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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2020 7:06:19 GMT -5
It gets better, minnesotapaintlady . 18 is the worst: they think they're adults and kick like crazy to leave the nest. But it does get better. They've recently discovered that the prefrontal cortex continues to mature until the child is 26 or so. That part of the brain inhibits overreactions and impulsivity, among other things. I sure hope so. Right now I'm thinking I just want to kick him out.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Jun 29, 2020 7:35:09 GMT -5
Hello all, It has been awhile. DH and I are pretty much separated for the last few months as a couple. He has the basement and I took the master bedroom and we share the middle of the house if that makes sense. He was looking at getting a job at a local art store that opened up, but then COVID hit and we put a hold on that. With his asthma and diabetes, I didn't want to take the chance of him getting it either. He is now looking at driving for a landscaping company so we will see how that turns out. The girls are pretty well adjusted. We did take our week vacation to the state park by the beach last week, but stayed at our camp site in the camper and on the beach, which because the state part severely limited who could come in was emptier then normal, and it is normally pretty empty so social distancing wasn't an issue. I had decided when COVID started not to try and switch school districts teaching as well. I am secure in the one I am in, and I have a few kids on my case load where I also just didn't feel like getting a new case manger with everything else going on would be beneficial to them at all. To many changes. Besides that I am taking time to myself when I need it, starting to do more of the things I enjoy and just working on my mental health as well. Hope everyone is doing as well as can be expected at this time. welcome back - good to see that you've figured out what works for you and your family. I admire parents who put the kids first when it comes to co-parenting.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Jun 29, 2020 7:38:26 GMT -5
Rae- that is totally unacceptable. I hope they address your concerns. I've been having a rough time with my kids, which has devolved into me yelling way more than I want to (and really, more than necessary). Covid, man. So, I cracked open a parenting book tonight to help me get centered and help address both my reactivity and what the kids are really expressing with their fits. I just really need to change. DH, who always complains about the kids fighting and how "we" need to do something, proceeded to poke fun at me for taking notes while reading it. I just can't. Ugh. FWIW - I'm right there with you. Stress, fatigued, and overwhelmed along with parenting 24/7 is a bad combination. Sorry your husband was being an ass. We have the best days when we can figure out how to laugh together. I've realized that sometimes all it takes is to bring up some ridiculous family memory. DD7 is famous for her weirdness. Just this week, out of the blue, she says - "I washed my eyebrows with shampoo today and they are sooo soft and shiny. I wish I could smell them." Now, every time someone gets out of the shower, we ask did you wash your brows?
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oped
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Post by oped on Jun 29, 2020 7:44:51 GMT -5
It gets better, minnesotapaintlady . 18 is the worst: they think they're adults and kick like crazy to leave the nest. But it does get better. They've recently discovered that the prefrontal cortex continues to mature until the child is 26 or so. That part of the brain inhibits overreactions and impulsivity, among other things. I sure hope so. Right now I'm thinking I just want to kick him out. Can he go to his dads for a bit?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2020 8:05:47 GMT -5
I sure hope so. Right now I'm thinking I just want to kick him out. Can he go to his dads for a bit? I wish he would! I've told him to but he ignores me. I wish he'd go ANYWHERE for a while at this point. A friend's, a road trip, a tent in the back field...I was really disappointed when his 3 week trip to NM was cancelled.
I know why he doesn't want to go to his Dad's. His dad will make him work and his little siblings bother him and get into his stuff, plus his beloved gaming computer...although he could pack that up and take it. I don't even remember the last time he just spent the night there. Maybe once or twice in the past 4 years.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 29, 2020 8:35:12 GMT -5
Can he go to his dads for a bit? I wish he would! I've told him to but he ignores me. I wish he'd go ANYWHERE for a while at this point. A friend's, a road trip, a tent in the back field...I was really disappointed when his 3 week trip to NM was cancelled.
I know why he doesn't want to go to his Dad's. His dad will make him work and his little siblings bother him and get into his stuff, plus his beloved gaming computer...although he could pack that up and take it. I don't even remember the last time he just spent the night there. Maybe once or twice in the past 4 years.
