thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 15, 2011 14:07:42 GMT -5
It is highly likely he will move onto someone else. I doubt this narcissist creep has any interest in anyone personally, but only what he can take them for. The sooner you make yourself impenetrable, he will find someone else.
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Post by debtheaven on Jun 15, 2011 14:09:37 GMT -5
I agree with Thyme. The sooner you tell him no, the faster he'll move onto somebody else.
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moneymaven
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Post by moneymaven on Jun 15, 2011 14:44:44 GMT -5
Don't give him anything but a stern HELL NO. Rinse and repeat as necessary.
As a business student, I easily spent $150-$200 on every textbook in my upper division courses. I would have been angry if someone tried to mooch on my time and money like that.
Again, HELL NO.
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AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP
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Post by AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP on Jun 15, 2011 15:32:04 GMT -5
You don't need a reason to say, "No".
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 15, 2011 15:32:04 GMT -5
If you know his phone number, I would send him a text.
First off, you want to pretend to give him enough time to figure out another solution. But also, if you aren't up for confrontation, a text might be a decent out.
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Mardi Gras Audrey
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Post by Mardi Gras Audrey on Jun 15, 2011 16:41:15 GMT -5
You agreed to do it already and the test is Monday? When is the last class before the test and did you say you would get it done by a specific time? If not, wait until the last class before the test and when he comes to you thinking you will have the papers, tell him you didn't have time to do it (or forgot) and are really busy so you can't do it then. This will ensure that he has to suffer from his own lack of planning ahead (and attempting to mooch) and make him think that you are a total flake (This is a good thing because then he will leave you alone). This comes from my passive-aggressive guide to life.
ETA: It also helps you avoid confrontation, as it seems like you just can't be counted on to get it done because you will forget.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 15, 2011 16:44:45 GMT -5
ROFL - I bet you would sell a million copies if you could write it funny enough.
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Ava
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Post by Ava on Jun 15, 2011 16:54:16 GMT -5
Thanks everybody for all the awesome replies. Thyme, you made me laugh! I was caught in the moment and didn't know what to say, so I told him I'll try. But I also told him I wasn't sure I could do it. When he asked to borrow the book, I flat out said no. It's true that some characteristics are evident in people, and you can see he's trying to get things for free and that he has a narcissistic personality. Like I said, I don't know the guy, not even his name. We have a class tomorrow and the test is Monday. Tomorrow I'll tell him my employer didn't allow me to make copies, and the store clerk told me it was illegal. Sorry, cannot help you and leave it at that. I'll probably have to move seats to get away from him, but it's difficult because the class is overbooked and every seat is taken. Anyway, if I still get stuck next to him, I'll be pleasant but distant. No need to be nasty with him. But, really, you guys have no idea how much your support means to me. I live alone, I'm alone in this country, and sometimes I don't know where to look for help with a problem or a situation like this. I am so glad I can come to YM and count on all of you. I'll be thinking of you guys tomorrow when I tell him "no".
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Jun 15, 2011 17:19:53 GMT -5
Reading your message, I immediately think "Hell no, that's illegal and I paid $200 for this book. You can do the same." But if this happened to me, I would probably mutter something like "Uh, hmm, uh" and not know what to say. I have a ridiculous desire to please people, it is one of those things about myself I would like to change. I don't like confrontation either, even if I believe I am solidly in the right. So I'm glad you have gotten the support you need to say "no". Or, you can offer to sell him the book for $250.
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MN-Investor
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Post by MN-Investor on Jun 15, 2011 17:27:49 GMT -5
Say yes - you use your own time to break the law for a person whose name you don't even know.
Say no - you save yourself time, you don't break the law, and the annoying fellow student probably leaves you alone for the rest of the class.
I don't see a downside to saying no.
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greenstone
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Post by greenstone on Jun 15, 2011 17:34:50 GMT -5
Reading your message, I immediately think "Hell no, that's illegal and I paid $200 for this book. You can do the same." But if this happened to me, I would probably mutter something like "Uh, hmm, uh" and not know what to say. I have a ridiculous desire to please people, it is one of those things about myself I would like to change. I don't like confrontation either, even if I believe I am solidly in the right. This describes me so well also. I am trying to train myself, especially at work, to stop peppering my speech with deferential words like "sorry". Saying "Sorry, I couldn't help you." sounds polite to me, but to a domineering type person it sounds weak and is an opening to push for more from you.
