 car, college tuition for my boys and two homes. " So, his children's future is not affected. Isn't his wife's mental health worth not giving to charity for a few years?
If his wife works only during the school year, as someone else mentioned, she could maybe donate her time during summer to charities. That could make her feel even more better. Giving is not only via money.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Aug 10, 2017 14:22:38 GMT -5
I'm confused because I thought tractor started this thread because he wasn't ok with her taking a $30k paycut.... Correct, but read the subject of the thread. He wants to be able to, emotionally at least, be a supportive husband. Some of us are giving him varying perspectives from his current one. And if tractor changes his mind then they are both happy...my only point throughout this entire thread is that one person should not get to make a huge financial decision signle-handedly.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2017 14:25:49 GMT -5
Tractor, how many hours a week do you work average?
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Aug 10, 2017 14:26:49 GMT -5
Yes, fights in the classroom can be common, she is expected to break them up. She has only been assaulted once, a student threw a book at her. The worse scare was when an boy in restraints smashed his head through the door glass so her could hurl profanities at her. JHC! And you don't see how this is stressful enough to want to walk away from it? She is very lucky that she hasn't been injured. What happens if she winds up being thrown to the ground and breaking a bone? Is that what it's going to take? Or getting hit by a book or an errant fist in a fight? What if I get hit by a car walking from the parking lot to my building? There are tons of "what ifs" you can insert to make anything more dramatic to justify a situation.
Nobody is saying she can't walk away from it. Convince your partner to agree to a reasonable plan.
In 23 years getting hit by a book is pretty decent as far as "workplace injuries" go. I've had worse than that and I work in a regular office building. Continued exaggeration to try to justify a point. If I said I was going to quit my job and go work at McDonald's tomorrow because one time a box fell on my foot at work so I need my safety, people would think I'd lost my marbles.
What if? What if someone walks into my office because they lost a bunch of money in the market and starts shooting the place up? What if because I work in a downtown location some terrorist deploys a bomb? What if because I work on an upper floor there's a fire that I can't escape from? You can "what if" any scenario.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 10, 2017 14:27:20 GMT -5
She hasn't blown anything! She got an OFFER. An offer, which according to the OP, she brought to her husband for discussion. She has not accepted it, she has not quit her current job. So I really do not understand how you are getting she did something behind his back that he did not agree to. Considering she has been hunting for 2 years and this is the only offer she's recieved indicates it's either a really small field or there is too much competition for what is out there which means employers can be picky. I do not blame her for seriously consider the job, it doesn't sound like she has a lot of options available. I suppose we could say she should retrain/go back to school then but if tractor is upset over her taking a job with a decrease in income he's probably not going to want to lose ground waiting for her to start over. The odds of retraining and stepping right into a higher paying job than she has right now are pretty much zero. And again this is apparently just me but if it came down to my spouse facing being stuck in a job he hates indefinetly vs cutting back on discretionary stuff/delaying debt pay off I would tell him to take it. DH's sanity and health is not worth a few extra dollars to me. Not if the household isn't going to suffer because of it. I do not consider not being able to give to charity or expecting my adult children to figure out how to pay for whatever I am not covering for college as "suffering". You must have a lot of money because $30k is not a few extra dollars to me. Tractor got a $20k raise. Which means it's actually only a $10k loss in total household income. Which he even stated in the OP would not put them in the hole, it would just push back his debt repayment plan and they'd have to cut back on giving money to other people. If my salary went up enough that DH could leave a high stress job before it kills him or he got hurt I would be all for it. But again I am different because it doesn't bother me if DH makes less than me as long as I can pay our bills. I don't want to write on DH's tombstone that thanks to his hard work I paid off the CC 9 months earlier. I'd rather have a mentally and physically healthy DH around to enjoy what we already have. My marriage is more important to me than money. If we could not pay our bills it would be diffrent. If it meant living on cat food in retirement it would be different. I can't imagine resenting my spouse or making him work a high stress job just so I can say I paid my debt off slightly faster.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Aug 10, 2017 14:31:25 GMT -5
I also want to know this... if she got a promotion for $30k but it meant more stress and even less time at home, should THAT be a conversation? Or is it only if you appear to be "mooching"? IMO, yes, that should be a conversation. But that's a conversation my wife and I have had several times. I've been offered multiple promotions, some which meant longer hours/more stress, some which meant more travel (or less travel overall but longer lengths of each trip). I've turned them down for the most part because we make enough money to be happy, spend where we like, and still save. The extra hassle didn't seem worth it compared to the extra money.
