Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Mar 15, 2013 20:14:55 GMT -5
This was my the opening to my mom's e-mail to me. DB is in need of a place to store some of his furniture. Would you have any space at your house? Talk with DH about it. You can say no - no explanations needed. I just replied to my mom's e-mail. I typed: No. Succinct and right to the point!
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Mar 15, 2013 20:15:50 GMT -5
This was my the opening to my mom's e-mail to me. DB is in need of a place to store some of his furniture. Would you have any space at your house? Talk with DH about it. You can say no - no explanations needed. I just replied to my mom's e-mail. I typed: No. Good for you, cyanne. Knowing and respecting your own boundaries are the keys to maintaining your sanity. I agree with the posters who said "don't give reasons/excuses. Just say "no".
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 15, 2013 20:16:18 GMT -5
Yeah, that's what should happen, but with the counties being forced to prematurely release the inmates they now have, do you think contempt charges would get anyone jail time? I don't see why not. If you are found in contempt of court you are either fined or received a bit of jail time. What's twenty-four or seventy-two hours in jail in the overall scheme of things? Fail to pay the fine-go to jail! A civil judgment is not a fine. And it's frightening to see posters who rail about the government having too much power advocating the government jail people for a civil debt.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Mar 15, 2013 20:16:17 GMT -5
Go after him? Contempt of court? Jail time? A court cannot order someone to,pay in a civil case, they can only issue a judgment where it's up to the creditor to enforce with wage garnishments and property seizures. They do not jaill someone for contempt of court for failure to pay a judgment. Even better. If they own property (a car, most of their clothing?) in the present or future you can go after it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2013 20:19:48 GMT -5
I feel bad because I know that he has mental health issues but he has not dealt with them effectively in the past and has pissed away many, many opportunities. I am tired of everyone excusing his behavior and bending over backwards to help him when he hasn't helped himself.
Go with how you feel about it. If your "yes" doesn't come from your heart, you'll resent it. Only give what you're comfortable giving. If that's nothing, it doesn't make you a horrible person. Have you read the book "Boundaries" that posters here often suggest? It really helped me stop feeling awful and selfish when I say "No". You have a responsibility to yourself to set good boundaries.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 15, 2013 20:23:37 GMT -5
The court issues a judgment. The creditor must file it with the county clerk. The creditor then has to find out where the debtor is employed and file the paperwork for wage garnishment with the county sheriff. The sheriff serves the employer and the employer takes a percentage out of the debtors check. Each of these steps cost money.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 15, 2013 20:26:11 GMT -5
Courts want to keep,people employed
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 15, 2013 20:30:12 GMT -5
The court issues a judgment. The creditor must file it with the county clerk. The creditor then has to find out where the debtor is employed and file the paperwork for wage garnishment with the county sheriff. The sheriff serves the employer and the employer takes a percentage out of the debtors check. Each of these steps cost money. So the poor employer is being forced to be the middle man in this mess and the poor creditor must do this every time the debtor changes jobs? What a fricken nightmare! So, then the money that the employer collects, goes to whom, directly to the creditor or to the court? Yes and yes. It goes to the creditor less a processing fee.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 15, 2013 20:30:57 GMT -5
Courts want to keep,people employed At the risk of an offender driving drunk and killing someone? That is beyond insane! I didn't say I agree with it.
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ginpin
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Post by ginpin on Mar 15, 2013 20:32:10 GMT -5
I feel for you, Cyanne. I had to say no to my mom, to not let her live with me again for the third time because she chooses not to get her act together. I felt and still feel like a ungrateful daughter, but I would have her as a permanent guest if I caved in. I heard from her best friend that she was able to get one of her cousins to take her in. The friend's comment was 'Poor cousin!'. To me, that is very telling coming from my mom's good friend.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 15, 2013 20:47:54 GMT -5
I didn't say I agree with it. Good. I hope you tell your judges that when they pull that crap. Of course not. I'm a defense attorney. I get judges to schedule jail around my clients work schedules.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2013 21:10:31 GMT -5
'I typed: No'
Perfect Cyanne...
