TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on May 26, 2022 19:23:59 GMT -5
Might I add grief counseling for your DH, drama? No doubt some of his issues are grief related but not all of them.
Dealing with the grief issues might be a patchwork until more in depth counseling comes in to play.
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CCL
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Post by CCL on May 26, 2022 21:14:12 GMT -5
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on May 27, 2022 7:30:46 GMT -5
Drama I have nothing to add, but I am sorry you are going through this.
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finnime
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Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
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Post by finnime on May 27, 2022 16:02:19 GMT -5
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on May 28, 2022 21:59:10 GMT -5
No advice, drama, but thinking about you. I missed seeing that your MIL died, so also, my sympathies to you and your DH.
I’ll echo others posters who said that what is “normal” for grief ranges all over the place, but there’s never an excuse to use your grief as a reason to cause pain for others.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on May 29, 2022 9:29:12 GMT -5
Random - if anyone else has been wanting but putting off period undies - Target has them for $17 a pair in store (at least they are at mine).
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 29, 2022 9:32:20 GMT -5
Random - if anyone else has been wanting but putting off period undies - Target has them for $17 a pair in store (at least they are at mine). I got a couple pairs a few months ago because mine occasionally tries to reappear and I never know when. I was surprised they are quite comfortable. Not convinced they would have worked for my teen periods BUT these would have been so awesome as back up to avoid embarrassing leaks. Trying to convince Gwen to try them when she starts. I said you're going to be unpredictable and these are handy even if you keep a pair in your backpack to change.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on May 29, 2022 9:37:52 GMT -5
Random - if anyone else has been wanting but putting off period undies - Target has them for $17 a pair in store (at least they are at mine). I got a couple pairs a few months ago because mine occasionally tries to reappear and I never know when. I was surprised they are quite comfortable. Not convinced they would have worked for my teen periods BUT these would have been so awesome as back up to avoid embarrassing leaks. Trying to convince Gwen to try them when she starts. I said you're going to be unpredictable and these are handy even if you keep a pair in your backpack to change. Agreed very comfortable. Way better than pads. I bought the heavy flow that holds 5 tampons and am using them with a menstrual cup because I leak out of those repeatedly in the first 24 hours. It's the first time in years I haven't woken up to a copious amounts of laundry during my period.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 29, 2022 9:44:51 GMT -5
I got a couple pairs a few months ago because mine occasionally tries to reappear and I never know when. I was surprised they are quite comfortable. Not convinced they would have worked for my teen periods BUT these would have been so awesome as back up to avoid embarrassing leaks. Trying to convince Gwen to try them when she starts. I said you're going to be unpredictable and these are handy even if you keep a pair in your backpack to change. Agreed very comfortable. Way better than pads. I bought the heavy flow that holds 5 tampons and am using them with a menstrual cup because I leak out of those repeatedly in the first 24 hours. It's the first time in years I haven't woken up to a copious amounts of laundry during my period. Not having to change my bedsheets constantly would have been a God send. I ruined so many pairs of pajamas and that was with wearing diaper level overnight pads. So many options nowadays. I wander in the aisle like a kid in a candy store. I told Gwen she can't comprehend how mind blowing this is for me.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 29, 2022 10:06:52 GMT -5
A bit of an update. I had a massive tantrum and laid it out.
He finally went to the EAP which based on what he's told me they pretty much were like "Dude she's going to divorce you" and hearing that from a professional has shaken him up.
Wish hearing it from me would have been enough but whatever. He has several more sessions through them and it'll go from there.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on May 30, 2022 17:18:19 GMT -5
Drama - you're braver than me. I can't bring myself to bring up our issues.
Was hoping for a reset while the girls and I were away for the long weekend. We left mid-day Thurs and returned this afternoon. 4 days completely by himself and clearly nothing was done around the house. I wasn't expecting a miracle but I was kinda hoping not to see his dishes in the sink or laundry on the floor.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 31, 2022 16:39:31 GMT -5
It'd be better if I tackled it before I get to exploding but it's hard to do when you've been conditioned to think the way you keep going with a stiff upper lip is a good thing.