I'm of the belief that any major change to your current condition which is within your control should be discussed/agreed/resolved between the family/spouses.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Aug 10, 2017 14:33:57 GMT -5
I wonder why they have 2 homes if they don't even have the time to enjoy one.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Aug 10, 2017 14:35:47 GMT -5
JHC! And you don't see how this is stressful enough to want to walk away from it? She is very lucky that she hasn't been injured. What happens if she winds up being thrown to the ground and breaking a bone? Is that what it's going to take? Or getting hit by a book or an errant fist in a fight? What if I get hit by a car walking from the parking lot to my building? There are tons of "what ifs" you can insert to make anything more dramatic to justify a situation.
Nobody is saying she can't walk away from it. Convince your partner to agree to a reasonable plan.
In 23 years getting hit by a book is pretty decent as far as "workplace injuries" go. I've had worse than that and I work in a regular office building. Continued exaggeration to try to justify a point. If I said I was going to quit my job and go work at McDonald's tomorrow because one time a box fell on my foot at work so I need my safety, people would think I'd lost my marbles.
What if? What if someone walks into my office because they lost a bunch of money in the market and starts shooting the place up? What if because I work in a downtown location some terrorist deploys a bomb? What if because I work on an upper floor there's a fire that I can't escape from? You can "what if" any scenario.
So an office worker and a cop have just as much chance of being injured at work? you're being deliberately obtuse.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Aug 10, 2017 14:35:49 GMT -5
Correct, but read the subject of the thread. He wants to be able to, emotionally at least, be a supportive husband. Some of us are giving him varying perspectives from his current one. And if tractor changes his mind then they are both happy...my only point throughout this entire thread is that one person should not get to make a huge financial decision signle-handedly. I don't disagree with you . I would be beyond pissed if my husband came home and told me he hated his job and decided to quit. But that's not the situation for Mr. and Mrs. Tractor. Spouse 1: continuing to contribute the same amount of money to the family is most important. Spouse 2: leaving a job that is hated and making one miserable is most important. So, you have two opposing points of view that cannot be reconciled: who gets to 'win'? As you know, the decrease in salary will not impact their ability to pay bills.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 10, 2017 14:40:47 GMT -5
We need to keep in mind it's not exactly like social work is a high demand field. Very very much needed but if it wasn't mandated I'm pretty sure most states would happily pocket the money and pretend those populations don't exist even more than they do now.
This isn't a field where she is going to have multiple employers banging down her door so if he turns down this opportunity it won't be long before another one appears. She's been searching for two years and so far has gotten ONE offer, this one.
I would be more inclined to agree with others if it could be counted on that another offer somewhere better with higher pay would appear. Expecting her to keep doing this job when she really doesn't HAVE to in the name of some extra money being given to charity seems just as selfish as her not wanting to continue in her current position.
I am assuming retraining/going back to school for another career is not on the table? Finding one that can be done fast and nets $70k out the gate isn't feasible, but she could find something that will net her a better quality of life and not result in quite so dramatic a drop income or will quickly make up for the initial drop over time.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Aug 10, 2017 14:41:22 GMT -5
What if I get hit by a car walking from the parking lot to my building? There are tons of "what ifs" you can insert to make anything more dramatic to justify a situation.
Nobody is saying she can't walk away from it. Convince your partner to agree to a reasonable plan.
In 23 years getting hit by a book is pretty decent as far as "workplace injuries" go. I've had worse than that and I work in a regular office building. Continued exaggeration to try to justify a point. If I said I was going to quit my job and go work at McDonald's tomorrow because one time a box fell on my foot at work so I need my safety, people would think I'd lost my marbles.
What if? What if someone walks into my office because they lost a bunch of money in the market and starts shooting the place up? What if because I work in a downtown location some terrorist deploys a bomb? What if because I work on an upper floor there's a fire that I can't escape from? You can "what if" any scenario.
