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Post by Deleted on Aug 4, 2020 8:18:54 GMT -5
I had an epi (planned going in) with both kids. However, my first labor was so ridiculously long that it ended up giving out when it really mattered, so I ended up with getting an episiotomy with just a local and feeling the whole wonderful miracle of life! I always tell my oldest that the last minute of his birth was the worst minute in my life, but immediately followed by the best minute in my life. Recovery was rough after him too. I was pretty sore for a long time.
Now with Carrot. Smooth sailing. They literally had to tell me when he was out because I had no clue. I was feeling great at Target the next day picking out last minute stuff because he was 3 weeks early.
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justme
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Post by justme on Aug 4, 2020 8:40:50 GMT -5
I don't know how it morphed into what it is now, but I'd be money that it's rooted in the idea of a painful childbirth as a punishment for Eve. Though frankly I have no idea if that's actually what the bible says or not, but I'm pretty sure that idea got morphed into the idea that only "good" or "real" women accept the punishment of natural birth.
Though I know at one point it was favored to just knock women out for childbirth so it's a damn tangled route to get to where we are now.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 4, 2020 8:52:52 GMT -5
At the time I liked the way my instructor put it. Basically every intervention increases your chances of more interventions. Not causes, but refusing the first intervention statistically reduced your chances of more serious interventions.
But watching dh apply that logic to his back and joint pain has changed my mind quite a bit. I agonized over getting a steroid injection because I was increasing my chances of future interventions. But I can walk and live my life, so definitely worthwhile intervention, and all that emotional turmoil worrying about it just made one of the worst times of my life even harder.
Now I'd encourage women to read the latest studies (I haven't seen the data) and make their plan on that, knowing that children don't give a fuck about your plans. Welcome to parenthood.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 4, 2020 8:59:24 GMT -5
It took me 4 weeks to recover after C with an epi. No epi with E and I was back to 100% the next day although her labor and delivery were much harder.
It's a wonder we put ourselves through any of it.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Aug 4, 2020 9:05:22 GMT -5
I remember some of those women from my birth class too. One in particular insisting that she would never accept a c-section under any circumstances. I remember thinking "I hope you need one" ... I guess Karma got me because I ended up with an emergency c-section. Because of what happened the first time, my second birth was a planned c-section but my daughter had other plans when I went into labour two weeks early. I got to the hospital and the nurse said "you're here for a VBAC, right?" I replied "I'm here for the drugs" but it was too late. When it was all over I said to the doctor "well, I guess I get to join the smug club now". I definitely heard snickering from some of the nurses!
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 4, 2020 9:25:13 GMT -5
The birthing video we watched was very boulder, Colorado. Mom's naked, hairy legs, no drugs. I just remember one mom in class repeatedly asking/stating, it won't be like that if you get the epidural, right?
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Aug 4, 2020 9:31:00 GMT -5
Two of my close friends in Boulder gave birth at home. One's husband was a doctor and he was present for the other friend's childbirth. The latter was in labor over 60 hours. He kept trying to get her to go to the hospital, but she refused. Baby girl was born healthy and was later joined by a brother.
Yes, I have lots of hippie friends.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Aug 4, 2020 9:49:00 GMT -5
My sister vowed to do it without med for my nephew's birth. She said it couldn't be that bad. I had already had both girls so I just laughed and said "we'll see". She was begging for more drugs and doing all this screaming and just overall really dramatic. I asked her how her "all natural" approach was working out for her. She learned her lesson and went with the drugs right off the bat when she had my niece.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Aug 4, 2020 11:21:45 GMT -5
OMG I'M GOING TO KILL HIM! Apparently him eating my food is not comparable because he has no income and I have a responsibility to feed my kids.