I realize now being complimented constantly on being mature as a kid wasn't actually a compliment and I missed a lot of emotional development because of that. I never dealt with.shit because according to the adults I was already in control and didn't want to lose the praise.
Who needs therapy when.Google listens to everything you say?
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finnime
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Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
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Post by finnime on Jun 4, 2022 7:14:59 GMT -5
Study says more than 2/3 parents report parental burnout: Study. How about you?
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Jun 8, 2022 7:49:44 GMT -5
Study says more than 2/3 parents report parental burnout: Study. How about you? YES!
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Jun 13, 2022 6:51:46 GMT -5
DD13 is on her DC trip. DD9 said she missed her and asked to use my phone to text. Their convo...
DD9 - sissy you smell like <poop emoji> DD13 - that's because I eat it DD13 - yummy, yummy, yummy DD9 - good night DD13 - night
DD9 handed the phone back and said she felt much better.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jun 13, 2022 7:05:07 GMT -5
Dd hairs has become a battle and we are losing. Every time I think I've found the thing to keep it manageable we miss 1 session and we're back to knots. We spent hours on it yesterday to get it from matted to just knotted. But many, many more hours will be spent to actually get through it and we may still have to cut some out. She's agreed to cut it to shoulder length once we actually get through the current tangles, and I'm hoping that really will be the fix.
Her hair is fine, stick straight, and ridiculously thick. It isn't your typical hard to manage hair. But she's incredibly tender headed and if we don't get through it twice a day and braid it she has knots that start to take over.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jun 14, 2022 11:32:19 GMT -5
I went to the gynecologist today about my iron levels. Somehow I was scheduled with a midwife which seemed a little odd. We talked about options to reduce my period. Nothing about what the cause might be and I don't know that the cause matters? but it's a brand new doctor and I guess it just all seemed a little weird. All my paps have been normal and this is all happening because my new doctor cares that my iron levels are low, not because anything has actually changed.
I don't want to take daily pills or do depo again. So I'm looking at an iud, nuvaring, or the ablation. They're supposed to call me to schedule a consult with the surgeon for the ablation. She confirmed that won't start hormonal menopause. And I'll look at the other 2. I'm sure the iud would be pretty easy once inserted and nuvaring seems simple enough although we didn't talk much about that one. It seems like that one I'm most likely to still have periods, just lighter ones.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 14, 2022 12:07:52 GMT -5
I went to the gynecologist today about my iron levels. Somehow I was scheduled with a midwife which seemed a little odd. We talked about options to reduce my period. Nothing about what the cause might be and I don't know that the cause matters? but it's a brand new doctor and I guess it just all seemed a little weird. All my paps have been normal and this is all happening because my new doctor cares that my iron levels are low, not because anything has actually changed. I don't want to take daily pills or do depo again. So I'm looking at an iud, nuvaring, or the ablation. They're supposed to call me to schedule a consult with the surgeon for the ablation. She confirmed that won't start hormonal menopause. And I'll look at the other 2. I'm sure the iud would be pretty easy once inserted and nuvaring seems simple enough although we didn't talk much about that one. It seems like that one I'm most likely to still have periods, just lighter ones. I have a Mirena and mine have stopped completely. I've heard mixed reviews regarding periods on Paragaurd which is the non-hormonal one. A coworker of mine has the ring. She likes that she doesn't have to worry about a daily pill and it's a pretty low dose of localized hormones so you don't get all the side effects you get with the pill. She said hers have gotten lighter and more consistent since she started using it.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jun 14, 2022 12:13:12 GMT -5
I went to the gynecologist today about my iron levels. Somehow I was scheduled with a midwife which seemed a little odd. We talked about options to reduce my period. Nothing about what the cause might be and I don't know that the cause matters? but it's a brand new doctor and I guess it just all seemed a little weird. All my paps have been normal and this is all happening because my new doctor cares that my iron levels are low, not because anything has actually changed. I don't want to take daily pills or do depo again. So I'm looking at an iud, nuvaring, or the ablation. They're supposed to call me to schedule a consult with the surgeon for the ablation. She confirmed that won't start hormonal menopause. And I'll look at the other 2. I'm sure the iud would be pretty easy once inserted and nuvaring seems simple enough although we didn't talk much about that one. It seems like that one I'm most likely to still have periods, just lighter ones. I have a Mirena and mine have stopped completely. I've heard mixed reviews regarding periods on Paragaurd which is the non-hormonal one. A coworker of mine has the ring. She likes that she doesn't have to worry about a daily pill and it's a pretty low dose of localized hormones so you don't get all the side effects you get with the pill. She said hers have gotten lighter and more consistent since she started using it. The non hormonal iud isn't an option since it wouldn't lighten my periods. There are smaller ones I could use and just get it changed more often but I don't think those are different hormone levels so no reason to do it. I'm leaning toward ablation so I wouldnt have to deal with any hormones although I struggle to make such finite decisions.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jun 14, 2022 13:05:30 GMT -5
I let the kids bike to the grocery store alone to buy chocolate chips for muffins. Ds didn't want to, but when I told dd she could go alone he decided he'd go too.