I feel exactly the same way about my brother...
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Peace77
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Post by Peace77 on Mar 15, 2013 22:25:16 GMT -5
Cyanne, If your brother is unable to get or keep a job due to mental health issues, he may qualify for SSI or SSDI. He needs to contact Social Security. Their website is www.ssa.govGrits, sorry for your loss.
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Mar 16, 2013 7:49:52 GMT -5
Grits, sorry for your loss. Hugs to you. Cyanne, good response. Keep repeating it. And 'no', do not store the furniture. Your brother will want a key so he can come in and get his clothes, a chair, a table and pretty soon you are back to a year ago. Do not say 'I can't let him stay at this time'. You will be asked 'well when CAN you let him stay'? Do not say 'I don't think it's a good idea'. It sounds too wishy washy, like you definitely haven't decided. Do not say 'Well, if no one else can take him in....' He won't try for anyone else. Do not say 'I will be glad to contribute some money for the deposit on an apt'. The comment will be 'Can you contribute for his rent?' I feel sorry for any of you who are put in this position. I have never had a cousin, aunt, grandparent or parent ask for any kind of help. Only a sibling 1 time and the $$ was paid back promptly. My mom was asked a few times by her niece, (I don't know why the niece didn't ask her own mother) my mother was afraid her niece's baby didn't have any milk. Cyanne, keep coming to this board for reinforcements. We are here for you. Even if no one else is.
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Mar 16, 2013 8:07:44 GMT -5
I know you are getting a lot of warnings about the furniture. It isn't always a disaster. We are storing furniture for DHs brother (28 and living in a tiny apt) and sister (35 and moved back in with MIL and FIL). They are piled up on pallets in the corner of the unfinished basement, in no way accessible or in a condition to encourage anyone to move in with us. Neither of them has asked or been given keys, nor has anyone tried to come visit their box full of plates.
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grits
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Post by grits on Mar 16, 2013 9:02:42 GMT -5
A judgment against the dead beat means the dead beat most likely has to pay the court costs. Try getting out of that. So, what would the court do? You can't get blood out of a turnip. I once saw a certain cartoon. It was a man sitting in an office with an IRS agent. A jar of red liquid was on the desk. The agent said, "We're very proud of that. It is blood from a turnip.".
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grits
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Post by grits on Mar 16, 2013 9:06:37 GMT -5
At the risk of an offender driving drunk and killing someone? That is beyond insane! I didn't say I agree with it. I agree with it too. It may mean the difference between children having food, and necessities or them being homeless, and trying to get emergency assistance.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Mar 16, 2013 11:18:27 GMT -5
I didn't say I agree with it. I agree with it too. It may mean the difference between children having food, and necessities or them being homeless, and trying to get emergency assistance. True. I'd say the odds of the drunk driver losing employment and eventually going on public assistance are higher than the odds that s/he will be in another accident (at least during the time s/he would've been in jail). But you never know. I don't envy judges most days.
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grits
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Post by grits on Mar 17, 2013 9:45:52 GMT -5
aaaaaaaaaaah At noon today we are supposed to gather at my brother's, and go from there to do dad's joke memorial. I will have to deal with my "victim" sister who somehow thinks she can get us to take care of her like my parents did. If I have too, I will move, change my phone numbers, and get a calling card. I'll use it to call my brother whenever I need too. He never answers anyways. To tell you the truth, they are all a bunch of people using leeches. Not happening.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 18, 2013 10:16:44 GMT -5
How'd it go?
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Mar 18, 2013 12:48:52 GMT -5
I would be more likely to help family, the more closely they are related. I would do more to help my sister than i would a distant cousin, etc. I think there might be times when i would offer help and would depend on the situation. But, i would not expect to be totally supporting another person. At some point, people either help themselves or not.
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