The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[zbear]

Hi ladies I'm a lurker from the other board and decided this was a good time to finally join in.

I am almost 23 weeks right now and have a terrible cold. The safe meds list from the doctor includes sudafed, does that sound right to you guys? My preference is just not take anything right now so I'm just using saline to help with the congestion, I just thought sudafed was weird since it's pseudoephedrine? Plus I thought I read no ephedrine while pregnant? I don't know, just confused.

So exciting all the talk of books and baby showers, did you guys read to the baby in utero? Or play any music? I have a couple of baby showers coming up, probbaly in March since I'm due early May.

Good luck at your appt regina!

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sudafed and ephedrine are NOT the same thing. Pesudoephedrine is quite different which is why it takes a bazillion packages of it to make meth.

NOT that I have made it, that is not how I know, it's the state laws limiting how many packages I can buy in a month. Considering the number it must take a lot of packets.

[moneymaven]

zbear - welcome! I had a terrible cold about the same time in my pregnancy (I am 33 weeks). I took Tylenol cold and sinus for the work day, and it helped a ton. I also took Robotussin at night and still sleep with a humidifier every night, thanks to the congestion of pregnancy. My doctor also gave me the OK for sudafed, but I avoided it because I don't take it when not pregnant and don't know what my reaction was going to be.

DH plays music for the baby and I read to him out loud. No special baby books or anything - just whatever I am reading.

[regina24601]

Welcome, zbear! Sudafed was also on my approved list of meds, along with Robitussin and some others that I can't remember now. I know it's not on all approved lists, so I tried all of the others first to see if they would help. When they didn't, I went with Sudafed, and it cleared me up. 39+ weeks, and LMSK seems to be okay (I guess I need to actually have her here with me to confirm it, but all seems to be on track). Do whatcha gotta do - and check with your dr if you want to make sure your list is up to date. Good luck - and feel better!

[eternal sunshine]

drama - I hear what you are saying, truly, but I just can't accept that I have no responsibility for what happens while I'm gone.

Like insurance said, I am loathe to come back to such a mess. I really want to take 10 - 12 weeks, but if there is no adequate replacement I may be back in 6 weeks like it or not.

The work is not something that can just wait until I get back and it is pretty specialized with lots of gov't rules and regs (I'm in insurance too lol....it is creepy how alike we are). The fall out from me being out for 12 weeks with no adequate replacement would be substantial to say the least.

UGH!!

[kristi28]

About books: We really liked "but not the hippopotamus", "sheep in a jeep", and "is your momma a llama". Our PAT lady said that little kids like the sound of rhythmic books and rhyming words. All three of those are available as board books. "brown bear brown bear" is also a classic board book. Dr Seuss is also really good for when they are young enough not to rip the pages. They have the same rhythm and rhymes for your LO and are a tiny bit more intellectual for mom and dad.

If you can get imagination library by where you live, they are a great source of good books. For those that don't know, they send your child a book every month from birth to 5 years. It is free of cost to you, and paid for by a foundation (Dolly Parton) and a local charitable or school group (here it is united way). We haven't loved them all, but I would say that about 80% of what we have gotten so far have been great.

A shameless plug: if you have Parents as Teachers (PAT) available in your area, consider giving it a try. They have educators who come out to your house to show you fun things to do with your child and they do periodic checks to make sure that your LO is developing properly.

[eternal sunshine]

Someone was asking about baby showers. I have one next weekend (Jan 16). I'll be about 31.5 weeks. I have another on Feb 12 (much smaller with just friends) and I'll be 35.5 weeks. Hope I'm not too uncomfortable by then, but since it is a small group of friends, it shouldn't be a big deal.

[moneymaven]

eternal - OMG - the plot thickens!! what type of insurance do you do?

[eternal sunshine]

insurance - trust me...I've shed my share of tears over my situation too. *hugs*

[eternal sunshine]

insurance - health....I am not comfortable saying more than that online.