They're plenty old enough, we've just hovered so much because of ds diabetes, but we can't use that excuse forever.
I'm sure my actual parenting is a almost a full 180 from how I thought I'd parent.
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stillmovingforward
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Hanging on by a thread
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Post by stillmovingforward on Jun 14, 2022 22:53:37 GMT -5
Dd hairs has become a battle and we are losing. Every time I think I've found the thing to keep it manageable we miss 1 session and we're back to knots. We spent hours on it yesterday to get it from matted to just knotted. But many, many more hours will be spent to actually get through it and we may still have to cut some out. She's agreed to cut it to shoulder length once we actually get through the current tangles, and I'm hoping that really will be the fix. Her hair is fine, stick straight, and ridiculously thick. It isn't your typical hard to manage hair. But she's incredibly tender headed and if we don't get through it twice a day and braid it she has knots that start to take over. Does it run dry? If so, maybe try a light coconut oil (like the cooking kind from Costco) or good quality olive oil. Coat your hand with a light sheen of it and run it through her hair once you get it detangled. Then do that every day or so. 3 of mine swear by it! Only 1 of those 3 has straight thick hair though. The other 2, super strong and curly.
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raeoflyte
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Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
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Post by raeoflyte on Jun 15, 2022 7:54:53 GMT -5
Dd hairs has become a battle and we are losing. Every time I think I've found the thing to keep it manageable we miss 1 session and we're back to knots. We spent hours on it yesterday to get it from matted to just knotted. But many, many more hours will be spent to actually get through it and we may still have to cut some out. She's agreed to cut it to shoulder length once we actually get through the current tangles, and I'm hoping that really will be the fix. Her hair is fine, stick straight, and ridiculously thick. It isn't your typical hard to manage hair. But she's incredibly tender headed and if we don't get through it twice a day and braid it she has knots that start to take over. Does it run dry? If so, maybe try a light coconut oil (like the cooking kind from Costco) or good quality olive oil. Coat your hand with a light sheen of it and run it through her hair once you get it detangled. Then do that every day or so. 3 of mine swear by it! Only 1 of those 3 has straight thick hair though. The other 2, super strong and curly. I don't think it's dry. Her hair is perfect and everything I always wanted for my own hair, except that she can't brush through it on her own. I think it's a combination of overly tangly hair and being super sensitive. My mom would never let her hair get messy, but my mom was no nonsense- sit down and rip through it till its done. I don't want it to hurt so start at the bottom and work up pretty slowly. I don't think my way is any better than my moms considering where we're at, but I just can't change I guess. I love coconut oil - for hair and skin, not cooking - so we use quite a bit of it, and olive oil and honey for deep conditioning treatments. We've tried salon deep conditioning treatments and shaved about an inch off the underside of her hair and nothing seems to help for long. Finally the last time we were in the salon the stylist saw what we mean. By the time she had brushed through it all, new knots were forming on the side she started on. That same trip - her hair is perfect and French braided. She slept on it and had wonderful waves the next day - silky smooth can finger comb through it. But that's the day we took her in for her foot and spent the entire day getting supplies/crutches/knee scooter, I was the one getting her physically up and down all day. We just passed out that night without brushing and the next morning it wasn't brushable without a full shower/conditioner/detangling session which I couldn't do on a Monday morning before work. I think that's really where our issues are. Then we start on it that night but it's too painful to get through all the knots so we try not to let it get worse until we can spend a big chunk of time on it. That was the one of the easiest days to see how the cycle starts, but its always something like that. If I could stop trying to let things slide we'd probably be fine, but everyday is pick the highest priority and there's always something not done.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jun 21, 2022 9:09:58 GMT -5
Our elementary school is being closed, not this year but the next. It's too expensive to run the small schools, so the 2 smallest are being combined. I get it, but I was not prepared for all the changes ahead of time. So many teachers and administrators are leaving this year. Dd 4th grade is being combined from 2 classes to 1 because they don't have 2 teachers. We had a new principal and vice principal last year and neither are returning this school year.