Are you sure he is not just trying to get a rise out of you/joking. I can see either of my kids saying this when they are cranky, but not being serious. Just saying something like oh, I guess I will just take your car away then will take care of it. We throw too much food away in our house, so we kind of have an expressed rule in our house that if it is in the fridge, you can eat it/serve it to your friends. Very rarely will I tell the family don't eat X b/c I need it for a dish tomorrow.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Aug 4, 2020 11:23:27 GMT -5
My sister vowed to do it without med for my nephew's birth. She said it couldn't be that bad. I had already had both girls so I just laughed and said "we'll see". She was begging for more drugs and doing all this screaming and just overall really dramatic. I asked her how her "all natural" approach was working out for her. She learned her lesson and went with the drugs right off the bat when she had my niece. One of my work friends said to me When they ask you if you want drugs: Say YES! I have found myself repeating that over the years to expecting Moms.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 4, 2020 11:42:09 GMT -5
OMG I'M GOING TO KILL HIM! Apparently him eating my food is not comparable because he has no income and I have a responsibility to feed my kids.
Are you sure he is not just trying to get a rise out of you/joking. I can see either of my kids saying this when they are cranky, but not being serious. Just saying something like oh, I guess I will just take your car away then will take care of it. We throw too much food away in our house, so we kind of have an expressed rule in our house that if it is in the fridge, you can eat it/serve it to your friends. Very rarely will I tell the family don't eat X b/c I need it for a dish tomorrow. He definitely was trying to get a rise out of me, but he wasn't joking.
And to be clear, he's always been allowed to eat anything in the fridge/pantry/freezer. I don't make him buy his own food.
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Aug 4, 2020 12:11:43 GMT -5
I wanted the drugs, even if I didn't want the needle in the back.
I got to the hospital at 9cm with Harper, no time for anything. Also had a few stitches.
I was induced with Chloe (simply had my water broken). Walked the halls, told my doctor I was ready for the drugs. 8cm, no time. I did have stadol though. It knocked me out, but it doesn't numb anything that matters! Two (maybe three) pushes and she was out!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 4, 2020 13:44:25 GMT -5
At the time I liked the way my instructor put it. Basically every intervention increases your chances of more interventions. Not causes, but refusing the first intervention statistically reduced your chances of more serious interventions. But watching dh apply that logic to his back and joint pain has changed my mind quite a bit. I agonized over getting a steroid injection because I was increasing my chances of future interventions. But I can walk and live my life, so definitely worthwhile intervention, and all that emotional turmoil worrying about it just made one of the worst times of my life even harder. Now I'd encourage women to read the latest studies (I haven't seen the data) and make their plan on that, knowing that children don't give a fuck about your plans. Welcome to parenthood. And that's fine I understand that completely. The part I don't get is why we women feel we then have to clarify and justify if we change our minds. Well I totally intended on a natural birth BUT. . . Why do we need to explain ourselves to other people. Why does society feel that it is owed an explanation as to whether or not you chose to get an epidural or not? It's one thing if you ladies ask or it's someone who is pregnant looking to talk. But why the heck does my MIL need to share with DH that V was "intending a natural birth BUT". It's none of DH's business. Why do we feel we need to share that with people? Nobody says that if I get knee surgery. "Well she was going to have an all natural knee surgery BUT. . she ended up needing pain medication". Then go on to list all the reasons why managing my pain was a bad idea and multiple horror stories about pain management gone wrong. No it's "Oh you had your knee fixed of course you hurt.. here have some drugs like they are tic tacs". Not that that is any better. I feel like there is a lot of buried sexism in the whole "natural birth" mantra. From a medical standpoint considering how women gave birth in the past the natural birth movement did and does make sense. But more often than not at least around me when it comes to casual conversation it seems to be more about shaming women for their choices and feeling you are owed answers/ a reason for my decisions regarding my body. It's another one of those instances in pregnancy and motherhood where I feel like women are treated like infants. We're clearly too stupid to understand and make our own decisions therefore we need to stick our noses into it and you need to make your case to US as to why you made your decisions. IDk it bothered me that is what MIL started the conversation off with and it got me to thinking about the topic again.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Aug 4, 2020 14:06:40 GMT -5
yeah, i've had a few people make comments to me that i didn't really give birth because i had c-sections, or ask me if I regret "not really giving birth"
Not giving birth? What are these two rugrats doing running around my house, then?