[kristi28]

drama: Glad to hear that you were able to get Gwen shifted a little bit more. With a couple more nights of this, you may have her on a schedule that is more acceptable to you. Good luck; a decent night sleep seems to make everything go just a little better.

insurance and eternal: do your best with work, but know your limits. You can make yourself sick trying to do so much more than you are capable of (I know - I did and it wasn't pretty) and then you aren't doing anybody any good. Make sure that you are getting the support that you need both at work and at home, especially after the LO is here. You were upfront with everyone about your pregnancy; it isn't fair of your superiors to expect you to just "figure it out" when they drop the ball on your replacements.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I am just saying no job is worth making yourself that sick over, especially when it is thru no fault of your own. You are doing everything you are supposed to be doing, it's your bosses that are seriously dropping the ball.

I understand not wanting to come back to a mess, but you also don't want to be so exhausted you can't see straight by the time it comes to give birth.

I did exactly that and I made things a lot more difficult on myself and Gwen than I needed to. I had a smooth L&D but I was sick, made her sick in turn (she had a 104 temp when born), I wasn't prepared physically because my body was so worn out. I had to completely change my plans because of working myself sick and tired.

I don't mind it because I still had an uber smooth labor, but 20/20 hindsight I could have done a lot more damage to myself and to her by being as obessesed as I was about not leaving a mess when I left, about getting it all done before I left blah blah.

I'm the only employee here. If I am not doing the work NOTHING gets done, it just sits here. I didn't even have a replacement.

I would not have been near as miserable as I was the last few weeks if I had realized much sooner that it is not my job to make my boss' job easier. It is my job to make MY JOB easier and that the lab was not going to go to hell in a handbasket because I wasn't spending every waking hour trying to get the HPLC work done.

The company ran before you were there, it will run while you are on leave. Keep telling yourself that.

You can't do anything about the temp and what is going on there. Try to control what you can actually control and not stress about the rest (easier said than done, I know).

It does suck about the leave, that is unfortunate.

[gardenergirl]

jenna30 - I think it's great you are reading to baby E every day! I was fortunate to get a lot of books for Olivia from our first baby shower. That and whenever I found a book in a store that was a classic or one I read as a kid I would get it because I knew I would want to read it to my kids one day!

Among my favorites we have: "Three Little Kids" popup book, "The Grouchy Ladybuy", "Goodnight Moon", "three little pigs" popup book, "Where the Sidewalk Ends" lots of little stories/poems in this book - not good for pics but if you want to just read to baby E this is a good/silly book. DH bought Olivia a book called "Night of the Bedbugs." I was skeptical because of the title, but it's a very cute and colorful book!

drama - I was going to suggest Amazon but you found them, I love Amazon!

zbear - welcome! I took Tylenol Cold and Sinus for colds when I was pregnant. It was the only thing on my OK list from the doc.

[moneymaven]

I hear you both. I feel a sense of responsibility in this case simply because it's basically the only way I can halfway ensure that I have a job to come back to. If I tell them to stick it where the sun doesn't shine, I wouldn't allow me back either. My bosses have both been great about my pregnancy and have been very supportive of my leave in general. I am sure they won't want me to do more than I should either, but we're all in this stinky boat together.

eternal - No problem. I do commercial insurance.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Just to throw it out there but have you and eternal actually TALKED to your bosses?

I had myself in a tizzy till I actually talked to my boss and he looked at me like I had three heads! So we sat down together and he actually outlined what he hoped I would accomplish and I told him where I was at.

Turns out he expected a lot less of me than I expected from myself. I had made the job int something 20 times harder than he expected me to accomplish in nine months.

I don't know if your bosses are approachable like that or not, but if you two are crying and making yourselves sick over your jobs it's at least worth trying.


And I am not saying tell them to stick it where the sun don't shine. I am saying do the best you can without causing yourself ot become a basket case and let the rest of the pieces fall where they may.

You cannot control if they hire your temp, when they hire your temp, if she gets another job.

You CAN make sure that she is trained and you have as much as you can get done, done so you don't come back to total chaos.

But as far as what happens the day you go into labor and for those 6-12 weeks, that is on their heads. If they haven't gotten the ball rolling on the temp and she gets another job that is not YOUR problem.

