Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jan 27, 2020 9:07:31 GMT -5
So glad you got some sleep and a shower. And mostly decent news on the medical front. Good luck with the FMLA paperwork.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Jan 27, 2020 9:10:00 GMT -5
Not sure if I mentioned that the surgeon found his intestine had twisted and was dying so he did a bowel resection. He left the ostomy in the same spot (good) but had to create a new one and admitted that's it's going to be tough to manage since his intestines were so swollen. To eventually fix it means another surgery but it would be more minor. In another development surgeon suggested dh might have crohns instead of ulcerative colitis which is another kick while we are down. Diagnosis depends on sight and symptoms so its tricky. Crohns causes inflammation throughout the body instead of just intestines. Likely means maintenance meds for life. (((Hugs))) to you. A friend of mine has ulcerative colitis and had the surgery to remove his intestines and create a J pouch last year. It was a long series of surgeries, but he's doing so much better now. I hope your husband will be okay and that it isn't Crohns. I'm so sorry.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Jan 27, 2020 9:14:36 GMT -5
I'm on team drama gets whatever tattoo she damn well pleases once you have the money. There is nothing profane or offensive about the female body. I have a fairy with magnificent boobs on my left shoulder. It was from a necklace I bought at a flea market that I loved so I made it permanent.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2020 10:47:04 GMT -5
Found out last night that Ex 2.0 moved his bipolar, addict sister into his basement. Swell. It's supposedly temporary until enabling mom gets a different place so that she can live with her, but she really needs to be in a treatment facility. She has a few times, but then goes back to shacking up with shady characters or living on the street. As far as I know she's never held a job and took care of herself and is almost 40 now.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2020 11:04:30 GMT -5
Found out last night that Ex 2.0 moved his bipolar, addict sister into his basement. Swell. It's supposedly temporary until enabling mom gets a different place so that she can live with her, but she really needs to be in a treatment facility. She has a few times, but then goes back to shacking up with shady characters or living on the street. As far as I know she's never held a job and took care of herself and is almost 40 now. And this is where Carrot spends overnights and some weekends? Say it isn't so!
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jan 27, 2020 11:06:36 GMT -5
Can you get Carrot's visits supervised while she lives there?
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jan 27, 2020 11:11:17 GMT -5
Found out last night that Ex 2.0 moved his bipolar, addict sister into his basement. Swell. It's supposedly temporary until enabling mom gets a different place so that she can live with her, but she really needs to be in a treatment facility. She has a few times, but then goes back to shacking up with shady characters or living on the street. As far as I know she's never held a job and took care of herself and is almost 40 now. It's always something, isn't it? Does she have kids?
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2020 11:11:55 GMT -5
Can you get Carrot's visits supervised while she lives there? Probably not without starting WWIII. I'm not sure what basis I would have either as it would just be my word against his. He could say she's doing great, not using and getting her life back together...which may be true...but I doubt it.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2020 11:12:57 GMT -5
Found out last night that Ex 2.0 moved his bipolar, addict sister into his basement. Swell. It's supposedly temporary until enabling mom gets a different place so that she can live with her, but she really needs to be in a treatment facility. She has a few times, but then goes back to shacking up with shady characters or living on the street. As far as I know she's never held a job and took care of herself and is almost 40 now. It's always something, isn't it? Does she have kids? Yes, two of them. I think 16 and 13, but their dad got custody of them many years ago.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jan 27, 2020 11:16:44 GMT -5
It's always something, isn't it? Does she have kids? Yes, two of them. I think 16 and 13, but their dad got custody of them many years ago. Oh good. I was sort of thinking there'd be more people stuffed into that house every other weekend and hoping to be wrong on that.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2020 11:20:34 GMT -5
Carrot just told me last night and I haven't texted Ex about it yet. I was letting it digest. I was trying to probe Carrot for info on how she was, but it's not like he could really give an accurate account. He just said she seemed really happy. Her boyfriend was mean to her and now she can get away.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2020 11:22:11 GMT -5
Yes, two of them. I think 16 and 13, but their dad got custody of them many years ago. Oh good. I was sort of thinking there'd be more people stuffed into that house every other weekend and hoping to be wrong on that. No kidding. It's already 6 kids, the two brothers and now the sister in a 3 bedroom house. They had an area in the basement that was kind of a bedroom that the oldest cousin used that she took.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Jan 27, 2020 11:44:00 GMT -5
Found out last night that Ex 2.0 moved his bipolar, addict sister into his basement. Swell. It's supposedly temporary until enabling mom gets a different place so that she can live with her, but she really needs to be in a treatment facility. She has a few times, but then goes back to shacking up with shady characters or living on the street. As far as I know she's never held a job and took care of herself and is almost 40 now. What's her addiction? I know being addicted to anything is bad but I would worry much more if it was meth rather than alcohol. Not because one is more damaging but because it can involve dangerous individuals looking for their money.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2020 12:03:08 GMT -5
Found out last night that Ex 2.0 moved his bipolar, addict sister into his basement. Swell. It's supposedly temporary until enabling mom gets a different place so that she can live with her, but she really needs to be in a treatment facility. She has a few times, but then goes back to shacking up with shady characters or living on the street. As far as I know she's never held a job and took care of herself and is almost 40 now. What's her addiction? I know being addicted to anything is bad but I would worry much more if it was meth rather than alcohol. Not because one is more damaging but because it can involve dangerous individuals looking for their money. I really don't know. For the years we were dating and married I rarely saw her. She didn't show up to our wedding or most other major family things even though she lives close by, and it was just known that she was "not doing well" or couldn't be depended on. I know she drank a lot and smoked a lot of weed, but I think I remember Ex saying back then that she didn't do the hard stuff like their other sister, but who knows. She always seem pretty messed up to me, but it's hard telling how much of that was mental illness.