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Aug 4, 2020 14:34:05 GMT -5
swamp After 4 c-sections and hearing the same comments, my sister agrees with you.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Aug 4, 2020 15:47:31 GMT -5
yeah, i've had a few people make comments to me that i didn't really give birth because i had c-sections, or ask me if I regret "not really giving birth" Not giving birth? What are these two rugrats doing running around my house, then? My particular favourite was reading about a doctor who opposed c-sections except under the most dire circumstances. I think many people would agree, myself included, that the c-section rate in this country is too high and women in other developed countries don't have c-sections nearly as often. I could list out many reasons for that high rate but this MALE doctor's opposition came down to the argument that it interferes with the bonding process and therefore babies suffer. His evidence? When monkeys give birth by c-section they reject their infants. Reading the article at the time my first thought (and my current thought) was "I'm not a fucking monkey". ETA... pardon my language.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Aug 4, 2020 15:50:09 GMT -5
Sister's first baby was breach, with her legs kicked up and around her shoulders. Doctor told sister if she didn't have a c-section she would die in childbirth.
The other 3 were planned c-sections.
The 1st and 4th decided to appear on the same month and day. The 4th one arrived before the planned date for the c-section.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 4, 2020 17:39:34 GMT -5
I've had people ask if I regret an epidural.
Hell no. Birth fucking hurts. I was also running a 103 fever and hadn't drank anything for days due to my swollen throat. I was severely dehydrated.
Yet the nurse STILL had to remind me nobody gets a trophy for punishing themselves (my words not hers) after finding me hiding under the hospital bed because it was super cold under there.
Why on Earth did I fight her on it? No I don't regret it. I regret putting myself through several hours of misery so the mommy Illuminati would accept me.
As it was I was so out of it I barely remember Gwen's birth. I often wonder if I hadn't been a stubborn ass maybe I could have rested a bit before the show really started.
So that's my biggest regret. Boy the looks on some women's faces when I say that. You'd think being involved would be more important than drug free but that doesn't leave room of judgment.
Learned with Abby. She ended up coming fast enough the epidural never fully kicked in but I was done with the existential bullshit. I wasn't going to be out of it for her.
Helped I wasn't sick as a dog too.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Aug 4, 2020 18:17:11 GMT -5
I was more scared of the epidural than anything. I got some other drugs, though, and then an emergency C-section.
The second was a scheduled C-section, but he was early, and the doc was late, so nearly came out via natural childbirth until the doc got there, and I ended up with a spinal for that C-section. But by that time, I didn't care.
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Aug 4, 2020 18:30:08 GMT -5
I think we do it to ourselves. We ruminate, we research, we try to justify our choices, feel constant guilt for every decision. You know who doesn't discuss birth strategies, research sleep schedules, gentle parenting methods, and job choices? My DH and probably all of your husbands. They do none of that s#$/ and don't think twice about their parenting skills. Not saying being oblivious and proud is the way to go, but feeling guilt and judgment comes with trying to do better, be better. I take what I like and try to leave the rest. I've had a medicated childbirth and an unplanned unmedicated one. Both kids are fantastic. I just sit back and smile when people want to declare one method superior to the other. Every birth is different and there is no right way to birth a baby. Just as every kid is different and there is no right way to raise one. By all means share your experiences, your wisdom, your regrets, hopefully something will help me and mine, if it doesn't, maybe it will help someone else.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 4, 2020 19:48:49 GMT -5
Dh and C are backpacking. Short trip but I'm always stressed until they're back home. Sis is practically moving in this week to hang with E and regular babysitting.
Dh is taking both kids camping next week which I can't wait for. Days home alone! Alone!!!!