You did your job, you trained her. What happens after that is out of your control and not something you should stress so much about.

[moneymaven]

I haven't spoken with them yet because my assistant (and friend) hasn't given her notice to the company yet. I only know because she didn't want me freak out with them. I think she'll be giving notice today or tomorrow, so I will talk to them when that happens.

I know them so well (almost too well) and the organization so well (I helped them start this company 4 years ago and have been here for every waking moment) that I can anticipate the reaction. I'll be delighted to be wrong.

[eternal sunshine]

drama - yes I have...she expects almost more than I can deliver and has outright said "You can't leave without a trained replacement, that should be your priority."

And as far as the company running without me....sadly....nope it didn't run before I got here. I have been here since the inception of this contract and all of the work processes that I perform were thought of and implemented by me and me alone. Literally NO ONE knows how to do my job. Scary!! This is the only contract in the company that uses our computer system. When the contract started there were 3 of us...we divided the work and then never looked back for a year. Now the contract has exploded and we have some more people, but none of them have the background in the regs to know all the ins and outs. The other 2 girls with the experience each have their third of the picture to worry about and cannot handle theirs and mine.

I will be going on mat leave one way or another, luckily I am covered by FMLA so I can't be let go, but I can be made to be miserable when I get back.

[eternal sunshine]

drama - I'm a crier...so that is gonna happen. I just feel a heightened sense of responsibility for things and whether I should or not is debatable. I'm just venting. Honestly...I'm going on leave and I will enjoy the time with my son.

In my opinion, worst case scenerio, I will offer to work from home and they can be responsible for making sure my home office is acceptable. if they won't take me up on that offer, then no skin off my nose....must not be too important.

I've already discussed with DH that I am applying for new jobs as soon as baby Cole is born.

I do have anxiety about how stressful my next 10 weeks will be. I hate the idea of being so stressed all the way to D day.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Wow eternal. I'd be tempted to go for broke and tell her that I DID train my replacement, you are the idiot who couldn't get your act in gear before she went someplace else.

Yikes.

At least try to relax at home then, make DH do the chores while you take a bath or something. It's not good or healthy to be that stressed and if you can't avoid it at work you need to minimize the stress elsewhere.

[eternal sunshine]

drama - I have already indicated that if they don't offer the girl I'm training now a perm position before she finds somewhere else to go I will be unable to satisfactorily train someone else. And, if my work gets shuffled around sloppily for 12 weeks I don't think I can handle the stress of coming back to it with a newborn at home.

I haven't directly said that I wouldn't come back..but I definately insinuated it. My boss knows my intention is to work after Cole is born but I've made it clear that atleast 10 weeks of leave is the minimum I will accept for myself (and legally I am entitled) and that I won't sacrifice the care of my son or my sanity when I do return to work by returning to a high stress environment. I think any full time job with a 10-12 week old is already high stress enough

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

And, if my work gets shuffled around sloppily for 12 weeks I don't think I can handle the stress of coming back to it with a newborn at home

If that happens take it one step at a time. It'll still suck majorly but pretty much all you can do is put one foot forward at a time.

It's taken me till now to get fully caught up from where I was at before I went on maternity leave. It's frustrating but I am only one human being.

I do have an advantage in that I am the only employee meaning I am hte only one who can do the work, so they can't get rid of me. Downside is I am the only employee so I do all the work!

[regina24601]

We have progress!! Just got back from my appointment. I'm 75% effaced and 3 cm dilated. LMSK is very much head down still and measuring right on track. I really like my new doctor, so that made me feel better (and DH - he came with me today to meet her). Since I'm progressing already, she went ahead and stripped my membranes. If nothing happens by my appointment next week, we'll go ahead and schedule an induction, probably for the end of next week, since she feels comfortable that I'm a good candidate for induction.

Oh wow...if I go into labor on my own, I will be the MIRACLE story in my family! Otherwise, it's good to know my LO could be here in as little as 8 days' time!!