His other sister has two felony meth convictions and did a couple stints in prison for it. It's so sad because you would not think meth head when you look at her. She's very beautiful...like model beautiful...no missing teeth or sores on her face. But yeah. She's dropped off the radar with the family again too. For awhile she was back and getting her life back on track.
That family is very strange. Three of the kids are very intelligent, successful, stable adults, three are in really bad shape with mental illness and/or addiction, and then there's Ex 2.0. I put him in the middle now. He can swing either way.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Jan 27, 2020 12:22:51 GMT -5
Rae - waving to you from the airport. Where i apparently live now.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2020 14:08:24 GMT -5
Texted Ex 2.0 He said she's doing good/acting normal. I'm aware he may just be saying this because he knows I'm concerned about Carrot being there even though I didn't say anything. He also has a different definition of "normal" than me. He said he's helping his mom out until she can get a place that has room for all three of the girls (grandma takes the granddaughters every other weekend from their Dad). She's in section 8 housing and it's against the rules for them to be there. I have no idea how she'd afford anything that WASN'T section 8 though.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Jan 27, 2020 15:09:38 GMT -5
Not sure if I mentioned that the surgeon found his intestine had twisted and was dying so he did a bowel resection. He left the ostomy in the same spot (good) but had to create a new one and admitted that's it's going to be tough to manage since his intestines were so swollen. To eventually fix it means another surgery but it would be more minor. In another development surgeon suggested dh might have crohns instead of ulcerative colitis which is another kick while we are down. Diagnosis depends on sight and symptoms so its tricky. Crohns causes inflammation throughout the body instead of just intestines. Likely means maintenance meds for life. (((Hugs))) to you. A friend of mine has ulcerative colitis and had the surgery to remove his intestines and create a J pouch last year. It was a long series of surgeries, but he's doing so much better now. I hope your husband will be okay and that it isn't Crohns. I'm so sorry. Several of the many surgeries involved jpouch creation, correction, and eventually perm ileostomy. Jpouch never really worked for him - I always thought the surgeon who made it wasnt qualified, we were 23 and im pretty sure it was a general surgeon instead of colorectal but we were too young and naive to know to question everything. Now its probably both that and jpouches dont work with crohns. During dhs jpouch years he would have to use the bathroom 20 or 30 times per day and couldnt leave the house if we didnt know where the nearest bathroom was. It was miserable but Drs kept pushing him to keep it because in their view no one wants an ostomy. Let me tell you we have learned so much differently.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Jan 27, 2020 15:15:39 GMT -5
Just got moved to regular floor, catheter out, 7 ivs removed leaving just one for nutrition and all other access. First wound change over - I averted my eyes but saw enough to know its gross, scary, and open two inches deep with packing and wound vac.
Bonus is that now I can push the pain button while dh sleeps since there was a camera in icu. I hate watching him get peacefully sleeping for a longer stretch and wake up in pain because he missed two many 10 min increments. I'll push it every 20 and make sure he weans off later. The last thing poor guy needs right now is any more pain.
Kids get to see him this evening.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Jan 27, 2020 15:22:39 GMT -5
I'm on team drama gets whatever tattoo she damn well pleases once you have the money. There is nothing profane or offensive about the female body. I have a fairy with magnificent boobs on my left shoulder. It was from a necklace I bought at a flea market that I loved so I made it permanent. I still think she should consider threatening to get one of a full frontal of a naked male with his hands covering his chest to keep it decent...
