Annoying fellow student. WWYD?

[Ava]

I am taking a summer class. This class started May 31st. and runs until July 1.
So it's a summer intensive course.
The teacher listed a book that is the 2012 edition. I couldn't get it in Amazon, EBay, Chegg, etc.
Since the book is so new you had to buy it from the school bookstore and it cost $ 200.
I bit the bullet because I intend to do well in class and also thinking that even though it's a sacrifice, I'll sell it later and recoup part of the cost.
I have this fellow student I know from a previous semester, although until now I only knew him by sight.
First day of class he sits next to me and says hello, we were in a class together last semester.
I generally tend to keep to myself, so I only talked to him because he started the conversation.
Turns out he's attending on a Pell Grant because "I claimed financial hardship and thanks God they accepted it", which gives me the idea that the financial hardship is kind of fake.
His personal aspect (nice clothes, color contact lenses, evidently works out a lot) makes the story hard to believe. Anyway, that is none of my business. I am attending on Federal loans that I'll have to repay after graduation. I only put the actual information in my FAFSA and I didn't qualify for grants.
This person claims he cannot afford to buy the book. So he sits next to me in class (I only see him in class, I don't even know his name) and reads from my book. That is fine with me.
Yesterday night the professor announced a test for next Monday.
This fellow student then asks me if he can borrow the book until Thursday to photocopy the chapters for the test.
My answer was " I cannot give you my book"
Then he wants to know if I am willing to stay late on Thursday so he can run to Staples and do the photocopies. I work very early in the morning and then run to classes. The last thing I want is to stay late while he makes copies. Not to mention that he misses classes and maybe he'll just leave with my book and come back who knows when. I don't trust him.
I told him I'll check at work to see if they allow me to make copies.
But on my way back home I was thinking, why would I put the time and effort, and owing my workplace a favor, to help someone I don't even know.
We are not talking about 4 or 6 pages, we are talking about 3 whole chapters, so about 80 pages.
Not to mention that my work situation is not the best, there's an aggressive manager restructuring everything and cutting costs.
So, I said, OK, I could go to the store and make copies, then charge him for them.
But I am pissed. I don't want to spend half an hour in the store making copies. I can see this process repeating itself every time the professor announces a test.
Why would I go through all that for someone I don't even know?
At the same time, I don't want to be petty and maybe one day it will be me needing a favor and someone else would do it for me.
What do you think, and what would you do?
Sorry for the long rant, but it's the kind of dilemma that puzzles me.

[Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ]

I agree with Snerd. This sort of stuff annoys me. From time to time I encounter the same situation. I am in IT and try to keep myself up to date and informed, by purchasing appropriate text books and the software.
Years and years ago I bought the full blown version of Microsoft Visual Basic to use for training and study. I had several people wanting to "borrow and install" it.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

"No" is a complete sentence. Use it.

BTW, physical attributes like colored contacts (they cost the same price as regular ones - and are usually cheaper than glasses IME), gym memberships (if he's at a university, he has access to one there for free) and nice clothes (Goodwill) do not necessarily mean that someone's got money. It may mean that they are creative in getting the things that they need.

And apparently he is, as he's getting you to xerox your book (illegally) for him.

[happyscooter]

I'm with Mich1, that's illegal. Remember in the 80s when cross stitch was popular and people would make copies of each others patterns so they didn't have to buy a book for 1 pattern. Then all of the books had the patterns in color when copiers didn't make color copies. If he truly can't afford it , he needs to speak to the professor.

[Havoc]

I will join the chorus of "no".

You don't know him and certainly don't owe him. I am guessing that everyone knew that they had to get that book when they signed up for the course - I am very aware of how expensive textbooks get, but he should have figured that out before the class started or, at the very least, but the cut-off date for dropping the course and still getting a refund for the class. But, TBH, my guess is that he DID think he had it figured out by the beginning of class. He saw you in the class and figured that he could slide by with befriending you and mooching off of your purchase.

I totally agree with your feelings that it isn't your responsibility to potentially get in trouble at work to help out Freeloader Frank... and that if you do it once, it will lead to a greater comfort level on his part to ask for it again on the subsequent tests.

