shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Jun 27, 2011 12:05:22 GMT -5
I probably do more than my "fair" share, as I work full time and DH has been unemployed (mostly) for the last two years, though he is back in school full time, now. Still, our system works for us.
Me: Bill paying vacuuming lawn mowing laundry steam cleaning carpets (roughly every 3 months) clean tub bathroom/kitchen counters
DH: clean toilet poop pick up (we have two dogs) mopping
Split/done together: Cooking (DH does 80%) Dishes (DH does 60%) Grocery shopping (done together) Weed eating tree/bush trimming walking/feeding dogs cleaning up flat surfaces when people come over windows trash/recycling
DH will help with laundry if I ask- he'll start a load that I've put together and help me put it away (which is the part I hate most). He doesn't move it from washer to dryer because he doesn't know which of my work tops don't go in the dryer. I do almost always have to ask to get him to take out the garbage or recycling, but when I do ask, he does it without question.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2011 12:10:13 GMT -5
Cleaning the toilet is women's work. It is in the US Constitution. You believe in the Constitution right? I think you need to re-read the constition....it clearly states that women spend way too much money on manicures to put their beautiful hands in a filthy toilet or you could just wear gloves....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2011 12:17:48 GMT -5
Cleaning the toilet is women's work. It is in the US Constitution. You believe in the Constitution right? I think you need to re-read the constition....it clearly states that women spend way too much money on manicures to put their beautiful hands in a filthy toilet Michele Bachmann stole my copy.
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april47
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Post by april47 on Jun 27, 2011 12:26:28 GMT -5
cronewitch- my late husband used to kill the spiders too. Gosh I hate to kill spiders. One of the many reasons I miss him.
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april47
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Post by april47 on Jun 27, 2011 12:28:35 GMT -5
This message has been deleted.
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Jun 27, 2011 12:34:29 GMT -5
Hmmmm - don't know that I'd open the negotiations. I think cleaning multiple bathrooms each week is the equivalent of three oil changes, a tire rotation, and a full exterior detail job. Since she does bathrooms, I think you're going to have to add waxing the muffler on her car to your car maintenance routine.
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telephus44
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Post by telephus44 on Jun 27, 2011 12:43:38 GMT -5
For bugs, we have a deal. DH kills spiders, and I kill bees/wasps/hornets. Works for us!
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Jun 27, 2011 12:47:05 GMT -5
For bugs, we have a deal. DH kills spiders, and I kill bees/wasps/hornets. Works for us! DBF is TERRIFIED of ticks and spiders, so I have to kill those. He kills the rest. If one of the cats happens to have a tick he will put the cat in my lap and say "kitty has a tick, fix it"... I love frontline
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2011 12:47:36 GMT -5
Cleaning the toilet is women's work. Because anyone who had to clean it wouldn't miss so much..... Because guys left on their own wouldn't clean it.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jun 27, 2011 12:53:16 GMT -5
Because guys left on their own wouldn't clean it. Well you have to admit it's pretty damn strange to keep an object that exists only to be peed and shat in sparkling.
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❤ mollymouser ❤
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Sarcasm is my Superpower
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Post by ❤ mollymouser ❤ on Jun 27, 2011 12:56:19 GMT -5
So assuming a fairly traditional division of labor . . . women what do you expect your spouse to do since you work as hard as he does. Men what household chores do you assume? Feel free to shift the division if it's different, though, at your house. Before I quit working in October 2005, both my wonderful DH worked non-traditional full-time jobs. He was (and still is) an active duty military pilot with a varied, complicated, and completely unpredictable work schedule (not counting deployments) ... so we never really know when he's working, what time he'd be home, when he'd get a last minute assignment, when he'd be called out of town overnight or for weeks, etc. This hasn't changed. So ... what did I expect of him? Well, if he was home, I always appreciated help with scooping litter boxes, taking out the trash, throwing in a load of laundry, and generally keeping things picked up. Back then, I worked 60-70 hours per week (litigation trial attorney), and was on call every night and every weekend to respond to Officer Involved Shootings, serious car accidents, and anything likely to trigger significant legal exposure for the city I worked for. When I got home from work, it was my responsibility to ensure that the cats stayed fed/watered, the boxes were scooped if my wonderful DH was gone, that we had clean laundry, and that things stayed generally picked up. We had a weekly cleaning lady who kept the bathrooms clean, the house dusted, the vaccuuming done. We often ended up doing grocery shopping, errand running, and playing in the garden at 11pm at night. So ... we decided to that I'd quit my job, we'd downsize our expenses and alter our lifestyle, and I'd be a "stay at home wife" who takes care of the house, our cats, the bills, the cooking, the shopping, the laundry, etc. And when my wonderful DH is home ... I'm available to spend time with him. When he's not deployed, he still helps with the litter boxes and the trash and is great about helping get the bed remade when we change the sheets. He is also willing to do all sorts of other things, upon request, when he's home... but we prefer to do it on a request basis so that there's no miscommunication about unmet expectations. It works for us. It's not for everyone.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 27, 2011 12:57:13 GMT -5
I have to clean DF's at least 3x a week so no complaining from anyone about it!!! Poor thing. I'm sure he'd rather not have to use it so much. It's really no big deal. The stuff is right in the bathroom and the scrubber is right next to the toilet. Now if I had to clean it with a sponge and get my face in it-ick!!!