Way less stressful for them to be within 600 feet of the car and an hour from town. I even said Id feed E's fish that I hate to avoid having anyone over (kuhli loaches - worm/snake looking things whose only possible redeeming quality were allowing dh and I to work out some fundamental communication issues).
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lurkyloo
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Post by lurkyloo on Aug 4, 2020 21:07:17 GMT -5
I think I’m going to throw up. They released the proposed schedule for virtual learning today. It runs from 9-3:15 every day with a 75 minute lunch break. I can’t do that and remain employed. I don’t want to spend all day every day fighting with my kid to pay attention to the damn screen. I can’t ask the babysitter to do that much (she usually covers from noon on).
Either they change this to allow for parents who work, or I’m homeschooling. WTF are they thinking?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 4, 2020 21:22:58 GMT -5
I just got out of our school Q&A meeting. They do seem to have their act together and have a good plan. Carrot's school is going to be in person, 8-2:30 but no before or after school care, so that is going to be an issue for me, but seeing as work was already acknowledging that there were going to potentially be many childcare issues they would have to work around, I think I could swing some kind of leave early and work from home. After care when you have to stay with your pod and continue wearing your mask you've already had on for over 6 hours probably would not be much fun for him anyhow.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Aug 5, 2020 8:58:45 GMT -5
Holy shit, both my kids are still sleeping! C usually wakes up around 630-730. K likes to sleep later but often wakes up due to noise or sunlight in her eyes. They're both really tired though. And I've probably jinxed myself now.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Aug 5, 2020 10:00:33 GMT -5
It’s official! I have a 9 year old today as today is DD’s birthday. I’m working today so that’s a little of a bummer but I’m working from home so it’s not as much of a big deal. I did manage to her some birthday presents that I think she’ll like, which was better than last Friday when I had nothing. I’m taking off tomorrow afternoon and Friday and no clue on what we are doing. I’m just not working!!
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Aug 5, 2020 11:05:16 GMT -5
Happy birthday to I, taz!!! And 9 years flies!
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 5, 2020 11:59:25 GMT -5
Happy birthday to I, taz!!! And 9 years flies! Yeah that!
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 5, 2020 12:02:24 GMT -5
I think I’m going to throw up. They released the proposed schedule for virtual learning today. It runs from 9-3:15 every day with a 75 minute lunch break. I can’t do that and remain employed. I don’t want to spend all day every day fighting with my kid to pay attention to the damn screen. I can’t ask the babysitter to do that much (she usually covers from noon on). Either they change this to allow for parents who work, or I’m homeschooling. WTF are they thinking? That's insane for pretty much all early elementary aged kiddos. I'm sorry.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Aug 5, 2020 12:12:02 GMT -5
We had buttery popcorn for brunch, popped in a pot on the stove with oil. The kids followed up with popsicles. Healthy, that's us! The kids are also watching American Ninja Warrior: USA vs the World. It originally aired in Jan. but they're enjoying seeing it again.
Drew Dreschel, one of the top ninjas, just got busted for child porn and ton of related charges. I'm hoping that ANW deals with this better than most of the other sports have. So many of the top ninjas teach kids or have a ton of kids who are fans.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Aug 5, 2020 13:02:10 GMT -5
We had buttery popcorn for brunch, popped in a pot on the stove with oil. The kids followed up with popsicles. Healthy, that's us! The kids are also watching American Ninja Warrior: USA vs the World. It originally aired in Jan. but they're enjoying seeing it again.
Drew Dreschel, one of the top ninjas, just got busted for child porn and ton of related charges. I'm hoping that ANW deals with this better than most of the other sports have. So many of the top ninjas teach kids or have a ton of kids who are fans.
Your brunch sounds great! I’m getting to ready to eat pretzels dipped in a cheesy sauce for my lunch. 😉 DD is a big fan of ANW thanks to my mom introducing her to it. I read the article about Drew Dreschel. It will be interesting to see how it turns out when they get back to new episodes.
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