I would just tell him that you weren't able to copy the book at work for whatever reason (boss saw you starting the copy job, freaked out and gave lecture on company property, the copier broke down and hasn't been replaced, there is a gremlin in the copy room that bites your ankle every time you go in... ) and, when he follows-up with the inevitable "well, lend me the book for a night/few days/rest of the semester and I will make copies", tell him that the book was very expensive for you, being able to study whenever your own busy schedule allows is important to you.... so you don't feel comfortable letting the book out of your sight.

[zibazinski]

NEVER EVER lend your book to ANYONE for ANY reason. Time for you to move to another seat, perhaps in front?

[Deleted]

It really IS copyright infringement and illegal. Just tell the guy no. You don't have to make excuses . . . because then he'll try to object to them. Just say, "I can't do that" and mean it.

[olderburgher]

The answer is tell him: NO! At the very least tell him this is a one time thing so "Don't ask to copy pages when the next 3 chapters test is announced."

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Tell him it isn't happening and to get his own textbook or buy a tape recorder for lectures. You aren't his personal errand girl. let him fail if he doesn't want to even put in the effort of getting his own textbook, not your problem.

Odds are he looked at the price tag and decided he'd take his chances on finding someone to mooch off of and he did. And yes it will continue clear thru the end of class now that he knows he can push you into doing him a "favor".

So tell him now you aren't copying your textbook for him and point him in the direction of the campus bookstore. Don't do it "just this once" because you give people like him an inch and he will take a mile reminding you how you did it "last time" and hoping he'll be able to wear you down again.

[soon2bmomof3]

I agree with the previous posters, just say no and tell him to get his own book.

Regarding the 2012 edition, next time ask the professor if it's ok to use an older edition. Sometimes you can just buy an older edition and download the changes made from the publisher's website.

Geez, I guess I'm 30 years behind...I'm really getting into cross-stitching now.

[michelyn8]

I'm going to second, third, fourth, etc. all of the previous posters - don't make the copies or lend him the book. Do it once and it will become expected the remainder of the class.

Also, I don't know how financial aid works at the school you're attending, but I would expect that the $200 expense for the new book would be less of a burden for him as he should have been able to either charge the cost to his financial aid at the bookstore or he will be reimbursed by financial aid for the costs of class and book. Unless his grant was not enough to cover the expenses of both classes and textbooks in which case he should have done a little more planning with his schedule if he can't afford the out of pocket for his textbooks.

[jarhead1976]

Tell him your SO uses the book during the day/ night class and needs it.

[Phoenix84]

Just say no. It doesn't matter if he can or can't really afford to buy the book on his own, it's not your problem.

You can't judge people's financial situation just based on clothes they wear and the like. He may have had a good job once but lost it, the nice stuff could be gifts from well off relatives or any number of explanations. But none of that matters as the book is your property and your word is final what happens to it.

I'm not even sure an office supply store would make copies of the book as I'm sure that would violate copyright laws. If he really can't afford the book then he needs to talk to the professor.

[zibazinski]

For sure. couldn't afford the $150 calculator DD needed in HS and her teacher had a half dozen that he loaned out. She got to take hers home because I was a teacher and he trusted me/her.

[zibazinski]

But then he will ask her to "lend" him the book so he can make copies. She needs to just say "NO."

[973beachbum]

Jun 15, 2011 8:42:28 GMT -5 @soon2bmomof3 said:

I agree with the previous posters, just say no and tell him to get his own book.

Regarding the 2012 edition, next time ask the professor if it's ok to use an older edition. Sometimes you can just buy an older edition and download the changes made from the publisher's website.

Geez, I guess I'm 30 years behind...I'm really getting into cross-stitching now.

DH teaches at a college and he is not the one who wants the newest edition, the College does. Most professors will even tell you the changes if you ask the first class. BUT they are not allowed to say that on the syllabus as the college would get very mad.

During DH's masters he had a class that was a pure elective and he really didn't care enough about it to buy the brand new edition of the book the bookstore sold for $579.00, when the previous edition was on Amazon.com for $2.79. He told the prof that and the prof just said sounds good to me.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jun 15, 2011 9:50:30 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

But then he will ask her to "lend" him the book so he can make copies. She needs to just say "NO."

yep. Saying no is/was one of the hardest things I've learned to do. On the up side, after saying no repeatedly to my toddlers (and ignoring the temper tantrums which follow) has translated into me being more able to say No at work and stick to it. So Ava, learn to say no and then move on.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

DH teaches at a college and he is not the one who wants the newest edition, the College does. Most professors will even tell you the changes if you ask the first class. BUT they are not allowed to say that on the syllabus as the college would get very mad.