Could you take him and drop him in the neighbor's field like you did the rooster? You can test to see who has better survival skills.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2020 8:48:56 GMT -5
I wish he would! I've told him to but he ignores me. I wish he'd go ANYWHERE for a while at this point. A friend's, a road trip, a tent in the back field...I was really disappointed when his 3 week trip to NM was cancelled.
I know why he doesn't want to go to his Dad's. His dad will make him work and his little siblings bother him and get into his stuff, plus his beloved gaming computer...although he could pack that up and take it. I don't even remember the last time he just spent the night there. Maybe once or twice in the past 4 years.
Could you take him and drop him in the neighbor's field like you did the rooster? You can test to see who has better survival skills. I have had fleeting thoughts about driving away and leaving him in the bathroom at a gas station within walking distance of his dad's house...
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oped
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Post by oped on Jun 29, 2020 9:10:54 GMT -5
I know why he doesn't want to go to his Dad's. His dad will make him work and his little siblings bother him and get into his stuff, plus his beloved gaming computer...although he could pack that up and take it. I don't even remember the last time he just spent the night there. Maybe once or twice in the past 4 years. [/div][/quote] That’s what I was counting on 😜 I’d reconsider husband giving son money instead of half support to you. I find my role as the person who still pays for a lot of their shit to be highly motivating on occasion...
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2020 9:37:18 GMT -5
I'll talk to his dad. Maybe if we both insist he spend a week or two there he'll do it. Problem is, he is actually helping at home right now in that he "watches" Carrot since I'm back at work. I mean it's basically he'll get him out of the house if it's on fire level of watching, but he also drives him to his golf lessons on Mondays and Wednesdays and picks up the lunches from the school every day.
There are going to be weeks I'm off though and weeks Carrot is with grands or his dad. My furlough week would be a really nice time for him to go away to "Dad camp" for a week. I don't think his dad is going to just give him money on a regular basis...in fact I know he won't. More like help him out every now and then and probably only when asked for it. He's talking about buying a new truck and setting up college savings accounts for his other kids with his big raise. I'm actually really happy for him that he's going to be flush with cash now.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Jun 29, 2020 10:38:32 GMT -5
Is there a different friend or relative that he might be able to help when he's not working? Someone with young kids that need to be watched, someone with a project he can do, etc? When DD11 has major attitude, I find making her feel useful to someone else helps likely because that someone else pours into her when I just can't deal.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Jun 29, 2020 10:43:04 GMT -5
It gets better, minnesotapaintlady. 18 is the worst: they think they're adults and kick like crazy to leave the nest. But it does get better. They've recently discovered that the prefrontal cortex continues to mature until the child is 26 or so. That part of the brain inhibits overreactions and impulsivity, among other things. Does banging his head against the wall help or hurt the maturity?
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oped
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Post by oped on Jun 29, 2020 10:49:00 GMT -5
Realistically this is a hard time at that age in normal conditions. He’s probably anxious about school, leaving home, a host of things, even if he won’t admit them to himself. Its a scary time, the cusp of adulting. And we get to pandemic too...
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2020 11:01:47 GMT -5
It gets better, minnesotapaintlady . 18 is the worst: they think they're adults and kick like crazy to leave the nest. But it does get better. They've recently discovered that the prefrontal cortex continues to mature until the child is 26 or so. That part of the brain inhibits overreactions and impulsivity, among other things. Does banging his head against the wall help or hurt the maturity? He claims that one was from years ago, and didn't actually admit it was his head that did it...but didn't offer any other explanation either.
I got the "Why does it matter if that gets fixed? It's been there for years and you never noticed". It is easy to overlook at first glance because it's just that the paint is cracked along the edges and the sheet rock is sunk in. No big hole through to the other bedroom wall like the phone one.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2020 11:03:03 GMT -5
It is a hard time. I'm stressed about it. Carrot is really stressed about it. He's the only one not admitting he's stressed.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Jun 29, 2020 12:58:08 GMT -5
Does banging his head against the wall help or hurt the maturity? He claims that one was from years ago, and didn't actually admit it was his head that did it...but didn't offer any other explanation either.