So an office worker and a cop have just as much chance of being injured at work? you're being deliberately obtuse. She isn't a cop, so that's not even remotely a valid comparison. She's a teacher...where do teachers rank on deadliest jobs in America? People are talking about 23 years and she had a book thrown at her once...that's not exactly living life on the edge of death/dismemberment.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Aug 10, 2017 14:44:31 GMT -5
And if tractor changes his mind then they are both happy...my only point throughout this entire thread is that one person should not get to make a huge financial decision signle-handedly. I don't disagree with you . I would be beyond pissed if my husband came home and told me he hated his job and decided to quit. But that's not the situation for Mr. and Mrs. Tractor. Spouse 1: continuing to contribute the same amount of money to the family is most important. Spouse 2: leaving a job that is hated and making one miserable is most important. So, you have two opposing points of view that cannot be reconciled: who gets to 'win'? As you know, the decrease in salary will not impact their ability to pay bills. The person who wins is the person who wants to continue the current situation IMO. You both have to turn your key to launch the nukes, to remain in the current state only one must refuse consent. Same for lots of things right? If you have no kids, you don't have kids unless both agree (rather than just deciding to make it happen yourself), if you want to buy a new car you decide together, move to a new place, etc. Your current situation is essentially an agreement between the 2 of you, you both need to agree to change that agreement.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Aug 10, 2017 14:48:13 GMT -5
And if tractor changes his mind then they are both happy...my only point throughout this entire thread is that one person should not get to make a huge financial decision signle-handedly. I don't disagree with you . I would be beyond pissed if my husband came home and told me he hated his job and decided to quit. But that's not the situation for Mr. and Mrs. Tractor. Spouse 1: continuing to contribute the same amount of money to the family is most important. Spouse 2: leaving a job that is hated and making one miserable is most important. So, you have two opposing points of view that cannot be reconciled: who gets to 'win'? As you know, the decrease in salary will not impact their ability to pay bills. First off, I should preface this with the fact that I'm divorced...so I'm the last one to give marriage advice
My ex and I had an agreement very early on in our marriage. If it was something that would cost the family money (whether because of spending or income) and we couldn't agree, by default we went with the one that didn't cost money. For parenting, if we didn't agree on something, the more conservative approach won. Since we made that agreement, it did make it easier when we ran into these kind of issues.
Marriage isn't easy.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Aug 10, 2017 14:51:31 GMT -5
I don't disagree with you . I would be beyond pissed if my husband came home and told me he hated his job and decided to quit. But that's not the situation for Mr. and Mrs. Tractor. Spouse 1: continuing to contribute the same amount of money to the family is most important. Spouse 2: leaving a job that is hated and making one miserable is most important. So, you have two opposing points of view that cannot be reconciled: who gets to 'win'? As you know, the decrease in salary will not impact their ability to pay bills. The person who wins is the person who wants to continue the current situation IMO. You both have to turn your key to launch the nukes, to remain in the current state only one must refuse consent. Same for lots of things right? If you have no kids, you don't have kids unless both agree (rather than just deciding to make it happen yourself), if you want to buy a new car you decide together, move to a new place, etc. Your current situation is essentially an agreement between the 2 of you, you both need to agree to change that agreement. Yes, that is how we did it. Then again....divorced here
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tractor
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Post by tractor on Aug 10, 2017 14:54:33 GMT -5
Tractor, how many hours a week do you work average? 50, if you don't count time away on business trips.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Aug 10, 2017 14:55:17 GMT -5
In that case, I guess it's good to set low expectations early. I take from this that if Tractor's wife had earned $40K to his $70K for the last 20+ years, moving to another $40K job would be NBD. But because she has increased her income, she's now essentially trapped (since it doesn't sound like there are comparably-paying jobs in her field). Now, I don't really think Tractor would be as happy (or their finances would be as solid) if she had earned $30K less than him for the last 23 years. But apparently the only way to get yourself out of a soul-sucking job without your spouse's permission is to find an equally-paid, hopefully non-soul-sucking job. Ask anyone who's been laid off in their fifties at their earning peak, it's easier said than done.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 10, 2017 14:56:20 GMT -5
The person who wins is the person who wants to continue the current situation IMO.
We're the opposite. The person's mental well being comes over the other persons' finanical wants. Not NEEDs, we are both in agreement that the bills need to be paid and that can mean having to suck it up till you find a better position.