I loved the small school atmosphere. I wish that were easier to keep.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Jun 21, 2022 22:32:34 GMT -5
Awww, I am so sorry Rae. That stinks.
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saveinla
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Post by saveinla on Jun 21, 2022 23:13:43 GMT -5
Does it run dry? If so, maybe try a light coconut oil (like the cooking kind from Costco) or good quality olive oil. Coat your hand with a light sheen of it and run it through her hair once you get it detangled. Then do that every day or so. 3 of mine swear by it! Only 1 of those 3 has straight thick hair though. The other 2, super strong and curly. I don't think it's dry. Her hair is perfect and everything I always wanted for my own hair, except that she can't brush through it on her own. I think it's a combination of overly tangly hair and being super sensitive. My mom would never let her hair get messy, but my mom was no nonsense- sit down and rip through it till its done. I don't want it to hurt so start at the bottom and work up pretty slowly. I don't think my way is any better than my moms considering where we're at, but I just can't change I guess. I love coconut oil - for hair and skin, not cooking - so we use quite a bit of it, and olive oil and honey for deep conditioning treatments. We've tried salon deep conditioning treatments and shaved about an inch off the underside of her hair and nothing seems to help for long. Finally the last time we were in the salon the stylist saw what we mean. By the time she had brushed through it all, new knots were forming on the side she started on. That same trip - her hair is perfect and French braided. She slept on it and had wonderful waves the next day - silky smooth can finger comb through it. But that's the day we took her in for her foot and spent the entire day getting supplies/crutches/knee scooter, I was the one getting her physically up and down all day. We just passed out that night without brushing and the next morning it wasn't brushable without a full shower/conditioner/detangling session which I couldn't do on a Monday morning before work. I think that's really where our issues are. Then we start on it that night but it's too painful to get through all the knots so we try not to let it get worse until we can spend a big chunk of time on it. That was the one of the easiest days to see how the cycle starts, but its always something like that. If I could stop trying to let things slide we'd probably be fine, but everyday is pick the highest priority and there's always something not done. Keep braiding her hair everyday- much easier to avoid the tangle and pulling. My dear sis had so much long straight hair that would get tangled easily - my mom or grandma would braid everyday.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Jun 22, 2022 7:19:02 GMT -5
Our elementary school is being closed, not this year but the next. It's too expensive to run the small schools, so the 2 smallest are being combined. I get it, but I was not prepared for all the changes ahead of time. So many teachers and administrators are leaving this year. Dd 4th grade is being combined from 2 classes to 1 because they don't have 2 teachers. We had a new principal and vice principal last year and neither are returning this school year. I loved the small school atmosphere. I wish that were easier to keep. That's rough. Our elementary school has less than 400 students and the building is almost 70 years old. The district policy seems to be that when they rebuild schools they have a capacity of about 1,000 students. I understand the reasoning but, like you, I love the small school atmosphere and I do think it's better for the students. My youngest is heading to 5th grade so won't be affected when the inevitable happens but the thought does make me sad.