I got the "Why does it matter if that gets fixed? It's been there for years and you never noticed". It is easy to overlook at first glance because it's just that the paint is cracked along the edges and the sheet rock is sunk in. No big hole through to the other bedroom wall like the phone one.
I'm, you might need to refinance your mortgage and get your house inspected for that. 😉
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2020 13:12:51 GMT -5
He claims that one was from years ago, and didn't actually admit it was his head that did it...but didn't offer any other explanation either.
I got the "Why does it matter if that gets fixed? It's been there for years and you never noticed". It is easy to overlook at first glance because it's just that the paint is cracked along the edges and the sheet rock is sunk in. No big hole through to the other bedroom wall like the phone one.
I'm, you might need to refinance your mortgage and get your house inspected for that. 😉 There would probably be more questions about the flooring all being ripped up due to flooding! The rotting siding, the broken window, the broken off outside light fixtures, the unpainted steel doors that are starting to rust...
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Jun 29, 2020 14:12:46 GMT -5
I'm, you might need to refinance your mortgage and get your house inspected for that. 😉 There would probably be more questions about the flooring all being ripped up due to flooding! The rotting siding, the broken window, the broken off outside light fixtures, the unpainted steel doors that are starting to rust... Yeah, well, at least the walls inside would look good. 😁
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Jun 29, 2020 14:56:15 GMT -5
Does banging his head against the wall help or hurt the maturity? He claims that one was from years ago, and didn't actually admit it was his head that did it...but didn't offer any other explanation either.
I got the "Why does it matter if that gets fixed? It's been there for years and you never noticed". It is easy to overlook at first glance because it's just that the paint is cracked along the edges and the sheet rock is sunk in. No big hole through to the other bedroom wall like the phone one.
When I had kids at home we had plenty of things that “broke all by themselves”. Since kids have moved out we have no unexplained damage😱
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Jun 29, 2020 17:28:25 GMT -5
I stumbled onto something my youngest recognized as "the quiet game". This is good. I'm letting the winner have 5 extra computer game minutes on their next turn. I think my oldest peeped a little, but I'm letting it continue as long as I can possibly get out of it.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Jun 30, 2020 8:46:55 GMT -5
I have both daughters in my bed. I need to run out and do a pick up for food. DH starts a job today driving for a landscape company. We will see how it goes, I hope it is a step in the right direction. Tomorrow we are celebrating the youngest turning nine. She needs a new phone (her's doesn't actually have phone service she uses it at home with wifi to keep in contact with family and friends on the kids messenger app) but I am thinking with us not knowing what next year will look like I want her to get a phone that I can add onto my plan at a later date if needed. Her current one is under an old carrier and is cracked. I don't know what next year will look like with both DH and I working. We have some options, but all of them I would feel better with her having a phone she could call us on if she doesn't have wifi. She also is getting a bike.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 1, 2020 8:36:28 GMT -5
@yogii - the rc car was a huge hit. Thank you for your help!
I also got him a stack of can you survive books. He picked up can you survive a virus outbreak right away. Of the 3 endings he's finished - He has yet to survive.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Jul 1, 2020 9:06:04 GMT -5
Question for the group. I am seeing friends on Thursday that I haven't seen in 6 months or so. They reached out to my wife to tell her that 2 of their tween daughters are going through gender identity issues. One of their daughters wants to go by gender neutral pronouns and be called Noah. The other daughter is not public about it outside of her immediate family yet. I want to try to avoid seeing them and immediately saying something stupid or insensitive. Any words of wisdom on that interaction or things I need to absolutely avoid saying?
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oped
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Post by oped on Jul 1, 2020 9:22:52 GMT -5
Try to use the names often and early. Names means less time to mess up pronouns. Be up front if you say something that gives anyone pause... you are still leaning and welcome any help they can give.
More ore and more kids use they, just because it’s more neutral. I’ve started using it more often regularly but still revert to he/his sometimes.