I'm talking about things like charitable giving, paying 100% for the kids' college or paying off debt in 5 years instead of 7. In the grand scheme of things my debt will be paid off, it doesn't matter how long it takes. A miserable spouse can do a lot more damage to a marriage than some extra interest payments can.
Obviously there is a crap load of grey area when it comes to "mental health" but like everyone else said marriage isn't easy.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Aug 10, 2017 14:56:52 GMT -5
The person who wins is the person who wants to continue the current situation IMO. You both have to turn your key to launch the nukes, to remain in the current state only one must refuse consent. Same for lots of things right? If you have no kids, you don't have kids unless both agree (rather than just deciding to make it happen yourself), if you want to buy a new car you decide together, move to a new place, etc. Your current situation is essentially an agreement between the 2 of you, you both need to agree to change that agreement. Yes, that is how we did it. Then again....divorced here That's when you have to start considering whether the change you want is worth a marriage. We know to tractor this is not, he's explicitly said he wouldn't divorce her over this. Maybe to her it IS that big of a deal and she'd divorce him to be able to make this decision if she needed to. In the end, when it comes to unilateral decision-making if you both really care about an issue, the person who ultimately loses is the person who wants to be in the marriage most.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Aug 10, 2017 14:59:09 GMT -5
Married here. I want my DH to be happy, or at the very least, not miserable. I also like to see him/hang out with him. If I were in the situation that the OP is in, I would jumped at the opportunity for my spouse to work less and be home more/happier. I agree with Mich, this thread is kind of sad.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Aug 10, 2017 15:00:28 GMT -5
The person who wins is the person who wants to continue the current situation IMO. We're the opposite. The person's mental well being comes over the other persons' finanical wants. Not NEEDs, we are both in agreement that the bills need to be paid and that can mean having to suck it up till you find a better position. I'm talking about things like charitable giving, paying 100% for the kids' college or paying off debt in 5 years instead of two. In the grand scheme of things my debt will be paid off, it doesn't matter how long it takes. A miserable spouse can do a lot more damage to a marriage than some extra interest payments can. Obviously there is a crap load of grey area when it comes to "mental health" but like everyone else said marriage isn't easy. You mentioned this before, but it's also critical what alternatives are to the "I want this" "well I want this other thing". Like there's a lot of room for compromise in an "I want at $60K car" vs "I want a $5K car". There's not really room for compromise in "I want a kid" vs "I don't". This situation seems more like the former, where there's room for discussion/negotiation where neither side should necessarily need to stand firm to get what they want.
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tractor
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Post by tractor on Aug 10, 2017 15:01:30 GMT -5
I wonder why they have 2 homes if they don't even have the time to enjoy one. We bought the house next door and 20 acres when it came up for sale about 5 years ago. It's a struggle, but I took out a 30 year mortgage that costs me $234/month 🙂. Like I said, low cost of living area.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 10, 2017 15:07:18 GMT -5
The person who wins is the person who wants to continue the current situation IMO. We're the opposite. The person's mental well being comes over the other persons' finanical wants. Not NEEDs, we are both in agreement that the bills need to be paid and that can mean having to suck it up till you find a better position. I'm talking about things like charitable giving, paying 100% for the kids' college or paying off debt in 5 years instead of two. In the grand scheme of things my debt will be paid off, it doesn't matter how long it takes. A miserable spouse can do a lot more damage to a marriage than some extra interest payments can. Obviously there is a crap load of grey area when it comes to "mental health" but like everyone else said marriage isn't easy. You mentioned this before, but it's also critical what alternatives are to the "I want this" "well I want this other thing". Like there's a lot of room for compromise in an "I want at $60K car" vs "I want a $5K car". There's not really room for compromise in "I want a kid" vs "I don't". This situation seems more like the former, where there's room for discussion/negotiation where neither side should necessarily need to stand firm to get what they want. Kids are a major life changing event, so yes the person who doesn't want them should get the veto power. A net $10k loss in income that can be made up by cutting back in discretionary areas. .. not so much but I recognize I am the minority on this thread. In my case I wanted to kill myself every time I got up to go to that job. That's not healthy. I carry our benefits and DH's employers tend to provide expensive crappy plans. We need my job because of that. I recognize that and sucked it up for the four months it took me to find this job. If DH wanted me to stay because he wants to give our hypothetical adult children more money for college I probably would have ended up divorcing him over time because of it. I would not appreciate being worked to death in that job to make more money for OTHER people. At the bare minimum I'd want that misery to be going to something that directly benefits me. I don't know if Mrs T is in that type of situation with her job or not. There is certainly room for compromise. IMO since this is the only job offer she's been able to get in 2 years, I'd suck it up as far as the pay cut with the agreement that she keeps looking and/or we start discussing switching careers. If she's got enough years left in the market I think that changing gears would suit her better. It's not like her current field is going to expand, with budget cuts all over the place it's lilkely to contract even further. If she's out of the stressful job then she's got much more mental space/time to start thinking of Plan B with Tractor's help.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Aug 10, 2017 15:07:22 GMT -5
I think the vacation thing is another area where we are all drawing from our own conclusions, based on our experiences, rather than Tractors Marriage.