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❤ mollymouser ❤
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Sarcasm is my Superpower
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Favorite Drink: Diet Mountain Dew
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Post by ❤ mollymouser ❤ on Jun 27, 2011 12:58:31 GMT -5
Oh, and we hire "the Spider Guy" to take care of spiders (hopefully.) When my wonderful DH isn't home, I'm not to proud to call my neighbors to come kill my bugs.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 27, 2011 13:12:55 GMT -5
Well you have to admit it's pretty damn strange to keep an object that exists only to be peed and shat in sparklingWell there is sparkling and then there is at least aiming well enough that pee doesn't run down the basin. I told him he can start cleaning it or sit down to pee. I don't care about it being sparkling clean on the inside or even the outside, but I'd at least not like my floor to have yellow specks all over it.
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moneymaven
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Post by moneymaven on Jun 27, 2011 13:26:05 GMT -5
Interesting thread. We don't have set in stone division of labor in our home. DH helps where and when he can and vice versa. Last week, he paid a cleaning lady to come to the house because we didn't have time and the week before that, I hired someone to do the lawn since we didn't have a lot of extra time due to Father's Day. We keep things in balance and neither of us have ever complained (together for 10 years, married nearly 5) that the other isn't pulling their weight in the household or finances.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Jun 27, 2011 13:27:20 GMT -5
We split pretty evenly, but my issue is with momentum: nothing gets done unless I force the issue. That aside, we only have two person-specific jobs: he walks the dogs, I do the finances. We shop together once a week, switch off any "emergency" store runs pretty equally. We do one big clean every saturday and so whoever wants to do whatever will. Whoever cooks, the other person cleans dishes. It took us a long time to get here, and it doesn't work perfectly but it's pretty ok and fair.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 27, 2011 13:35:54 GMT -5
I think you need to re-read the constition....it clearly states that women spend way too much money on manicures to put their beautiful hands in a filthy toilet or you could just wear gloves.... Damn you Jen, we women are supposed to stick together!
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hockeygrl
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Post by hockeygrl on Jun 27, 2011 14:02:23 GMT -5
We both work 40 - 60 hours a week, though we don't often both have a long week at the same time. I commute about 3 hours a day, he commutes about 20 minutes a day. That's the killer!!!Whoever gets more time off generally does the laundry. Otherwise we split about like this:
I take care of: Grocery shopping Cooking Light cleaning My cars Pick up the baby from the sitter and take care of all of his feeding/bathing needs
DH takes care of: Yardwork and fish pond maintenance His car Grilling out on occasion Get the baby ready and off to the sitter in the morning
The maid comes in twice a month and does all the heavy cleaning.
Financially, I pay all utilities and insurance, my car, my credit card, and my student loans. Hey pays the house payment, his car, and his credit card. We both pay our credit cards off each month and collect the points at the end of the year. Usually if we eat out or take a vacation, he pays for all the hotels and meals, and I take care of transportation.
We have only been married 1.5 years, so we haven't purchased a joint vehicle yet - when we do I will probably pay for it since I'm the gearhead and he's indifferent.
When DS is ready for school, I'm going to be the one paying tuition, because I'm the one who insists on private school (the schools in our district are awful). I make about twice as much as DH, so I don't mind being responsible for DS education expenses.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2011 14:33:56 GMT -5
Well you have to admit it's pretty damn strange to keep an object that exists only to be peed and shat in sparklingWell there is sparkling and then there is at least aiming well enough that pee doesn't run down the basin. I told him he can start cleaning it or sit down to pee. I don't care about it being sparkling clean on the inside or even the outside, but I'd at least not like my floor to have yellow specks all over it. Some guys were born a bit short. Ask him to take a step forward.
