Do you hide your financial success?

[dancinmama]

Jul 5, 2011 15:00:45 GMT -5 @davebo said:

Jul 5, 2011 14:41:34 GMT -5 CPWnyc said:

You said it much better than I could have. I've always enjoyed your posts. Like you, I don't get envy by other people successes. Instead, I am curious and want to know how they got their success. I enjoy reading other LBYM's financial sucess stories. It gives me the motivation I need to stay focus on my financial goals.

I'm not all that curious about people's success in the corporate world. Realistically, you just work hard, get some luck, and play the game. I'm sure you could pickup some tips, but I'm not too curious about advice like "Find a mentor and have lunch with them once a week". blah, blah, blah.

I'm more curious about people that started businesses from scratch. Their experience is more relevant to me, but to each their own.

davebo: Just so you know, it's not like I started threads telling our story (which by the way rarely mentioned anything about the corporate world). Many people would start threads with personal finance questions. When I thought it would be helpful, I'd share our story or parts of it basically encouraging young people to LBYM and avoid consumer debt at almost any cost because in doing so early in life, it is amazing where you can end up no matter what your profession.

If people would have been asking questions about starting a business, I would have . Don't know anything about it.

[Urban Chicago]

I will answer questions if asked, but rarely volunteer anything.

I have actually obsessed about how to keep people from finding out if we won the lottery

I just get sick of people saying how "lucky" we are when pretty much all our success is attributable to hard work and good decisions, not "luck".

[parker1b2]

Yes, I try not to talk about it wth friends and family too much, other then my younger brother and that is just to give hm advice and not make the same mistakes I did. As far as friends and neighbors go I try not to talk about it. My wife and I are doing ok because we live below our means and save, while some of my friends try to show off their "wealth" but it is just leased and rented.

[thyme4change]

Each evening I post my net worth on Facebook.

[debtheaven]

DEFINITELY!!! That's why I appreciate these boards so much.

We are always honest ... in a sense ... I guess I sometimes lie by omission IRL ... and sometimes here too. Actually I don't, here I'm honest, but few people "get it" since we have some deals that don't exist in the US (ie private reverse mortgages, we own two).

The funny thing is, even when I'm trying to be honest, most of the time, people still don't get it. The people we are most honest with IRL (and vice versa) earn MUCH MUCH MUCH more than we do. But, they are on the same page as us in terms of values and priorities, if not in income. And that is why we are so close. Not because of the income, but because of the values and priorities.

But, more and more, I realize that we are in a weird place, financially. Our (very modest) house is worth well over a million now. (I've been here since 1984, DH bought my ex out of his half in 1998). But we are NOT high earners, and as I always quip, if we had to buy it today, we couldn't afford the front door.

[debtheaven]

Example: I left my old company in 2009, got a very nice payout of about 50K. Redid our master bathroom, put 4K down on a new car (we only run one car, buy it brand new every 10 years), took a year off, went on two great vacations.

A friend said, wow! You must be getting a very nice payout after having worked there for 18 years! Have you ever considered buying a rental? I said (stupidly answering spontaneously and honestly) no way, four rentals are more than enough.

That was pretty embarrassing. It was also the day I basically decided to become a financial "ditz" in real life except for that one couple.

"Money?! What's dat?!"

[Deleted]

You know, I don't really know how to define "financial success" these days. As others have said, it's not strictly salary. You can be high earners and be up-the-wazoo in debt.

I have a modest home with furniture mostly earned when I worked in my ex-MIL's antique store. I have a paid-for 2006 Toyota and my DH has a paid-for 1998 BMW. We have a rescue cocker spaniel who eats average food (like we do . . . another thread). My idea of going out to eat is the Olive Garden or Styx (a Japanese place that cooks at your table in case that is local) although my DH did spend $150 on him and my DIL's sushi lunch.

We have a GREAT life, but I'm not sure it's defined as "financially successful" if only because I don't earn a high salary. There's very little that I TRULY want that I don't buy, but I can't buy everything I want.

I don't hide it because I was brought up that you don't talk about money. I know what my friends earn because we are on a salary schedule. I have no idea what their spouses earn or if they are in debt.

To be honest, money is boring except on here. There is so much drama associated with it here. Is that the way it is in "real" life? Because no one I know talks about anything more interesting than the latest specials at Publix (a regional grocery store).

[Deleted]

I'm glad I found YM because while we've been fortunate there was/still is plenty for me to learn. I'd like to think that I have something to contribute by sharing my knowledge and experience but here, too I'm largely ignored.

Unfortunately I've found most of my friends and family are unwilling to change their self destructive financial habits. Until they have decided that they are the problem none of my suggestions are going to be valued.

Archie and Thyme: you crack me up! ;D

[Deleted]

"There is so much drama associated with it here. Is that the way it is in "real" life?"