Last school year, DH and I were working 5 (yes 5) jobs between the two of us.
We still went away for spring break. It wasn't a sexy vacation, but we managed to get away as a family.
There have been years where we haven't vacation, because we didn't make it a priority.
Summer months at my day job are the worst, in terms of workload.
When I was pregnant with #2, we took a long weekend for a vacation, and I was like "Oh, this sucks. no more."
And after that, for 7 out of 8 years, we've been on vacation, for sometimes as long as 2.5 weeks, during the heaviest, most critical time at at work.
And it was sort of the office joke for a while. Oh..These two big projects are coming up. Everyone else is working a metric crap ton of hours and Gira will be on vacation.
And while not quite the same, this year, I will be gone again. And project work won't likely get done. I do have a better "excuse" in terms of my absence, because it's part of my going back to grad school.
I would assume at this point of their lives, it's not an issue of OP not being able to vacation together. I mean, with 23 years at the same job, his wife should have more than 5 vacation days a year. If OP is rising through the ranks, I'm assuming the same as well, that he has more than 5 vacation days a year.
My guess is that's a choice, now that they are making. Perhaps a bad habit they've gotten into, because it was just "easier" when they were through the tough years when their kids were tweens/teens and in activities but they couldn't drive..
So, I don't feel as sorry for them. Because it's still a choice.
I mean, when I worked 9 months straight when I was pregnant with the Peanut, it was still a choice and something that I own.
And then there's the housework issue too. Again, some of this IS under their control. Two grown adults shouldn't be turning a house into a tornado on a daily basis. I'm assuming they aren't playing with legos and leaving them out strewn all over the living room.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Aug 10, 2017 15:13:42 GMT -5
I wonder why they have 2 homes if they don't even have the time to enjoy one. We bought the house next door and 20 acres when it came up for sale about 5 years ago I don't need to read any more after this. Just sounds like greed IMO. Good luck with the rest of your endeavors Tractor.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Aug 10, 2017 15:13:45 GMT -5
Tractor.....has your wife ever been physically harmed at her job? Has physical harm been threatened? Yes, fights in the classroom can be common, she is expected to break them up. She has only been assaulted once, a student threw a book at her. The worse scare was when an boy in restraints smashed his head through the door glass so her could hurl profanities at her.I am going to adjust my answer, though not change my position. I started out with saying that your DW mental health should take precedence over the increased income. I stand by that. But the highlighted part above means that you are plainly wrong here tractor. You should have been front and center in encouraging your DW to take the new job and keep her safe. Fights, thrown objects, head through a glass pane to hurl profanities at someone, are not things I would want in the life of someone I love. Heck, I don't even want that in the life of my sons' father and we are divorced for crimminy's sake!
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Aug 10, 2017 15:21:14 GMT -5
Yes, fights in the classroom can be common, she is expected to break them up. She has only been assaulted once, a student threw a book at her. The worse scare was when an boy in restraints smashed his head through the door glass so her could hurl profanities at her.I am going to adjust my answer, though not change my position. I started out with saying that your DW mental health should take precedence over the increased income. I stand by that. But the highlighted part above means that you are plainly wrong here tractor . You should have been front and center in encouraging your DW to take the new job and keep her safe. Fights, thrown objects, head through a glass pane to hurl profanities at someone, are not things I would want in the life of someone I love. Heck, I don't even want that in the life of my sons' father and we are divorced for crimminy's sake! She's chosen a new job in a poorer school system. Who is to say that's going to be any safer? Let's be real here...in 23 years, she had a book thrown at her once...that's the one time she's had something physical happen to her. I'm going to guess that most teachers have had at least that in 23 years...heck I've seen a lot more than that happen to teachers and I went to a good school.