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 27, 2020 15:29:01 GMT -5
I'm on team drama gets whatever tattoo she damn well pleases once you have the money. There is nothing profane or offensive about the female body. I have a fairy with magnificent boobs on my left shoulder. It was from a necklace I bought at a flea market that I loved so I made it permanent. I still think she should consider threatening to get one of a full frontal of a naked male with his hands covering his chest to keep it decent... That's my first real laugh of the day. Naked Male Venus di Milo, what a mental image! Thanks I needed that.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Jan 27, 2020 15:34:46 GMT -5
I still think she should consider threatening to get one of a full frontal of a naked male with his hands covering his chest to keep it decent... That's my first real laugh of the day. Naked Male Venus di Milo, what a mental image! Thanks I needed that. What can I say; you can even "sell it" under the feminist ideals of gender equality
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jan 27, 2020 16:50:26 GMT -5
Rae - waving to you from the airport. Where i apparently live now. Waves back! Dia is no way to enjoy Colorado.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Jan 28, 2020 1:41:45 GMT -5
Tonights version of midnight insomnia includes - a text from Dh asking where I am. Nurses must have updated his room board to say Tues and he couldnt see a window to know it is 1230 AM. - hunting for dd7 and finding her asleep in my bathtub. Again not sleep walking, so I need to teach her to leave me a note lol - dh and I have become better friends with dd11 friend C's parents in the last year. Dh wanted me to keep them in the loop so I had been using them as one of my main sounding boards this week. Just before bed, dd11 said c seems to know more updates about dad than i do. Yeah, they told c about ventilator and who knows what else. C asked dd11 if she was happy her dad was off the ventilator and dd11 was upset and embarrassed that she didnt know what c was talking about. Wouldnt it be understood to keep details age appropriate?! I dont have time or energy to confront them so will likely let it go and pull back on telling them much at all. So frustrating. - I told dd11 that I was so sorry and they were out of line and c was too young to know that stuff or how to be tactful about it and she should tell c to stop talking next time. I apologized for not sharing every detail but said I was making the right grown up decisions and she can trust me - proud of myself for getting thru today; also good that I continue to vent to friends will just have to be more cautious - continue to delegate must do tasks. I had a friend drop by nonminty toothpaste for dd7 - tomorrows mission must include someone finding me some good lotion. My hands are nearly bleeding from so much washing. - enjoy bball practice that I coach for dd11s team tomorrow - unplug from work completely now that my tasks have been handed out. Will be a good chance for butthead boss to hang himself. He has yet to return my 3 voicemails. I know I have plenty of other support higher up at work so I wont "bother" him again. Idiot. - if you remember my posts about him assigning me two new huge clients this summer and me pushing back that I didnt want them, one project I had to push off was for one of them and is due Fri. I was already way behind due to my already full workload. It got reassigned to the younger new guy who should have had it in the first place. Praying he rocks it and gets to keep it. Debating telling boss I told you so as DHs ongoing health saga was in the back of my mind when I attempted to refuse it had he bothered to listen or care about what I thought - irritated that now I'll be inclined to start thinking of dh's health as a ticking timebomb again; something it took me at least 5 yrs and lots of therapy since the last round to get over - need to tell dh that as rough as our marriage has been off and on, I really am all in as evidenced by my sleeping on a short couch in the waiting room for 3 nights and giving him a bed bath yesterday so a stranger/nurse didn't
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Jan 28, 2020 1:42:51 GMT -5
YM is my free and convenient therapy
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Jan 28, 2020 3:06:39 GMT -5
Glad you have this board for therapy, azucena, and that it helps a little. A lot of what you're relaying is reminiscent of what I went through with my DH in years past, including wound vacs and sponge baths and sleeping on the vinyl upholstered pull-out chairs. He developed MRSA during one of his stays and was too private to allow any one but me clean him up at first. Finally he allowed me with help from a nurse. You're not alone. We are thinking of you and rooting for you and your family. Extra big .