Yep. My family is a regular financial soap opera. I couldn't make the stuff up!

[debtheaven]

I'd like to think that I have something to contribute by sharing my knowledge and experience but here, too I'm largely ignored.


Certainly not by me. And, for the record, Bonnap introduced me to her childhood American teacher friend in Paris (where I live), and that friend became an amazing friend and mentor to me.

So there are other benefits that go beyond the financials. :-)

ETA: And Bonnap, me and friend are all meeting up in early August for either lunch or dinner. :-) Bonnap, you do know that, right?! LOL

[Deleted]

"introduced me to her childhood American teacher friend in Paris (where I live), and that friend became an amazing friend and mentor to me."

I'm really happy the friendship has blossomed. But you guys deserve the credit for following through. That's the hard part!

[DVM gone riding]

I talk to my mother, who does my taxes, so yep she knows everything there is to know. However she doesn't tell my father so besides my bosses she is the only one who knows my whole financial picture. I know parts of hers.

[Havoc]

Jul 5, 2011 12:42:34 GMT -5 tskeeter said:

Even among family, where everyone had the same opportunities starting out, envy is liable to exist if too great a disparity in lifestyle becomes too obvious. Under the circumstances, it is hard to accept responsibility for all of your choices and acknowledge the sacrifices and efforts of others that contributed to their financial success.

[cut]

Why open the door to conflict when all that is needed to avoid the conflict is keeping some of your financial information to yourself.

Seconded, for precisely the reason in the first quoted paragraph.

Both my and my DW's siblings have had at least the same opportunities, some of them considerably better in that they have had large parental subsidies in paying for schooling, buying cars and homes, etc. whereas we have always paid our own way. But there is no way in hades that I would discuss where we are (financially) with any of them, because the majority would be pissed, not happy or congratulatory for hard work or perserverance.

My parents probably have the best view of our financial picture b/c they live relatively close by, so they know of our real estate purchases and know exactly what we spent on them (rural papers need to do something to fill up pages, so they print lists of recent real estate transactions. As well as all the recent arrests and convictions, of course!). But I don't discuss a lot of other detail with them, because I know that what they know eventually becomes general knowledge within the family...

[MN-Investor]

I also would love to share my success with others but I find that sometimes sharing your success and trying to help others achieve similar success is more hassle than it’s worth.

This makes it sound like you have offered unsolicited advice which is rarely appreciated. The trouble with offering unsolicited advice is that 1) you come off as bragging, if not a pompous know-it-all, and 2) you've just put your audience on the defense because you are criticizing their choices. I see no upside to this scenario.

[Nazgul Girl]

I do hide our financial success at work. I found that I had to stop wearing my fancy wedding set that DH had given me due to people having to hock their diamonds, losing their houses to foreclosure, and such. I do talk about our vacations sometmes, but we've cut back on those also, so it doesn't really matter. It's thoughtless to boast about savings, paying off a house, having a rental, or what have you to the lady across the aisle who is losing her house, has kids who can't find a job, or to my boss who has a disabled husband and no S.S. because he didn't report his self-earned income for many years ! I just STFU. Once in awhile, I help out someone in financial trouble with advice if they ask for it, but most of the time, they don't understand what I'm telling them, so I have pretty much given up on it all.

I wear some small diamond wedding sets which I've bought used over the last 15 years, I am maxed out on saving in our 403b, and I work all of the overtime I can get. I sell estate jewelry there once in awhile, and make a profit on that. Our email is like a garage sale, so what I'm doing is nothing out of the ordinary in our building. We have 600 employees there, so there are plenty of customers.

My husband is retired, and most people think that I support him, including my boss until I straightened her out on that. What they don't know is that he brings in $20K more per year than I do working full-time.

Friends are even worse. They're either retired early and are now having a hard time, or are still working and are highly leveraged. My family knows more of our finances, but we're all on pretty much equal financial footing anyway. Thank goodness my daughter is trying to improve her financial acumen now, so she'll be set when she gets older too.

[Nazgul Girl]

Bonnap, I don't ignore you. I enjoy your wise, quiet posts.

[Elderkind]

With my family in particular, I feel like if I mention any financial success they seem to feel entitled to something

I have a few close friends that know my financial situation which is nothing special but other than that, I am tightlipped around everyone except the WIRR board.

I was once pretty open about my financials and stupidly spoke about starting to save for a house last year. Suddenly, requests for money start hitting me. I have a brother that has no problem asking for money... When I told him no (he has no job and won't look for one - then buys jet skis) and made my parents stop giving him money (temporary fix), he went to my fiance behind my back and asked for $10K... Oui... I also have a co-worker that will cry big crocodile tears in my office about how she wrote $2500 in hot checks in one week and needs help covering it...

So, now I find myself out of necessity keeping my mouth shut... My fiance is doing the same thing but unfortunately, his family is well known in the area for being well off so he is hit for "loans" regularly.