That's what my professors said too, they have no choice about going to the new edition, it's what the college/bookstore want and they have to go with it.

International editions can't always be sold back, but I got my physics textbook WAAAAAAAAAAAY cheaper by purchasing the international edition online as opposed to the American edition.

Exact same book just had "international edition" stamped on the front. $52 as opposed to $297.

[thyme4change]

I would sit in between two people in a totally different part of the room. If he doesn't figure out that hint, you are going to have to say "no." If you want you can say "Sorry, I have someplace to be, every day after class I have to leave immediately." If he sees you 10 minutes later lollygagging around - that is his problem.

[Deleted]

At this point, I think you can't ignore the situation because you already offered to try and get him the copies. I would lie and blame work, but say that you are really sorry, but you aren't going to be able to get away to make the copies for him. Alternately, you can say that the clerk at the copy shop gave you a hard time for violating copyright. I think a small lie is acceptable in this situation.

Tell him sooner rather than later so that he can get another copy from the professor or the library reserves.

I wouldn't make the copies - it is illegal and an unreasonable burden on you. But just because this guy is a jerk and a mooch, doesn't mean you don't owe him an excuse if you previously said you would try to accomodate him.

And then yes, change seats in the classroom.

[thyme4change]

I think you should go a different way. Kick him in the groin, pepper spray him and then tell the police he was threatening to rape you. Immediately after he is released from custody, file a restraining order and every time he gets anywhere near you pull out the paper and yell "300 yards! 300 yards!"

If that doesn't get him off your back, nothing will.

[Poppet]

No way would I play by the rules and let some schmuck mooch off me or walk away with something of mine worth $200 and possibly never return it, damage it so I can't resell it in "like new" condition.

This is not even something I would contemplate for more than 10 seconds.

And yeah, making photo copies of textbooks is illegal, so that makes it really easy to say no.

Not that saying no would be hard to begin with.

Stop wasting your time on this.

[Plain Old Petunia]

Good advice, Thyme! Thanks for the giggles.

[Epiphany]

"I'm sorry, I will not be able to accommodate your request."

Rinse and repeat as necessary.

No reason to lie or go into complicated explanations. No is no.

[cronewitch]

No. No means No. What part of no doesn't he understand.

I would think copying a book would damage the spine besides being illegal. You don't need to explain just say No. No means No. What part of no doesn't he understand?

You don't need excuses, I didn't even tell my ex why I divorced him, if he had been given a reason he would have tried to say I was wrong, he was going to change.

If you feel like explaining just say you can't because it is illegal.

[debtheaven]

If you're not up to the discussion, you can wait until people sit down, and sit in between two people, so he can't sit next to you.

Otherwise, as others have said, "NO". You could say, "I'm sorry, I can't". Or "I'm sorry but you'll have to find another solution." Or "I'm afraid that's not possible / that's impossible." Don't stick around and wait for him to argue with you though.

I have a little "trick" I use when strangers annoy me by asking me for something. "No thank you". Because they are ASKING for something rather than OFFERING something, they tend to get pretty confused, and just go away.

[Waffle]

I (surprise, surprise) agree with everybody who is telling you to say no.

Once you get the hang of it, you'll be surprised how easy it is and how rarely anyone even asks for an explanation.

But since you did agree at first to do it and now are going to tell him no (at least I hope that's what you're going to do), if he asks why - just tell him you changed your mind. You can soften it, if you must with "Sorry".

Ava - please come back and tell us what you did.

[thyme4change]

If you say it in some off-kilter way people also get confused. For example:

"Dude - that ain't gonna happen. Your gonna have to find another way."

[rmtvbrooks]

I agree that you just need to tell him no, but if he won't listen, print this out and give it to him:

www.lib.purdue.edu/uco/CopyrightBasics/penalties.html

There are pretty stiff penalties for copyright infringement. Even if you liked the guy (which you obviously don't), it wouldn't be worth the risk to your financial future, not to mention the possibility of jail. If he still keeps harassing you about it, there should be some sort of complaints board or office on your campus you can report him to (usually through Student Affairs). You might want to still consider that, because he may just move on from you to someone else.

[debtheaven]

Other solution: tell him if he's having financial problems, you'd be happy to take his resumé to your employer. I'm pretty sure he'll run LOL. (This is not a reflexion on your employer, but on this guy being a mooch.)