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telephus44
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Post by telephus44 on Jun 27, 2011 14:47:05 GMT -5
For bugs, we have a deal. DH kills spiders, and I kill bees/wasps/hornets. Works for us! DBF is TERRIFIED of ticks and spiders, so I have to kill those. He kills the rest. If one of the cats happens to have a tick he will put the cat in my lap and say "kitty has a tick, fix it"... I love frontline DH is like that with bees/wasps/hornets. Things that fly and sting. Once during the summer he saw a bee in the window - between the glass and outside screen mind you - and just opened the window to get the bee out. Not a big deal, right? Well, we had our new A/C unit in the window that promptly fell out and down 3 stories. Any man who is willing to forget air conditioning in 100 degree weather to get rid of a bee deserves SOMEONE ELSE to deal with bees.
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telephus44
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Post by telephus44 on Jun 27, 2011 14:49:43 GMT -5
Well you have to admit it's pretty damn strange to keep an object that exists only to be peed and shat in sparklingWell there is sparkling and then there is at least aiming well enough that pee doesn't run down the basin. I told him he can start cleaning it or sit down to pee. I don't care about it being sparkling clean on the inside or even the outside, but I'd at least not like my floor to have yellow specks all over it. You know why you shouldn't date guys who can't pee in the toilet? Because if they can't get it in a hole THAT big....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2011 14:56:11 GMT -5
or you could just wear gloves.... Damn you Jen, we women are supposed to stick together!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 27, 2011 14:57:19 GMT -5
Some guys were born a bit short. Ask him to take a step forward. Why should I have to? He was born with the thing and as far as I know he was potty trained at two. Shouldn't he know how to aim that thing by now?
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jun 27, 2011 14:58:55 GMT -5
MIL has one of these signs in every bathroom... I think it does help Guys, stand closer - it's shorter than you think. Ladies, please stay seated for the entire performance.
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sil
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Post by sil on Jun 27, 2011 16:49:57 GMT -5
DH is now working a few more hours than I do, so I'm with the kids a bit more than he is (including cooking/cleaning after them) but all-in-all, we split chores pretty evenly. I'd say that I probably do a bit more than he does, but if you asked him, he'd probably say he does more than I do OP - I don't know how you put up with it either. I go crazy enough at parties where it seems that women do all of the work (helping with the food, dishes, watching the kids) while the men play games, or just sit around and drink. DH wonders why I'm less social than I used to be.
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Post by tiredturkey on Jun 27, 2011 17:21:40 GMT -5
DH and I both worked full-time most of our lives and split the household stuff about 60-40 with me getting the 60 which seemed okay because he made a lot more than me. Now in retirement we split things up this way:
Me Cook 4 days, he cleans up I dust some rooms, clean hard surface floors and clean baths and kitchen I do my laundry and the towels I do about 90% of the gardening I do all the family financial stuff because I'm a bookkeeper
Him Cook 2 days, I clean up He dusts some rooms and vacuums carpet He does his laundry and the sheets He makes the bed daily He mows and edges the lawn
We work on big home improvement projects together because some stuff just takes two hands. We usually run errands and grocery shop together because we're both foodies
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2011 18:23:28 GMT -5
I am not married to the golfer any more. I did notice his new wife retired shortly after he did even though she had no retirement. I guess she wasn't willing to do it all if he didn't help. Lol. However, now he is raising cattle on his mom's farm so that's the kind of work he enjoyed. My own DH doesn't bother me. Like I said, I don't know that he knows how to clean because he always had a house cleaner every other week . . . just like he sent everything, including jeans, to the cleaners. If he complains, he should clean it. If he doesn't, I don't mind doing it when I have time.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Jun 27, 2011 21:33:04 GMT -5
My husband is retired. I work fulltime plus all of the overtime I would like to handle. He does the grocery shopping, most of the cooking, runs all other errands, does our stock market charts, mows the lawn, mows the lawn, fields all phone calls and home improvement estimates and the like, does the filing, washes floors, takes care of the renters' problems, and does the banking, plus washes most of the laundry. I do the other finances and bills, fold the laundry, clean one of the bathrooms, and do gardening and dusting, and quite frequently, the dishes. For some reason, the pop bottles are returned either by both of us, or just me. We drop off and pick up any cars which need repair together, discuss financial decisions together, and do big gardening jobs such as trimming the landscaping. Neither one of us likes to vacuum, so right now, our daughter does it....we don't get into traditional role-playing very often. Both of us put out the trash, for example.
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doxieluvr
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Post by doxieluvr on Jun 28, 2011 9:46:30 GMT -5
We had a fight about this sunday night, i have no idea how to get dh to do more around the house.
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on Jun 28, 2011 10:55:26 GMT -5
I made it very clear to DH that when we had kids I was not going to work a full-time job and have a second full-time job at home. I still think I get more of the at-home tasks, but we hired a house cleaner to come a couple of times a month to help out. I do most of the shopping and cleaning, but DH helps out with laundry, dishes, and childcare. Some tasks, like taking out the trash, it depends on who is home on trash night.
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