[moneymaven]

regina - that's great news! I am so excited for you! wishing you an easy delivery.

[Deleted]

Can anyone recommend some good children's books?

I think it depends a little on the age. When DS was around a year he really enjoyed Baby Boo, Superhero Me, Goodnight Gorilla, I love you through and through, Where's my Mommy?, and any sort of books with labels and textures like the Cats book with flaps, buttons and tails.

He just turned two and his current favorites are a Children's collection of songs, My Daddy is a Giant, Daddy Hugs, All the World (which does a lovely and subtle job of showing interracial families), Bee Bim Bop, Babies can't Eat Kimchi, the Wizard and Otis.

DS really enjoys being read to. It was pretty discouraging for awhile because he wasn't into it when the other kids were. DH and I have encouraged his sense that reading is really important and great by dropping whatever we are doing to read to DS. We have books for him literally everywhere in the house and if he brings us one we stop playing on the computer, reading the newspaper, even cleaning! and read it to him.

[Deleted]

welcome z-bear!

gusita and regina - sounds like you guys are so close!

eternal and sunshine - hope your work situations improve.

[Sam_2.0]

AHHHHH! Gusita & Regina - I can't believe how close both of you are! Can't wait to hear that both of your LO's are here

[jenna30]

I admit.. I was freaking out about my water breaking during my last week or so. I was sitting on towels when I was home. I would also keep an eye out while in the shower.

[ladyki]

Zbear- welcome and my docotr told me sudafed was okay while pregnant. Hope you feel better . The only thing I took when I had a cold while pregnant was tylenol. I remebred eating lots of peppermint candy because it really helped my throat feel less scratchy.

Regina- wohoooo!!!! How exciting, hopefully you will go in to labor on your own. I was not dialated at all when I went in to my last appoitment. I started dialating on Saturday morning, my water broke in the afternoon and I had Kiani on Sunday morning.

[gusitarenker]

Zbear-Sudafed is on my safe list of meds too from the sheet my doctor gave me. Congrats on your pregnancy!

Eternal-If you are covered under FMLA, I say take your max of time and say screw it. If you come back to a mess, you come back to a mess. You'll only have this time with your baby one time. I'm sorry, but if your work is that essential to the company, they will figure out a way to get it taken care of. I find it hard to believe they would just let everything you do go while you are gone.

Insurance-Working from home is not maternity leave! You need that time to recover, bond, and just enjoy your baby. I don't think it's fair of your employer to put you in that position. Can't one of the owners cover what you do?

Regina-YAY!!!! That is awesome, just awesome! Glad to hear you are making so much progress and that you and DH like your new doctor. Come on baby LMSK! Wouldn't it be crazy if our little ones were born on the same day? It has helped me so much psychologically to have a definite end date.

I've had some irregular contractions last night and today, but nothing timeable/remotely regular. I did however get the house nice and clean last night and today! I got the bathroom tile grout scrubbed and the baseboards wiped down, while bouncing around the house on my exercise ball. DH and I are hitting up the grocery store tonight to get that out of the way.

[gusitarenker]

MoneyJenny-Congrats on your pregnancy!

Taz-I was so wiped out during the first trimester. I think the fatigue was worse than the morning sickness for me, but neither was pleasant. Hope you get to feeling better soon!

Stina-Yikes, sorry you had such a bad reaction yesterday! Glad you are okay now. I think putting aside $10 every paycheck for diapers is a great idea! I have about a 6 month stash. I would say about 3/4 was gifted to me and I got the other 1/4 by couponing when there was a killer deal.

Gardener-Boo, I'm sorry your favorite store is closing! That bites.

kgb-Glad your new job is going good! I think it sounds so exciting!

Ladyki-Good luck on trying to conceive! Lots of baby dust to you and your DH!

Econ-WOW, I can't believe your little Maggie 3.5 weeks old! That's crazy, time is just flying.

Jenna-I hope you are feeling better from your c-section!

Drama-I hope your tea works for you! I hate herbal tea; the only kind of tea I can drink is insanely sugary sweet tea (not that good for you, but oh so yummy!)