I find it acutely ironic that the people who ask us for money are the ones who are too lazy to work for it or live far above their means and can't understand why they never have enough to make their bills. On the few occasions that my fiance has loaned out money only twice did it turn out well... the other times, the people he loaned money to found many reasons why they shouldn't pay the money back and became quite nasty... It was a rude awakening for him...

[bobosensei]

Jul 5, 2011 14:08:31 GMT -5 dancinmama said:

Jul 5, 2011 13:15:44 GMT -5 bobosensei said:

It is hard in the military because everyone can look up what you make. And most of the civilian workers are either on the GS scale so they have a public salary too or you can find out relatively easily about how much someone makes.

Yes, but salary alone is no indicator of financial success.

That is definitely true. But it is a good indicator of your potential financial success.

[daisylu]

I share very little financial info with my family. Mostly because my parents have always struggled, and still do. I would feel guilty sharing our details with them.

[dancinmama]

Jul 6, 2011 3:43:50 GMT -5 bobosensei said:

Jul 5, 2011 14:08:31 GMT -5 dancinmama said:

Yes, but salary alone is no indicator of financial success.

That is definitely true. But it is a good indicator of your potential financial success.

And your actual success is what you do with that potential. The best indicator of financial success is probably net worth as a factor of lifetime income and no one knows that except the individual themselves.

[nalto]

Jul 6, 2011 5:58:46 GMT -5 daisylu said:

I share very little financial info with my family. Mostly because my parents have always struggled, and still do. I would feel guilty sharing our details with them.

This. I'd love to help my parents, but guilt still eats at me. It's as if I'm ashamed to be doing well financially because they aren't.

[garion2003]

I'm not sure how to define "financial success", although I do live below my means. I don't have a fancy car, or house (I rent) and my TV is 10 years old. I do have some fun things (camera, ipod, etc) but nothing too flashy.

I do feel better since I am debt free and have an EF, so that helps. I think I'm in a pretty good positon compared to my peers. But in my circle of friends we don't really talk about money.

The one part where I may have been too secretive (out of habits) is with my parents. Out of college I was only working part time and was mostly able to support myself, but they helped out with my first car, etc. Now I'm beyond that, of course, but they are retired and on a fixed income.

So lately I've started realizing that when we get together and go out to eat, I should start taking turns paying, things like that.

[patchwork150]

garion- off topic, but are you a david eddings fan by chance?? ;D

[Deleted]

DH is very private about financial success, but very vocal on how expensive he thinks things are. He will complain about a bill on principle, even if he can easily cover it. We also aren't flashy. We don't go on a lot of vacations or drive nice cars. I also haven't worked in a very long time. For these reasons our own family often thinks we are broke. Dh finds it funny, but is really bothers me, because I know our family has spent time worrying about us needlessly.

I always say we are doing fine, which until recently, I think they interpreted as we were living pay check to pay check.

[swamp]

I report our networth in my yearly Christmas letter.

[Deleted]

Jul 6, 2011 12:28:08 GMT -5 swamp said:

I report our networth in my yearly Christmas letter.

Christmas letter!?!?!


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

[Deleted]

Jul 5, 2011 21:50:05 GMT -5 Nazgul Girl said:

I do hide our financial success at work. I found that I had to stop wearing my fancy wedding set that DH had given me due to people having to hock their diamonds, losing their houses to foreclosure, and such. I do talk about our vacations sometmes, but we've cut back on those also, so it doesn't really matter. It's thoughtless to boast about savings, paying off a house, having a rental, or what have you to the lady across the aisle who is losing her house, has kids who can't find a job, or to my boss who has a disabled husband and no S.S. because he didn't report his self-earned income for many years ! I just STFU. Once in awhile, I help out someone in financial trouble with advice if they ask for it, but most of the time, they don't understand what I'm telling them, so I have pretty much given up on it all.

I'm in the same boat with people at work. Because I work essentially the same job as a lot of people here who are struggling financially. And most people know here that my wife is a teacher and that she is taking a year off because we just had twins. And they are probably ultra-confused because we just bought a house in a more expensive neighborhood.

What they don't know is that I have a business that brings in 2x what I make here in my day job. And I have never said a word about it to anyone I work with, mostly because I don't want anyone thinking that I'm working on that business while I'm at work.

[dancinmama]

Jul 6, 2011 12:28:08 GMT -5 swamp said:

I report our networth in my yearly Christmas letter.

[robbase]

why only annually in a Christmas letter? Quarterly updates are required per the SEC

[swamp]

Jul 6, 2011 12:36:03 GMT -5 @robbase said:

why only annually in a Christmas letter? Quarterly updates are required per the SEC

Crap, that's more work that i have to do, because you know that DH will have a tantrum if I ask him to do something around the house.