I do think true safety issues increase the stakes...this just doesn't sound like something out of line with what a 23 year career might have...especially when the change is to another teaching position.
It also kind of matters IMO when these things happened. If a student threw a book at her 23 years ago...that's a lot different psychologically than having your first altercation being a student throwing a book at you yesterday and today you took a new job because you were so freaked out by the experience.
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Green Eyed Lady
Senior Associate
Look inna eye! Always look inna eye!
Joined: Jan 23, 2012 11:23:55 GMT -5
Posts: 19,629
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Aug 10, 2017 15:22:23 GMT -5
One thing that stands out to me:
Tractor has stated that this new opportunity is in an unstable or not as stable school district. People have stated over and over that it took Mrs. Tractor 2 years to be offered this opportunity. So at the end of the school year in this un or not as stable school district, her position gets cut. What then? If it took 2 years to get this opportunity, how long will it take for her to find other employment if that happens?
If that happens (and that's just as possible as all the other situation posed here), we are talking about way more than a $10,000 cut. It's something to consider unless she's dying and I don't get that impression from the OP.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,331
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 10, 2017 15:22:51 GMT -5
I wanted to say even if Mrs T has only had one book thrown at her there is still a lot of heartrending/scary shit that happens in residential programs. These kids aren't here because they just need a time out from their parents. They are there because either their home life is beyond messed up or they have mental issues that their parents cannot handle themselves.
It's a dangerous job whether people want to admit it or not. It's also a very exhausting job psychologically.
I had a professor who was a counselor to this group of children. She said you have to learn to compartmentalize FAST otherwise you will shrivel up from all the horror stories you will be privvy to. Even with being able to do that A LOT of people burn out because there is only so much misery a human brain is capable of absorbing. She was taking a break by teaching at IWCC for awhile as ooposed to practicing.
The majority of policemen do not get shot while on duty but I don't think any of us would say that being a policeman is not dangerous work simply because that guy over there hasn't ever been shot.
23 years is a long time for Mrs T to work with the population she works with. Instead of chewing her out for having had enough I think she deserves major props for lasting that long. I couldn't even get as far as finishing the interview for a job that deals with that population.
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hoops902
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 13:21:29 GMT -5
Posts: 11,978
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Post by hoops902 on Aug 10, 2017 15:25:48 GMT -5
I wanted to say even if Mrs T has only had one book thrown at her there is still a lot of heartrending/scary shit that happens in residential programs. These kids aren't here because they just need a time out from their parents. They are there because either their home life is beyond messed up or they have mental issues that their parents cannot handle themselves. It's a dangerous job whether people want to admit it or not. It's also a very exhausting job psychologically. I had a professor who was a counselor to this group of children. She said you have to learn to compartmentalize FAST otherwise you will shrivel up from all the horror stories you will be privvy to. Even with being able to do that A LOT of people burn out because there is only so much misery a human brain is capable of absorbing. She was taking a break by teaching at IWCC for awhile as ooposed to practicing. The majority of policemen do not get shot while on duty but I don't think any of us would say that being a policeman is not dangerous work simply because that guy over there hasn't ever been shot. 23 years is a long time for Mrs T to work with the population she works with. Instead of chewing her out for having had enough I think she deserves major props for lasting that long. I couldn't even get as far as finishing the interview for a job that deals with that population. Doing it this long though, it only signifies to me that she understands the situation she's in, and has had a long time to make coordinated plans with tractor on an exit strategy. That's part of what I don't understand here...2 years looking, did they discuss a plan? It's absolutely a hard job, I don't have any feelings of "she needs to stick it out". I just don't understand how you look for a job for 2 years and seemingly have no real plan discussed that you're planning on taking a job for that significant of a pay cut whether your partner likes it or not.
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