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Jan 28, 2020 4:03:14 GMT -5
Glad you have this board for therapy, azucena, and that it helps a little. A lot of what you're relaying is reminiscent of what I went through with my DH in years past, including wound vacs and sponge baths and sleeping on the vinyl upholstered pull-out chairs. He developed MRSA during one of his stays and was too private to allow any one but me clean him up at first. Finally he allowed me with help from a nurse. You're not alone. We are thinking of you and rooting for you and your family. Extra big . Mind me asking what he had? Do you think those challenges affect your depression? I know i have family genetic predisposition, but I wonder how much my care taking role all those years wore me down. Not that it really matters just looking for insights from those who understand which was extremely rare among my 20 yo friends and still not common for my 40 yo friends. I will say other than the friend incident above which really is a parent problem. I've been uber impressed with dd11s friends and will tell them and their parents as i see them. Her bff, whom I love, can be spacey. But when she first saw dd11 she came right up and just hugged her so hard as dd sobbed. Another friend had the class sign a note with funny things and slipped it into her backpack. These tweens are empathesizing way better than I would have thought given they can be such assholes at home
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Jan 28, 2020 6:48:45 GMT -5
I still think she should consider threatening to get one of a full frontal of a naked male with his hands covering his chest to keep it decent... That's my first real laugh of the day. Naked Male Venus di Milo, what a mental image! Thanks I needed that. With arms, though. Way more functional🤩
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2020 8:44:52 GMT -5
Do you think those challenges affect your depression? There is no way being a caregiver doesn't contribute to depression. I get depressed just thinking what some of YOU have to deal with every day. I know I'd have a hard time keeping a positive attitude long-term if I was in that position and I have a lot of admiration for those that do.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Jan 28, 2020 10:17:56 GMT -5
Glad you have this board for therapy, azucena , and that it helps a little. A lot of what you're relaying is reminiscent of what I went through with my DH in years past, including wound vacs and sponge baths and sleeping on the vinyl upholstered pull-out chairs. He developed MRSA during one of his stays and was too private to allow any one but me clean him up at first. Finally he allowed me with help from a nurse. You're not alone. We are thinking of you and rooting for you and your family. Extra big . Mind me asking what he had? Do you think those challenges affect your depression? I know i have family genetic predisposition, but I wonder how much my care taking role all those years wore me down. Not that it really matters just looking for insights from those who understand which was extremely rare among my 20 yo friends and still not common for my 40 yo friends. I will say other than the friend incident above which really is a parent problem. I've been uber impressed with dd11s friends and will tell them and their parents as i see them. Her bff, whom I love, can be spacey. But when she first saw dd11 she came right up and just hugged her so hard as dd sobbed. Another friend had the class sign a note with funny things and slipped it into her backpack. These tweens are empathesizing way better than I would have thought given they can be such assholes at home [img src="http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/smile.gif" src="//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png" class="smile" alt=" "] What wonderful friends your DD has! My own DH had extensive surgery to enable him to walk without pain on his left foot. He was born with severe bilateral club feet and had multiple surgeries as a child, then surgery on his right foot which wasn't as problematic as his left, years before, to eliminate the pain. When they had the technology and technique he decided to have his left foot done, too. He is diabetic and developed complications. The wound didn't close and got infected. I could see the screws in his foot. They had to do several follow up surgeries and remove some bone. He became septic. The wound by then was too wide to close on its own; a plastic surgeon followed up for a year and six more surgeries including artificial skin to close it up. The orthopedic surgeon at one point suggested he consider below-the-knee amputation. An infectious disease physician treated him for 3 years, one year on a PICC line and two years at an infusion center. He used a wheelchair and knee scooter primarily when he had to get around after the first months bed-bound. A total of 14 surgeries later and he can now walk without real pain. His leg is 2 inches shorter, so he is off balance even with special shoes. Yes, this definitely triggered bouts of depression including one of the worst when he was entirely well again. My shrink explained that I was likely reacting so strongly because I could then fall apart, something I couldn't do when he needed me for those years. It's like PTSD.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jan 28, 2020 10:22:22 GMT -5
azucena We're here for you. I did explain that BIL was on a ventilator to my kids, as part of the reasons why we weren't taking them to see him. We told them what it was doing for him. And explained some of the other tubes that were plugged into him. They were doing seizure monitoring too. So while no visible wounds, just lots of tubes and wires. And they agreed that they didn't want to see him like that. But an uncle they see once a month is very different from a dad. *-*-*-* In more positive news, we got C's January testing results yesterday. His reading is improving. Still not great but around 50th percentile. His math though. Holy Shit. He went from a 4 grade, 8th month to 11 grade, the 95th percentile. His interim report came home too - meeting grade expectations solidly. This kid is so much like me and most of my siblings. We do terrific in the topics that interest us and average in the rest. Because we don't apply ourselves to the boring stuff. And yes, it's kicked a few of us in the tush.
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