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Ava
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Post by Ava on Jun 15, 2011 17:51:00 GMT -5
greenstone is right. If you sound weak it makes some people think you'll give up and they'll keep pestering you. Overall I am assertive but sometimes you have so much going on that you can't be always at the top of your game. That's when you come here to get some support
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seriousthistime
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Post by seriousthistime on Jun 15, 2011 20:44:12 GMT -5
I had a similar situation in grad school. The books were so ridiculously expensive that I would get the book list on the classes I was going to take and started combing the campus bookstores by July 15. Once the students hit town in August it was futile to try to buy a used book in good condition. Mostly it worked out. One time I was in class and when the professor mentioned something in the book that I hadn't read, I asked to see my classmate's book. Sure enough, they came out with a new edition at the last minute. And I'd paid $40 for my used book and now was faced with $80 for the new one. I limped along for a couple of weeks (trying to get the material off a free database) and then finally realized I had to buy the new book because I couldn't anticipate what the professor would talk about. He would skip pages and then jump into a new section, and who can plan that much in advance? So, two things. First, I realized that every textbook they use is in the campus library, at least one copy and possibly more. And second, stress has a cost. My stress level in not knowing what to expect and putting my grade in jeopardy was priceless, as they say -- $40 plus $80. I bought the damn new edition and Ace'd the class.
So tell your classmate that you feel for him but you can't help him out. And that if he checks the library he can probably find the book there AND they have copy machines so if the library won't circulate the book he can copy it as he sees fit.
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Post by lulubean on Jun 15, 2011 21:42:30 GMT -5
Maybe photocopy it for yourself and then sell it to him for a hunnert.
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Catseye
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Post by Catseye on Jun 15, 2011 22:15:06 GMT -5
Oh, Naggie, a hundred is too much. I'd charge him a dollar a page. 80 pages, 80 bucks. Wait a minute, what about labor costs? Yeah, okay, tack on another $20. Works for me.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jun 15, 2011 22:59:39 GMT -5
Ava, just say NO!
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jun 16, 2011 1:04:50 GMT -5
Just say "NO" to thugs.
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Post by stl76 on Jun 16, 2011 10:02:59 GMT -5
"Tomorrow I'll tell him my employer didn't allow me to make copies, and the store clerk told me it was illegal. Sorry, cannot help you and leave it at that."
It sounds like you were caught off guard when he first asked. I would say you will not have time to do it and leave it at that. If you give too much information, he will have a come back. If you say the store clerk said it was illegal, he may come back with he will do it and you can go with him, or whatever. People like that always have a come back. You may get caught off guard again.
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Clever Username
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Post by Clever Username on Jun 16, 2011 12:11:36 GMT -5
Illicheme, remember Dr Z? "I guess I need to make a new edition!"
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mithrin
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Post by mithrin on Jun 16, 2011 13:18:53 GMT -5
DH teaches at a college and he is not the one who wants the newest edition, the College does. Most professors will even tell you the changes if you ask the first class. BUT they are not allowed to say that on the syllabus as the college would get very mad.That's what my professors said too, they have no choice about going to the new edition, it's what the college/bookstore want and they have to go with it. International editions can't always be sold back, but I got my physics textbook WAAAAAAAAAAAY cheaper by purchasing the international edition online as opposed to the American edition. Exact same book just had "international edition" stamped on the front. $52 as opposed to $297. I teach at a university. The explanation our bookstore gives us for not allowing us to use the older editions as the official textbook for the class is that the publishers stop supporting the old edition as soon as the new one comes out. So while older versions might be readily available on Amazon and other used outlets, they are not available for the University Bookstore to get copies through their regular channels. They don't want professors to require books that the Bookstore can't stock, so they require us to use the newer edition. Fortunately, the text I'm using this summer has been out for several years so there are plenty of used ones available. I even emailed my students a week before class started with the textbook info so they could order it online and have it shipped in time.
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Ava
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Post by Ava on Jun 16, 2011 20:14:16 GMT -5
Just to give you guys an update, so the story has a beginning, a middle and an end. I went to class today, came back home a few minutes ago. The guy probably realized I wasn't going to do it, and sweet-talked a girl from the class who went with him somewhere, and they came back with photocopies. All this happened while I was arriving to school. So, if I had made copies for him, he probably wouldn't even pay me for them. He caught me off guard when he asked, I never expected someone to ask for something like that. Now he's taking advantage of someone else and I am back to my solitary ways, as it should be. Thanks for all the support, it is greatly appreciated.
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Waffle
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Post by Waffle on Jun 16, 2011 20:22:40 GMT -5
Thanks for the update. Glad it ended so easily for you.
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Post by sisterinhk on Jun 17, 2011 8:32:27 GMT -5
This message has been deleted.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 17, 2011 11:18:30 GMT -5
Never go to a second location with a narcissist.
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