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Jun 22, 2022 8:47:50 GMT -5
Our elementary school is being closed, not this year but the next. It's too expensive to run the small schools, so the 2 smallest are being combined. I get it, but I was not prepared for all the changes ahead of time. So many teachers and administrators are leaving this year. Dd 4th grade is being combined from 2 classes to 1 because they don't have 2 teachers. We had a new principal and vice principal last year and neither are returning this school year. I loved the small school atmosphere. I wish that were easier to keep. Our district has been downsizing the past 10-20 years. When I went to school the baby-boomers were about 5 or 6 years ahead of me and there were lots of schools. Every small community on the outskirts of town had their own and there were 6 grade schools in town alone (my town is 25K people) that were K-6th. The Jr. High was centrally located and many kids could walk to school. Now it's so different. All of the outskirts schools have closed (one reopened as a charter), 3 of the 6 grade schools in town are closed and the Jr. High has been made into apartments. So now we have three public grade schools and a middle school that is OUTSIDE OF TOWN...so basically every single 5th-8th grader has to be transported to school. A few charters have started up during all this and the private school has greatly expanded to take in people bailing on the public schools.
I personally loved having my kids at a small Pre-K thru 8th grade Montessori charter. The entire school was maybe 300-400 students and everyone from the school nurse (yes it actually had one) to the secretary and Principal knew my kids well. Very family-like atmosphere. I wouldn't have moved Carrot already in 5th grade if it hadn't been for covid pressures.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Jun 23, 2022 19:56:38 GMT -5
Offered for dd13 to host another large sleepover since the may one was so easy. 8 teens coming plus one little sister to hang out with dd9.
Popcorn, gushers, and watermelon for snacks. Dh is making baked pasta, garlic bread, and a salad for dinner. Cinn rolls for breakfast. Vball net set up. Neighborhood pool down the block.
I've been thinking I need to plan a mom trip with some friends. Then, it occurred to me that I could host my own sleepover. Money I would have spent on lodging could easily cover group takeout. Neighborhood pool, drinks on the deck. We have 5 twin mattresses, a guest king bed, dd13's queen. Dh is taking dd9 on a dad/daughter weekend early August. Dd13 could find a sleepover. Think other moms would be interested or does it sound corny?
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anciana
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Post by anciana on Jun 24, 2022 8:32:00 GMT -5
Offered for dd13 to host another large sleepover since the may one was so easy. 8 teens coming plus one little sister to hang out with dd9. Popcorn, gushers, and watermelon for snacks. Dh is making baked pasta, garlic bread, and a salad for dinner. Cinn rolls for breakfast. Vball net set up. Neighborhood pool down the block. I've been thinking I need to plan a mom trip with some friends. Then, it occurred to me that I could host my own sleepover. Money I would have spent on lodging could easily cover group takeout. Neighborhood pool, drinks on the deck. We have 5 twin mattresses, a guest king bed, dd13's queen. Dh is taking dd9 on a dad/daughter weekend early August. Dd13 could find a sleepover. Think other moms would be interested or does it sound corny? I would have loved that, azucena, as sometimes I just want to hang out with my friends in a comfortable environment and not just go out. And as much as it can be fun to get away for a few days, it can be nice to just stay in town and not have to add the hassle of traveling. Maybe you could ask your friends and see what they'd prefer, and then take turns taking a trip some of the times and a weekend sleepover the others.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Jun 24, 2022 9:28:23 GMT -5
Offered for dd13 to host another large sleepover since the may one was so easy. 8 teens coming plus one little sister to hang out with dd9. Popcorn, gushers, and watermelon for snacks. Dh is making baked pasta, garlic bread, and a salad for dinner. Cinn rolls for breakfast. Vball net set up. Neighborhood pool down the block. I've been thinking I need to plan a mom trip with some friends. Then, it occurred to me that I could host my own sleepover. Money I would have spent on lodging could easily cover group takeout. Neighborhood pool, drinks on the deck. We have 5 twin mattresses, a guest king bed, dd13's queen. Dh is taking dd9 on a dad/daughter weekend early August. Dd13 could find a sleepover. Think other moms would be interested or does it sound corny? The highlighted part sounds really fun. I would not want to sleepover and would prefer just to go home afterward!
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