Bth my kids have at least one fully trans (not saying that right I’m sure) friend... Chase's mom was fully on board and he lives fully his gender and is so much happier... likewise my sister’s nephew. The one I have problems with is actually the Chris who still can’t tell her parents, so if I meet them I have to remember to use non preferred pronouns. That to say if everyone in the family is comfortable with things, I think you’ll be fine and no need to worry. They aren't looking to be offended, just give you a heads up.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Jul 1, 2020 9:27:37 GMT -5
Try to use the names often and early. Names means less time to mess up pronouns. Be up front if you say something that gives anyone pause... you are still leaning and welcome any help they can give. More ore and more kids use they, just because it’s more neutral. I’ve started using it more often regularly but still revert to he/his sometimes. Bth my kids have at least one fully trans (not saying that right I’m sure) friend... Chace’s mom was fully on board and he lives fully his gender and is so much happier... likewise my sister’s nephew. The one I have problems with is actually the Chris who still can’t tell her parents, so if I meet them I have to remember to use non preferred pronouns. That to sa if everyone in the family is comfortable with things, I think you’ll be fine and no need to worry. They are t looking to be offended, just give you a heads up. Do I just say Hi Noah, right off the bat, like it has always been her name and this is nothing new, and not acknowledge her previous name at all?
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oped
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Post by oped on Jul 1, 2020 9:29:28 GMT -5
Try to use the names often and early. Names means less time to mess up pronouns. Be up front if you say something that gives anyone pause... you are still leaning and welcome any help they can give. More ore and more kids use they, just because it’s more neutral. I’ve started using it more often regularly but still revert to he/his sometimes. Bth my kids have at least one fully trans (not saying that right I’m sure) friend... Chace’s mom was fully on board and he lives fully his gender and is so much happier... likewise my sister’s nephew. The one I have problems with is actually the Chris who still can’t tell her parents, so if I meet them I have to remember to use non preferred pronouns. That to sa if everyone in the family is comfortable with things, I think you’ll be fine and no need to worry. They are t looking to be offended, just give you a heads up. Do I just say Hi Noah, right off the bat, like it has always been her name and this is nothing new, and not acknowledge her previous name at all? Yep. Hi Noah. Even if you make a slip later, that Hi Noah means everything.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 1, 2020 14:01:39 GMT -5
Do I just say Hi Noah, right off the bat, like it has always been her name and this is nothing new, and not acknowledge her previous name at all? Yep. Hi Noah. Even if you make a slip later, that Hi Noah means everything. 100% this. Talk about the get together with your wife and kids to practice new name and pronouns. Can't wait to see Noah and their family. I wonder what Noah and their friends have been doing during quarantine, type stuff. It will feel weird, but makes it easier when you see them in person. If you slip, correct yourself apologize if necessary, but don't make a big deal of it.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 1, 2020 22:00:10 GMT -5
Well, I'm down 1 kid until Sat/Sun. My sister and DN#5 picked up K around 5pm and headed off to Door Co.
C is both bummed and happy about being an only kid for a few days. I've got to wfh tomorrow so I told him we'd go get lunch. I suggested Burger King, because he likes it and hasn't had it recently.
He and I got pizza tonight. It's my bday and I wanted pizza so we ordered from my preferred but expensive place. We've got leftovers for dinner tomorrow too. My sister brought bday cake over too.
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saveinla
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Post by saveinla on Jul 1, 2020 22:06:52 GMT -5
Well, I'm down 1 kid until Sat/Sun. My sister and DN#5 picked up K around 5pm and headed off to Door Co.
C is both bummed and happy about being an only kid for a few days. I've got to wfh tomorrow so I told him we'd go get lunch. I suggested Burger King, because he likes it and hasn't had it recently.
He and I got pizza tonight. It's my bday and I wanted pizza so we ordered from my preferred but expensive place. We've got leftovers for dinner tomorrow too. My sister brought bday cake over too.
Happy Birthday Wisconsin Beth. Hope you had a good day.
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ners
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Post by ners on Jul 2, 2020 5:24:45 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2020 8:34:38 GMT -5
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